18 Month Old Discipline

Updated on June 05, 2008
A.K. asks from Centerburg, OH
23 answers

How should I be disciplining my 18 month old boy. He just doesn't seem to get time-out (I have to hold him down ...as we sit there), I am not hitting his hand anymore because he has started to kinda hit us back (batting at us). Any suggestions would help :)

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H.C.

answers from Cleveland on

I also have an 18 month old boy. He is my third child. My advice to you is to reserve hand slapping to activities that will cause himself or someone else pain. (i.e. touching stove) And only as a last resort. At this age the child really only wants to please you. So, I've found a stern voice does the trick. If that doesn't work pick him up and move him away from the area. That will be a punishment enough. Hope this helps.

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S.F.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Since he's so young, sometimes the time-outs have to be when you sit with them since they won't sit alone. You have to be consistent when timeouts are given and the length of time. Usually 1 minute per year of age.

I would try reading the book 1-2-3-Magic. It really helped me. It addresses problems with ages from toddlers to teenage years. Positive reinforcement. Timeout. Taking away toys, special events, special snacks. Try counting bad behavior up to three. Wait five slow counts between each number. Tell them briefly what to stop and they will have timeout. After you try this a few times they will get the hint. It takes a coulple weeks of being consistent, but the behavior starts to lessen and children start to listen more.

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M.F.

answers from Cincinnati on

Our daughter is 24 months and we do use time-out, but we put her in the pack and play and just leave her there for 3-5 minutes. Sitting in a designated area doesn't work because you have to be in time out too :-) This option has proven to work for us and she fully gets it now.

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A.H.

answers from Toledo on

Hi A.,
Discipline is always a tough job! And remember disipline means to guide and direct, not hurt or humiliate. Good for you for not hitting his hands anymore. There are good ways to teach children, but remember each child is different! Maybe that's why it is so hard.
I have a book called "Discipline: the first three years" it has some great suggestions & examples of what is age appropriate. You may find it at your library or local bookstore.
Patience is so very important. I know it can be frustrating, but when handled with love, firmness, and patience you & your child will feel successful! Good Luck

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M.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

At 18 months, children don't have a whole lot of impulse control. So you might say "No!" and your child knows what that means, but he still does it anyway. He might even say "No!" to himself while doing it. It's actually funny to watch.

I don't believe in using physical discipline with children of any age because you are just teaching them that might makes right or that it's okay to use physical force to control another human being. At 18 months, you could use lots of redirection or instruction on how to do something properly. For example, he is grabbing the cat by the tail, so you teach "gentle hands" with the cat and demonstrate how to do that. If he wants to play with something he's not supposed to or say keeps turning off the TV while you are watching it, just redirect his attention to something else. His needs are for play and stimulation, so offer him another option.

Remember that every action is an attempt to meet a need of his. A good book about this is "Respectful Parents Respectful Kids" by Victoria Hodson. I also love the book "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen.

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K.S.

answers from Columbus on

Usually, time-outs work for us, but they really are just a longer version of redirection. My daughter is 18 months and knows what they are, but they don't get used as much. What I usually do, is get down at her level & say "we don't hit/throw/etc." in a somewhat stern voice. Then, make her pick up the toy if she's thrown it, or make nice to something she may have hit. It's certainly not going to stop the behavior, but at that moment, they know that they've done wrong. For us, we also avoid the word "bad". This is more a personal choice, because it was used a lot on my husband & he remembers thinking that he himself was bad. For us, it's not the child that's bad, it's the action. So, we use "not nice". We also steer away from too much of the word "no". It seems to lose it's power if used too much here.

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A.B.

answers from Cleveland on

Hello A. K,
This is tricky. If you are holding your son in time out you are defeating your purpose. He is receaving attention..negative attention but still attention. If you are not patiant enough to continualy place him in time out when he decides to exit, you may consider the wooden spoon. Please understand that what I mean by being patiant is that you must take time out of what you are doing to give the matter your full attention. Trying to talk on the phone and see this disaplin thing through is not going to be affective. Now once he knows you mean business it will get easyer.
Back to the spoon,the thy is a good spot, only hard enough to get his attention. Once he decides he dosn't like the spoon you will only have to reach for it and he'll stay put. Please don't let him think hitting you is exceptible, I know that one may see it as confusing to use a spoon when your trying to make him understand that hitting is not going to fly however, that is why you use the spoon, not your hand. You love with your hands and disaplin with a tool. If you allow him to swat at you... it's only going to get worse. I hope this insight is helpfull to you! Good Luck, You know these precious gifts don't come with hand books:)

A. B

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J.H.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hi A.,
My now 25 year old was much the same way! The thing is, you can't reason with a child this age. You do, however, need to be consistent and firm. I know it can be very tiresome, but if there's no consequence, there's no change in behavior. What behaviors are you trying to stop? At that age, their little brains are at the highest activity of their lives. It's hard to tell you what to do, but I'll tell you what worked for me:
1) Choose the battles--ignore the small stuff. I tried to give choices when possible so she felt that she had some control.
2) Praise when the child is being good. He could be being naughty to get attention--my Paige did!
3) A wise pediatrician with 5 kids of his own told me to put Paige in her crib when she was out of control. I would calmly tell her that she couldn't do whatever got her into trouble, tell her that she could come out when she calmed down, leave the light on, and shut the door. Yes, everything in the crib would be on the floor. It didn't take long for her to learn that the tantrum wasn't going to get attention. And no--we never had a problem with her associating the crib with a place of punishment. She always went to bed at night without a problem. Eventually, she learned to sit in the corner for a time out.

I'll be that your little guy is really smart. When he learns to talk more, things will get a lot better. Remember, there's nothing wrong with "Because I'm your mother and I said so!" Good luck! (My grandkids call me GJ for Grandma J..)

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D.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

We brought our second baby boy home when our first son was 20 months old, and there was some regression in behavior. We very rarely used the pack-n-play, so we brought that into the house and used it as a time-out space. We placed it in the entry way away from any activity. I did 1.5 minutes (1 minute for each year of age) and it worked. He quit doing some of the bad behavior (thumping little brother, flushing toilets, hitting glass fireplace doors, etc.) I was even able to put the play pen away.

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B.B.

answers from Columbus on

I highly recommend the book Becoming the Parent You Want To Be. The discipline section really helped me through the younger ages!
here's the site www.becomingtheparent.com
You can find articles by the authors that will give you an idea of what's in the book. (http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/subsection13.html)

I agree that timeouts and spanking are DEFINITELY not the best way to discipline!!
There are more gentle, more effective ways that promote connection.

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M.

answers from Cincinnati on

Glad to hear that you're reconsidering the "swatting" which is really just a "nicer sounding" way of saying hitting -- which, of course, you don't want to model for your child because as you saw, they learn quickly to hit back!

Time out is a concept that your 18 month old is too young to understand. Redirection is an excellent discipline strategy. As are these strategies:

8 Tools for Toddler Discipline
http://askdrsears.com/html/6/T060500.asp

Good luck, and remember that "to discipline" literally means "to teach" -- and that is VERY different from "to punish" or "to swat". Punishment and swatting don't really TEACH anything except for anger, fear, and resentment. An excellent book that's available at the local library is called "Becoming the Parent that You Want to Be":
http://becomingtheparent.com/intro/intro2.html

"Becoming the Parent..." really helped us find lots of good strategies for effective discipline AND it helped us understand the stage of our kids. Discipline is only effective if it is age-appropriate and stage-appropriate!

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J.J.

answers from Evansville on

A., It's because you love him so much! I have trouble getting my 2 1/2 year old to mind. She and I almost dies during birth. I just want to protect her so much! Judging by my 6 year old, now's the time to try to get control. I know I need to follow my own advice. Good luck! J. (Mom of 3)

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L.G.

answers from Cleveland on

I think you're in the right direction. The key is too stay consistent. You may want to try having him stand or sit in the corner, facing the corner. The less he sees, the more he'll focus on that he is being punished.

I personally used this with my now 4 year old - it worked great. And, I used it anywhere we went. At friend's houses, outside (beside our house or next to a fence), I even found corners in stores for him to stand in (I would keep him near me). It took less than a minute in public to behave because it was so strange and embarrassing to him.

Good luck!

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S.T.

answers from Youngstown on

i know what u mean my lil one hits back to and i just go one over her and hit alil harder then she looks up and think in her mind moms not playing my baby is a dads girl so she will hit pinch head but what every to get her point across and i pop her because i dont want her to go to daycare doing that to ppl or kids her age but if u dont want to hold him down put him in his bed. when my lil one is just acting out i put her in her bed she either crys or go to sleep or when she stay up past her bed time ill let her come in my room but i tell her to lay down and she does and i tell her if she dont like it to go to her own room so she just lay there or she well cry while laying done cause she dont want to do it then i just put her back in her bed since my baby was three monts she has been in her own room she has never slept in our bed good lucka nd my child i bout to be 13 month

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F.R.

answers from Columbus on

Time out isn't real effective until 24 months +. Re-direct is really the best thing to do at his age, and teaching him the word NO. If he is getting into something harmful, go over to him, get down at his level, make sure you have his attention and tell him NO, then remove him from what he is doing and "re-direct" his attention to something positive, playing with a toy etc. Good luck!

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L.M.

answers from Cleveland on

We do time out, 1 minute for every year so 2 minutes for a 2 year old. We sit there with him because at his daycare thats what they do and we try to keep it consistant. Afterwards - after the crying and he calms down - we tell him how we'd like him to behave.

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D.H.

answers from Cincinnati on

Ok. I've been starting to discipline my 20 month old and "calm down chair" didn't work at first. But I kept at it and now they are starting to have effect. It's being costistant and not backing down. Don't hold him down. Put him it the chair over and over and over again until he realizes that he's not going to get around it so he just better go through it. She only gets one minute.

There was one night that she kept trying to climb the three trier plant stand. Put her in "calm down" for not listening. After 45 minutes of struggle ...picking her up putting her back in...putting her up putting her back in...not talking to her as much as possible... she sat there for one minute on the nose. She whined and wipered the whole time. But hugged me when it was over because she can't say sorry yet.

Every day it get less and less. Like today at flipping class she keep trying to put her finger in outlets. After two warnings she got put in "calm down." She only tried to get out twice. True again she whined but what kid doesn't whine when being displined.

Hang in there. Just don't give up. Time-out, calm dawn, naughty seat what ever you call it work. It's the harder road but it's worth the pay off that your kids don't fear you.

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S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

Nope, kids that young don't get time out. Take him away from whatever the situation is and redirect him when he does something you don't want him doing. Stay positive because negative attention is still attention for what he's doing. We say "The couch is for sitting, you can stand on the floor" about 100 times a day while plopping my son on the floor. He gets upset that he's not allowed on the couch. He'll learn eventually.

Kids this age are meant to test the limits, it's how they learn what is ok and what is not. Good Luck! :)

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J.B.

answers from Bloomington on

We are in the same boat. My 18 month old is on the go. What I have found to be working is a time out room. I give him 2 warnings and on the third one I put him in our computer room and close the door. There isn't anything in the room that could hurt him, and it isn't his bed room. I let him cry it out for two to three minutes then I go in and sit on the floor and I tell him whatever he did was wrong and that it could hut him. then he gives me a hug and a kiss and we move on. I know that he may not completely understand what I'm doing but he is alteast learing that I'm setting boundries for him. Hope that helps.

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R.H.

answers from Cleveland on

Redirection, redirection, redirection! At this age, I think that "lessons" don't really stick. A firm no when he's getting into something he shouldn't and then find something for him to do that is OK. This really is a very difficult stage. You always have to be on your toes! They are doing more, their motor skills are developing, and they are exploring their environment as much as they can. It's exciting, yet very challenging. Good luck to you!

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J.L.

answers from Cleveland on

Whatever y9ou do, and I am also a fan of time outs, stress that you do not like their behavior, not that you do not like them. This goes along with the "bad". They are not bad, they are not behaving correctly.

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D.G.

answers from Columbus on

Disciplin is hard at this age because they think it is a game. I used putting the child in the crib without toys or any entertainment for several minutes on my best friends son. It worked wonders.

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C.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

Holding is what I do with our youngest Grandson. He too will hit and it's funny he has started to hold my hands when he knows he's in trouble.
I have also spoken sturnly but in a low voice to him and he knows he's in trouble. Instead of yelling for mom or dad he has started yelling for Grandpa Elmer which is funny because he yells at him quit a bit.
He just does not remember what little ones were like because he workled all the time when our boys were small but now he's retired due to health reasons, he's around a lot more.
Keep at it. They learn very quickly.

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