5 Year Old Still Wets the Bed

Updated on December 17, 2007
R.L. asks from Vancouver, WA
27 answers

My five yearold son stillwets the bed and no matter what i do he just won't stop I've tried stopping his drinking 4 hrs bedfore bedtime and I've tried punishments. and everytime he get up from a wet bed he looks and feels bad about his actions so I just don't know what to make of the whole situation. should I take him to see a docter?because about a year and a half ago when i took him for a annual and his docter said it was normal for boys up until about 5and a half but he is about to be six in two weeks . and like I said he is sorry about his actions so I would really like some advise on this matter. Thank you all out there

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So What Happened?

I got alot of support about my situation and all of it really opened my eyes and has really gave me some good ideas about handle it. so I just want to thank everyone who responded. and let you know i am putting your advice to work and I'm sure I'll have a success story in no time. Thank you all for your caring and support.

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A.C.

answers from Eugene on

He may have a small bladder. I had that problem, and I wet the bed until like the age of 11 or 12. Take him to his dr. and maybe there may be ways to help him. I know my parents had to wake me up to go potty in the middle of the night. I slept so soundly that I coudnt feel the signs that I had to go to the bathroom so I wet the bed.

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C.M.

answers from Portland on

It is common for boys to wet the bed up till age 10. If it really bothers you son there is a medication you can get from his doctor. Just remember this is NOT his fault. He Cannot help it. To cut back on the laundry put him in some pull ups. He will grow out of it soon.

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D.B.

answers from Portland on

I know it sound funny but take him to an ENT, Ear, Noes and Throat doctor. My ENT says it is from apnea, if a child doesnt get good sleep they may wet the bed from finally failing into a deep enough sleep they actually lose control.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

R., children mature at their own rates. The number 5 1/2 is a ball park figure. so I wouldn't worry if I were you. But if you do think he might have a medical problem do take him to the doctor.

I am really confused. You suggest that he may have a medical problem when you ask if you should take him to the dr. but yet you've tried punishment to get him to stop.

Until a child's bladder and sphincter muscles are fully developed wetting their clothing or their beds is not completely under their control. The ability to stay dry at night develops later than the ability to stay dry in the daytime.

Two of my brothers wet the bed until after they started school. Our family had alot of stress and I suspect that is why it took them so long to be able to be dry at night. My parents also limited their fluid intake and it helped some in that there wasn't so much urine but they still wet their bed. And they got them up during the night. This helped some of the time. They put rubber sheets on their bed. And never did they chastize them for doing something over which they did not have control. They sympathized with their embarrassment and reassured them that they would eventually be able to stay dry.

My parents were concerned that there could be a medical problem and took them to the dr. They did not have a medical problem but were tense and anxious about the stress going on in our home. They wanted to stay dry. They cried sometimes when they woke up wet.

At 5 1/2 your son's physical ability to stay dry at night might very well not be mature enough. He could also be tense, anxious, about wanting to please you but since he can't stay dry he can't please you. This puts a lot of pressure on him which will add to his inability to stay dry even if he were physically able to stay dry.

50 years ago they didn't have some of the conveniences we have today. No pull ups. No disposable bed pads.

I recommend that you put him into night time pull ups and tell him that some kids just mature later than others and he'll stay dry when he's able to stay dry. Not to worry! Today's night time pull ups look much like regular underware. They will help him feel more normal.

If money is a problem, look in thrift stores for the bed pads used in hospitals and nursing home. I've found several at less than $3/piece. You can also find sheets at a thrift store and boy's undershorts are about $6 for a pack of 4 at places like K-mart. Have enough so that you can still do laundry just once a week.

And be assured all children eventually stay dry. What is important is to not pressure them to do it on your time schedule. Accept that he is doing the best he can and reassure him of your love even if he wets the bed.

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J.S.

answers from Portland on

It's not his fault. There can be a lot of reasons why he cannot wake up to empty his bladder. Put pull ups on him at night and when he's dry in the morning giving positive input. Don't stess the little guy out over something very natural. I work in a school where I see wet pants a lot. In Kindergarten it is very common. I am very gentle with these little wetters and tell them their bodys will tell them before it's too late very soon. It works! After kindergarten and first grade I rarely get children into the office due to "accidents". Stay calm, Mom, and let it ride.
J. S

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K.O.

answers from Portland on

I would ask for a referral to a pediatric urologist. There could be a physical problem that is causing him to wet the bed. I even have a pediatric urologist that I would like to recommend: David B. Lashley, he is located at the NW Urological Clinic and also has a clinic at Emanuel ###-###-####). He is great! I would say it's definitely worth getting your son checked just to rule out any problems.

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K.S.

answers from Seattle on

Pull-ups and no stress would be a great idea. We have an 8 1/2 year old who is still in pull-ups with an occasional wet night. Children at this age sleep so soundly that it is difficult for them to wake to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I also thought it unusual for my son (at age of 5, then 6, then 7) to be wet at night. But, I have heard many parents on the soccer and t-ball sidelines talking about their children just moving into dry nights. There are definitely children in the world who are dry 24 hours a day at an early age...but all are different! "Sleep produces restorative juices" as my m-in-law says. So our hard sleeping children are working hard in the day both mentally and physically. Good luck!!

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B.S.

answers from Portland on

You know that boys have a much smaller bladder than girls. I had 4 brothers and 1 of them wet the bed until he was 10. Sad yes but rather than making life miserable for the two of you just put a plastic liner on his bed and be prepared to wash his bedding everyday. Also if your son is a deep sleeper he may not be responding to the stimuli signals for his bladder. Try waking him up before you go to bed and get him to use the bathroom. You will create a habit for him and son he will wake up just out of habit. I'm a pre-nursing student and we discussed this in my A/P course. Good luck, I hope this was a little helpful.

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J.V.

answers from Anchorage on

I had the same "problem" with my son and just when I was at my wits end, about where you are now, it dissappeared. He just outgrew it. It took SO long but I have talked to so many mothers who say that the same thing happened with their sons. Up until much later than 6 even. I know it's hard but "this too shall pass" so just keep lots of laundry detergent on hand and a mellow attitude and one day you will wake up and won't be able to remember the last time he had a wetting accident. (Additional note: I taught my kids to use the washing machine at early ages. I put a smudge of nail polish remover where the dials are to be set. Went over adding detergent, and let them do some of their own wash. If you don't think your son would feel embarressed by it, at 6 years old, you could teach him to pull of his own bedding and toss it in with soiled clothes and start the wash. Some kids can feel impowered by it, others would feel like it's punishment, you know your son best, and if he's up to someting like that. Always keep safety in mind.)

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J.M.

answers from Portland on

Please dont punish him! There are ALOT of children especially boys, that wet the bed, and some even into their teens. Its not something they can control and they arent doing it on purpose. I believe its a part of the brain that hasnt developed yet. My brothers were all teenagers before they could go a week without an accident and I am very sure that if they didnt have to wear diapers to a sleepover they wouldnt have. Its a very common side effect of ADD as well. If you want to consult with a doctor then you can, as for now, just put him in a pullup for the night and dont make it a big deal. Give it time.

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G.B.

answers from Portland on

Hi R.,
My oldest son was a bed wetter until he got to the 6th grade. He also was a preemie (3 lb 5 oz -twin)I took him to the doctor when he was 6 yrs just to make sure he did not have any medical problems. He did not have any problems and the doctor had him do exercises to strengthen the muscles. He had my son hold his pee for 1 minuet from the time he got the feeling of extreme urgency. Then added another minute each week, up till about 6-8 minuets. It did help some.

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C.S.

answers from Seattle on

It could be an underdeveloped pc muscle. My husband had that as a child. The Dr gave him exercises to do and the bedwetting stopped soon after. All he had to do was start and stop his flow when he urinated. It strengthens the muscles that hold pee in. I hope this helps you. Bedwetting is so hard on the parents and the child. :-(

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J.G.

answers from Anchorage on

whatever you do, do not punish him for wetting the bed. Instead, give him positive reinforcement for when he doesn't.. and do not make a big deal out of it when he does wet the bed. Yes..some kids can still have problems into even older years. Think about any changes in his life that could contribute... moving? addition to family, or loss, change in schools, a friend moved away, dietary changes, anything. Definitely take him his doctor to rule out any physical problems.

help build up his self-esteem by focusing on other good things he does too.. and again.. don't punish him... punishment should be saved for deliberate actions... and I serioudly doubt he is doing this on purpose.

best of luck

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K.G.

answers from Corvallis on

As frustrating as this may be I'd like to suggest that this too shall pass. You can let your son know you love him even when he makes this mistake but he's old enough to at least know how to clean up his mess. You may already have a plastic protector sheet on the mattress. Tell him when he pees the bed he needs to remove the wet bedding to the laundry basket by the bed and then take the bedding to the laundry. He then can be responsible for putting clean bedding on. Help as much as you see fit. Just hug him and tell him you know he wants a dry bed and you will keep encouraging him until he can get himself to the toilet when he needs to go. Ask him to let you know when he has ideas that he thinks might help him...you can be on the same team.

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N.L.

answers from Portland on

My son is five and the same thing up until a few weeks ago. This is what I did... I told him that I felt like he was going to have to wear pull-ups till he gets it under control so he doesn't ruin his bed. Then I told him that he was going to have to buy them with his own money. We went and got his piggy bank and counted ten dollars out and then went to the store and he bought them. The full nine yards, picked them out, carted them around the store, and then paid. Well only one accident in the diapers so far and I told him when he is done with the pack (35) if he has no more accidents he can be done. SO far so good! Good luck!

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K.D.

answers from Eugene on

One of the worst things you can do is make them feel guilty about wetting the bed. This is something they will outgrow, some children take longer than others. My child is 8, and still has an accident once in a while....seems like when she gets upset about it though, we'll have a few in a row, so we go with the fact that it is an "accident" something she really has no control of. If you want to fix it, you'll have to start waking up in the middle of the night and making them go to the bathroom. But don't make him feel ashamed.

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J.R.

answers from Eugene on

Hello R., My oldest daughter wet the bed until 5 or 6, not nightly, but enough that it was a hassle. What I've learned since then:1) some children have small bladders, or they are still developing for quite some time. 2)Diet (food intolerance/allergies etc) can be related to bed wetting. 3)Emotional issues (new school, new teacher, stress at home, etc) 4)Don't make a big deal out of it. Casually acknowledge the bed-wetting, but let there be NO SHAME around it. I put a plastic sheet under the mattress pad, to protect the bed. There is also a homeopathic remedy for bed wetting, made by Hyland's. Oh, and occasionally, bed wetting can be caused by pin worms. So, check out any of these factors, if you think they apply, and best of luck to you. The most important thing is to keep your patience, and to not pass on any shame to your child. I know adults that are still traumatized around this issue (it appears to be quite common, but isn't discussed much...google it!) Peace to you.

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M.M.

answers from Spokane on

2 of my 4 were bed wetters and one used medication and one we just waited until she outgrew it. It can be a symptom of a sleep disorder and can be caused by a chemical imbalance. Your child may not be producing enough of a chemical that reduces urine production while he sleeps.
Punishing is not an option. See a doctor and make sure your child isn't clinically depressed over this issue.

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A.H.

answers from Seattle on

We have run into that problem on occasion with our dau (similar age) and have heard that it is not uncommon for kids that age to still struggle with bed wetting. Everything I have read says that it is really important to avoid shame about it.

We have just put some extra waterproof pads (like you can get for infant cribs) under the sheets and we now treat accidents as matter of fact/no big deal, we just have her help strip the bed, put it in the wash, and remake the bed. It seems like the less we have made a big deal about it (???negative attention) there has been a decrease in occurrence.

I figure no one wets their bed forever and when she and her body are ready for it, then it will happen.

I vote for talking with your doctor about it again.

PS I have also heard about some methods of setting an clock alarm to have your child wake up once a night to have them go to the bathroom as well, although our dau would never go back to sleep so we just deal with the practical clean up afterward.

Good luck...

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A.T.

answers from Portland on

Well, if you continue to scold him & associate punishment with wetting the bed, it will only make the situation worse. He is a the age when this sort of problem usually self-resolves, but I can suggest a few opitions. #1 stop punishment, this can make the bed-wetting worse & he should never have a negative association with a bodily function, #2 take to naturopath (Dr. Gibbons is a great pediatrician @ The Natural Clildbirth Center & takes insurance) #3 Homeopathy works great Dr. Taylor @ The Pettygrove Clinic in NW is amazing & inexpensive #4 Dr Fearn, a chiropractor who has treated tons of bed wetter with great results (Takes insurance too, is in Canby, but so worth the drive) Good luck, he's just matturing at his own speed, let him know he's normal & you understand.

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D.J.

answers from Spokane on

Try waking him up half-way through the night. It will be hard on you and him but it will workto retrain his brain to wake-up and go.

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D.T.

answers from Seattle on

Do you know about the time during the night he wets. You can try and get him up around that time and just take him to the restroom. A lady in my church actually got all 3 of her kids potty trained before they were 15mos this way.

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J.L.

answers from San Francisco on

My brother had this problem (back in the 70's) and my mother tried everything that I have seen on the board, including diapers, meds, even a procedure to stretch his urethra at one point but nothing workeed. My mother at her wits end, finally ordered a pad that had an alarm that went off when you wet the bed. It literally took one night for the problem to stop. It seems that he was just such a sound sleeper that he would never wake up. You may want to do a search for bed wetting alarms on the internet as this was something the doctors never suggested. They can be pricy, but worth their weight in gold if the problem stops!

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J.B.

answers from Seattle on

Hi R. - My now 7 year old son had the same bedwetting problems, and the first thing I would say is PLEASE don't put any blame on your son! It is not his fault - he has no control over it and is probably sleeping right through the whole thing. Here are a few things I learned in going through treatment with my son: it can be hereditary; it is usually caused by a deep-sleep disorder; the child is not to blame. If you google "enuresis", you will come up with all kinds of places that can help you, but I will tell you where our success came from. We went through a company called Hargitt House ( www.hargitthousefoundation.com ). They are a non-profit, and though it cost about $400-$500, other places were costing in the thousands. Our family also has food allergies, and Hargitt House is one of the only places I found that includes food sensitivities as part of its treatment. It is quite rigid, but it worked, and we can't be more thankful for all their help. Many kids take a matter of weeks for the treatment; our took 6 months, so if you choose to go this route, be prepared for some tired days after being up part of the night with your son. It is so worth it in terms of his self-esteem, and his quality of sleep is much better now too. He is a different child. Hope you have good luck, and hang in there - there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Also, as a side note, though doctors have the best of intentions, most of them are not trained at all to understand enuresis. They may say it's "normal", but if it is a problem for your family, they don't offer a solution.

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A.N.

answers from Eugene on

i have a 10yr old and 6yr old girls who still wet the bed. this is a hereditary issue. my dh and i were both bet wetters and we also have a 3yr old son who i am sure will do the same.

what i have learned from my dr (he also had a bet wetter) is that the part of the brain that tells most of us that we have to go potty at night doesn't work for these guys. you have to train it and a good way to do that is by buying a bed wetting alarm that will wake them up as soon as a few drops of pee hit their underwear. there are several models on the market and they aren't very expensive. my dr said that it takes about 30-40 days of consistent use to train their brain to wake them up. granted they probably will still have nights where they will just sleep too hard, but it should be much better.

i would talk to your dr and see if this is a good option for your family. also one thing that i have done with my girls is they have to strip their own beds and re-make them (with a little help if they need it) that way they have to be responsible for their mess. i never make them feel bad about it and they never get in trouble, because there is such shame and embarressment that goes along with being a bed wetter. good luck.

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M.J.

answers from Spokane on

Visit your pediatrician and tell him your concerns. Bedwetting is completely normal in boys and there is medicine available. My son is almost 12 and still wets occasionally but is finally starting to outgrow it. The meds helped him by relaxing his bladder. He would either not wet or would wet a small amount. Much better than the sprinkler system he had before meds.

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N.D.

answers from Portland on

i recently ran into this at the ped's office and thought of you:

http://www.pottypager.com/

it might help until his body catches up.

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