3 Year Old and Barbies and Mermaids

I havent had a boy like this, but I do have a tom boy girl. I dont worry about her like people do when boys gravatate to girl things. I have friends who had the same "issues" as you. The one is now 18 and perfectly normal. The other I know of is 13 and perfectly normal as well, he just gets along with girls better, is more artistic and very smart, loves acting, just seems more in touch with himself and more sympathetic, not so "hard". I dont want to say not so manly because he is, its just more appreciative is maybe what I am trying to say.

I wouldn't stress on this. I bet he is going to grow up to be a sweet kind compassionate young man. It will pass and if it doesn't, well then oh well. Would you rather he be tearing the arms and legs off of his power rangers like my son did? He is 12 now, and pretty normal.

I would offer him more "boy" toys, but don't worry if he wants to play with the Barbies, too. One of my good friends has a son who used to say that his favorite color was pink and all he wanted for Christmas was lip gloss. It passed and he is ALL BOY. Loves cars and trucks and is very athletic.
Also, if it happens to be more than a phase, let him know that he's okay just the way he is and you will always love him no matter what. Sometimes different is good.

Hello, your son is acting totally normal. I would just let him be and do his own thing. My son is 3 almost 4 and plays barbies all the time! The first time I noticed it, he had dissapeared for longer than normal and I found him in his sisters room, all the barbies lined up in a row talking to them. It was pretty cute and I did not worry about. Now he will put the barbies in his dump trucks or on his ninja turtles' motor cycles and drive them all over the house. It is just a phase and I would let him be. If you are lucky, he wont want to wear pink nail polish like mine is right now :) lol. It does not bother me, I would rather him get it out of his system now than for it to show up later. Boys will be boys and eventually he will be so much of a boy that he will deny ever playing with barbies.

My 3 year old nephew is this way so for his birthday, I bought him a boy Cabbage Patch Kid, which was not easy to find, almost all of them are girls where I was looking. Anyway, his CPK is his favorite toy, he takes him every where he goes. Some of the family thought it was a little strange for me to buy it for him because they were all trying to "change" him, but I figured it was his birthday and I was buying a gift that I wanted him to like, I wasn't buying the gift for them or wasting my money to have it sit on his floor and gather dust just to go with the normal "boy" toys. Good luck!

i have 4 boys and one of my youngest has always loved carebears and my little ponys. this has gone on for probably 3 years. i dont want to worry you but he is now 7. still prefers girl toys over boy toys. but this is te first time in awile that he does not actually carry the girl toys around. i do not make a fuss and i do not let anyone else either. he is who he is and he seems to be moving through the stage very slowly but i do see progress. he is taking a liking to power rangers and other boy related things. he is very loving and caring. is is a fabulous artist, always drawing elaborate pictures. maybe he will be a famous designer he oles anything with lots of vibrant colors... hang in there it will pass.

If your son is otherwise healthy, happy, and growing, try not to worry over the trivial things such as his pick of toys. I would just let him play with the barbies and mermaids and try not to make a big deal out of it.

Sounds as though he is going to be the lover in the family and not the fighter. Some boys are just cut from a different cookie cutter and they relate better to the female side of life. One of my best friend's husband is like that. He is the femanine one and she is more masculine. They have two wonderful children and a great marriage. I wouldn't worry to much. He may grow out of it and he may not. If this is still going on when it is time to start school, you may want to have a sit down with him and explain how kids can be cruel and you don't want him to be picked on and let him know it's okay at home but other places it's not. Give him support, but don't discourage it, that will just push him more to the femanine side. He'll be fine. Good luck and God Bless.

I have seen this before and there are varying degrees. I know one boy who is now 5 or 6 and is the roughest, toughest boy I know, but his favorite color is pink and one year he wanted a princess birthday cake. He also dressed up as a witch for halloween. It lasted for more than a year, and maybe still is going on, I don't know. He is not made to feel ashamed for liking pink or anything. Everyone is very accepting and he is a bright, fun little boy.

The other boy I know is also about 5 or 6, and his liking of typically female things is a little more prevalent. He says he is a boy but wishes he could be a girl. He has a pink room at home and wears pink boots with ruffles. He pretty much only plays with the girls at school. His parents go with whatever he wants to play with and really support him.

I agree with some of the other responders in that you can embrace what he is learning and take it to another level, like learning about marine life when he is playing with mermaids, etc. And, haven't we all wished at one point that there were more sweet and caring men in the world? That's great that your son is so sweet. As for the situations I mentioned earlier, I think boys (and girls for that matter) can go through phases, and may prefer certain toys over others and is totally normal. But I also know from taking genetics classes in college that gender disorders do exist where someone's physical appearance doesn't match what gender they are genetically. I'm not suggesting that either your son or the boy I mentioned has anything like this, but in some cases, it could occur. I think it's great, and necessary for his development, that you are accepting and understanding of his wishes, and that you support him.

Best wishes!

Good Morning J.,
We also have a 3 year old son. He loves playing with dolls, and he also plays dress up with his sister. Yes, he wears princess clothes with high heals. Whenever sister gets her nails painted he wants his done too. Then again our daughter loves playing with trucks. So, he plays with trucks too. He always wants to be doing what his sister is doing. It doesn't bother us because with the dolls it shows us that he has a gentle side. He loves babies and is very gentle with them whenever we are around them. He does have his boy side though. He likes to wrestle with daddy and chase his sister with her friends. He is a sweet little boy most of the time. Except for the three year old tantrums, that is another story. We just enjoy watching him use his imagination and his creative side.

I would think it is just a phase...my son use to wear the lovely dress up hills, paint his finger and toe nails, try to put his hair up in pony tails, play barbies...etc. and he is now a normal 10 year old boy that wouldnt be caught dead holding a barbie. I honestly think it is just something some boys go through. (It gave me nice pictures that he hates to see at least though.)

I'm guessing you guys are totally strigant an the boy girl gender role at a young age but I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. The reason I say this is because he is THREE YEARS OLD! no big deal he's a kid. If you are really concerned about it, try introducing the guy stuff by slipping the occasional hotwheel or tonka into the toy box and see what he does. This isn't a fair comparison but I would play with Tonkas and have my barbies drive them by having them ride on the top of the cab stuffed between the ledge of the dump bed and the smoke stacks and send them flying across the room slamming into my bedroom wall which made the barbie fly off the top of the truck, slam into the wall, then slide to the floor like a bug on a windsheild. I am 24 now I love classic muscle cars and I drive a GMC but I date boys and i love my skirts and heels with my fave eyeshadow. I'm just saying, let him find himself and form his identity now and then when he starts school his peers will have a better ability to gender socialize him. My nephew did the same thing when he was 5. I gave my mom a barbie as a gag for her b-day and she kept her on top of the t.v. in the bedroom. He would come over and go straight to my mom's room and start playing with her so we just got him his own. We took him to the walgreens I got my mom's from for $5 and he picked his own. He just turned 9 this week and anytime we bring it up to tease him sometimes (my family has an odd sense of humor) he vehimatly denies it ever happened and even our suggestion of such a thing makes US weird. I just ouldn't worry about it for now, toss a car his way once in a while maybe take him for a guys afternoon out with his bros for a baseball game or something. It'll show him 'what boys do' and it will give you boys a chance to bond a little. Hope it all works out.

I cannot truly relate to your situation, but what if you tried to mix the 2 for now, like barbie driving a big tonla truck or something like that. Maybe he'll gradually leave barbie behind. Sorry, not a super great idea, but that's all I can come up with for now.

Hi J.,

Did you ever watch Free to Be You and Me, the classic by Marlo Thomas from the 70's? If not, rent it, get it from the library or buy it. Phases can last longer than a year. Also, you didn't say WHAT he is doing with them. If he is enacting imaginative play of living under water or nurturing play, then congrats on raising a boy who is nurturing and caring! What an amazing father he will be one day! And what a reflection of the nurturing and love he is receiving from his own dad and brothers.

If you watch his play closely, you could always use it as a stepping stone - e.g. interest in mermaids into underwater exploration, books about tropical fish, mermen, Jacques Cousteau, etc. I wouldn't try to steer him anywhere other than deeper exploration of what is already interesting him. Why make him feel ashamed about something so benign? I would only be concerned if he was playing with the dolls inappropriately.

Good luck!

Perhaps he is just a sensitive kid... nurturing the barbies is something that makes him feel successful. He will most likely grow out of it... maybe if you get him some GI Joe figurines or something he may like those better. Try making the transition from girl stuff to boy stuff more gradual... If nothing else he will turn out more sensitive and empathetic in his life... which may not be such a bad thing.

This is perfectly fine! Our society is so hung up on boys being boys and girls being girls, and oh my gosh, if they dare steer to the other side, they are going to be gay! It's not true! We are so stereotypical in our society. We think girls should play with dolls, learn to cook with toy kitchens, play dress up, etc. We think boys should play with trucks, should play in the mud, should play soldiers, etc. In our society, women are doing a man's job...and men are doing a woman's job.

A child psychologist told me once that when a boy gravitates towards girls and towards playing with dolls, it's because he has a very nurturing side to him. It's part of his personality. If a girl gravitates towards boys or towards rough and tough playing, it's because she's adventurous and wants to be carefree.

I was a tomboy as a little girl. I did not like playing dress up. I played with boys. I hated dresses. I loved Ninja Turtles. Yes, I had some dolls, and I'd play with them on occasions. I loved remote control cars, skateboards, and "boy toys". I grew up to have mostly guy friends and still am that way! I am now 29 yrs. old, a mom to a little girl who is the SAME way I was (except she loves dresses and loves to play in makeup), and I'm married.

I have a nephew ("D.") who was the exact same way your son was. He wanted to play with dolls. He's 11 yrs. old now and is the sweetest, most caring, and most nurturing little boy you'd ever meet. I have a 9 yrs. old sister, who is 2 yrs. younger than her own nephews (they are twins). My little sister loves playing with "D". He'll play Barbies, dolls, house, etc. with her. My sister was always told by others to not let her son play with dolls, but my mom always told my sister that it just teaches him to be nurturing and loving, so my sister would let him do it at my mom's house. Because my sister never made a big deal of it, my nephew has never seen anything wrong with it. No one in the family teases him. He's a regular 11 yr. old little boy. He also loves to do what other little boys his age like to do (video games, bikes, 4 wheelers, fishing, etc.). Letting boys play with dolls actually helps them to grow up to be nurturing, loving, and caring. It teaches them parenting skills. It teaches them to respect women.

Just let your little boy play with what he wants. It's no big deal! You'll find that your son will grow up with a great admiration of you because you always let him "be himself".

Good Morning J., I think it is perfectly ok to play with dolls. In fact I gave all of our gr son's dolls when they were little. My reasoning was they would learn to be gentle and kind to little babies and it worked. When other babies came into the family they had their own little baby to care for. I also gave our one gr daughter toy trucks and cars to play with, she can race and have demolition derbys with the boys too. She is the oldest gr child.
Our 3 y/o gr son has the prettiest hair long and very curly & wavey, so much so that even when he was dressed in boy cloths people would ask how old she was or say how beautiful SHE was.....lol Now he grabs my hair clips and puts them in his own hair and says Look I am Nana, you can be Corbin. He has put on my shoes and clomped around the house, his daddy tells him to wear papa's shoes but they don't make noise. :)

He takes his baby dolls for rides in his big dump trucks too. Their daddys had dolls too so I don't think it hurts one bit.

Enjoy your little man and let him be creative and enjoy life
God Bless you and yours
K. Nana of 5

My son who is 13 now spent his Christmas money (when he was 3 and half) on a new Barbie (and some othere things) but he hates the pictures of his proud smiling pictures from that Christmas NOW! He absolutely loved her then. My nephew actually dressed up as Ariel (because he loves the little mermaid) last Halloween - he was then almost four. My sis tried to lean him towards another choice but he was persistant and she figured - let him be what he wants for halloween. I agree with those who say he'll eventually be peer pressured out of it (if not just personal "choice"). My youngest boy (almost 3) breastfeeds his "babies" and loves them just like his sisters, but still loves sports and "boy" stuff. They don't have to be "all boy" there is MUCh to be said for a boy who can relate to girls!! :)

Hi, J.. Having worked with children for over 20 years, I have seen lots of variance in what boys choose to play with at this age. I have seen many that have gone through a "girl phase" wanting to wear girls dressy shoes, play with girly toys, etc. I have had boys that want every art project done with pink paper or paint. These same boys have turned out to be athletic sports fanatics and have changes their toy preferences to more "boy" toys a year later. I would say that most likely your son will do the same. I remember when my son gravitated to the girls shiny shoes at the store, and I was a little concerned, but I did tell him that those were for girls. I personally believe that kids should choose what they want to play with, but I also believe that parents should not push typical "girl" things onto boys. For example, I know a parent who paints their son's nails with polish since his sisters get their nails painted. I don't really agree with this, as I think there are some things that are for girls and girls only. I know there are people that are disagreeing with this statement, but I do believe that people shape their children's behavior to a strong degree. I do think that acting out "Playing house" with dolls and such is very healthy for boys and actually teaches them parenting skills. Your son may like the shiny clothes and stuff on the mermaids and Barbies and not just the dolls themselves. Talk to him about what he likes about them, and you could buy him a boy Ken doll and see how he feels about that. I think you will find it is just a phase he is going through. Good Luck and God Bless.

Have you tried buying the action figures. Maybe he likes the dramatic play of making the barbies and mermaids talk.
I have a daughter that always liked to play barbies and Bratz dolls and would drag her little brother into playing with her. I don't see anything wrong with boys playing with them but would seem strange if that was the only toy he played with. My sons played with all toys. They even played house with babydolls with their sister and my husband would make comments to me about it but I told him if he didn't make a big deal about it they won't think anything of it and would turn out fine. Well my oldest is now 15, is a hard worker, and loves his video games when he has a spare moment. He is very compassionate and is also good with kids.

My 13 yr old daughter adores kids and is a great babysitter and isn't into playing with dolls and stuff anymore but keeps them around so when she is babysitting she plays them with the little girls. She is quite dramatic with her stories and will probably be a great writer or artist someday. She really makes those dolls come alive for the little kids and they love playing with her.

My 8 yr old is an all around boy. He loves playing army, transformers, video games, watching hunting and fishing shows, and loves to fish.

I told my husband that having the boys play house and play with dolls, changing the diapers, clothes etc. is just preparing them to be good fathers. And the chores around the house are not catagorized into what is mens work or womens work. The boys do everything too. they know how to clean bathrooms, sort and wash laundry, vacuum, dust, wash dishes, make beds, take out trash, clean the kitchen and anything else that needs done. We all work together and share all the work.

Hi J., I don't have any boys, but my Grandmother did. My Uncle loved to play with dolls and my Grandparents let him. They had read that boys who played with dolls made better fathers, and my Uncle was one of the greatest fathers. My Grandmother said that they looked at how my Uncle played with the dolls, he didn't play with them like girls do (he did dress them up and baby them). The dolls were more like playmates to him. So I wouldn't worry about it. If he wants to play with dolls let him, after all with 2 older brothers I'm sure thre are plenty of boy toys around for him to play with also. Good luck!!

I think it's normal. All boys have their "girlish" moments growing up. My oldest's fave color used to be pink till he was about 4. My best friend's son always wanted girl costumes come halloween time till this last year (he was 3.5) and my now 2y/o loves to play with babies! So I think they all have their moments they eventually grow out of. And if not, then you just adjust yourself to it, and learn to love him even more for his quirks ; )

Just let him have fun. If you do anything it will only make him hide and become ashamed of it. He will then question what is wrong with him and it will potentially damage his self-esteem. We are all born with the personalities we have and they cannot be changed. To try to change them is very damaging to their self-esteem.

One of my psychology teachers (oh crud she studied psychology) told me her advice for deciding if something needed attention was, if five years from now it has some impact on their lives then address it, if you think you will just look back and say, not sure what you were thinking but...and laugh about it, then let it go. Save your battles for the important things. I promise you this philosophy is a wonderful stress reducer.

Peer pressure will most likely change his choice in toys when he gets into grade school. Peer pressure is actually a good thing when someone is violating a social norm (that sounds worse than it actually is). Social norms are things like guys don't wear skirts unless they are Scottish and women wear shirts when playing a game of shirts and skins. Boys playing with barbie dolls falls under this. Social norms when broken make people uncomfortable but do not hurt anyone.

I agree with most others here; it's not something to worry about or discourage at this point.

When he was 2, I got my son a boy doll of his own because he kept "stealing" my daughter's baby doll (she got upset when he took it, even though she's a tomboy and hardly ever played with it). He loved his own doll. He's now almost 4, and seems to mostly have grown out of that phase, although he still wants me to paint his toenails when I do mine! He likes to pretend to cook and clean, too--but I don't see that as a bad thing at all! ;-)

My son also gravitates more toward little girls when playing in groups, but that might be because the girls we know like to build things (his favorite thing to do!), while the boys all just want to run around and yell at this age.

As your son gets older and wants to play more games with his brothers, he will likely be more interested in the things they are playing with--"boy" stuff like trucks and tools.

For now, you might try giving them blocks and puzzles and other things that they might all enjoy together.

HTH!
--A.

Hi J.,

My son was the youngest of 3, the older two were girls. He emulated the girls in alot of things, playing with their barbies and toys. We did try to stear him more towards the stuffed toys and dinosaurs during this time, but alot of his play was with their My Little Pony, and Pet Shop toys too. Because he played with his sisters, he played their games. No biggie.
Although, when he was about three, we used to watch Xena Warrior Princess, on TV. We also watched Hercules. One night, he had his sister tie his blanket on like a cape, picked up a plastic sword and ran into the living room. "Tah-dah! My Xena!!!" I said, "No son , you mean "I'm Hercules." He looked at me totally baffled and said, "No, Mom , my XENA" We laughed pretty hard at that because it was so funny. He apparently thought Xena was a better Warrior than Hercules.
At anyrate, I don't know that it's bad for little boys to play with dolls. They after all grow up to be fathers. Why can't they learn to nurture? My son eventually)around 4 or so, started gravitating more toward the stuffed toys and boy toys. But I never regretted giving him the time to learn through play.
He's 12 and does all the boy things, but he still loves his pets, and is very caring of them. Not a bad thing if you ask me.

it could be just a phase but it could be that he is just a more feminine boy - i personally feel that gender is not black and white, it's a sliding scale, and some people fall somewhere more or less feminine or masculine than others. (not talking sexual preference, just gender) just try to support him and love him for who he is - i think it's a phase a lot of little boys go through, but if people start judging him for it he will be hurt by that.

not to freak you out, but 20/20 did a great episode on "gender identity" that was really interesting...maybe google it to see what comes up. something should be able to tell you how long it should last if it's just a phase...good luck!

Society has been so terrible about telling us that dolls are a "girl's" toy and cars are a "boy's" toy. I personally believe that children are going to like what they want to like. Dont pressure him to play with boy toys all the time (doesnt sound like you are) or to be ashamed of playing with girls toys. Often times when boys play with dolls as children, they grow up to be very nurturing and loving. More men should be this way if you ask me!! And on the opposite end, many girls who play with boys toys as children grow up to be productive and a more "hands on" person. Just a different way to look at it. Dont worry and praise his individuality! After all, he is going to be who he is with or without other's support.

I have the opposite issue - my daughter is obsessed with trucks, trains, and bulldozers! No matter how many dollies, babies, barbies, etc we give her she still loves the trucks, and I'm fine with that! My husband has mentioned your situation in passing, and I think it's unfortunate how our society places expectations of gender 'roles' at such early ages, especially on boys. My daughter participates in 'pretend play' - just with trucks. She is learning new vocabulary. She shares. These are the traits, no matter what the toy, that we want her to have. So as long as your son is happy, let him go for it!

Like any other toddler, the more you tell him no, or take away certain things, the more he'll want them. You'll look back at this in 10 years and have a good chuckle WITH him about it!

I really wouldn't worry about it. In fact it is probably a sign of a very healthy, secure little boy, that he feels comfortable enough to explore his world outside of the box. Lots of little boys go through this, and it doesn't make them any less boy, just more well rounded individuals. I could tell you story after story of little boys I have known going through the same thing. They are all quite normal, healthy men now. Most are more secure in themselves and sweeter and more intelligent than other men I know.
The quickest way to mess him up, or to make it into a problem would be to make a big deal out of it. As long as he is a happy child, leave him alone about it.
I like what others have said about using his interests to lead him into a study of marine life, etc. That's pretty good. Or even offering him GI Joe dolls, or putting Barbies in trucks, etc. All good ideas. Just be sure it is all in addition to, rather than in place of what he is playing.
As others have told you, peer pressure is going to force this out of him soon enough, and he will come face to face with having to learn and conform to all of society's unwritten rules and expectations. At 3, he is still just a sweet baby. Let him have that as long as he can, and protect him from the pressures society is going to place on him soon enough.
He sounds like a real sweet heart to me.
:o)

Hi. I know you are probably past this, but I just read it...I'm kinda behind... I read some of the responses too...
My littlest boy is 5, he used to walk around in his big sisters plastic play shoes all the time...He loved the high heels and the sound they made when he walked...and he thought they were pretty...He usually wore them while playing with his toy cars...
He is way past that now...His big brother teases him and says his favorite color is pink and it makes him mad now..."Pink is a girl color... I'm not a girl!"
Rest assured he is fine... He's going to be who he is going to be... We all like different things... Be glad he knows what he likes. Maybe he won't be so influenced by peer pressure when he grows up...One way to look at it anyway :)
Good luck and try not to worry...