4-Yr Old Potty Training Sores

My nearly 4 year old son also waits until the very last minute to go potty. I will ask him several times if he needs to go while he's dancing around, wiggling, holding himself. Then he'll make a mad dash to the bathroom. Maybe it is a boy thing... But I do wonder if your son has a medical issue from reading your description of his "tiny potty accidents." Have you had him tested for infections or any other issues with his urethra or bladder?

As far as dealing with a headstrong and stubborn kid, just remember that YOU are the parent and YOU call the shots. As soon as he wakes up in the morning, take off the Pull-Up and put him in underwear. Set a timer in the house and when it goes off (every 45 minutes, every hour, you determine the time), he goes to the bathroom - no question or argument. Come up with a reward chart and give him little prizes for staying dry all day. The reward chart worked wonders with my son. He picked the prizes (one day dry was a new Matchbox car, seven days dry was going out to dinner at his favorite restaurant, etc.) and the end reward was going to Sesame Place if he stayed dry for 30 days in a row. He put a sticker on the chart if he stayed dry all day, and we hung it up where he could see it and use it as a reminder. It worked wonders with him.

It sounds like your son is using this as a hot button with you and your husband - any medical issues aside, of course - and you need to take back control. Good luck! Potty training is tough, but completely achievable!

Given the circumstances,
- husband not patient
- your patience maybe counterproductive
- physical symptoms including occasional constipation,
it occurs to me that maybe you and your husband
should have 2-3 sessions with an early childhood development expert
to get on the same page with a plan that works for everybody.
Whatever you all decide to do to repair this situation,
you both need to agree and be consistent at all times.
Good luck!

My 4 year old still has accidents sometime, but you're giving your 4 year old far to much leeway! YOU are the mom -it doesn't matter if he wants to get dressed or not or if he doesn't want to change his wet or stinky pants. YOU hold him down and change him. Tell him if he doesn't like it -he needs to start using the toilet!

Have you used a chart and a system of rewards? Why don't you let him put a sticker on the chart for every time he uses the potty every day or for every day he goes to the potty without accidents. When he goes a week -he gets a prize or an excursion or a treat he wants. You can give him small treats every night for a day without accidents. This is highly effective for most kids! Has your pediatrician recommended anything like Miralax or a natural laxative? That could really help with the chronic constipation.

Does he ever attend any sort of preschool or moms morning out situation? Being around other kids his age is a GREAT way to get him trained in a hurry! I highly suggest he get into a place -even for 1/2 days 2 or 3 times a week.

Basically -this is all a control issue. He has it -and YOU need it! Stop letting him get away with this. Use the rewards chart, but if he refuses to comply -start taking stuff away. Don't do it for nighttime accidents, but if he doesn't change or get dressed when you tell him to -he loses a toy. If he is up and awake an chooses to pee or poop in his pants instead of the potty -he loses a toy -or whatever is dear to him (cartoons, playdates, etc.). If he wants those things back -he owes you a day of going to the potty. It's also perfectly fine to remind him that he's a little boy and you're the grown up and his parent -and if he wants to have privileges and enjoy himself, he needs to learn to obey you!

Okay, well, we have God in our house. I don't see what that has to do with pee.

He's been using the toilet for 2 years. I do not think that I need to go with him when he pees. He does not wipe himself. He used to try, but I told him to call for me instead. He does that now.

Our oldest son was completely potty trained at 2 1/2, even at night. I know that I can't expect the same from different kids, and I'm not worried about night time training yet.

My son is huge, above 97th percentile for height, so diapers do not fit him anymore. We have to buy Pull-ups.

He does have Encopresis. Yes, I know that little pee and poop accidents are involuntary with this. That's why I've been patient. The second I smell poop, I make him sit on the toilet until he's "made a snake" (that's his terminology). Then there are no more poop problems for at least a day. So I think this constipation isn't medical as much as behavioral.

I'm more worried that he doesn't even notice when he has to go poop or when his underwear is wet.

He uses the toilet many times a day.

When I say I'm patient, I mean I have him change his underwear and remind him to go to the toilet. I mean that I do not yell at him. His dad does. I have told him over and over again that this is detrimental, but he has a temper, which is caused by a mental disorder which I am working on getting him help for. I cannot change his behavior, so I have to do what I can on my own.

When we're out about town, he doesn't have accidents. If we're in the car and can't get somewhere fast enough, as gross as this is, I let him pee in a cup. Then we dump it in the toilet when we get home.

While my husband has said something to me in DS's presence about going to kindergarten, I will not say anything about that directly to my son, or within earshot.

Yes, my husband needs help. Or a boot out the door. I'm working on that.

We will not leave him naked on the bottom because we don't want his naked, stinky bum on our furniture. His involuntary accidents would be that much worse if they weren't on his underwear, but were instead on the carpet.

I'm not trying to shoot down all your advice, just letting you know more info, and that I have thought of most of these things.

I used to have a bed wetter. He didnt stop wetting until he was 9. I had to change diet.

Wetting accidents in THAT regard are due to those prone to adrenal gland problems (diabetes/blood sugar issues). They have a lot to do with urine accidents. These kids also benefit from reducing calcium/milk intake.

I can instigate bed wetting in my son (every time) by giving him milk before bed.

So reduce/stop afternoon and evening milk. Give a magnesium supplement. Consider blood sugar issues- try a low carb diet- the best for that problem. cut out all processed sugar and flour.

1) at home, leave him naked on the bottom. Keep a potty chair nearby wherever he is.
AND he is now developing sores from wetness... so just leave him naked on the bottom.

2) For his "small pop accidents" that occurs intermittently.... okay he is constipated. AND also though, he could have "Encopresis." Which is an INvoluntary leaking of poop. Which can also develop BECAUSE of Constipation. So.. your Doctor best address his constipation... or it will get worse. He is constipated... because he is holding in his poop. Therefore, it gets harder, and hard to come out and causes pain. And a child can then 'withhold' their poop... not even pooping at all. It is not healthy... to not poop. And to hold it in.

3) Night-time Dryness: THIS is not something, that occurs even until 7 years old... and is normal, per Pediatricians as well. It is a BIOLOGICAL attainment... and has nothing to do, with Daytime pottying. For night-time or naps... use a diaper. Pull-Ups.... don't hold much, are expensive AND will leak. AND, for night-time, just use a waterproof bed-pad directly under him. That is what I do with my kids. It makes clean-up MUCH easier. I have 4 of them that I got from Amazon... and just rotate them as needed. No biggie.

4) for outings: get a 'car potty.' Me and ALL my friends, have one for our vehicles. If you go to Amazon and input the search word "on the go potty" many will come up. This is where I got mine. It is a LIFE saver.... when you are out, stuck in traffic, are someplace where there is no toilet... or at a park etc. My kids are now 4 and 8... and we STILL use it. VERY handy and a GOOD purchase.

5) Your Husband getting MAD about it... will make it worse.

6) I don't know if you are doing this... but telling your son he HAS TO get perfect about this BECAUSE of Kindergarten... is only going to make him more defiant about it.

all the best,
Susan