5-Year Old Boy, Pooping in Pants at School

My BF was having this exact issue with her son, took him to Dr for the 3rd time , they did all these tests, and come to find out he was soo constipated, that the only poop coming out was going around the large hard poop, so like diarehia and he had no control over it. They ended up giving him a high dose of laxitive, and continue on a stool softener for a couple days. Now on daily miralax. No more accidents.

You will probably feel insulted by my answer... I will give it anyhow and you decide whether to take it to heart or not!
I have also read your other post and I think that the problem you have with your son goes beyond pooping his pants and being a whiny/helpless kid.
You posts just strike a tone (and given, this is written, so I may be off) that rubs me completely the wrong way.
If my child exhibited these behaviors I would be worried about his psychological well being, I would worry about his feelings and the social implications in school - but you sound rather annoyed and write he is "difficult" and "lazy". Those are pretty nasty things to think about your 5 year old, who is OBVIOUSLY a very unhappy little boy.
I am not saying you are a bad mom, but you mention in the other post that maybe your personalities just don't harmonize.
Please heed your pediatrician's advice and see a counselor with your child. Getting professional parenting advice may help you be able to better address your son's needs.
Good luck! (and sorry - I really don't mean to be offensive...)

Have you tried talking to him about cleanliness? How kids react to him doing this? How it makes you feel? Have you asked him how he feels about things? Maybe he is imitating the 2 year old because he thinks if he does that you will pay more attention to him or gain the attention/affection he was once the center of. It does sound like an emotional problem. However I wouldn't jump to a psychologist right away and I am training to be one. Have you noticed any other strange behaviors or problem behaviors that started popping up around the same time? Maybe they are connected. He might not be adjusting well to pre-school. Kids are tricky and they tell you how they are feeling indirectly because they do not have the metacognitive skills yet. Talk to your child earnestly. Do not scold your child for this because I do not think that will help the situation. Is this the only problem he is having? There are so many reasons he could be doing this. Once you find out by asking open ended questions (not leading ones or ones that require a Yes/No answer) the solution should present itself.
Good Luck!

I have faced this issue, with a little less severity. It's called "encopresis." Ina G. was pretty direct about this, and while she was a little tough on you I do think she's offering good advice. Don't freak out when I say this: it could be related to ADHD (without the "H") -- children with attentive problems can seem to get lost on the way to washing their hands even if you told them to do it 2 seconds ago, and also, not listen to cues from their body. A psychologist can really help with that.
Kathleen C's offers ideas for the types of "behavior modification" that work well for kids with attentive issues -- star charts, etc. It really does work, but it can be tiring to keep it all fresh and exciting. There are other measures you can take and a psychologist can tell you all about them.
Please pursue all avenues. If the pedicatrician suggested to see a psychologist, give it a go (even if the rationale rubbed you the wrong way - let that go).
People who say that you are not disciplining him or paying enough attention to him are not in your shoes.
Finally, you really need to put some urgency into addressing this before your child's peers permanently label him as "the poopy kid". That will create a social stigma which is hard to shake without changing schools etc. If he is ostracized that will create more problems and a downward spiral etc. Be sure to set up playdates and help him make and keep friends. If he has an underlying issue (again, ADHD can cause this) making and keeping friends is hard enough without having a poopy reputation.
It can be addressed, don't despair, just don't delay. You will be OK.

My son was doing this too - and I would also describe mine as stubborn and difficult. He was completely trained shortly after his third birthday and then a year later we moved to a new area, and as a result lost our beloved nanny. The twins had just turned four, so we put the kids into Pre-K. About a month later the accidents started. He would refuse to use the bathroom when I asked him, then go "hide" somewhere, poop in his pants and then tell me. It happened over and over again, every day, for months. (Also, like yours, he would refuse to dress himself or brush his teeth, and sometimes even feed himself, all the "big boy" skills he had taken pride in before.)

I tried talking to him, yelling, buying special underwear and making a big deal out of throwing out the soiled ones. None of this worked. What finally worked was when I instituted a star chart reward system for both of my kids. I included making the bed, dressing themselves, brushing their teeth and pooping on the potty as the four things they need to do every day. The reward for having 20 stars is to select a (cheap) toy at the end of each week (usually the drugstore or the dollar store.) The first week he had not one single accident, he was so excited about getting the stars. We have been on the star chart system now for about six months. I will be honest that he has had setbacks a couple of times, and when it happens, it will happen for a few days in a row. But then I remind him that he doesn't get his star, that he might not have enough to get his toy on Saturday, and then he gets control of it again. At this point it has been two months at least since the last accident.

In the case of my son, I attribute the regression in behavior to the changes in his environment - the new house, new school, loss of our nanny (she was like a grandmother to the kids and they adored her.) He didn't have a handle on his feelings to be able to express them, other than by acting out. What finally worked was figuring out the right incentive that motivated him.

Good luck to you - I know this is a frustrating problem.

My sons are 15 & 12 - soon to be 16 & 13.

We never had your exact issue, in hindsight, I realize that I sometimes mis-attributed certain behaviors to certain events.

You want to be careful not to do that (because it won't help you solve the problem). Your son's issue may have very little to do with his sister, or being difficult - other than you don't have as much time to deal with the problem (that's the case with most parents who have more than one child).

I would also research some of the possible underlying physical causes. I agree with another mom on the possible "A-D-D" issue (but I would continue to seek professional advice). I love a book by Kenneth Bock, MD called "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies." There are other similar books and reference materials out there. In my experience mainstream peds are not as knowledgeable in some of these areas as I had hoped they would be.

I also agree that he simply may not be ready for a school setting yet. If he gets a negative feeling about school now it could last most of his life and diminish his natural love for learning.

You are a good mom simply to seek advice - listen to your heart, seek counsel (from multiple sources) and just do the best you can. Your children are lucky to have a mom who cares so much.

If it began after you had the baby, there's your answer.

Spend more quality, one-on-one time with your son. That's what this type of behavior is usually calling for. Spend the time and money having fun with him, not taking him to shrinks.

Dear D.,
Hopefully by now, all is well.
You may not even be reading this but in case you or any other moms with this issue are reading this, I want to share my experience.
Our 4th child, Thomas, turned 5 in December.
He'd been urinating on his own since the age of 3.5 but would only poop on the potty if we put him on the potty ourselves.
We finally threw out all of the pullups and made him wear underwear about a year ago, but he would go days without pooping and would hide somewhere and poop in his underwear. This seemed to become his "identity", although we always tried to make it a negative identity.
We took away video games and webkinz games and gave him small rewards just for trying to go on his own, but nothing seemed to work. We even spanked him consistently but in a controlled manner, always hugging him and praying with him afterwards. We knew he was simply being stubborn and defiant. Also, although a very happy child and very socially well-adjusted, he is a bit immature. After literally praying for the Lord to help him see that it really wasn't cool to poop in his pants, he had a change of heart and seemed to realize that it would be better to get attention for GOING to the potty rather than for being the "poop machine" as he had been affectionately called. After one week, he now happily tells me he's going to the potty and today for the first time, didn't even ask for my help cleaning himself.

Best Wishes!
AB in Baton Rouge

I have had a chance to read both of your posts and I struggle with some of the same challenges with my son that you are with your son.

We have a daughter around the same age as yours, and at the time shew was born we moved out of state, away from friends and his primary care taker. Wow! Talk about issues and we have seen some regression. One thing that has helped us deal with some of the issues is making sure that we have special time for just him and I. A few weekends ago we went on a date to a show and out for dinner. He even got to pick the restaurant.

Does he get to make his own choices for things? For example, has he chosen his own toothbrush or his own clothes? When he dresses himself have you told him how great he looks or whenever he does something tell him how great it is?

Part of me thinks the poop thing is psychological. Part of me thinks it could be medical. Obviously I am not a doctor, just a Mom that is wondering what I would try if I were you. How much fiber is he getting on a daily basis? I hate the idea of giving medications to kids(that is a personal choice I recognize).

Best of luck.

Maybe your son isn't ready for school. Sounds to me like all he wants is his mommy. I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I don't really know too much about putting my five year olds in school and how they would act. If you're as close as you say you are to your son, then maybe he really does just want to be home with you. There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe you could look into homeschooling him. (That's what I'm doing with my children.) I don't know if this advice will help you or not. I haven't read what other moms have posted. But I know that I love my children too much to put them in school or daycares where they are with someone else for most of the day learning their beliefs and values instead of my own. I really would considering keeping my child home if I were you. Especially if he's having issues with pooping his pants. I really hope this helped you. Good luck!