18 Year Old Wants to Spend Senior Week at Beach House No Supervision

All seniors that I know go away for senior week. (FYI...there are a lot of dumps down the shore that will rent to anyone who has the cash).

...and yes...I will let my daughter go. I trust her and she will be going to college only 2 months after graduation.

I think it really depends on the kid and the friends. But really, if she's going away to college in the fall, she's going to be 'unsupervised' 24/7 in just 3 months. So, unless she's lost privileges due to previous poor choices, I'd let her go.

Rehoboth? OC? I see you are in Delaware, so both are close to you. I know OC has huge senior week parties. I didn't go when I graduated because I wasn't interested in that scene, but a lot of my friends did go. It's a crazy wild week/end. Would I let my daughter/son go? I would like to think yes, but we'll see in 7 years when I'm facing this same decision.

I was 18 when I graduated high school. I went to the Bahamas with my boyfriend that summer for about 10 days. My mom did her absolute best to forbid it, including saying that if I left I couldn't come back as I was on my way out the door. I was okay with that as I was already packed and moving out for college right after the trip. I paid for the trip, and I paid my own way in college, and I had a place to stay until the dorms opened. My mom had no parental leverage.

While I was gone she realized that it was an irrational threat and that I was an adult, even if she didn't like my choices. Part of the issue was that she was panicking because I'm the oldest child and I was absolutely leaving one way or the other. She got extra clingy during the last half of my senior year.

If your child is planning to continue to live with you and have you support her, then I think you get a say in some of the things she does because you don't have to support someone that won't live by your house rules. If she's leaving, then I strongly suggest you don't screw up what little time you have left together by starting a fight. Go ahead and let her know your concerns, but don't flip out.

I don't regret my choices but I didn't call my mom for the duration of my trip because I was done listening to her about it. (This was also pre-cell phone era.) There was a hurricane when we were on the islands and she didn't know if I was alive until I got home. As an 18 year old I didn't even think about that she might be worried. As an adult, I know my silence was unintentionally cruel.

At 18, she is legally an adult. She doesn't NEED your permission. The fact that she is asking you tells me that she is trustworthy enough to be allowed to go.

i guess to some degree it would depend on the 18 year old. if you have an untrustworthy wild child who's going with a bunch of party fanatics, i guess a parental slamming on the brakes would have to happen.
but i'd be pretty butthurt at myself for my parenting if that were the case.
by 18 my boys had 3 years of college under their belts, and of having jobs, and had demonstrated to us that they had good heads on their shoulders. at 18 they were making their own plans as to how to spend their recreational time. i'd probably have subjected them to one of my worried 'now, remember the alcoholism gene' talks but we were long past micromanaging them by 18.
she's old enough to fight and die for her country. she should be old enough to handle a few days at the beach with friends.
and if she's not, there's a big problem.
khairete
S.

Welcome to mamapedia, C.!

She's 18, she's legally an adult. Have you raised her right? Does she have a moral compass? Does she know the difference between right and wrong? How does she handle peer pressure??

Only YOU can answer these questions. If it were MY daughter? I would say yes. Because I know my daughter and how she will react and respond to things...

Good luck!

I graduated from High school on a Wed. I was 17. On that Friday, I left for a 4 day trip with friends to the beach. Had a great time..

I was a Freshman in College in August and living on campus..

Is she a good kid? Does she make good decisions? Does she use her common sense. Does she know how to behave?

I knew how to behave. I knew what my mother expected from me. Back in the day we were allowed to drink at 18, so the people I was traveling with were all 18.. We drank, but did not drive while drinking. Also did not get drunk.. We paid for the entire trip ourselves.

If you think she is a good kid and can make good choices, sure I would let her go, She is old enough to get married.. Surely she is old enough to go on a trip.

My first thought is that she is 18 and a legal adult so she can make her own choices (right or wrong). But, since she talked to you about it then she is being honest and is probably a good kid that will make the right choices.

When I was 18, I had moved out of my parents home and was renting my first apartment on my own. Not all 18 year olds are immature and not all make bad choices.

It's common to take a grad trip. Kids have been doing this since at least the 70s/80s when my husband and I were that age. My son took a post high school road/camping trip with a group of buddies just about five years ago and I'm sure they partied but they were fine (and were in the desert NOT driving around.) My older daughter & some friends went to Cabo a few years ago so YES a few of us moms went with them (hello, it's Mexico and the drinking age is 18) but only to be on the same property (large all inclusive hotel) where we could be nearby in case anyone got too crazy. They were pretty good for the most part but I did have to bring one girl back to her room from the bar one night, she was really out of it :-(
Isn't your daughter going to college in a few months? I assume you won't be going with her, so how is this any different? You either trust and respect her or you don't.
If she's not going to college I hope she will be going to work, and you know you can't follow her there either.

I started going on camping and beach trips unsupervised when I was 17. My parents gave me the keys to their beach house at 17. Here in Canada 18 is an adult, so of course I would allow an 18 year old adult to go to the beach unsupervised.

Yes...and in fact one of my 18 year old daughters will be doing JUST this in a few weeks with a group of girlfriends.

I trust her...and even IF I didn't, the fact is, she will be out the door to college in August in any case. All I can hope is that she will continue to make good choices.

BTW, they did have some difficulty at first with a rental as no one was over 21. One of the girlfriends has an aunt with a beach home in NC, so she is renting to them...and may 'pop in' from time to time during the week.

At some point, we as parents need to let go, and hope that we have laid a strong foundation...and 'be there' for them if they fall.

best!

ETA

I am SO shocked that I am in the minority!

At first I thought that because this kiddo is the youngest of 7, that *I* had been worn down over the years! Then I reflected, and most of her older sibs had a similar event.

Strange really. Perhaps I am WAY more liberal than I thought!

Ummm. . . Nope. No way. Not happening. Not on my watch. There is a time and place for this - it's called college. See if they can't find a chaperone. You will feel better and they will be better :) Good luck!

Of course I would allow it. She's 18. That's legally an adult. Kids go to war at that age. Isn't she going away to college or taking on a full-time job? Are you going to supervise her then?

It's absolutely time to let her go away for four days with her friends.

ETA: Like Felinestroller, I am surprised that I appear to be in the minority. If your daughter hasn't learned to be responsible by now, I don't know how she will be able to go away to college in two months. As someone below said, if you haven't taught her by now, it's a little late.

I'm surprised at all of the people who think you have to be 21 to rent a beach house. Where I am there are a number of places that will rent to an 18 year old. That being said, I would absolutely let my daughter go. I know all of her friends and I trust her and all of them. However, my daughter is a September baby, so she both graduated high school and started college at 17. She just finished her freshman year, so she is on the more mature side for 18, but honestly, I would probably have let her go at the end of her senior year when she was still 17, but only because, again I know and trust all of her friends.

As for your daughter the factors you need to look at are her maturity level and that of her friends, and I suppose someone should check to see if they can even rent a place in your area before they are 21. Also, like another poster mentioned, you need to consider if your refusal will push her out the door or if she will accept it. What will you do if you say no and she goes anyhow? Will you make her leave? Will she accept being grounded? Because at 18 she is an adult and while she may live under your roof now that can change in a heartbeat.

At 18 they are renting a beach house? Or is one of the parents renting the house and telling the owner that they will be there to supervise (which is a lie) so that the girls can have a beach house rental? I've done beach rentals for the last couple years and no one rents to under 21 so that should be your first red flag about this situation.

But the truth is that she's 18 and an adult. If she was away at college and doing this you wouldn't have a clue. So I would think long and hard about dropping the hammer about what she can and can not do. If you've raised her to make good choices then she'll be fine. If you haven't then you are stepping in late in the game to parent.

Just make sure your daughter knows that if there is a problem at any time she can call you and you will come to get her. Or have her drive with one of the girls separately so she can throw her stuff in the car and leave if she's over her head.

Probably not. There's a reason no O. will rent a beach house to individuals under 21.

Yes. . Unless you have serious reasons to doubt your daughter's judgment without you your daughter is an adult. You could be sending them off to war or to college. This is an excellent trial run during which I would presume she has good friends, charge of her own money, the chance to make some decisions and you still avilable as a back up to call should things go badly

Like others have said... It depends on your child, the maturity level and only you know that. Technically, she's an adult.

You have to give children the chance to be responsible and independent. If your daughter is moving out to go to college in the fall, you will no longer have the supervision you once had and you have to trust that you've taught her well how to make informed decisions, be responsible and independent.

There must be an adult who technically rented the place. My daughter is 20 and there is no hotel I was able locate in a safe resort area that will allow someone under 21 to reserve and check in.

We've booked a very nice hotel spa resort in Dallas for our daughter and her best friend for a getaway this summer and I still have to do the check in process because they are both 20 (under 21).

Your daughter is growing up. I know its hard letting go but we have to slow them to bloom, pray that they make good solid decisions and be there for them when they make mistakes.

Good luck.

Yes. But I parent my kids to be well equipped to navigate the world independently well before 18. We're not raising kids to stay kids, we're raising adults. If you're still raising your daughter as if she's a child, perhaps the answer for you would be no.

Senior trips are very popular, but most of them have at least one parent supervising. I can't imagine anyone renting to a group of 18 yr olds, so an adult has to take at least financial responsibility and there is NO WAY I would put my credit on the line for the sake of a group of high school graduates! Another popular thing with college kids (the group your 18 yr old would most likely imitate) is Eviction parties. They literally destroy the rental property. It is far more popular with boys than girls, but still, what adult would put their name on the line? Crazy!

My final answer would be not without at least one parent.

Only you know your child. My older daughter was the one people would let their kids go with because they knew she would be the supervisor. You don't even want to know how many no s were changed because, oh, your daughter is going? They would actually call her as if she was the chaperon.

My older son on the other hand, he was 24 and living on his own when a bunch of friends rented a place on the beach and managed to get themselves kicked out after two days. Can't imagine what he would have been like at 18!

Know your kids, that is the only answer I can give

Ah, no. For all of the million obvious reasons that probably already occurred to you. Are the other parents actually agreeing to this or are all of the girls letting you all think that? There's plenty of time for the freedom of a trip like this - high school isn't that time.

Your daughter being 18 years old does entitle her to do what she wants. Being in high school and 18 is NOT an adult. When she goes off to college, THEN she is responsible for herself. She can also pay for her vacation.

Don't go down the road of her getting to call the shots. Independence comes in stages.

Boy it depends. If she understands and has experience turning down drinks when others are drunk, fending off the advances of the boys that someone will inevitably invite over, take care of the requisite 2 girls who will get plastered and sick, etc. and has shown good judgment in those situations before then yes let her go. I went on those type of trips and never had a problem, but I always had to take care of others and I was keenly aware of what could happen if we got out of tourist areas, into dangerous situations, etc. If she hasn't had these experiences or had to deal with all that then I would try to build up slowly to such a trip over a couple years. Good luck!

eek. that subject line is scary. I say no.

Who's paying? Who's renting? I would think at this age, it would have to be a family connection to the beach house.

Then I think it depends on your daughter. If she's generally responsible, I'd say yes. If you have concerns, I'd probably not come out and forbid her to go, but I wouldn't pay for it, and I would make sure to know the circumstances, and make sure she is well aware of any risks.

It depends on how mature your daughter is, which beach, how transportation will be handled, and if you know her friends well. My super conservative parents actually <gasp> allowed me to do that after HS graduation and while a huge risk, we were actually pretty responsible. That said, it was 30 years ago and things have definitely changed. Good luck with your decision, it's not an easy one. My parents didn't trust me fully, but let me go anyway. I know it aged them ten years, but I still respect them for setting me free for a week.

For me it will depend on the adult child and my relationship with him/her.

I went on a "senior trip" with my high school boyfriend and a couple of other girls. What were my parents thinking? I would never allow that with my sons (now if they lied about who they were going with - that's something I can't control, and there it goes back to my relationship with them and how trustworthy they are at that point in their lives).

Yes, she is an adult at 18. But as long as you're supporting her (and in essence subsidizing a trip like this) she needs to follow your reasonable rules. That's just how I would look at it.

Eighteen makes her an adult. Why not? I didn't find any reason in your post to not allow it.

There isn't really anything you can do to stop her. She is a legal adult. Period. You can try to make her conform to your wishes but seriously if she's 18 and you've done your job of parenting then she should be ready to spend some time on her own without you.

How is it that they are renting? Most landlords and realty services wouldn't dream of renting to anyone under 25. They don't want the 18 year olds, but they don't want the 22 year old college kids either.

Are there college kids, or new high school graduates? I think it makes a difference if they have been on their own before.

I'm not sure I agree that 18 year olds can do whatever they want. If she's in your house and on your payroll for college or other support, she's not an independent adult, and you have some say. If she has been away at college for a year and living independently socially, if not financially, then it seems silly to restrict her. If she's just out of high school and has no experience in adult settings, this could be more problematic.

Is she paying for this on her own?

I think you have to be honest about what goes on at these beach weekends. They are alcohol-laden, with 18-24 year olds looking for a good time. I you are comfortable with the maturity of the group, and you know that they will have a designated driver (because they WILL obtain alcohol one way or another), and if you trust that someone in the group is sensible enough to call the police if their party is crashed by others, and if you think for sure that they won't let each other pass out from alcohol poisoning without someone calling an ambulance, then let her go.

If she is a naive type who says none of this could possibly happen, I'd say no to her. She's not ready. But if she's had exposure to these things, you think she and her friends have excellent heads on their shoulders, and they have not rented the property through dishonesty about who's in charge and their ages, then maybe you can let her go with confidence. You know your daughter better than anyone.

Yes. She's an adult. She gets to make her own choices.

Maybe. Depends on my child's maturity level and that of the friends, the location, lots of factors... 18 is adult once the child is out supporting oneself. But still living under my roof I'd make the call.

I wouldn't want to let her go, but at 18 she is an adult and can really do as she pleases.

Added, I am surprised by all the people that are saying no. A Senior trip has been tradition for many years, plus these kids will be going out into the world very shortly anyways. I mean I left for Basic Training one week after my high school graduation, if I was mature enough for the military I sure hope I would have been able to handle a week with friends at the beach only a couple months before.

My daughter did this right after prom. They went with their dates and stayed for a couple of days at one of the girls parent's beach house in Galveston. However there was supervision. The dads supervised!

The dads stayed out of the way and let the kids have fun.

My questions would be 1. who is renting the house, 2. where is this? 3. who all is going. And I mean everyone.

Next, do you trust your daughter and her friends. l'd probably feel better if there was at least one adult in the house. In case something got out of hand

Probably not, no.

:)