8 Months Pregnant and 3.5 Year Old Daughter Having Issues

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C.,

Try not to get too frustrated :) Even though you may think you are giving a lot of attention I'm sure it's decreasing from you being tired and so far along. It's really hard I understand. I have a 4 yearold and an 18 month old and sometimes she tries to revert back to baby things. Congrats on the new bundle

Honestly it is most likely the age. My daughter is 3.5 and I go through the same thing sometimes. It is just them gorwing up. It SUCKS but what are you to do. Good Luck

Since she is plenty old enough to feed herself etc. don't give in to it, or after the baby comes she will associate it with your not doing it. Just kindly say, now you know you can do that, you are very good at it,and such a big girl, and look what a good girl you were to go potty, you don't have to have mommy go. And at night, read a story or nite time song, and say nite nite, and let that be, as when the baby comes you will have too man interruptions with the new one to always do everyting. She doesn't know really about the baby yet, to associate it all with that, so you don't want to feed that thought. Don't argue back, I had did that with my kids, and my husband came in from work and ask who was the mommy? Then is when I realized I was doing it. Explaining things to a child so they hopefully understand and if they still argue, just say, because I said so and leave it at that and don't continue to engage in an argument, or tell them to go sit in a chair.

Hi C.-

I had to respond to your post because I am in the same situation! My son is 3.5 and I am due the end of May/1st week in June. As another poster mentioned I think it's a combo of everything going on! I know for me, my son has become REALLY difficult lately (which I hear is normal for the age) and with me being pregnant my temper is short, I'm tired, and there are days when I think I will loose my mind! I have had a challenging pregnancy as well which does not help the situation. One thing that I have done since day 1 is NOT blame anything on my pregnancy or the baby i.e. (I don;t tell my son things like..mommy is tired because she is pregnant or I can't play baseball because of the baby in my tummy etc.) He knows I'm having a baby and we have read a few books and he comes to Dr. appointments etc but I try and make it all as positive as possible. I have explained what it will be like but I don;t think he "gets it" yet. Not sure if this post was of any help but if anything at least you know that there are others going through it! Don;t be too h*** o* yourself...we all do the best we can and I really think that;s all anyone can ask! Good luck to you!!!

-K.

Sometimes I think we overanalyze things so much, just to blame ourselves for our childrens behavior. Is it her age??yes, the pregnancy, yes...its everything! I find the best thing for me to do is actually be as consistent with discipline as possible. Our guilt tends to make us want to accept behavior that we normally wouldnt, but she must be acting this way because she is sad/lonely/ etc... What she has to learn is that no matter what the reason, the behavior is still unacceptable. (Boy do I sound like a mean mom..Im not, I just have 4 kids with one on the way, so I have had lots of practice at this!!) Even kids can learn sympathy for a tired and pregnant mom, and that acting out is not the way to deal with it. You are tired, and that is ok!! You are having a baby, that will need more attention for abit..and that is ok too. Big sister has to deal with it, it is part of life! Once she realizes that she cant play this "poor me, there is a baby coming" card, she will get over herself. Help her feel big, but not because of the baby..just because she is 3.5. Talk to her about what things you find acceptable..like if she wants you to go to the bathroom with her, maybe say that you will help her 3 times in that day..she can choose which ones, but that is it. Staying in her room..maybe you say you will read one book, sing a song, and then set a little timer for 5 min., just to sit quietly with her. When it beeps, your time is up..period! She just needs those limits reinforced, while you still demonstrate that you see her needs, and want to help, rather than dismissing her all together. I feel a bit rambly right now..but I hope it helps some. Let me know if there is any other way I can help..like I said, I have done this new baby thing quite a few times:) ~A.~

well i have a doughter and she is 5 know i had my son when she was a lil over 4 1/2 years old i mainly let her be a part of the pregnacy as much as posable so she feels like she is gonna be the big sissy that is going to be able to help as much as posible and so she feels that she is able to get to do thing rather then has to do things i let her hear the babys heart beat and she went to alot of the appointments with me and she knew that she was going to get to help. she now helps me find the cloths and she is a BIG girl and gets to do things that older kids can do like mix the juice or help me out some how and i make it a point to point it out to others in frunt of her that she helps me out and does a great job and is such a great helper just talk abt every positive thing she does you know that a child will get attenton no matter if it is positive or negative so focus on pointing out the positive and she will notice that wow mommy liked that.

As others have said, I would try to get her involved in helping you. My son was 4.5 when my daughter was born - so a year older. But, he was a huge help during the pregnancy and continues to be a huge help. Part of what I got him to help me with was picking up anything that dropped on the floor. It was just such an effort to bend down and pick it up when you are huge. Now, when I am holding her in my arms, I still don't want to bend down. So, it is now his job to pick things up off the floor.

Also, you may want to start providing your daughter with choices. For snacks - let her pick what she can eat. I have lots of snacks for my son to choose from (yogurt, gogurt, fruits) and he can pick. Plus, I keep snack bags and fruit boxes on a low shelf so that he can go and get them himself. At 3.5, I was still opening snack bags for him, but now he uses children's scissors to open them himself.

My son also picks out what he wants to wear and dresses himself (again, he is 5). I can't remember if he was doing this at 3.5 or not. But, there are lots of little areas where you can start to give her choices to help her feel like a big girl.

Honestly, in my opinion, you need to start training her to help herself more becuase you are having the baby. And, be honest with her - tell her you need her help. My son LOVES to help. And trust me, having him help is not always that helpful to me - sometimes it takes longer to wait on him to "help". But his pride is worth it all!

Good luck!

FOR SURE... Check out nogreaterjoy.org. You'll see on that website, that they sell Michael Pearl's book "To Train Up a Child"- a MUST read!! It's life-changing! Hang in there!

No experience with this whatsoever, but maybe involving her more with the pregnancy in terms of what she can teach the new baby as it grows? The stuff she's regressing on - maybe you can tell her you know she can do it and she needs to "practice" so she can get really really good at it and teach her new baby sibling when it's old enough.

Also, for your sanity, if you can afford a part time sitter to play with her even when you're home so you can have a break (college student?), that will help you enormously, I'm sure, and she'll get some different attention.

Good luck! :)

I think it is the pregnancy. When I was pregnant my 4 year old that had happily gone to preschool every morning suddenly began to cry and beg me not to leave. It was horrible. I felt so torn. There were other things too. So I am betting that your little girl is filled with anxiety she doesn't understand and has no way to express. Usually there is talk of "when Mommy goes to the hospital." She hears this, but may not understand what to make of it...The HOSPITAL......you can imagine the thoughts going through a smart little girls head that really doesn't have a complete understanding of childbirth. She may think a hospital is only for "sick" people. Not to mention the fears of losing her place in your hearts. But you will be able to handle it C. and it will naturally all work out. Impose your usual rules with as much kindness as you can muster. Be understanding but don't let your childs fears make you be less of a mom, give her as much time as you can (Dad and extended family too)and most important, TALK TO HER. All the time, in casual conversation. Let her know what will happen when you go to the hospital. Not gory details, of course, but how long you will be there, how she can come see you and the new baby, how you will be home soon and be just fine. Tell her this is what you did when she was born, and before that granny did, blah, blah, blah. Tell her the truth but don't make it scary. Yes, we will all be busy with the new baby because babies somebody to change their diapers, and to be held alot...maybe you can help us a little bit. New babies need a lot of care, but Daddy and I love you so much and so will the new baby. We can still watch our favorite t.v. show together, etc... We can all do things together, and sometimes just you and I can go shopping.....whatever it is your thing. When the baby gets bigger you can play together. The baby will grow just like you did. Show her photos of when she was a baby.

If possible leave her home or with a friend when you go to your doctor appts. Try to make more play dates so she is used to not being with you so much. You feel a little crazy because life is a little crazy right now. Get as much help as possible lined up for after the baby is born. Let your husband and extended family help you. Things will calm down.
Lastly, CONGRATULATIONS!

my four year old is a GREAT fit thrower. I finally had enough, accepted that I could not change her I could only accept her. So, she now has a choice, almost every day. You may be a big girl and do xyz or if you feel you need to throw a fit, you can go to your room and cry until you are ready to come out. I understand your need to cry, but I do not need to hear it. Most days she chooses to stay with me doing xyz.

Good luck!