4 Year Old Asked to Go up an Age Level in Play Groups?

Updated on May 14, 2014
L.M. asks from Portland, OR
21 answers

My 6 and 4 year old children attend a play group two saturdays a month that does fun excursions for them as well as little parties and learning opportunities. (They host activities every Saturday, we pay $130 dollars a month for them to be able to pick two each and go to those.) They are divided in to age groups of 9mo-24mo, 2y-4y and 5y-7y. Pretty standard I think?

I just got a call saying that this past saturday my 4 year old seemed bored and out of place during the activity and that in the past few months she has seemed to grow out of some of the activities for her age group. I too have notice her asking why she can't do the big kid activities with include things like Museums and Zoo trips where her age group now has a lot of art and crafts and puppet shows. I was told that they could put her in the older class but she only just turned 4 and the other kids will be older. Should I pull her from the groups all together? Or allow her to move up the age bracket and risk having her be picked on or feel out of place? Is it worth my money to leave her in a group that she is no longer excited to be in?

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I would not move her. She will be fine in the lower group for a while longer. Kids grow up fast enough. I would ask if they could make her crafts a little more involved. 4is not to old for puppet shows. And kids don't always have to"get" the same things at the same time. Life is not always equal. If you start allowing her to do things with the older groups now what will you say when she's 12 and wants to date the 16yr old? Extreme example but you get my drift.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Can she be moved up as a trial? If she's bored, maybe she would do better with a more interesting (to her) class, and would be with her sibling.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

can she keep up with the older crowd? If so, try it...as long as her older sis is comfortable with it. I'd hate for your younger child to hinder her older sister....no KlingOns allowed! (yep, my sis is 2 years younger!) lol

2 more thoughts: younger siblings tend to move forward quicker than expected. AND is there a possibility than your 4yo is simply pushing buttons....trying to keep up with big sis? (shrug) it happens.

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C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Some kids mature faster than others. Age is just a number. If she's bored in the 2-4 group, let her try the 5-7. She might love it. My youngest started kindergarten just after turning 4, and absolutely loved it. (The Pre-K teacher said pretty much what you described - she was bored and out of place with the kids her own age.) As a bonus, at least you only have to take your kids to the one class time if it works out??

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Give it a try - with the understanding that if it doesn't work, your daughter can come back to her other age group.

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J.B.

answers from Spokane on

what an odd gap 2-4. by four they want to play with other kids opposed to playing next to other kids. my personal opinion on the group ages is 9m-24m, 2y-3y, 4y-5y, and 6y-7y.. seems like she is beyond the activities for the group shes in.
i say give it a trial run for a week or two. if she enjoys the older group better and can adjust into it let her stay. it may also be that she wants to be with her older sibling. if shes not excited to go to her group then she will start to resist going and act out.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Is there only one group for ages 5-7? If so, that's the one your older child is already in, correct? So your younger child would be with her sibling.

If there is more than one group, I'd put your younger child into the age 5-7 group that did NOT include her older sibling. If there is just one group for the 5-7 age -- I would find another activity altogether for your younger child. Take her to the museum yourself during the time your older child is in the group program; museums have guides and tours and "backpacks" full of activities for young kids; do it with her! Or find a different class for her somewhere else.

I have seen so many times how an older child ends up with the younger child tagging along in the same activity. It denies the older child the chance to be on his or her own. Your older child (girl or boy?) will end up resenting the fact that little sister is there; he will feel like the group is now for "little kids." And if your younger child will want to talk to, walk around with and generally get the attention of your older child while they are in the same activity -- that won't work; your older child will soon be telling you "It's boring now." Don't do that to your older child. Let him or her be with peers without a younger sibling there. They have years and years to do things together, and this is already established as something your older child does on his or her own.

Also, while your little girl sounds very mature (which is great, my own kid would have been like yours at that age--ready for bigger stuff), please know that there is a lot of difference in behavior, stamina and maturity between "just turned four" and a child who is seven. If she gets tired faster than the oldest kids in the group, or her attention wanders a little, the leaders will have to focus on her more and the older kids will notice it and resent it. They (and possibly their parents too) will ask why a child clearly a full year below the minimum age is in this group.

I do think it's excellent that the program pays enough attention that adults noticed she is ready for bigger challenges! But I would not put her with an older sibling - it's not really fair to the sibling. If there is a second group for ages 5-7 without the sibling, yes, try it, but only on a trial basis for maybe two sessions. Tag along yourself but stay in the background a much as possible. If the program says you can't tag along a few times to observe her with the older group -- then it's not for her..

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

In our co-op, we do 2-3, 4-8, and then 9 plus. I find 4-8 to have a very divergent range of skills; yet interests are similar. They like similar topics. Some 4s read as well as 8s, while others aren't interest in anything more than playing. I wouldn't put 4s with 2s. No way. They go with older kids. By their nature, they want to be with older kids. They are all about being social.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Put her in the older group.

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A.A.

answers from Tulsa on

Go with interests rather than age. If she's bored, let her try the older group.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

Let her try the older group. If she is overwhelmed, you gave it a shot and she can always move back to her age group. I bet she will be just fine.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

Ask her what she would like to do.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

Your 4 year old probably plays with your 6 year old child and his/her friends on occasion. That is why she is not happy in the 2-4 year old group. I would move her up a group and see how she does. I would also see if it had any impact on the 6 year old to have both in the same programs. Good luck.

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Move her. Teachers say she's ready. She's indicating to you, by her questions, that she's ready. She most likely won't get picked on or feel out of place. She's feeling out of place right now, this move might make her fit right in. If it was my daughter, I'd definitely move her.

Good of that play group to notice how bored she was and to know her well enough to see she might be ready for a change and to be proactive enough to suggest that change to you.

1 mom found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

age segregation is a necessary evil. but not all kids are going to seamlessly bond with age-mates, or enjoy 'age appropriate' activities.
if it doesn't work out, you can always bug out.
but why not give it a shot?
khairete
S.

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Y.M.

answers from Iowa City on

Older group gets my vote.

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M.H.

answers from Chicago on

Move her up. They would not have said to do it, if it was not a good thing. Yep, some kids are more mature and she will enjoy it more and get more out of it.

It also makes things easier for all, when all the kids are happy and attentive. If you have boredom, that is when more challenges come into play.

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D.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I say try it. We had a similar situation this past fall with our 4 year old (he was 3 at the time). He started complaining about going to preschool when previously he had liked it. We talked to the director and his teacher, and they suggested moving him up an age group. He immediately loved school again, and is really thriving in the class that he's in. Because he has an older sibling that he plays with all the time, he feels right at home with older kids. And they don't seem to notice that he is younger.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Why not try it and see how it goes? No problem if she doesn't like the activity, let her do the old one instead. If the big kids activity is one she wants to do let her do that one instead.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I can't imagine a 4 year old being excited with a trip to the museum. Sure, she'll be happy thinking about the trip, but doubt she'll really enjoy it. Since she's not really enjoying her group, I would pull her out and maybe sign her up again after she turns 5. It could very well be that arts and crafts and puppets aren't her thing, but socially and emotionally she is right where she needs to be. No use causing problems where none need to exist by putting a barely 4 year old in with kids as old as seven.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

Let her go w sibling! Great.

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