My son is 14 months old. he has learned to climb on the couches and chairs. He is not content with just sitting on them, he jumps like a maniac. He has fallen over the edges 2 times and hurt his lip once. I am afraid he is going to break his neck next. We had a toddler bed for him since he was jumping so high in his crib he was going to fly out. He started jumping on that as well and bonked his head h*** o* the edge. SOOO we got rid of that and just put his mattress on the floor, Well he jumped on that and fell on his hand. He sprained his wrist. After 2 x-rays and a 4 hour wait in the ER. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old as well, I have to watch them and interact with them as well during the day, but I am finding I am ignoring them more and more, while I run after and try to correct my son's constant need for excitement. I have neglected the house a lot. One of my husbands pet peeves is a dirty kitchen. If there are dishes in the sink or food or containers on the counters when he gets home. OUI.. its not worth discussing. He is aware of what I deal with and what I do, but it just drives him batty. So its ONE thing I MUST do during the day. However its off of the rest of the house and I cant watch my son easily. I can not have him in there as well, because he is in every cupboard or trying to climb drawers, or stepping in piles, messing with the dishwasher or generally being a nuisance. Lately I have been baby gating him to his room and taking anything he can climb or jump on out. The problem is, he cries. He screams, he throws fits, he cries so hard. He cries the entire time I am cleaning the kitchen. I go to him every so often and comfort him, give him some snacks, or his sippy, I will sit and play with him for 2 minutes, and then go back. The minute I leave his room he screams again. Does anyone have some suggestions what I can do? Is it bad to let him cry for up to 45 minutes until I get the kitchen in order again? Should I leave him be with me and deal with what he is doing? I am at my wits end with his screaming.
I am mildly amused that some would just assume I do nothing with my children all day. Yes, they go outside, they go to playgrounds, play rooms, we have a yard, they walk with me with the dog every day. Unless weather doesnt permit. All my kids are only allowed to watch TV for 2 hours daily. My son is allowed to play in the house with us, together all day, except for kitchen cleaning time. The reason I do not want to have him in there with me, is that he does NOT let me alone. I do have locks on cabinets, and he gets to play with his toys and things but he is more interested in the dishwasher and all sorts of other goodies that the kitchen can provide. Thank you all for your suggestions. I will implement them as soon as possible.
If you are in the kitchen, gate him in there with you. Just give him a limited
amount of space. Put locks on the cabinets. I leave one with my baking
pans unlocked so my grandson can play with those things. He is a climber
and jumper. I just keep him close to me while I do things. He is starting
to "get it." Time patience and consistency is the key.
if you need to clean then do it. you make no mention of discipline or punishment for his behavior. put him in his room, take out all dangers and let him throw a fit. he is doing it because IT WORKS. you come in and give him attention/food etc. children at this age do what they have done their whole lives to get you to look because that is all that works. put him in there, do your housework and then go get him and play for awhile. but you seriously need to work on some discipline with him, the longer you wait the worse he will get.
Can you babyproof some cupboards and drawers and leave others with pots and pans, tupperware, etc, open so he feels like he's getting away with something? Then you can just scoop it back in once you're done cleaning.
I think it's kind of unfair that you're home with three kids and your husband is crabby about a mess. I'm sorry but your day is probably harder than his, and if a mess upsets him, then he should clean it. Why is his day "over" when he gets home but not yours?
Edit: Also, what a bin of "special" toys he can only play with in the kitchen while you're cleaning? My 22 month old is super busy and doesn't like to be in a room alone, but she's mostly (note: mostly) good for a half hour or so in the kitchen playing with the toys we keep in there and the tupperware/pans.
I would let him cry and he'll learn you are not there every minute of the day. He needs to learn to entertain himself in a much better way. You could sit with him in his room and play with toys for a bit each day so he gets the idea of playing by himself even. Can't the other two play some with him in a safe area of the house like his room? Put a gate up and let him play in a safe area with nothing to jump on or from or anything to hurt him. You can not continue like you are. You need to discipline him however you chose to do that. If he were mine I'd definitely discipline him when he jumps on things that he can tear up or get injured from.
Sounds like he needs to be taught to respond when you say "no", taught to stop jumping when you say so, and taught not to have fits. This can all be done with discipline, and he's not too young. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson and get your sanity back! I'm home 24/7 with three, and I never could have survived if I had to "run after them" all the time and listen to them screaming. We didn't even baby proof. Kids are SMART, just teach him how to navigate and listen to you. Being clear and firm now is going to save you a world of hurt as he approaches 2. If you are consistent with your 2 year old as well, they will watch you enforcing rules with each other and learn even faster.
My son and daughter were both a bit like this. And both were half monkey. It's easy to say to teach him "No!", but let's face it, he's 14 months old and had no impulse control. So for starters, continue enforcing the rule of no jumping. ( I think we started time outs with our kids around 15 months of age. They do not "get it" at first, but it doesn't take too long for them to figure it out.)
The second thing I did with my kids was to temporarily rearrange the house. My kitchen bars stools were their favorite to climb on. I was a nervous wreck seeing them teeter and totter around on those tall chairs. Plus they used them to climb onto the cabinets and sinks, etc. So the bar stools were temporarily stored in my bedroom. (I wanted them in the garage, but hubby was concerned the weather would warp the wood). It wasn't ideal, it was annoying and crowded, but it was a lot better than pulling my hair out all day. My son is three years older then my daughter and thought it was the strangest thing to see the kitchen furniture in the bedroom, but sometimes you just have to do whatever works! There were days I dragged the dining room chairs to the back porch during the day just to get some peace. Our living, dining and kitchen areas are a great room, so even if baby gates stopped my kids, I couldn't use them in most of the house. Baby gates didn't stop my kids either, so for the rooms they could not be in, I added a door lock. We kept screwdrivers above the door so we could get ourselves in.
The third thing I did was take my kids out EVERY day. We went to parks, indoor playgrounds (churches had terrific ones for free and cheap, I usually avoid restaurant playgrounds) . We went on walks. We usually had to do something twice a day. Not always for extended periods, but just had to get out and move, run and jump. I always reinforced the idea of it's ok to jump outside. The nice benefit is while out of the house, nothing is being jumped on, plundered or destroyed.
As for the kitchen. I can relate. Some tricks that helped me survive. When they were small enough for a high chair I strapped them in. And when I cleaned or cooked in the kitchen it became snack time. My kids would be happily eating. I learned not to dump a pile of cheerios, just give them three or four at a time. It stretches it out a bit. Sometimes I'd put small toys in a tupperware bin and let them figure out how to get it out. My son was particularly fond of this game. I also bought a little plastic table and chairs to keep by my kitchen (I started with a plastic set for $3 from a garage sale and then upgraded to nicer wooden table (also from a garage sale)). This became my kids' work space. When I worked in the kitchen, they were allowed to do play dough at their table. This did take some "training" and time. But eventually I could pull out a tub of play dough and keep them busy for a long while. I would let them play and if they got up with the dough, it was put up immediately. It didn't take them long to figure out to stay put if they wanted to play. Even now at three and six, it's not usual to find my kids at their table working on something while I am in the kitchen.
Hey M. Momma-Been there done that!
Sounds like have a future soccer player here. :)
While leaving him safely alone for a little bit while you do the dishes seems reasonable, remember that his 1-year-old brain has not yet been wired for object-permanence. This means that if he can't see you, you've ceased to exist to him. That's terrifying and that's where the screaming comes from. Don't punish him-he won't understand.
Do you have a walker or a bouncer for him? Can you stick him in there while you clean the kitchen? I think he just wants to be able to see you. My son LOVED his walker and believe me it got a lot of use both indoors and out.
Kids brains usually wire up for object permanence by 18 months. Only then should you can start zero tolerance approach for screaming, whining, etc.
I have jumpers too.... but mine are girls.
All I can suggest is letting him have fun in the kitchen. Pots and pans on the floor and making drums.
I do give my girls some dry oatmeal to "cook", but then of course that has to be swept up.
As for the hubby- mine has an issue with the kitchen. But he helps when he comes home! He knows what I deal with all day!!!
Lots of luck.... I am waiting for the day we have a broken leg in our house. Mine are 2 and 3 and jumping off things is #1 to both of them?! I got get it :)
You've got a very active little boy on your hands. It's going to be very trying to use some the techniques offered below, but you've gotten some great ones. For his jumping, I would suggest (if it's financially feasible) to look into a trampoline. They have ones with bars on them for him to hold onto while he jumps (which, from what you described, is probably what he was doing in the crib), and are are a foot or so off the ground. It would be fun for the other kids, too, and teach them to take turns, etc. They usually are not too cumbersome, so could be placed indoors during the winters, if you have some room. With something like that, it would be easier to to teach them that there is a scheduled time for jumping, and it is not acceptable anywhere or anytime else.
Well, it is definitely tine for son to learn that there are consequences to unwanted behavior, because it seems that he is learning that the tantrums, screaming, climbing, and other poor behvaiors are being "rewarded," but your responses. Also, what activities are you pproviding during the day, besides TV, and the ability to climb? Are timeouts a method of reprimand, vice the rewards of sippy cups, and the attention given to him, when he miss behaves? Sorry, sometimes, as Moms we think that the coddling will elleviate the unwanted behaviors, when that is not the case. If my daughter had a tantrum, I would not respond to that behavior, if she fell out, I would get down to her level, and in a VERY CALM, AND UNEMOTIONAL, YET SERIOUS< BUT STERN VOICE, I would tell her: (the child's name, I can see that you are upset, because you did not get your way for (whatever the issue was), however, you will not get my attention, by having this tantrum, this is NOT the way, we obtain things that we would like or want. I am going to give you (the time is one minute for year of age), to get your crying/screaming under control. Then I want you to get up and come to me, where I will be waiting (in a short distance, with my back to her unwanted behaviors, I do not respond to anything, except dangerous activities; I warn all other "interested parties," to leave her alone, and come speak to me first, to apologize for misbehaving. I do not say anything else, I turn my back, so not to provide focus on the unwanted behavior. I only warn that their time is up. If they do not get up, then they move to the time out space or chair, where they now get two minutes, and no attention from me. I have used this in stores, by placing her in closed areas to continue her timeouts, and this has worked greatly... I only had one actual public tantrum, and timeout, she knew we were not playing, because when she got up, I porceeded to take us home... this shocked her, because she continued learning about what was acceptable public behavior, through my story telling... this allows her to express what she was feeling, and I would teach her empathy towards others, and not getting her way... Occassionally, I had her donate a toy to the children who did not have bin, that we made for her to learn that she had to learn consequences for poor behavior... the punishment fit the crime, sort of way... It seems your son has learned that screaming gives him entitlement and rewards, so if you want this to stop you need to change your ways... Instead of making him sit after 2 minutes (the limit for his age), I would allow him to clean with you, this is an exceelent method to teach responsibility... No the kitchen does not have to be perfect, especially if your children learn to become independent, clean, responsible, and capable... Many children I am seeing today, have a ill-gotten sense of entitlement, spoiled for poor behaviors, and alot of learned helplessness... The chores can be done Mom, but include the children to help, so they learn to care for themselves, as productive, accountable, responsible adults... you need that in your old age... At age two, my daughter could bring the room receptacles to the kitchen for me to dump into the big trash, she learned how to replace the trash bags, and return the bins to each room. She could match socks (a chore I hated), this teaches cooridination, sorting, sequencing, attention to detail. she could place the plastic cups on the table for dinner, and the utensils on the table. She could hang her washcloth, and push her chair into the table... she was great at sweeping under the cabinets where things had fallen that I could not get... all of the things are the "little chores," that I gave to her, so she could be a "big girl, and have a sense of herself, as her independency grew within her... As she mastered one step, I taught the next one, until I built the ultimate daughter, that now handles her business, or as she says, "Mom, I've got this!" Now, as she reaches the age of 25, it brings a small lump in my throat, because now, as she is a Mother, I recognize, how time as flown... But, I look at the way she moves through life, with the skills, she learn during that first little tantrum, and I realize she is gonna be OK... Because, I set her on the right path, though it was hard, and made my maternal heart twist into knots, but, I knew that my ultimate job, was to one day let her go... And as I watch her with her own 10 month old daughter, teaching her the "little things," I know I made the right choice... Because she will be able to defend for herself, when I am long gone and worm food... And I know that my legacy, will be great, because I did a great job as a Mother, because I let my little birds... take flight... Good luck, Mom... YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Oh, I forgot to add this would be a great time to add sorytime to explain, Why jumoing is not good... I used the books entitled, "no more jumping on the bed," and did a safety class of allowing her to brainstorm why jumping and climbing, and even screaming when not an emergency is not a good thing... Like the boy who cried wolf, story teaches why no one listened when he really needed to have someone hear him, when it was a real emergency... Use your imagination, I bet you can think of a way to teach him, to fit his persona... Plus, going to the library is a great way to teach personal control in public places... I called the librarian, and she had told her the "rules for that area." and as a reward chart item, we added that she could have one extra book to take home from the library, if the librarian approved her reward chart for good personal control behavior... She did really well... Plus, learned to read, quite fast! Librarian love teaching children with books! Good luck!
You didn't mention what other activities you do with your kids during the day. It sounds like your son has a lot of energy to burn. Have you considered some indoor parks or some sort of tumbling class?
As for your kitchen and your husband. Perhaps, he can deal with some temporary clutter, considering what you deal with!
