3 1/2 Year Old with Bad Language

Hi K.,
When my daughter was about the same age she found some not so good words. To give her a vent that she could use we gave her the phase 'oh fiddlesticks", that was her personal "cuss" word no one else was allowed to use it. She was told the difference beween good and bad words too. At 30 yo she still uses fiddlesticks when she is really mad. Her kids have oh pickles and oh cows. We really didn't have many problems with language after that. Good luck

my parents used to wash my mouth out with soap for using 'dirty' words. don't know if you'd be willing to try or not, but surely a bit of soap wouldn't hurt him-maybe a warning ahead of time that if he says it again his mouth will get washed out.

It's no fun being the youngest sometimes, especially with a huge age gap. My sister will tell anyone that. Older siblings can be dismissive. Using "dumba**" makes him believe he is on equal footing with all the "grownups" and it's worth the timeout. What is it he loves the most or wants the most? Then make him earn the right to keep it or get it. Like this: everyday he doesn't say the words when he gets upset, he gets a quarter to put in a special cup. When he gets up to $10 he can go pick out a new toy at Toys R Us.
His favorite toy goes on the shelf for 24 hours if he says the word, in other words toy time out putting the toy where he can see but not touch it. Loses favorite TV show. Can't have dessert and has to sit while everyone eats theirs. The consequences have to be something he isn't willing to give up. Timeouts are just time.

Hi K.,

Boy can I relate. We had a situation very similar. Kids repeat words or phrases like that because they find out that they have "power." Phrases like that, get attention. It is natural for children of that age to crave attention. As the saying goes...either positive or negative attention is still attention. After trying just about everything to stop the habit i decided to use reverse psychology. In our case we decided to take "the power away" from the word. This might sound crazy but we set the kitchen timer and had our child sit in a small wooden chair with a small cassette tape recorder. She had to speak the "word" over and over into the tape recorder. She had no audience so there was "no power or attention seeking" about the experience. At first my daughter thought it was kind of funny and cool but after 5 minutes she was bored and she asked to stop the exrcise. I said that she needed to go a bit longer to make sure that she had control over her words and that the word no longer had any "power". She broke down and said..."I don't want to say **** anymore." She said that she was sorry and we hugged. I sign of a grown-up is not his/her use of curse words but the ability to express herself approriately with the proper words (I'm frustrated, I'm sad ,I'm nervous, I'm afraid etc.) at the proper time and in the proper situation. It ended up being a real teaching moment. Good Luck.
L.

Children do not curse or use other bad language unless they hear it from others. So someone in your household must be using the language. If it isn't you or your husband look at your other children or the Nanny.
A girl I know cusses like a sailor and her daughter is only 16 months old and is already talking trash like her Mother. They laugh at it and it is NOT FUNNY.
My Mom washed our mouths out with Ivory soap every time we said bad words.Needless to say we stopped fast.

Hello K.,

I am surprised at how many people have recommended the old soap in the mouth "remedy" for cursing. There is risk in doing this (although probably minimal). Your child could have an allergic reaction. There are reasons certain things aren't supposed to be eaten so it is beyond reason to me to try this method. Remember this is your precious 3 year old. Here is an article with a few alternative recommendations...

http://www.free-toddlers-activity-and-discipline-guide.co...

Please know this does get better. I have a 2 1/2 year old that does this once in awhile. We don't make a big deal of it and he eventually stops on his own.

Maybe you need to find out who has been talking like that in front of your son. It is possible that he hears it from that person. It could be anyone from your household or nanny? Or maybe your son hears from tv? If it turns out that he hears from one of your households or nanny, you need to talk to that person and ask him or her not to talk like that in front of your son. Maybe you can sit down with your son and explain that the words that he said is not acceptable in the house. You can take the privileges away from him if he says those words.

Don't give in and don't ignore what he is doing. He is testing his boundaries. Some kids take longer to learn than others. The older kids probably laugh, which only encourages him. If you still have a babybed up or a playpen, put him in timeout until he calms down and can say "I'm sorry, I won't say it anymore". If you go to someone elses house, store, library, etc. and he says or does the wrong thing, take him home immediately and put him in timeout again. You can do practices of this. Plan to take him when you don't really have the have anything, make sure you take him past the toys or candy and if he does not cooperate, take him home. That way he will know you are serious when you say "if you don't behave, we'll go home". It is one of the best things you can do to teach your child to behave outside of the home.
I had a stubborn younger son and he acted up at a birthday party once and we went home because I could not control him, it is embarrassing, but I think most people understand.

It would be normal that your other three wouldn't have had this problem because they did not have siblings so much older. Do any of the other 3 watch Comedy Central? The first thing I thought of when you mentioned the phrase was "Walter" and "Peanut" two of the dummies in Jeff Dunham's act. They both use that phrase quite often. If not with the age difference he could be picking up the language from a number of shows that he may be watching with his older siblings. Does he have a favorite toys or videos that can be taken away? Try some kind of positive reinforcement instead. Catch him doing something good. "I like the way you used your words" or "That was very good", You chose to not hit when your brother made you mad" You can reinforce it with a "good behavior jar" put money in the jar, at the end of the week or at the end of the day (a week may be to long at first)he gets pick out something at the store. Or if you don't like the monetary type reward you can use tokens and he gets to pick a favorite activity. If he is watching TV with the others make sure it is something appropriate for his age.

I have an only child...boy, now 4 1/2. We've been through the same thing. He can be the sweetest child. Everyone loves him! But when he gets upset, look out. We did time-outs forever (consistently) and he hated them, but they did not work. We took toys away... that did not work either. (We stuck with that too...almost every single toy was taken away!) About 6 months ago we started the stop-light system with him. Green- everything is good, yellow - a warning, red - loss of privileges. He does everything he can to stay off red. When he is on red he is not allowed TV, going outside or going to friends' houses. I don't know if your son is too young for this yet, but its worth a try. We've also taught him to take deep breaths when he is upset and count to 10. And since he's had similar difficulties at school his teacher and I have written social stories for him which have helped. When he stays on green all day at home or school he can go in the basement and pick a toy to bring back up (yes, there are still toys down there from our days of time-out and taking things away!)

If you think your son is a little too young for the stoplight system, there is a book out there called 1-2-3 Magic. It is a time-out based system, but many of my friends have had good success with it. Good luck!

Sometimes you need to revert to what worked for people in the past for cursing...

I quote "A Christmas Story" here:

"Over the years I'd become quite the connoisseur of soaps. My personal preference was Verlux, but I found that Life Boy had a certain after dinner pi cant taste."

A bar of soap for the cursing may be what he needs. As far as the hitting goes I'm still trying to get my own 18 month old son to stop hitting.

Good luck

A lady I used to baby-sit for used hot sauce. After a couple of times of that, just the threat of hot sauce was enough for them! Good luck!

Hi! I'm sorry to say I got a little chuckle out of your post. Don't get me wrong, cursing is on of my biggest mom peeves! Your little guy probably picked it up on t.v or heard it 1 time, kids are like little sponges. You sound like a great Mom, who loves her kids but has alot on her plate, don't we all. Hopefully someday when he is much older, you can look back on this phase & have a little chuckle too. Hang in there Momma! I wouldn't worry so much about taking him to the party, the other Moms there probably have their own colorful stories to tell.