My 3 1/2 year old the last three nights has gotten out of bed, into one of the bathrooms and squirted whatever he could find all over the floor. The first time, we spanked him, then made him clean up the mess. The second time he actually came and got me and told me he needed wipes to clean up his "big mess". Tonight we were on the lookout and he didn't make it that far. He got through our room and barely into the bathroom before I caught him. The second time we didn't let him clean it up, because he obviously is a "do-er" and likes it. He was sent to his room until Daddy came home and spanked him. I think the spankings aren't working. So this evening when he got out of bed again, I told him I would take away his blankie. And of course he had to test and I took it away. I'm not sure if this is going to work either so I wanted to see if anyone had any creative discipline ideas. For now, he's got a baby gate keeping him in his room. Thanks!
I wanted to tell everyone thank you for all your suggestions. Tonight was our first successful night at getting him in bed without a single attempt to get out of bed and without needing the baby gate up :) The key for him.... find the right motivation. Last night I took his blanket away from him and set the timer for 3 minutes (this was after his first attempt to get up). I told him I would give him the blanket back when the timer beeped but he had to stay in bed. If he got out of bed again I would take his blanket away and keep it til the morning. Well, he had to see if I was lying and he got out of bed so I told him that he didn't get it back til the morning. Wow, did he get upset! He finally fell asleep an hour and a half later. Right before I went to bed, I put his blanket beside him so he would find it in the morning. So today we went through the whole routine but I got the timer ready and put it by his door and told him if he got up, I'd take the blanket. He stayed in bed talking to himself for an hour and a half! But he never once got off that mattress :) I think tomorrow night we're going to start moving his bedtime a little later. But regardless, he has learned to listen to Mommy and Daddy or that there will be consequences and that is the best lesson he could have gotten out of this! Jen PS - we did get knob covers for the door knobs and we also learned that he can climb! he's never done that before so that was how he kept getting our stuff. I thought I had just left it out but then I caught him!! Now I know and can be better prepared :) And our parenting style is "John Rosemond" style. We don't reward for bad behavior; we don't reward for good behavior. We EXPECT good behavior at all times and when he is "exceptional" in his good behavior then he *might* get a reward, but he cannot expect a reward at all times.
I don't think spanking or any physical punishment works, especially when the punishment is delayed. Young children do not understand cause and effect when the effect is delayed. Positive will always work better than negative - research has proven this time and again.
It sounds like he is looking for extra attention. Maybe try more playtime before bed.
Jen,
First of all research shows that punishment doesn't work (spanking). What I would do is:
1. Once you catch your bundle of love in the act grab him by the arm (gently) and tell him that we don't make messes in the house.
2. Gently lead him away from the bathroom to another part of the house (maybe where his toys are) and tell him to play quietly.
3. After a few minutes of him playing quietly, go to him and, with a smile, tell him what a nice job he's doing playing (encouragement).
It should only take a few times of doing this to stop the behavior.
R.
LMHC
Buy a doorknob cover which will prevent him from opening his bedroom door at night. I had to do this with my 2 year old because he was getting up and crawling out our doggy door at night.
Try taking away what he is going for. Spanking works short term, but not in the long run, unless you want him to fear you. Make it a natural consequence. It is hard to connect blankie to squirting. The baby gate is a good idea. Making him clean up is another one.
Everything he shouldn't be able to have should be put out of his reach. We have doorknob covers for every room that he doesn't need to be in without supervision. All cabinets have child locks. There are plug covers. This is what parenting a young child is about. You have to child-proof your child's environment. No one has the ability to watch their children 24/7. When would we sleep or go pee? Just nip it in the bud by keeping it out of his grasp. When he gets old enough to reason with, then slowly un-child proof a few things. Heck, even my pantry has a door knob cover on it. And definitely get an oven lock. So many see that handle on the oven door as some sort of jungle gym and hang on it, then of course it opens and if it's hot, they get burned. Don't lock him in his room, just keep him out of other rooms. The taking things away only works if it directly correlates with what he's done wrong. And find out why he's not sleeping instead of getting up to get into things. Maybe he's slept too much during the day or went to bed too early and just isn't tired anymore. I know when I'm not tired, I get bored and want to find something to do as well... good luck, but definitely take some different advice and change your strategy. You may have better results.
I think the best way would be to completely remove bottles of anything from his reach. I also agree that positive motivation will work better. Tell him that if he goes several nights without doing that, you will do something special with him. Maybe that special time is what he wants with another baby in the house and all. The morning you wake up and he has slept through the night, praise him and let him know how proud you are.
Everyone has their own forms of correcting behavior, but I too have to agree that spanking isn't the way. Especially when it is delayed. You are confusing him and upsetting him and you will get no return from it. I hate to compare kids to dogs, but you can't hit a dog 2 hours after he has got to the bathroom in the house, they have no idea what they are getting hit for! your child is the same way. If you catch him in the act, then you take his blanket away. He will test you for a couple of nights, no doubt! Keep reminding him that he will get rewarded with some special time AND get to keep his blanket if he stops this behavior. Good luck!
sounds like that was a good way to get your attention in the middle of the night!
my son would make a mess and be liek I WANNA CLEAN IT! so we could never punish him by makeing him clean it either.
glad you found a solution...my son has been trying to wriggle into our bed for about two years now, and nothing helps.
I am having a similar problem with my almost 4 yr old girl. She does not want to stay in bed. However, our "battles" occur at the time of bedtime. I have seen a definite improvement with her since she has been on a regular schedule every day - long story as she was just placed with us recently. Now she is in day care, gets up at the same time every day, has a nap at day care, is picked up at the same time and has a pretty regular schedule. Children like routine, so maybe this might help your little one. When she first came to us it took over 3 hours to get her to bed, she kept getting up. Now it is down to about 10-15 minutes, and it has been about 2 weeks with us every day and one week of day care. Day care can work wonders in this area of providing routine. Sometimes it is difficult to manage a schedule especially when there are other children. However, it is good to give it a try the best you can, and see if this helps. We always have dinner, bathtime, and storytime during the week at the same time and it seemed to help her adjust. Best of luck to you.
i'm sorry but rewarding kids for not doing something they are not supposed to doing in the first place isn't right. lets say you have 2 kids 1 does good all the time, the other is bad but gets a reward for not being bad. the 1st kid is gonna start being bad just to get the reward. the lady who said she'd get a door knob thing- thats perfect. if your kid is going somewhere he should not be going- stop him from going there, with gates, door knobs whatever. pick up everything that he may be able to get into. the 1st time it happened and you had him clean it up- that was perfect. then you can even play with the other child while he is cleaning, let him know just how much fun you 2 are having. he will want to play, but he has to wait until he has cleaned up his mess. but he just may be doing this for attention, and as long as you are giving it- he'll keep it up. it doesn't matter if its good or bad.
