Adoption - Saint Petersburg,FL

Updated on September 21, 2010
J. asks from Saint Petersburg, FL
9 answers

Looking for any insight, personal experiences, references, or advice in regards to adoption. My husband & I already have a son and we had been trying for over 3 years for another baby without success. We were recently told that most likely the only way we were going to conceive was with IVF. I go back and forth about another child but I constantly feel like our family is missing something. I have always been open to adoption and would just like to hear from other mom's what their experience with it has been. Thank you for any information you are willing to share!

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A.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I haven't adopted a child, so I'm sorry I cannot give any insight in that respect, but I was adopted as an infant and I feel like it was the best gift ever...2 gifts actually! The first gift was given to me by my birthparents who were willing to go through a pregnancy and give me the gift of life and allow another family to raise me and love me. The other gift was that from my parents (my REAL parents, the parents who adopted me, raised me, and loved me!) They always loved me unconditionally, were open and honest with me (I recommend telling an adopted child about their adoption as soon as they can understand even a little bit...I was told around age 5 and we discussed it through the years). Adoption is a wonderful gift! Thank you for considering it!

1 mom found this helpful

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M.B.

answers from Orlando on

I was reading your other answers and had to stop when i came to the two about adoptees having "issues" and making their adoptive parents feel guilty - as an adoptee myself I was very offended. My parents went through the process back in the 80's and I understand it is as much of a waiting game now as it was then - no to mention the risk you run when the birth mother is younger and in my opinion more likely to want to keep the baby after all. As for you having to worry about your possibly adopted child definitely having "issues" - that's ridiculous. We are all products of our environments - if an adopted child has an issue it is because their family did not address it early on in the correct manner. I, myself, am a very well adjusted individual. I love my parents with all my heart and have never thought of them differently just because i'm not their blood, i always got good grades, never suffered from any kind of depression related to my being adopted, stayed out of trouble and away from drugs, finished high school, graduated from college, married a wonderful man and now we have a beautiful daughter of our own. My little brother is a whole different story - lazy, irresponsible, depressed, in and out of rehab for drugs, father at 18, etc... We were raised differently, though, he was babied far too long and never learned any real responsibility, where as I was good tempered and trustworthy so i was taught early on about finances and responsibility, etc... The point i was trying to make though is that every child is different no matter where they come from - after adopting me, the stress of wanting a child was lifted and my parents got pregnant with my little brother three years later on their own when they didn't think they could get pregnant in the first place. Sorry, it just upset me that people could generalize so mindlessly. Good luck on whatever you decide :oD

3 moms found this helpful
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S.F.

answers from Tampa on

I am in a similar situation, however, I am going the fertility treatment route. I have one son who is 4yo that was conceived on my 1st try of IVF. Prior to that, I had been trying to get pregnant on my own for 2yrs with assistance of Clomid type meds and even IUI a few times with no success. I desperately want a sibling for my son and have been actively trying for almost 2 years again. I had a failed frozen embryo transfer and then a SURPRISE ruptured ectopic pregnancy a few months later. I didn't think I could get pregnant in the first place so that was a shock. Everyone tells me "Well, at least you know you can get pregnant..." However, now I am left with only one fallopian tube because of it. I am about to try a few rounds of IUI and if that doesn't work, it is off to IVF for me. I know many might look down on this because we are not going the adoption route. But for us... it boils down to cost. I would prefer to adopt domestically and with it costing 20-30K, it is way more expensive than IVF. IVF costs about $12-15K. Considering I got pregnant the 1st time I did IVF, I am hopeful to have the same success if I try again. I wish I could help you more with the adoption process, but feel free to ask me anything if you want more info in fertility tx's since unfortunately, that is where I have my "expertise". I wish you the best of luck and a quick sucess story towards growing your family!

1 mom found this helpful

B.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

We are adopting. Same situation as you, we have two boys 3.5yrs apart and it was a struggle to get pregnant both times, but we tried for 2yrs after our youngest was born to get pregnant again and just wasn't happening. We finally had a 'head slap' moment when we realized we don't care if we are pregnant, we just want another child. We started out with international adoption, and the country closed upon our dossier submission. We moved to a domestic foster/adopt with no luck and finally found our daughter on a waiting child list! She is in Ukraine and is 3yrs old, she has mild cerebral palsy. We are leaving the 27th to get her!

If you are considering adoption, please consider a waiting child. Children in other countries who have special needs are often cast aside, never shown to parents, and at age 4 or 5 are transferred to live in mental institutions, even if their special need is minor and physical. :( Special needs include missing fingers, crossed eyes, mild CP, club foot, arthrogryposis, cleft lip/palate..... all fixable workable LIVABLE special needs!

You can email me if you want more info.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.T.

answers from Boca Raton on

Sounds like we can be best friends!!!! I too have a son, age 5. I have been ttc since he was born. I have done several ivf cycles...all of them failed. I tried to adopt. I was in the room when this baby boy was born 5 months ago. He did not go home with us, long story...... I am willing try adoption again as soon as my husband and i can get over the pain from the trauma.. I will tell you that you need a great attorney... Make sure you really want to adopt before you do it. Some birthmothers use drugs and you will need to prepare yourself for a baby that may be exposed. The homestudy is done by a social worker and is not a big deal. The cost for everything can be from 20k to 30k. My wounds are still fresh considering it was only a few months ago. If you have any questions regarding ivf or adoption i am here... I am a person that has been there and done that many times over. I understand you :)

1 mom found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Miami on

Adoption is a wonderful thing but most children of adoption have issues through no fault of their own. I work with some of this population and it doesn't seem to matter if you get the child as a newborn or older, they still have issues. Imagine the pregnant mother being in crisis her whole pregnancy about what to do, stress, worries and despair. All those stress hormones like cortisol are being put right into the baby. It is different then a mom who is married and planned pregnancy with happy feelings, love and contentment. There are differences that come out later as sensory, behavioral, non acceptance, bonding, oppositional, learning disabilites and delays. Adoption is a great thing but be prepared so you know what you are getting into. The early years may be terrific but then as the child gets closer to puberty their hormones really go crazier then most peers. Don't go into this lightly thinking you are saving a child or completing your family. It is lots of hard work when children are adopted and it continues. Make your decision an informed one. Also consider that this will HUGELY impact your first child with whatever isues there could be. Sometimes it's better to leave well enough alone and not look for more. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.W.

answers from Tampa on

My Aunt was adopted and right up until my Grandma died she always made my Grandma feel guilty for adopting her. My Grandma always gave in to everything she wanted and did without trying to make her happy. My cousin was adopted and he is very thankful that his Mom and Dad adopted him. His mother was a young girl that could not take care of him. He did go and find her to find out his family history but has never went back and seen her since. Adoption is a wonderful thing if you are honestly willing and able to take someone else's child and love them as your own. My brother adopted my niece and he loved her just as much as his two sons. You might want to consider being a foster Mom first before adoption. You can get it set up where you get a child that is available for adoption and see how it works before the papers are signed. If you are not 100% positive that you want another child I would not adopt. A child is not like a puppy or a kitten. You can't change your mind and send it back or give it away. There are thousands of homeless children that need parents and I think adoption is a wonderful thing if you can open your hearts 100% and love the child the same as your own. But I also want to let you know. Sometimes you get pregnant when you least expect it. My friend adopted first a girl and then a boy because they were told they would never have children of their own. Right after the last adoption went through she found out she was pregnant with triplets. They now have a wonderful family with five children. She said she would not change a thing that adopting the first two were what gave her her miracle of three more. She considers all of them special blessings and all five her very own angels sent down from God. I wish you well in what ever you decide. Let us know!

1 mom found this helpful
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R.A.

answers from Boca Raton on

if you change your diet you will increase your odds of being able to conceive naturally. No dairy, no eggs, no processed foods, gluten, cottonseed oils (best to stick to olive or rice bran) or sugar. No meat, no fish no chicken. Eat LOTS of fresh whole grains (not bread as that is a refined carb), LOTS of fresh veggies, especially greens, beans, pulses, nuts and light fruits. Make sure to drink a decent amount of water to help flush out the toxins, go for walks or light exercise daily and try again in about 2-3 months.

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H.C.

answers from Orlando on

Yay for adoption! :) We are in a similar situation...after my son was born 2.5 yrs ago, I had to have a hysterectomy. We have just now started the adoption process & are hoping to adopt within a year. There are many different types of adoption...domestic vs. international, private vs. public...but it all comes down to what type of child you want. If you want a newborn, domestic private adoption is the only way you will get one. If you're open to a toddler & some travel, you can do international. If you're open to an older, waiting child, you can do public (ie thru the state foster system). The foster system is basically free to adopt thru (max $500, if anything), so that's the positive there. Domestic adoption is average $20-30k, and international is average $30-40k (mainly due to travel). It is expensive, but there are grants, zero/low interest loans, and fundraising to help raise the money. There are also several support groups in the Orlando area, where I am, so look into that in your area...they are a wealth of information & the people attending are at all stages in the adoption process. There is a TON of adoption info out there, and it can be hard to sift thru it all (another great reason for a support group), but feel free to PM me if you have any questions...I'd be happy to help! Best of luck on your adoption journey!!

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