5 Year Old Daughter Still Having Potty Accidents...

I'd try just ignoring it. She may be expressing her independence in this way. There are only two things that a preschooler has control over: what goes in her body and how it comes out. Once she realizes that being accident free is not important to you it may become important to her.

You said that nothing traumatic has happened to her. Moving is traumatic. It's a big change that a 5 yo does not understand. She may be expressing her fear in this way. Perhaps she has unconciously decided that if she's a baby you'll take care of her. She may not even know that she's afraid.

She may have an underdeveloped bladder. My husband had this problem well into his teen years when his bladder finally corrected itself. What he didn't have though, is the lack of shame or remorse that usually accopanies the accidents. She may have a developmental delay. That would explain why she doesn't seem concerned at all with the accidents. Have you ruled this out with her Pediatrician? I hope this helps! H., mom to Ethan(4) and Emma(3).

I would ask her if she wants to go to school? Most likely she will say yes. If she says no find out why. Anyway if she says yes, tell her she can't go until she doesn't have any more accidents and stays completly dry night and day. After all the other kids won't be having accidents and why should they and the teacher have to deal with her peeing and the smell of it. She can control it if she wants to. That is just one angle that might work for you.

I have a boy in my care that is the same way. I have started limiting his drinks and I make him go potty every 2 hours or so... especially before meals/activities. You gotta make it important to her to want to keep clean. Find a reward or punishment system that will make her make it important.

If s/he didn't already, have your pediatrician do urine or blood tests to check for Type I Diabetes.

M.,

I have a 4 1/2 year old boy that has only now been potty trained for 23 days. When we were having problems getting him to poop in the toilet I sat down with him and asked him if there was anything that scared him about going potty. Shyly he nodded yes, like he was afraid he was going to get into trouble. After more questions I discovered monsters that live in our toilet.

Talk with your daughter. There may be something about going potty that is scaring/bothering her. She's old enough to let you know. Make the conversation happen at a calm time when neither of you are stressed/upset about anything and see what she has to say.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

OMG!! I could have written this same post!!! My daughter is 5 1/2, in kindergarten, and STILL having accidents. This has been going on for a couple of years now and I have tried everything I can think of and nothing has worked. I am at my wits end! I just came back from having to buy her a few pairs of pants and take them to her at school, because by 12:00 she already had TWO accidents and had no more spare clothes (the Walmart was closer to work than having to go all the way home). That's not the first time I've had to do that. I've had her to the ped about this several times, there's been urine tests, blood tests, vistis to a urologist, more urine tests, ultrasounds...nothing. I've taken away her favorite toys and not return them until she can stay dry for a whole day. Favorite activities get halted when she pees herself. We've tried bribing--Our latest thing is getting a dog at the end of a full dry month. Every time she pees herself, it starts all over from a month from her dry day. It's getting so when I pick her up from school, her friends can't wait to tell me that she peed herself again. We've been throught the whole, "you can stop what you're doing and go back to it" talks, over and over. Sometimes it doesn't even phase her, but sometimes it does, because she'll pull her shirt down over her butt so no one sees that she peed. The doctor really didn't have any suggestions other than remind her every 2 hours to go and that she'll "grow out of it." Well, her teachers at school have other things to worry about than reminding her to go to the bathroom every 2 hours. It was different when she was in pre-k, because they were able to work with her more, and she had been in the same daycare since she was a baby, so they were used to it. But now in kindy, it's more of working atmosphere than just daycare, and they're a lot busier. Plus, first grade will be here before I know it, and I can't see this still going on at that point. When she first started kindy, it was a new school, but she was very excited about being there, and she went the first 2 months without a single accident. Now, she's back to her old tricks with having accidents almost every day, sometimes twice a day!

I'm at my wits' end!!

Sorry for this vent, but I saw this post and had to share my story too. Any suggestions that haven't been mentioned?

Thanks for listening!!

Lauren's Mom

Hi M.,

I totally agree with a points system. I had a calendar on the wall behind the toilet and every time my kids made it to the bathroom they received a red, blue or green star. If they made it through the whole day, they received a gold one. When they earned 5 gold stars, I took them out to the dollar store where they could pick out whatever they wanted. Worked great but not perfectly. The other part to this is when they had an accident, I gave them the necessary cleaning products and made them change and clean up themselves and whatever else soiled in the process, including rinsing out there pants and putting them in the washer.

This approach worked great for me and my now teenagers are great at doing laundry. :)

Good luck.
J.

I can so relate with your frustration my 41/2 tear old sometimes still has accidents too. For her the incentive to stay dry is a reward. We recently joined my gym in Kent and she loves it so much. The catch is she has to be potty trained to be in the class and she knows this. So I just tell her that if she wants to keep going she has to stay dry. Also the girl has a fettish for money so for every day she stays dry she gets a quarter to put in her airplane bank. So far so good. I know it's frustrating. My daughter didn't care if she pee running down her leg. Just keep at it and find her particular currence or reward appeal. Maybe that will turn the tide. Good Luck.

I would be frustrated too! It sounds like you've ruled out a medical problem. It's possible that there is some psychological issue here, as some responses have suggested, but it seems far more likely that she just gets wrapped up in what she's doing and doesn't want to interrupt her activity to go to the bathroom. If she doesn't mind the sensation of wet pants, and she's not around peers who comment or make fun of her for the potty accidents, then she is not really experiencing any consequences for the potty accidents. I suggest you create a natural consequence (not a punishment). When she has an accident, SHE should clean up the mess. You could have a bucket (in the laundry area or her bathroom. She would need to put in water and some soaking solution for the urine soaked clothes and the clean up rags. Maybe if the consequences of ignoring her body's signals to go use the toilet take her away from her "fun" for far longer than it takes for a quick trip to the toilet, she would change her behavior. Good luck.

All three of my kids did this after successfully potty training. My pediatrician said that mostly likely what is happening is that they get so wrapped up in playing (or whatever else that they are doing) that they ignore the signs that they need to go. It is a phase that she is going through. My 9 year old comes home from school doing the pee pee dance because she forgets to go potty before she walks home!

Let's not shame or punish kids for accidents.
Other things to consider that haven't already been mentioned -
Actually giving more water vs less is helpful. Help them better feel a full bladder and prevent constipation which increases pee pee accidents. Read "it's no accident)
Also look into an occupational therapy evaluation for sensory processing disorder. It could be a sensitivity to sound, light touch or movement that is causing sensory overload that takes all the child's attention away from their ability to notice.
Also share information w kids on why pee pee accidents happen. (again read it's no accident.

Hi M.,

Instead of asking her if she has to go, take her in and sit with her until she goes (if you haven't tried that). Have you tried a reward chart? Some kind of reward system. I know it seems to help my two kids if I can't seem to get them motivated in other ways. Are you sure she's not upset about the move and just not saying that she is? I can feel your frustration and I certainly understand. We are trying to get our son ( 4 1/2) to use the potty at night instead of a pul-up. Any suggestions would be great. Let me know if you have any.

Thanks,
D. M.

a lot of kids this age are so play minded- they are afraid they are going to miss something or would just rather continue in their play rather than stop and use the bathroom.
Instead of asking if she has to go and allowing a no response, I would suggest that it is time to go- without being demanding, make it an instruction rather than an inquiry. "We have not been to the potty in a while, let's ake a potty break" and guide her to the bathroom.

Another issue you might look into, especially if it is weeting and bed wetting is the food allergy/ intolerance issue. My daughter was fully potty trained and then began wetting the bed at night. We tried all of the conventional things, no liquid after a certain time, potty before bed, reduece the sugar in her diet, etc. We even tried those night time alarms- nothing worked. The pediatrician wanted to put her on medication and I did not feel comfortable with that so we struggled with the bedwetting for a long time. After we discovered she had certain food allergies, we took her off of the offending foods and put her on a probiotic supplement to help heal the gut and the bedwetting is no longer an issue.
My new doctor said that a lot of times bedwetting in a potty trained child can be dealt with by eliminating or strictly moderating dairy in the diet. I would put her on an acidophilus complex also and cut the sugar to help with any yeast overgrowth in her body that results from too much sugar and / or a food allergy/ intolerance or a recent round of antibiotics and could possibly be the root of this whole issue.

The good thing about going that route is that there are no negative side effects- if it is not the problem, you have done no harm in eliminating the dairy and incorporating the probiotics/ acidophilus complex.

My youngest son was the SAME WAY!! He did not want to take time out to pee. In fact, I think he never really noticed the sensation of having to go pee OR poop until it was just about ready to come out. Sometimes, he would just start running in a circle. He would run faster and faster, trying to keep from peeing, until he finally peed his pants. Funny as it was, it really was a pain to have our home smelling like a gas station rest room. I started MAKING him sit on the toilet for a few minutes at regular intervals throughout the day. I did not ask him if he needed to go, becasue his answer was always a resounding "no" (though he would often pee his pants ten minutes after I asked him). So I just started making him go and sit on the toilet for at least 60 seconds whenever I thought it might be neccessary. Half of the time, he didn't pee, the other half, he really DID need to go. Eventually, he got into the groove of taking care of things himself, but it did take awhile. Meanwhile, I got into the groove of telling to sit on the toilet, so it just became second nature to me. He is now seven and never pees his pants. Hope that gives you some hope!!

Oh, I hear you... We went through this with my oldest son. He still wets at night, but now we've taught him to take care of it himself. He's in charge of changing both himself and the icky wet towel on his bed. We went to the doctor too, and he said it was still in the normal range for him to be doing this.
Instead of asking her if she needs to go, try setting a timer for 30 minutes and saying "Time to go potty" - have her try anyway, even if she doesn't need to go. This worked for us after a few weeks, he got in the routine of going during the day. (We even bought him one of those watches that vibrates at different time intervals.) If she does wet her pants, train her to take care of it by putting her wet clothes in the laundry and putting new pants and underwear on so she doesn't get extra attention from you when she does it. Also sticker charts have worked for us too - if she stays dry all day give her a sticker on the chart. When the chart is full, tell her she can pick out a new toy or pick that night's dinner or whatever you determine is an acceptable reward. Good luck!

This actually sounds pretty normal to me. I have worked with a lot of young children and see this many times. All of the above recommendations are great...just pick one idea and try for at least a few weeks to see if it makes a difference. I personally think that she might be just getting wrapped up in her play...this seems to be what I have seen a lot.

Even my 7 year old step-daughter will do this. It happens rarely now and usually it's just missing the potty in her rush once she gives in and goes, but she potty trained at 2 and was out of night-time diapers before she was 3 so she has had PLENTY of experience! We've had to, when this became habit, go back to setting a timer.

Good luck!

I agree with the person that mentioned a diabetes test. Hopefully that is not it but it's worth checking out. A specialist is also a good idea just to rule out any possible physical issues. If that all turns out fine then a rewards chart is a good idea if your child is motivated in that way. My son is a true capitalist to sthat worked well for him. The other thing that I would recommend (and I'm sure I will get disagreement on this) is to talk to your daughter and tell her that you understand that she is having a hard time and you really want to help her find a solution to the problem. However, I would tell her that it is difficult for you to deal with the smell and the mess of accidents so it might be a good idea for her to wear pullups. Stress that this is not a punishment but just something that will really help you out. Good luck! Hopefully this is a phase that will pass quickly.

She may be having so much fun that she does not want to go.Instead of asking her if she has to go tell her it is time to go. If she refuses you may have a battle of the wills on your hands which is a whole different thing. Good Luck!!!

Sounds to me like this could be a power struggle. Kids have a way of holding on to the one thing they have complete and total control over. And with you guys moving to a new house for a child this could result in her little world being disrupted. The good news is it's not going to last forever.I would talk to her and set her up with some kind of point system. Does she get her own room at the new house? Maybe she can "work" towards accuiring things for her new room that she will get to pick out. A new lamp, pictures for the wall ect.. Have her sit down with a book and pick out the things she would like to decorate her new room with, then cut out the pictures and put them somewhere she can see them every day. Then just keep reminding her that if she continues to go potty she will get one thing from the pictures, then make sure you take her to the store for the purchase.

Put her on a timer. Every half hour when the timer goes off, she has to sit on the toilet for a minute. Usually, since they are there already, they think they may as well pee.

Also put her back in training pants until she has had a dry pant for two weeks solid.

Have not dealt with myself, but did have a friend who did. The problem was cured by the child going to a chiropractor. Sometimes the nerves to the bladder are having problems with the spine out of alignment and this will fix the issue entirely. Also some kids just take longer to have mature bladders.

I read your update which is encouraging. We are going through the EXACT same thing!! Rewards or consequences don't help. She shows no shame or remorse (my daughter is 5 and just started kindergarten). She says, "Nobody knows." Ugh! I don't even care about her being potty trained at night; I would just like her to stay dry during the day. And what you said about the smelling pee is right on! Thank you for saying exactly what I'm going through so I know I'm not alone.

This is an extreme example, but my sister wet her pants for years--we tried everything. As she got older she really hid it (doing her own laundry pretty young). When she was in junior high she ended up with kidney stones and it was then that we found out that she had an extra kidney with a urethra that did not go to her bladder, basically she was occassionally leaking urine. It wasn't till she had an ultrasound that we found this out. Needless to say this is VERY unusual, but we all feel really guilty for just assuming she was too busy playing to go to the bathroom and wished we had pressed her doctor to look into it more.

I know this is an old thread, but I just stumbled upon it looking for answers. I have had the same problem with my 5 year old on and off (mostly on) for the last few years. She always stays dry at night, so I know it's not physical. No one I know has been through this to give advice, so I was wondering what has become of your situation? Hopefully this phase is long gone for you. Thanks!

My daughter, who just turned 5, is a CARBON copy of this! And...she has been having accidents for 2 years. I took her to a urologist...no mention of a tilted bladder or diabetes and they did a urinalysis.
SHe is developmentally delayed, due to having ADHD. It is VERY frustrating, isnt it? She went for a period of about 2 weeks with no accidents and now all of a sudden, she is having 2-4 again daily. Sitting in her soiled panties does not bother her in the least. We have tried ALL of the same tactics as you...charts, stickers., silly bands, going every 2 hours in a measuring thing designed for the potty, positive reinforcements....bottom line: she doesnt care if she pees in her pants. I have acted like it doesnt bother me and just had her change herself, etc...nothing has worked! I understand your frustration. I wish I had some advice, but please now that there are other girls out there just like yours with the same potty issues. And, if it makes you feel any better, my best friend is a Kinder teacher and she says it is VERY common in Kinder for kids to have accidents all year long and many of the younger Kinders bring change of clothes and leave them with the nurse.

M.

Have you ask a Dr. to see if she has a tipped bladder. If she does then she can't feel that she has to go until it is to late.Her bladder will fill up to the edge and until it hits that edge she still doesn't feel like she has to go potty. But once it hits the edge she can't move without having wetting her pants.
Hope things work out.

Try setting specific times during the day when your daughter has to stop & go sit on the toilet ... even if she doesn't go. For example after breakfast, before lunch or nap, etc. We started doing that for our daughter (3-1/2) so we could get through a meal without having to help her go potty.
Also maybe go back to your potty training rewards method & start rewarding for dry days/nights.
Good luck!!!!!

It may not seem traumatic, but moving is one of the major stressors in life for adults. Imagine the upheaval for a 5 year old! I think getting settled in to the new place may help. In the meantime, maybe some modified potty training review is in order? -- rewards, etc. It could take a while, but your understanding will go a long way.
I'm speaking from personal experience: I still had accidents in 2nd grade. I wouldn't admit to needing to go potty either. It helped when my mom said, "okay, just try anyway". Then there was no pressure, no big deal. I didn't have to decide for myself if I had to go badly enough - I was still learning -- how bad was bad enough to interrupt what I was doing or make others wait for me?
With my own kids I set a timer to remind them to go. They would have to sit on the potty for the length of the alphabet song when the timer went off (20 min. - 60 min.) to earn a sticker for their chart. Prizes after so many stickers, etc.
Good for you for checking into the physical possiblities. Sound like you are doing great! Have a great move and congratulations on your first house!!!

I would ask for a referral to a pediatric urologist. Just to verify that there aren't any physical issues causing the problem.

It’s not unusual for children that age to not want to waste time going to the bathroom. When my son was that age, he had been totally potty trained since he was two and rarely had an actual accident, but he had regular near accidents. So close that in order to avoid the accident he would throw himself on the ground and tighten his entire body until he regained control and then get up and continue playing. You would think that after such a situation he would be willing to make the trip to the bathroom, but if you were to ask him if he had to go to the bathroom he would answer “no” and continue playing. So for our household the solution was to not ask him, if I told him it was time to make a trip to the bathroom he had to go. And of course I would make sure he went before outing, before bedtime, and sometimes 20 to 30 minutes after he’d had an unusually large amount of water at once until going to the bathroom became such came such a routine that I no longer had to tell him. Consider talking to your daughter about how exciting it will be to move into your new home, how it is so clean, and about new bathroom rules/plan. At that age children still want to please mom, she is likely to cooperate. Good luck.

Hi M.,it could be that she is not really feeling when she needs to go andbusy with other things.Spend some time belly crawling with her ,it is the activity that neurologically reinforces our sensations of the functions of the organs of the pelvic floor.I have had success with the children I work with. go check my web canelledemange.com .feel free to call if you want to know more. lovingly C.

My 7 1/2 year-old-neice had accidents like that. It was recently discovered that she had a tethered spinal cord. A simple microneurosurgery procedure corrected it and she can now tell when she has to go pee. Before, because of the tethering, she was not able to feel that she had to pee until it was too late. She is now getting used to what it feels like to have a full bladder and be able to make it to the bathroom in plenty of time.

I have the same trouble with my 5 1/2 year old daughter. I've taken her to the doctor twice about it. First I was told she might be constipated (which she's not) causing her not to feel the urge to go pee. So that wasn't causing the problem.
So then I was told I needed to re-train her.

I have to make her go every 2 hours even if she tells me she doesn't have to go. When she goes I have to put her on the toilet backward when her legs spread wide open. The doctor told me that little girls will just pee a little at a time so by turning her around it will allow her to empty her bladder completely. I guess it's common with little girls to have accidents at this age. Don't worry your not alone!

We're still dealing with the pull-ups at night as well. I see no end in sight for that. I'm frustrated with that because my 3-year old son gets up to go. Why my 5-year old can't is hard to accept.

Hi Magin
Several thoughts come to mind. It sounds like the 5 year old is not feeling like she has any real control in her life. The thought of going to school could be freeking her out so she may think if she is a baby and wets her self that she wont have to go to that scarrie place. She may just be test you and playing with your head, gess what she is winning. If she will not stop or work at stopping, put her back into diapers. Send her to school in them and before you know it the problem will go away.
Also look at the 8 year olds ineraction and see if there is some sibling stuff going on that is upseting the 5 year old.
You say there has bean no major trauma in her life, Remember what you think is no big deal the child may see it different.
Some thing may have happened in the bathroom or on the potty that she feels afraid of. It could be that she is simply not getting the attention that she feels she needs and by having the control of her pee and wetting her self she gets the attention that she thinks she needs.
When the 5 year old wets her self have HER clean it up and rinse out her wet cloths and hang them up to dry.
It is ironic that as children some of us wet our selves and as Elders some of us wet our selves. Inbetweene we are dry and than we have babies and as moms we have axidents when we laugh, cough, or just cant find a pot to pee in soon enough.
Hang in there it will get better and it is not worth getting upset about, besids you do not have the control on this one, she does, work with it and figure it out or not.

I am having the same problem with my 5 year old son and need some help-FAST! Kindergarten is upon us and I've tried EVERYTHING; rewards, stickers, reminders, "just try," gone to 2 Dr.s, one thought he may be constipated-made him go on ex-lax, he poops everyday now, but still having the accidents. How can I send him off to kindergarten having accidents. I don't want to go back to pull ups, but would if that seemed a good solution-only problem with that is when we've done that (we were asked to do that in his 4K room because of daily accidents), he ends up filling those with pee and if he's at school (Kindergarten), he'll have full pull ups by 1/4 - 1/2 way done with the school day. UGH! HELP!!! ____@____.com