18 Month Old Throwing, Biting

My children are all strong willed (except for one who was always compliant =) and now I have an even more strong willed 18 month old. I think because he's the youngest of 5 and my older 4 are MUCH older (8, 11, 16, 18) he thinks he can rule the roost. We stay on top of discipline and training but still have a hard time managing his bad behavior. =) When he's good, he's so good, smart and adorable. But when he's bad, he's very hard to handle no matter what we do. I found that doing two forms of discipline at a time really works. We've been having trouble with him screaming at the top of his lungs. We've been dealing with this for months (since May) and although we can manage it we can't get rid of this habit. So yesterday I gave him two swats, said firmly "Don't scream" and put him in his crib for two minutes. I set the timer and he screamed for the whole two minutes. I went in his room, and told him why he got in trouble, had him give me a hug and say "sorry" and brought him downstairs to play. I only had to do that 3 times and he never screamed again, yesterday. This morning, he screamed once and I did this and that's been it. He hasn't screamed since. Which is a miracle because that's how he's been trying to control us for months. He's been screaming like crazy to get his way etc. but once I started doing two forms of discipline, it has really made a dramatic difference and he's so much happier. I wish you the best!

Yes, this is typical for his age. No, timeouts don't usually work for this age. He isn't connecting the punishment with the crime. Try making sure there is a clear connection.
If he throws a toy you tell him "if you throw this toy it will go away." The next time he throws it (and he will), put it up and state firmly but kindly "I can see that you are not ready to play with that toy. When you are ready to use it nicely/properly... we can get it back down." He will probably throw a tantrum at this point, you can count on it. DO NOT give him back the toy or try to coddle him through the tantrum by giving him something else or giving him a treat.
If he hits or bites you just say "OUCH! Hitting hurts. No hitting" and put him down and walk away, instruct any other adults to do the same (my son tried this behavior with his beloved favorite uncle and I had to tell him exactly what to do and tell him that I wouldn't be mad at him for making my son cry, it was a lesson that needed to be learned). He should learn quickly that hitting or biting doesn't get attention, quite the opposite, he is left bewildered in a room wondering where did everyone just go?
I had a friend who's 18 month old threw EVERYTHING, including sand at the park. She told him "don't throw the sand," the next time he threw the sand she put him in a time out with a warning "don't throw the sand" then put him back in the sand box.... does this make any sense at all?? If my son threw the sand I would give him one warning to correct his behavior, then the second time he threw the sand I took him out of the sandbox and didn't allow him to re-enter it during that park trip. He got another chance to try at our next visit and with a pre-warning, never threw sand again.
Time outs are more effective as they get older, like four and five years old, to help them and you cool off in the heat of a bad moment, and then talk about what was happening and why and how you can prevent it from happening later. A toddler needs, clear, quick, and consistent discipline, with the punishment ALWAYS connected to the crime so they connect the two in their brain.

JP,
at 18 months - you are focusing on redirection. Discipline all you want, it wont' go anywhere positive. Sternness for a 18 month old? It's another facial expression - and from Mama it's rather scary than something YOU would THINK would make them stop in their tracks. he's 18 months. He can't reason yet.

most important is not to put your reasoning into your expectation of his behavior.

Expectations are premeditated resentments.

He can and will show you how willful he will be.

We stress 'gentle touches', 'roll the ball', 'teeth are for food ONLY!' The positive aspects of what we need, vs telling him what we don't.

If you tell a child something, they hear the last 3 words you say. They haven't got the 2+2 yet to add qualifiers to statements.

Don't Hit your sister
Don't Throw the ball
Don't Bite your brother
Don't Write on the walls
Don't pee on the floor
Don't....

and the list can go on and on - and you'll find that if you explain too much - you'll give them MORE ideas for misbehavior!

You can look this subject up on this medium - or look up my past posts. There's a whole bunch on this subject to read up and get ideas from. I wish every Mom out there would - because this attitude that DISCIPLINE can be taught at an age when every growth spurt results in forgetting is just really.not.healthy for the babies. And just because they're walking doesn't mean they aren't a baby.

Check out Rudoph Steiner - he's got it right on the money when it comes to development and how fast and how far to go with issues with kids.

And if your parents tell you you're spoiling your child - just remember: Most time outs are not done correctly. In not being done correctly, THEY TEACH CHILDREN TO DISSOCIATE FROM THEIR ACTIONS. It doesn't do anything for them to not repeat them. Which means it teaches your child to HIT and RUN, instead of be gentle and compassionate.

You have to model what you want your child to see, and what you want your child to emulate.

You ARE your child's FIRST teacher. Rahima Baldwin Dancy

It's not just a book - it's the way things are.

Good luck,
M.

At 18 months I think timeouts aren't super effective and you would be much better off to redirect the behavior.

My son began throwing things a lot at 17-18 months. If it was something I didn't want him to throw, I would replace it with a safer object that he could throw (soft ball, stuffed animal). And, I'd move him to an area of the house where he could throw safely for the most part. You can practice playing throw and catch with him with different objects. At his age, I think throwing is actually ok and a really good skill to practice. I didn't think so at the time he first started doing it, but once I made it a little safer, it was ok.

My son wasn't a biter but he did hit at that age. I really don't think at this age they do it to hurt you, I would try and catch his hand and tell him gently and firmly, "no hit, be gentle".

Your son sounds pretty normal to me, mine is 22 months now and does listen much better than at 18 months.

Yes, typical, 18 months is PRIME TIME to discipline effectively and prevent terrible twos. Time outs are too mild and vague for lots of toddlers. I mean think about it, is sitting somewhere so unpleasant that they would decide against some scrumptious hitting, throwing etc because they're so worried about having to "sit somewhere?" I personally nipped biting, tantrums, hitting or any aggression with a "no" and firm swat on hand or fanny (hand first time, bottom second and-only one child tried it a a few times) After that your calm "warning" will have an effect, and you'll see hm responding to just a warning for other stuff too, which matters A LOT for the next couple of years! Otherwise you're teaching "no" means "go ahead and continue".

The only times I've seen time outs be effective, are when an older child with full self control is warned they will be removed from something fun, and they dont' want that to happen, so they play nicely, or when parents use it a last warning before a swat with younger kids (still over 2 though). Sometimes the kids comply when they know they have one more shot if they pipe down after the time out. We didn't use them though, because hey enable tantrums, and we don't allow tantrums. We also didn't remove stuff, because it was so fast to discipline for throwing (food etc), then hand the item back to the child for a second chance to throw it or not. The never threw it twice, and they never lost any stuff. They always got a warning first, so they realized it was up to them and they all learned great self control.

Whatever you do, don't allow things to escalate until you're mad and then react inappropriately. You want to proactively teach him to respond to a calm warning, not wait for hysterics. In my opinion, it's better to ignore it and let him outgrow it (which I would never do), than to teach him he has lots of warnings and then you'll blow up.

My son is 19 months. Also a thrower and a biter. He has an older brother and I think some of his aggression is due to trying to hold his own with an almost 4 yr old. We have not found timeouts to be effective with our almost 4 yr old, until very recently. They do not work at all with the 19 month old as he does what yours does; giggles, and gets down. The whole thing is a game for him.

I take the toy that he throws away. It hasn't helped much. So far.

As for the biting, he usually does it when we are hugging or doing some physical activity, and usually when he's tired. I simply put him down, away from me, and end the hug or physical contact and say "No biting." The biting seems to be getting better.

When my son throws things, I immediately take them away. End of story.

For biting, or pinching, or other giant no, no's for physical behavior, I put him in his crib. I did this starting at age 12 months, and he stopped immediately. Removing attention is the best way to deal with these things. Don't say anything further than "no biting."

Maybe you need to have a specific time out chair away from the main action, instead of whatever room you are in.

This also removes him as the center of attention.... he knows he will get attention (even negative attention) if he gets down.

Maybe put a small chair or rug at the end of a hallway (or bottom of stairs) where he is out of the main view of the family or activity, but where you can also monitor him.

If he gets up, just lead him calmly back to the chair, saying, "you can't get up until mommy says you can get up. The time starts over every time you get up"

It can take a while at this age, but he will get the idea that he has to stay in time-out for the specified amount of time.

Are you just using 1 minute per year? That is the recommended amount.

Even if you just have him sit there for a little bit, he will start to understand that he can't get up UNTIL mommy says so.