3 Year Old Nail Biter

Hello M.-
I haven't experienced this myself, but my sister has with her daughter. My sis is an Occupational Therapist and gives her daughter gum. You have to teach responsibility with the gum....not always easy, but better than hangnails and the irritation of watching them bite. My sis and other OT's would tell you that chewing can help organize the brain and for some kids this is more necessary for them to think (so, they bite their nails when they are thinking something through). Good luck. A.

Hi, I have a 8 year old son that used to bite his nails also. I used to nail biting polish and it worked really well. It has a bitter taste so they don't want to bite. We only used it for about a week. Good luck.

M., your request hit me very personally. When I was little, I was a big nail biter. I have horrid memories of the disgusting looks my mother would give me and all the atttempts to quit. Every time I failed, I failed her. I was lesser. I was (I thought) unlovable. I am 56 and can still tell you about all the presents and bribes I was promised that never worked. Did she think I WANTED to be poked proded and constantly reminded of my failure?

This is a nasty habit that you hate? Why? I am serious. Its not desirable but your daughter is not an ax murderer either. Maybe she has an unrecognized oral or compulsive leaning. Maybe your schedule exhaustes her :> (It would me.>)

Maybe the hate is because her problem triggers some unwelcome memory or thought of your own that you haven't tagged on to yet.

Anyway, here's the long view: When she doesn't need it, she will quit. I did. And if it somehow makes her a National Merit Scholar/MBA/happily married for 30 years too, it won't be so bad, right?

my daughter started biting her finger and toe nails after we took away her pacifier. seems most people in my family have some type of oral fixation. my youngest daughter sucks her thumb and if she's anything like me, will not quit for anything. (i was forced to with braces.)

you may have a child who will not stop no matter what you do. i was such a child. my parents did all the nasty-tasting stuff but i just sucked it off and kept sucking. they tried a sock on my hand safety-pinned to my sleeves at night but i just got out of it. they tried shaming me too.

peer-pressure might help you out too when she goes to school. i think for me it just made me save it for home.

i'm sorry i don't have any advice for you. i tried painting her nails but she almost immediately starts picking it off. i have tried taking her to get a manicure but it doesn't help either. when she can't scratch or open things, i point out to her that if she had nails, she'd be able to do it but she just can't help herself.

Personally, I think it is an inherited neurosis and for most people you are just knocking your head against a wall to change it. My dad bit his nails, I do, and both my kids do. I used to suck on my hair, so my mom cut it short, and that's when I started biting my nails. As an adult, I only do it when stressed, and I think my kids do it out of stress too. We just wash hands a lot.

Decrease the stress in her life as much as you can, offer her lots more emotional stuff--time and attention and snuggles--and let it be. You might think about what is causing her stress in her life as well, and see if you can fix it. Somethng on the inside is causing her to do this, and fixing it from the outside (nail polish, shame, mittens, etc.) is like putting a bandaid on a tumor.

Honestly, I wouldn't waste any time worrying about it, or, God forbid, shaming her into another pattern.Shame is much worse than any amount of nail biting.We all have dings in this life that we will never overcome. This is likely going to be one of hers, and your graceful acceptance of it will work wonders for you by the time she is a teen.

There are two things I've noticed about nail biting, as I've had a lifetime of observing myself 1- it nearly always is a sign of extreme creativity. Every really creative person I have ever known has been a nail biter since birth. And they are overwhelmingly female. 2- it isn't 'just a habit'. Some kids do, most don't and that's that. 3- biting seems to come from thinking, not stress. So you may have a smart one on your hands.

There are only three paths to pursue here, I think: make it clear to her about the germs on her hands, so that she is careful about what she touches and about washing her hands. Make sure she uses mild castile soap for this, never anything harsher. Especially not that dreadful so-called antibacterial soap. It's making all the bugs around us stronger by the day while it poisons our water.

You may have a bit of luck by increasing her protein intake/absorbtion of protein (see a naturopath, a regular MD will have no idea what to do here), and also helping her into a handy pattern of behavior to use when she feels overwhelmed. For now, finding you for a nice big hug and deep breath will do. Later on you might want her to have a 'rest pillow' to sit on, or teach her a simple meditation or brief prayer, whatever fits with your family.

I spent years in angst over this. All that wasted time!Basicially engaged in a kind of self hatred. And this kind of thing becomes hugely blown out of proportion by girls themselves when they are teens. They are encouraged to find things to hate about themselves. And unless we teach them resiliency now, they will find plenty to hate.

Protect your daughter and forget about the nails, is my conclusion.

Best,

K

try reading the book "the Berenstien Bears and the Bad Habits"
It goes into sister bear's problem with this and has a smart little way of breaking the habit.
Also, I own a small spa and one way that another mother helped get her 4 year old to stop biting her nails was whenever she came in she brought her daughter with her. Her daughter's special treat was to get her nails polished pretty like mommy's. The only catch was that if she bit her nails between appointments, then she wouldn't get her special treat the next time. Because you know not all little girls get to have their nails done in a grown up salon. So it was pretty special for her. It worked out very well and eventually I had to start filing her nails down because they were getting so long each time I saw her.

Good Luck!!!
R.
One Woman Spa
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I have a niece who had that problem. I started taking her with me to a nail salon once a week to get our nails done. It was a good bonding experience, and she stopped biting her nails because she didn't want to ruin the little pictures (flowers etc.) that were painted on them. Hope this helps!

I started biting my nails at about that age, and I desperately wanted to stop for many years before I finally managed it (mostly, anyway) as a high school senior. I internalized shame quite effortlessly, and I think that for me that made the biting worse. I even bought my own stop-biting solution, and tried every technique I could think of, including giving myself manicures as I got older.

But as I cut back on nail biting, I substituted other "stress release" habits, like hair twisting/sucking, lip chewing, and picking and clawing at any tiny imperfection on any surface I touched, including my skin - yuk. I still bite my nails or cuticles if they develop any little snag (a sister and my daughter have this tendency, too, so there may well be an inherited tendency.) Lately I find myself yanking out my eyebrow hairs if I'm immobilized in a meeting or by illness.

I'm a fairly disciplined person in many ways. I do not want to do any of these things. I feel quite a bit of embarrassment over them, and am constantly stopping myself when I notice. But when I'm doing them, my attention is elsewhere, and I'm always feeling some combination of worried, stressed, tense and restless.

For me, the best solution is often to get up and move around, do laundry or gardening, go for a walk, anything that will get me mobile. I wonder if your daughter has a lot of pent-up energy that she must control, creating some unconscious tension, when she's doing her nibbling. Maybe she looks relaxed in front of the TV, but her body could be begging for movement.

And like you, I am concerned about what ingredients are in any sort of polish or nasty-tasting stuff you might use. I hope you'll investigate carefully. Standard nail polish contains highly toxic fumes during application, and I wouldn't want my child to nibble at the plastic after it's dry, either.

I hope you will work to reduce your anxiety about this, because your intensity could inadvertently increase your daughter's stress, if that's the root cause.

By the way, another mom asked a similar question recently and got quite a few interesting responses. You might want to check this out at http://www.mamasource.com/request/recent/97013/1202607294/85

The first step is to notice the little times when she is "Not" biting her nails, even if it is just in 20 second intervals! Praise her like crazy and say, "I see you are not biting your nails! Great job!" and then keep it up throughout the day. She will love the positive reinforcement. If you catch her biting, playfully gasp and she will notice she is doing it and stop herself. Then as soon as possible (10 seconds later) turn around and say, "Ah Ha! you're not biting your nails anymore! Good job!" and throw in a tickle for good measure. She's gaining reinforcement by your attention to the behavior you don't want. Give her reinforcement for the behavior you do want and do what you can to ignore the nail biting. If the playful gasp seems to incrase her want to do it, then the next time just gently move her hand away from her mouth while avoiding eye contact or attention. Then wait five or ten seconds and give reinforcement for her NOT doing it.

I am sure this will help a great deal! Take care!
N. Laurent. MA, RC
Clinical Psychotherapist
www.FamilyRenewal.net

This is one of those habits that you cannot break without her cooperation. The more you try to force her, the more she will resist. I know this sounds obvious, but have you tried keeping them trimmed really short so there is nothing to bite?

They seeing if she is interested in buying some really pretty gloves to wear. Let her pick out whatever she thinks is best (even if it is all feathery). When she starts biting, remind her that she has pretty gloves she could wear if she wants to. If she has a favorite Disney Princess, you can even buy long white ones and tell her they are princess gloves. You could get very creative with this idea if you wanted to. She may not like gloves though, or she may figure out that the gloves are intended to stop her from biting her nails.

I have no other ideas... good luck

Hi M.~

Something that worked for us was that we set a date on the calendar to go get manicures. If my daughter didn't bit her nails for 2 weeks then we would go get our nails done together. We crossed off each day and the calendar was visual to her so it helped "remind" her. After that appointment, we set another one for 3 weeks out and then another 1 month after that. It worked for us and now I have to cut her nails every 2 weeks.

Hope this helps.
Good Luck
J.
Scribbles PreSchool

I have a 2.5-year-old nail biter. She's always been quite oral and tactile, nursing past 2 and now sucks on a cheese stick to fall asleep. HA! I have appreciated all the ideas here and will try the positive discipline approach. I bit my nails through high school and always hated that I did it, so I'm trying to prevent her from the same difficult challenge of breaking that habit. Plus the germs factor. Otherwise she's such a great little girl, I don't want to shame her. Thanks for all the ideas! I guess nail biting is better than scab-picking. UGH! That's my mother's habit. GROSS!

Nail biting has an underlying cause. It is not a problem in and of itself. Something has happened to your child that causes her to nail bite. It could be excessive criticism, or a fear she has, or that someone is bullying her, or she has been abused and you don't know it. The causes are endless.
Nagging, calling attention to it, shaming her and trying to force her out of it are worsening the situation.

She will stop when she feels secure, unafraid, and she learns how to defend herself and is allowed to do so verbally.

they also have an all natural spray you can get i beleive at the natraul food s store ( i will ask my mom she used it on us girls) but it is not harmfull and may it tastes gross. it totally works. I will try and find out the name of it.

Hi.....well, I think it is okay that you don't like this but there is nothing really wrong with your daughter biting her nails. Some little ones such their thumbs etc. Also, because she is getting attention from you when you tell her to stop this may be encouraging her to do it more.
I would suggest taking time to see what you are feeling when you see her doing it and don't like it. Connect with yourself and what your stories are about this....peace, J.

My Mom cured me of the habit when I was around 5 (MANY years ago :)) by 'painting' my nails with water mixed with a little cayenne pepper. Worked like a charm! Anything that will make her nails taste bad might work. Good luck!

We've used the Mavala STOP biting polish on our son, and it immediately corrects the nail biting problem.

Dear Machele's mommy.
I had been a nail bitter for years, I don't want to scare you , but I didn't dtop until some of the pressure lifted, and now after 71 years I still find that I will pick at my nails now and then, but It took me this long to find out it was a stress reliefer.

As a child I remember the scoldings I got about nail biting, this made it worse, The nail biting polish is bitter and it didn't wokr then and I donught that it will work now.

every time you see your daughter biting her nail, try distracting her with a hug, and find something to praise her about, even ask her if something is making her feel bad .
Even a three year old can be notherd by stress.
A mom/grandmom/great grandmom
F.

I have tried the "stop" on my 3 year old boy. It didn't work. I thought "okay, It must not taste that bad" WRONG!!! It is so gross!!! But he doesnt care...he just chews along!
There is another product called "Thumb" ( I think) But it is hot. I don't want to punish him (by burning his mouth). I just want to discourage him...
I am at a loss... Let me know if you figure something out!!!

Hi,
I also have a three year old daughter. She loves when I paint her nails pretty colors and file them really nice for her. Maybe if you got into it with her she would also want to keep her nails nice. The nail biting polish I believe is safe but it might be worth checking it out.
Good Luck,
J~

Maybe if your rubbed garlic oil on her finger nails - or something that doesn't taste good on them.

if your really sserious about stopping you nail bitter, it may sound cruel but put just a touch of red pepper on her fingers and she won't bite her nails again,

Hi M.,
I just wanted to say. I too was a nail biter fo years as far back as I can remember. People telling me to stop or no.didnt work I felt more upset so it just made me continue, My mother has tryed that, and hot pepper on my fingers, slapping my hand as well..nothing helped. but dont worry about it. I dont know about how she will be when she was older..but when I became an young teen.. I liked the long nails and having them painted up nice..so I quit too. And I stopped that at age 16..so I am now 49 and havent since. So I pray that she stops and realizes she wants pretty nails too at her older years.
Like I said, it only made me do it more..especailly if I am nurvouse or upset when I was younger. The more You push her to stop the more she will do it cuz of attention perhaps..its hard to know what a Little 3 year old is thinkin. I hope things go good for you and just keep loving her..everyone has bad habbits in some form or another. Perhaps have you or other friends or family memebers show her thier nails and how pretty they are..I dont hurt to try! Good luck to you! C. H.

I can tell you from experience the nail biting polish does not work. I am and have been a nail biter since I was little and now both my girls (almost 3 and 4) are as well. I don't know if they picked it up from me or not. I do know that I tend to bite my nails when I am bored or uncomfortable. There are times when I stop for a lilttle while and then something starts it back up, it could be something a simple as a nail chipping. I have been trying to use regular nail polish on my girls fingers as a reward for not biting them. If they go a week they pick out a new polish color, two weeks I give them a manicure, three weeks they get both rewards from week one and two, a whole month they get to go to the nail salon and have their nails done with polish and jewels. So far we have only made it three weeks, its a hard process but I noticed the more I commented on it the more they would bite, plus its hard to yell at them for it when I myself do it. Hope some of this helps

Jess

My daughter also bit her nails and I have another thumb sucker and it is a tough road but there is a product that you paint on that is called "Mavala stop". It is an oil base product that does not wash off for 24 hours and it tastes horrible, wash out, brush your teeth bad. I also put it on me because I wanted to know how bad it was. I put my fingers near or in my mouth more than I thought; while eating, applying make-up.. Its also great to use during flu season and nose picking:0) Anyway, you can only order it on-line at Amazon.com -put in nail biting deterrent or Mavala Stop. Remember to start a habit it takes 3 days to end a habit it takes 2-3 weeks. good luck