8 Year Old Boys Has Outbursts of Anger and or Crying.

Mine does this when he gets angry or frustrated. We just try to help him deal with it when he gets all worked up. We help him take deep breaths, count to 10. That sort of thing.

We also give him flax seed oil and that helps his temperament. It helps him keep control of his emotions.

Also, talk to the teacher about giving him warnings (10 and 5 min) of when the transitions are going to happen. That can mean all the difference.

Good Luck! It can be so hard to deal with.

Hi Y.,

As a parent coach, I can think of several things to consider.

First, take a look at how you respond when he loses it like this. Kids really pick up on the emotions of the adults around them. If you can remain calm and loving and reassure him that he is going to get through this episode okay, that will help.

Watch for times to love on him when he is in a great mood. Giving him lots of attention and affection (if he is open to it) can help fill up his tank and lessen the episodes.

He may be able to tell you what is going on if you can discuss it with him after he has calmed down. That would also be a great time for a conversation around other ways to handle his frustrations - hitting a pillow, running around outside, talking with you about it, etc.

Consider any triggers that seem to set him off. If you keep a few notes about what is happening just before each outburst, you may see a pattern you can address. Is he tired after a day at school? Is he just finishing rough-housing with a friend? Does he eat a lot of sugar or caffeine (or anything else) prior to the outbursts? Is he playing a lot of electronics that could over-stimulate him? Is he taking any medications that could affect him?

If your efforts don't seem to help, bring him to visit your pediatrician for a checkup and discuss your concerns - but discuss them without your son in the room if possible. Pediatricians are a great resource when issues such as these arise. Your son could have a minor illness that is easily treatable that could make a real difference in his quality of life.

Kids do hit rough spots as they grow and develop. With your loving care and action, you can help him through this.

Good luck,
Parent Coach J. B

Depending on the severity of the outbursts, you may want to make an appt with a child psychologist. My son had anger management in Kindergarten with a wonderful office. He was dxed with ADHD, and the office did great working with him and keeping us from needing to medicate him. He is also gifted, and sometimes an extreme personality is an indication of a gifted child.

The book, The Explosive Child by Greene has great advice. The best thing is to remain calm yourself when the child is out of control. Find out what is triggering his outbursts, lack of sleep, control issues, or too much sensory input, and then teach coping skills to the child when he is calm and in a learning state. You both need to have a plan in place on what to do with the anger before the situation arises. It will take a lot of trial and error, but you can teach your son the skills to deal with his emotions.

Most of the time, it is probably due to frustration. He's frustrated somehow and doesn't know how to handle it. He needs to be given some alternatives to acting out. It takes awhile to learn these new options and they don't trust that it works. So, it will take some consistent effort on your part to instill these new habits. Plus, he has to know that it is not allowed nor tolerated. If he is not allowed to do it, and is given alternatives, he will choose the alternative over the consequence most of the time. But, he needs your guidance in this. Don't ignore it. Don't allow it either. No matter what the cause, he has to learn to control his behavior.

i have an 8 year old boy that does the same thing he gets mad at the littlest thing..once he gets upset it takes forever to calm him down..he is fine at school its just at home or at grandmas house or whereever the mood strikes..if he falls or gets hurt some how no matter how small it becomes big drama..its like you read my mind i am hoping someone on here has some info for us...thanks for posting

My first question would be is he on any medication. Like Singular? If so I would check into possible drug side effects.
Secondly, maybe he should be seen/tested by a Developmental Pediatrician. Dr. Patricia Harkin is a good one in the San Antonio area.

He sounds like my grandson. He is miserable and makes everyone else that way but is fine at school, except the effort to keep it together there sometimes comes out in finger nail chewing to the point of bleeding or other coping mechanisms. Teaching him to recognize the signals of a blow up before they reach blow out is the key.
The book by Greene on the explosive child describes him to a tee and he has been better, but my son in law has no problems getting the kid to mind, but for my daughter the boy negotiates. I think having a plan and sticking to it and not letting him control everything is the way to go. If he thinks he can control things (eg. "just 5 more minutes")he feels he has to try it then things disintegrate from there.
I would try the book and write down what behaviors you are seeing. Count them. if things don't improve in a month, take him to see someone or go yourself. These kids are very unhappy and it needs to be fixed.
Good luck.
K.

Hi Y.,
I wanted to put this out there for everyone just in case. My son was having this same type of behavior problem, and through another mom asking a simple question about medication on this site I figured out what it was. He was taking Singulair for allergies and it caused him to behave like a monster at times! After taking him off the medication, he was back to his normal sweet self after just a couple of days. I wish the FDA would put this warning on the list of adverse side effects because at this point they have not. It would have saved my son and myself a lot of misery. So to all out there please be advised if your child is on Singulair, that about 50% of children on this medication develop negative behavioral issues. I pray this helps someone else out there. Good luck with your son! I will keep you in my prayers. God bless!

After reading about you I thought about how similar my situation was. From the time my son was 3 to about 10 I was a single mom. My son was praised at school for being so inteligent and well behaved but he'd have these outbursts and usually with me. It wasn't until later that I realized that I had been, to some extent, treating him as an equal rather than a child needing guidance. Sure he could carry on a grown up conversation with me but when I'd try to separate him from conversations with adults he'd throw a fit. I know my example isn't exactly like yours but my advice to you would be make sure that he has a firm understanding of what you concider approtriate behavior. As a single mom don't treat him as you would your best girl friend. He needs an authority figure not a best friend. Hope this helps in some way. Best of luck.:)

Hi Y.,

You are wise to bring up this concern, and not shove it under the rug, hope it goes away, or that he outgrows it. It's important to find out if there is an organic, underlying cause for your child's behavior. The sooner you get proactive the better, because when his hormones kick in, if not sooner, he could potentially hurt someone, including himself or a pet, if he loses control.

Please get your child some professional help. If he is unable to control these temper outbursts, and your strategies have not had an impact, then a professional, objective opinion and help are indicated. The right professional (respected child psychologist/psychiatrist, and/or possibly a pediatric neuro-psychologist) will help devise a behavior plan between your child, school (counselor, teachers, etc.), home, and the father (if he's in the picture), grandparents, etc. so everyone can be on the SAME page and everyone knows what the goals are, and so your child cannot "pull the wool" over anyone's eyes when it comes to managing his anger/outbursts.

If your child is exhibiting this extreme behavior at school, you might request that he be observed in the classroom by a Behavior Specialist. This person may be reached by contacting the counselor at your school, who can contact the Special Education coordinator. If your son's behavior is interfering with his academics, they or you may request testing through Special Education. In addition, you could take him to a pediatric neuro-psychologist for private testing.

Check with your health insurance to see if they would cover these professional services (if not, you could get letters from the school professionals and/or your son's private counselor to help in this regard).

Our grandson has had temper outbursts and "emotional meltdowns" since he was a baby. The parents refused to work with us, the school, and his psychiatrist in devising a behavior plan to help him manage his behavior, with appropriate rewards and consequences. He is now 9 years old, probably overmedicated, and he literally runs the household at home (his 14 year-older sister has migraines because of the stress, screaming, and her parents will not let her lock her door to keep him from destroying things in her room). In addition, he is unable to function at his highest potential at school (because his behaviors severely interfere with learning), and we can no longer have him visit us.

I was also a single mother, with a wonderful ex, and we worked as a team to raise our daughter (there's that village again!). I went to counseling so I could become a more effective parent, and got her into counseling to manage her "anger escalation", which had been a problem since she was a baby, and it got worse after the divorce (she was 7). She went to live with her father at age 16, as I became unable to handle her manipulative behaviors. I went to visit her at Parents Day during her freshman year of college, and unfortunately witnessed another one of her outbursts (at me) in the grocery store. I then realized I had done all I could, it was up to her now, as I had always told her that behavior is a CHOICE.

Sorry if I painted a tough picture, but I have seen the other side in more situations than the ones described above if adults don't take responsibility for a child's socially-emotionally inappropriate behavior. I worked in the schools as an occupational therapist and treated some ED (emotionally disturbed) kids. Your child's behavior is a signal that something is WRONG. He is crying out for HELP. It is our job as parents, family members, and professionals to raise our children and get them professional help if they need it, early on, so they can grow up and be productive, and as happy as possible, members of society. Children depend on US to be tough and consistent with our love and consequences, so they can learn appropriate boundaries and eventually internalize these boundaries so they can manage/modulate their own behaviors appropriately.

Best of luck, and pat yourself on the back for being proactive!

Hi Y.,
Bless you.
There could be a couple of reasons for your childs short fuse........there could be some underlying anger issues he needs to resolve that you are not aware of...(they keep things hidden within) or it could be a diet issue.
My son had the same issues and I had him in counseling and it was finally determined it was his diet that caused the outbursts...red dyes in lunch meats, tomatoes or any thing with tomatoe base- it, ketchup, pizza, hot dogs, lunch meat, all the stuff kids really love- soft drinks with cola- or caffenine...(7 up or sprite ok) no dark colas..chocolate candies- (clear candies ok) and of course sugars.....white sugar is the worst so if you can change to raw or brown sugar in the kitchen that helps......
I would suggest charting what he eats and when the outburst occur- if within 30 minutes to an hour- then you know it was something he ate-
try switching to chicken and turkey lunchmeats for his sandwiches- no ham- unless turkey ham...switch to whole wheat breads and not white breads......white breads have a chemical that can produce some hostilities in some children.....fewer foods with tomatoes- or tomatoes sauces-.......
If you think he needs counseling I would get that for him too- but I would not let the dr. put him on any kind of RX until I first tried changing the diet drastically.
Along with diet changes I would be sure he does not have a vitamin deficiency in some area.......the combination of the above could solve your problems while you concentrate on behavior modification with him.
good luck and blessings

Y.,

Usually when someone has an outburst, it is because he/she feels unloved. Or, it is because he/she has developed this behaviour by using it to manipulate a win. Either way, you need to teach him that it is unacceptable behaviour and teach him a better way to express himself. He needs to know how ridiculous he looks having a tantrum. I had a step-daughter who used to throw herself down backwards kicking and screaming to get her way. One time she did this because she wanted me to take a different car. We all pilled into the car of choice and I said "goodbye" to her while she was laying in the front yard kicking her legs and screaming as we pulled out of the driveway. She realized that her behaviour wasn't going to work and finally ran out to our car in the street saying, "I want to go". It worked. She learned that she wasn't going to get her way. It was sooooooooooooooo funny to see the change in her.

Another way to show how ridiculous they look is to mimic their behaviour and tell them that is how they look. Tell him that if he wants to have friends, he needs to control his anger. Tell him that no one likes a selfish kid who is angry all the time. If he wants something, tell him to think of a trade or compromise to achieve what he wants. Teach him to think of others first as it teaches in the Bible. When we comfort others, it helps us. Always let him know that he is loved, but it is more loving to teach him to get along than it is to give in to his anger by reinforcing selfish behaviour. His behaviour may also be a sign of not getting enough rest. When he lashes out and cries, respond with putting him to bed for a nap, if possible. Whatever you do, don't ever give him what he wants when he demonstrates this behaviour. Tell him that you don't reward bad behaviour because you love him.

On a conference call Saturday, I heard a mother tell of the adverse reaction her son had to household cleaners. There is a DVD called Toxic Brew that you may want to check out. I am sure there are other things to check but changing brands could be a simple start. A demonstration on the DVD showed bleach as particularly offensive.

My son had the same issue and was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder when he was 11 yrs old. Maybe you should take him to a doctor and have this checked out. Good luck.

a couple of things that could be contrubiting to his outbursts ... lack of sleep ( is he getting enough try an early bed time ) is he eating well...no sugary junk foods ...the yummy stuff :) hope its as simple as these things because i have noticed most problem kids arent sleeping enough and arent eating healthy.

My stepson was the same a few years ago. He would flare up and either get angry and want to throw something or upset and want to cry. It was usually over an incident that he felt was unfair and always other kids were involved. It took us a long time to see the pattern and to patiently pull out of him the "real" story about what happened at school. We talked to him about ways to cope with what was going on and I think it really helped for him to understand what was going on in his mind. Talking it out and making him say what he felt and why he reacted the way he did was key. He has been dealing much better with how he reacts to things that come up and we make sure to commend his behavior in sticky situations when he does a great job. The last half of last year was awesome in that he didn't have any comments coming home in his folder indicating that he was still having outbursts. We didn't take him to see a professional but with his parent's divorce and two moves for him by the age of seven, he was carrying some weight that I worried about. We have considered it still just so he has someone to talk to that isn't one of the three of us. I'm not sure if it is related but he also has become a bit stinky in the armpit area lately. We have made sure that he washes well everyday so we are thinking it is hormones. At just barely nine, we thought it was early but it would explain some of the emotional roller coaster rides we've seen. I'm hoping that his mom took to heart what we have discussed and will bring it up at his checkup this time. In a nutshell (too late, right) talking about it so you can both understand what is actually happening really helps. Discuss ways to cope with frustration and anger and if it doesn't start to subside, find some one to to help. One of my favorite questions is, "Can you think of another way you could have handled that where you might not have felt so upset?" It ticked him off for a while but when he got that I was not judging him, he usually would look kind of sheepish and come up with something. Easier to say than do, he has made great strides. He also found that it was often the same type of senario that would tick him off so he was better armed next time to control his reactions. I let him know it is ok to get upset but we have to handle it with care. Best of luck!