8Th Grade Girl -PLEASE READ! Need Opinions!

Momma W. has excellent suggestions! This is definitely worth a day out of school with you. I did this in 4th grade when my daughter was having issues with her teacher. Just having a one day break with Mom helped her deal with it.

I have two masters degrees and over 20 years' experience as a teacher.

There is no way that I could home school any student past grade 2. Math and science are too sophisticated. If the proper steps are not taught, they could be set up for years of struggle on those areas.

Can you afford to change her to a private school or enroll her in a school across town using grandparents' address?

I don't know you. I don't know your daughter. None of us on this board can know what is going on. You are doing great...asking her questions and taking her to see psychologist.

It can totally be hormones...or it can be something serious or a combination of both which can break a person.

How about you pull her aside today, when she gets home, and tell her that on Monday she is not going to school. It will pique her interest and she will listen. Then you ask her what she would like to do together that day.It is going to be a mother-daughter day.

Spend the day listening to her..having fun with her...bonding with her. Listen...listen...listen. Listen with your mommy eyes,ears and heart.

More good will come from that day than sitting at school where she is miserable,scared and depressed.

She will also be more relaxed this weekend knowing she has a break on Monday. She might open up some more over the weekend and you will get more dialogue going.

Does she have a phone? Does she have a fb,instagram,snap chat acct?? Start looking into what is being posted. I would also email my kids' teachers next week and ask them how my kid is doing in class academically and socially. You don't have to give private info., just ask.

I would take this very serious. We have had a number of students commit suicide out here in my neck of the woods. The parents are all so devastated. They thought it was just usual hormones causing the sadness,moodiness. Kids usually give some sort of signs before taking such drastic measures..and your daughter is flat out telling you she wants to withdraw from all social aspects of her life.

Please consider homeschooling for awhile til' she gets out of this phase. The school can set you up with home study. Your daughter needs to feel safe, secure and emotionally stable to be able to combat the craziness and stress of school on campus.

I wish you all the best!

Let's face it, junior high sucks. Did ANYONE ever enjoy it? I get an eye twitch just thinking about 8th grade.

That being said, if she wants to be homeschooled, why not try it? I homeschool my 7th grader, and she loves it. She is able to get enough sleep (and as we know, a lack of sleep at this age makes kids very cranky and over-emotional), she isn't buried in homework, and she loves learning. Because she has some freedom to choose certain topics, she's really happy to do her schoolwork. She spends a fair amount of time with friends, but because it's at ballet or with her homeschooled teens group, there's zero drama. I wish we had made this change years ago - live and learn! Anyway, if she is asking to be homeschooled, why not try it? It might resolve a lot of these issues she's having. Just a thought. :)

I suggest that your daughter's behavior is too extreme to be just hormones. I think something has happened at school. I would make an appointment to talk with the school counselor.

Your daughter says she's depressed. Even if it's hormones she needs help in finding a way to deal with her feelings. Always pay attention when someone says they're depressed and find a way for that person to get help. Depression, no matter the cause, can be very serious. The combination of things you describe indicates to me that she may need professional help.

If the psychologist didn't give you suggestions on ways to help her find another more helpful therapist

The psychologist within your pediatricians' office sucks. Hormones is a lousy answer especially if s/he only saw her once. Either take her back or get a different person, daily crying twice a day and admitting that she is depressed means she IS depressed. Please take her seriously.

Frankly, it does not matter if it is hormones or not - she is suffering and her pain needs to be addressed. The pain is real. SMH call the school guidance office and see if they can help both to see her and to possibly recommend some one else to see her. Good luck and keep us posted.

I was bullied very badly as a kid...and I never told a soul. I was horribly embarrassed. Today---- If she has one of those awful phones, facebook, etc...get the passwords and read them. You will see if she is being bullied in an instant.

If it is bullying...Keep the information and show the cops.

On the other hand, not many of my friends liked middle school.

If your daughter goes to a therapist--It takes more than one or two visits for a child to open up...

Could it be the workload? Academics are not all that easy today. One of my kids struggled w/ academics and hated school.

I too have a daughter in eighth grade. I really feel for your girl.

Momma W. has a good idea below about taking a day off; however, in eighth grade, one missed day can mean an avalanche of classwork to make up and homework that gets backed up. Please choose that day off with greater care than just saying "You're off on Monday." You don't want to turn what was a nice idea into a source of agony if she misses a quiz or test or just misses classwork that was graded, or classwork that is important to being ready for a test later. Sorry, but it's a hard reality. I might confer with her teachers (and no, I wouldn't tell her) and figure out maybe two days together when she can be off, and give her a long weekend --with plans, by you, to take her somewhere she would like for a least a day trip or more.

But that's just a mental break. She does need a lot more.

It is VERY good that she admitted she has felt depressed; she told you openly and that's good. Now, keep those lines of communication open. She clearly isn't ready to tell all, and there may truly not be a specific problem like a bully, but her feelings are absolutely real and not to be dismissed as solely hormonal.

You were right to get a professional opinion but I think the psychologist at the pediatrician's office has rather fobbed you off with a lame excuse. Did this psychologist offer anything else to do, anyone else to see? No? Just said "hormones" and left you to it? Well, yes, hormones is part of it -- but I hate it when adults just blame everything on hormones and dismiss girls' emotions as all hormone-driven. Hormones are probably exacerbating what's going on with her, but hormones alone are not an explanation. Please don't tell your daughter it's just hormones and she'll be better...sometime.

I'd get the school counselor involved immediately. You see the counselor, yourself, alone, and describe what's going on. Say you want the counselor to see your child the same day or the next day. If the counselor seems like someone your child will be comfortable with, I'd ask your daughter to talk to the counselor regularly starting immediately --and assure your daughter that whatever she discusses there is confidential and other teachers and other kids won't know about it.

Have you talked to her teachers directly? They might be aware of things going on of which you're unaware. Asking your daughter won't reveal some things. I really would contact the teachers now and let them know you do not want them telling her you were in touch. Teachers, counselors, and possibly a therapist outside school. Be sure your child understands that going to see a counselor and therapist does not mean she's "broken" and does not mean she'll be seeing them forever -- everyone needs someone outside themselves to talk with sometimes.

Please don't just yank her out to homeschool her, or change schools, based on what you are describing here! That would be a huge upheaval for her and -- when this calms down, with help -- the transition back to school if she went back would be tough and she would face tons of questions. Removing her from school now could remove whatever's stressing her but also could take her away from any friends she has there -- and they may be more of a support system to her than you, or she, realize.

Ask her if she would like to have her friend X over this weekend just to hang out, have pizza and watch a movie. No agenda. Don't tell her "That'll make you feel better" or anything -- just offer it and if she shrugs and says "X isn't talking to me anymore," well, you have one clue that something's up....Try to get her together more with girls you know are friends to her, but don't overwhelm her with too many kids; suggest some one on one time doing something -- do they like to skate, or go to laser tag, or craft, or whatever? Something to occupy her alongside a friend. Just to give her mind a break.

Then during the week: Counselor at school, and possibly finding a therapist.

A couple of things to explore, but don't grill her hard:
Is it possible that the play is creating more stress than she realized? Rehearsal time may be creating homework pressure.

Is she taking harder classes this year? Some school systems start high-school credit classes in eighth grade, or she may be in honors or "gifted" classes -- if so, is that stressing her more than you and she realize?

Ask the teachers: Is she participating during discussions? Does she seem engaged and interested in class or does she seem silent and "checked out"? Does she seem to engage with other kids or not?

Does she eat all of her lunch? Hard to tell if she buys lunch, frankly. One thing that can help is to ensure she's not having a crash in the afternoons because she didn't eat enough. That alone is not a root cause of these issues but could worsen them. And if she doesn't eat lunch, or cuts it short, because she's always sitting alone in the cafeteria, or finds the cafeteria noise and bustle overwhelming to the point she wants to leave fast -- that's key information too.

Please update us!!

I would suspect it's something going on at school.
Could you make the guidance counselor aware?
Try to get her talking.
Seems like kids talk better if they're focused on doing something else.
Maybe if you take her shopping, crafting, a sport you do together, long drive...she'll open up more about it.
Good luck!

well, i wouldn't homeschool her, or rush her to a shrink, or pepper her with questions and demands to explain.
i would make space, and quiet, for her to feel comfortable sharing what's going on. maybe a weekend away, just the two of you. and no grilling or inquisitions or forced-ness.
obviously something has happened at school, and equally obviously she's not comfortable telling you about it. she sounds pretty dramatic, and you kinda do too.
it takes a lifetime to set up the kind of open relationships where kids trust their parents and rely on them enough to bring issues to them for advice and perspective. if that's not available, enlist the help of a kind, neutral family member who might be able to give your daughter the space and quiet and encouragement to come forward with what's at the heart of this.
teenagers want to be heard above all else.
khairete
S.

My guess is definitely a school thing. Have a discreet conversation with the school counselor and the vice principal...they know everything. If they haven't heard of any issues that your daughter or her friends are involved in then that's a sign that it really isn't something at school and you can focus on that. In any case, I would have her continue with the therapist until you sort out what's going on and how to resolve the issue. She's running/hiding from something.

Are you on top of her social media? If she has FB, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, etc. are you checking her accounts? If not, get her PW and go through everything, including her texts and her computer. This should be a routine part of parenting anyway but if it's not, start now. That can often tell you what's going on.

Yes, it does sound like something has happened. Hormones can definitely be a factor, but it seems like an extreme reaction for just hormones. And it's continued for a few weeks, it seems more like true depression than hormones. PMS only lasts for a week.

Does she have regular friends that you know? Do you see her talking to/texting them, or hanging out with them on a regular basis?

I think you should find a different psychologist who can get to the bottom of this.

Suzanne

I would suggest continuing with a therapist... it sometimes takes a while before a person feels comfortable spilling it all to a stranger....

And... why not consider homeschooling? Show her that you are supporting her in whatever way you can.

I HATED middle school. It was rough! I bet something happened or someone is picking on her and she just hasn't told you. At that age it doesn't take much for girls(or boys) to rip each other apart. Does she have a best friend that you could ask her privately what's up? I always said I would homeschool my kids if they ever asked.

Is she fine otherwise? If so, it isn't all hormones. If she is depressed, have her continue with a counselor. I would also have her write in a journal about her feelings. If she isn't comfortable or doesn't know why she is feeling this way, sometimes writing it out on oaper is a safe outlet, as well as a way for her to express and articulate what might be causing these emotional outbursts.

I wouldn't talk to her friends about anything. I would continue to provide her a safe zone in talking and expressing how she is feeling. I find that it helps to give examples as to what happened when you had the same feelings, and what the cause was in your situation. Having someone else go through something similar is beneficial, as it gives them an ability to then identify that they might be going through the same.

Ultimately though, it definetly is important to get to the cause if why she is feeling this way, and acting this way. Middle school years are very difficult for kids. Especially girls, as they go through so many emotions and change if hormones. However, in this case, it seems as if something else is bothering her. A mothers intuition is never wrong.

Regardless of whether it's hormones, or a situation that she is intent on not sharing, or depression, she has been very plain with you that she needs a break from school.

Do you have the means/opportunity to try homeschooling? There are several online schools/curriculum you can use if she needs a break from school and you are not sure where to begin. If you are able and willing I would give it a try.

Good luck.

Can you talk to any of her friends? I'll bet they'd know something. Seems like more than hormones. Can she talk with your husband, pastor, a trusted adult?? When I was younger, I could talk with my Grandpa before anyone else. That man could get me to tell him anything. Something is going on. As a Mama, I'd say your instincts toward your own child can't be beat. Good luck.

My first thought was hormones when I read "8th grade girl." BUT, if she's been bullied, she'll be more emotional about it with the hormones....my advice is go to the school with her and watch the interaction. If there's a bully, they won't shy around you. If it's something worse, you'll probably be able to sense it. Bottom line, protect your child. If it takes a week away from school, just do it. Personally, if it takes a year to figure it out, it's worth it. School work can be caught up on. Bottom line, let your daughter know you trust her judgement, even if she's overreacting.

My two cents,
M.

I would definitely want to rule out bullying. I know you've asked her but I
would spend more time trying to find that out by...talking to her teacher,
possbily talking to her friends' parents.

Then I would schedule an appointment for her to talk to a counselor...a
different one for a 2nd opionion (they are not all equal).

To be honest...to me it sounds like she is being bullied. I know you asked her but she may not want to say anything. Find a way to inquire w/o
putting her off. Tell her that if there is something specific going on at
school, it can be dealt with but she needs to communicate with you.

It probably is hormones, and she has probably had some issues with other girls too. That's probably why she wants to drop out of the play. Don't let her do it! Kids are so mean at this age. Both my boys have dealt with it too, and all you can do is try to work through it and give them lots of hugs and security.

My opinion, do not rush, do not take any decision now. Find a time, even take one week vacation with her and let her relax, and then, only then lead a nice conversation in which you listen and let her speak.
I do not think is about hormones, I think there is something else not necessarily bad-bad, but something is happening that needs to be addressed. I am a home schooling mom and I do not think that you should take a decision in such a short time UNLESS the situation escalates and gets worse.....
Something else: there are options, and if the need arises, yes it is possible to home school any child past second grade (I am one among many who has home educated a child who successfully attends college, and keep homeschooling 2 more) so, yeah, eventually you could do it without doubt, but first you need to be realistic and do things right: find out more about what is happening and then make any decision you feel is right for YOUR girl. Be calm, observe, listen to your kid (trust your kid) , and then talk to the teacher and principal. I am glad I did all that long time ago. Good luck!
A. :)