Advice on How to Get My 19 Month Old Son to Sleep Through the Night.

S.,

The best advice that I can offer is to start giving him three meals aday with snacks in between. That is what I had to do with my youngest son. He was wanting to feed every 20 minutes. And at bedtime he was given a sippy cup of water. He screamed and cried the first few nights but I didnt give in. I just let him cry to sleep. That is a hard thing to do (just listen to them scream to sleep) but they have to learn at some point. It took about a month of the crying before he started to sleep through the night. I wish you the best of luck. If you need more advise email me at ____@____.com
K.

Hi S.,
1. Don't be embarrassed about your son not sleeping through the night. I don't know where the idea came from that children should (even by this age), but breastfed babies rarely do.
2. He's far from being too old to breastfeed. It's completely normal for him to want you, in fact he certainly still needs you. Did you know the worldwide average for weaning is 4 YEARS OLD? (That means for all the early weaning done in this country, other cultures continue to provide the wonderful nutrition/comfort/closeness of breastfeeding to their little ones for long AFTER 4 years old!)
3. You could certainly try the cold-turkey, cut-him-off method, but he will be unhappy and you probably will too.
4. My advice: let him self-wean when the time is right. If you just give in and nurse him quickly at night, everyone can get right back to sleep and be happy! Chances are, he won't continue until he's 4 years old. :)

I have three children, all breastfed, and my only regret is that I wasn't able to nurse each one longer (they self-weaned when I became pregnant each time). Breastmilk is a cheap, easy, perfect baby food, and we just have to get past the crazy cultural ideas that are opposed to it.
Take care and good luck.

If i were you, I would just let him self wean. You are doing a fine job and there is nothing embarrassing about still breastfeeding. Its a hard thing for a child to give up--he knows its time for you and him. They are still young and its hard for them to understand why you say no for this or that. Maybe if you are just ready for him to stop, put him to bed with a sippy cup of water and make sure he has a big meal before bedtime so that he will stay full longer.
hope this helps

Take a deep breathe and don't worry, each new stage in your baby's life takes some adjustment. You haven't done anything wrong, but now you are ready to move on to a new stage. Even grown-ups have an adjustment period when life takes a turn - expect that your son will react when his expectations aren't met, but you are the adult and you get to decide what isn't working for you any more and make a change. I didn't wean my third child until she was 23 months, so I know from experience that an older child is a little bit more upset by weaning, but he will move on given time.

My advice is to do it gradually, but with a deadline in sight - maybe over the course of one week. Start by eliminating feedings until you are just down to one (which it sounds like you have done already). Then stop the last feeding. You can hold him and comfort him. Talk to him and reassure him that he is a big boy now and that he doesn't need to nurse. Be loving but firm. Since it is in the night, substitute a diaper change or a sippy cup with water, put him back in his crib and leave. If he cries, wait a few minutes go back in reassure him and leave again. He will learn that this is the new way. If you are comfortable with letting him cry for longer than a few minutes try letting him "cry it out". Tell your husband what you are doing and set his expectations for what it may be like. You may not get much sleep - but it will only be for a night or two until your son adjusts. These stages don't last forever, it can just seem like it when it involves precious sleep. Our saving grace is that children at that age have short-term memories - after a month he may never remember nursing at all or his requests will be less frequent and less intense.

After three kids I finally stopped living in fear of tantrums or tears. Trust that you know what is best and don't be afraid of how they will react. They have very little control over their world and it is frustrating for them - acting out is the only way they know to respond. You can start giving him tools to express himself - through words - in a way that doesn't manipulate you and that you can in good conscience respond to. Responding to crying teaches them that crying is a good way to get what they want. Teaching them to ask and say please before you can respond teaches them to ask and say please.

Two months after my daughter weaned, she bonked her head and came crying to me, threw up my t-shirt and latched on - wow, that was weird!! Not knowing what to do I asked her, "want some candy?" She let go and happily accepted a lollipop instead. Such strange little creatures. <lol>

Bless you - you are doing a great job. You will get through this AND he will be ok.

D.

Hi S.. I'm going through the same problem with my 10 month old. She has had a cold the last four days so I really can't use those nights as a comparison, but on average she gets up two to three times a night. It is really h*** o* me since I'm home with both of my children all day and as you probably know, being sleep deprived feels awful. I don't have too much advice for you, but I can help you out with part time employment. I don't know if you have ever heard of PartyLite before, but I just became a consultant a month ago and I absolutely love it. It is a no cost investment business and it is very flexible. You decide how many hours a week you want to work, setting your own schedule and you get paid weekly. If you would like to hear more feel free to e-mail me at ____@____.com. I have been a consultant for another direct selling company before (about 4 years ago) and there is no comparison to what PartyLite has to offer. I would love to hear from you and hopefully you can become a part of my team! Good luck with your son!

D. Sedler wrote:
> You may need to spend the night out of the house. As long as he can hear,
> smell or see you he will want what he prefers.
>
> Let your husband sleep late one Saturday and maybe even take a nap
> too, and then you need to go and stay with a family member or friend
> for Saturday night. Your husband needs to be prepared that he will
> not get much sleep that night and to have his patience at high levels.
> Once you can get through one night it will most likely break the habit
> as long as you are stern and stand by your decision for future nights
> to come. If it doesn't completely break the habit it will definitely
> make it easier and less like to be ever night that he seeks this
> comfort and feeding from you. Also be sure to give him a lot of
> hugging and kissing while sitting with you during the next day to make
> up for the loss of you holding him and comforting him that Saturday
> night. This will help with any emotional distress he may feel from you night being there the night before.
>

You must deny him, if he pitches tantrums then that is what he is going to do, but you cannot keep giving in because then he learns that his behavior gets him what he wants and he will keep doing it and it will get worse the longer this goes on. When he wakes up, tell him he needs to go back to sleep, offer him some juice or water, but do not feed him. Sit with him, cuddle him, but if he pitches a tantrum leave him alone, tell him that he is not allowed to do that and leave the room. If he follows you, keep leaving, or ignoring him til he stops and then go to him and love on him and help him back to sleep. you might have a couple nights of this, but he will learn that his tantrum is not going to get him what he wants and he will stop. But you have to be strong. Right now you have the priviledge of being able to rest some during the next day so if he keeps you up a bit it won't be too big a problem, maybe bye earplugs for your husband so he doesn't have to go to work sleepy. I wish you the best. Remember consistency is hard to do, but the most important thing when it comes to children.

I just had to respond to let you know that you are not the only one. I am going through the same thing. My little one is 15 months and still nursing. He slept through the night when he was 7 weeks old and stopped when he was 14 weeks old - the only reason was because he was sucking his thumb and when he stopped so did the sleeping. It made it hard because my husband and I had a taste of what it was like to sleep!! Then at 5 months he got sick and I brought him in our bed and he has been there ever since. he was getting up every 1.5 - 2 hours and I couldn't take it! He is doing better with his night nursing but still does it. Then I was ready to try to wean but then all four molars started coming in - I felt he needed my comfort more than ever so once again we postponed it.

He still nurses during the day but we are trying to increase the amount of solid foods he takes in during the day. How did you do that? If we go out during the day he won't nurse at all. He still nurses to sleep for naps and bedtime - I know it is wrong but that is how we do it and I will have to deal with it at some point. Does your baby co-sleep? We co-sleep still and getting him a "big-boy" bed may be the only solution for us.

I don't have much advice to offer but I know that when you are going through something like this it feels like you are the only one in the world with this problem. Trust me - you are not!!

I am the mother of three and I breastfed each one. My youngest was 11 months when I stopped. I got to a point that I knew for my sanity that I had too. My baby never slept any more than 2 hours at a time since birth. He would often just nurse for comfort and not for food. As you can imagine and know, this prevented me from getting any sound sleep. My baby would not take the bottle so my husband was of no help. So I decided that when my child turned 11 months that was it. I sent my two other children to my mother in laws with my husband, and I prepared myself for what I expected to be the worst night of my life. I was going to do what I had never done before, and let him cry it out. I laid him in the crib after nursing him and he cried himself to sleep. I waited and waited for him to wake up and he didn't until 5:30 the next morning. Call it luck, call it the grace of GOD, but my baby has slept through the night every night since that night. I decided to quit nursing at the same time. For whatever reason he decided to take the bottle. There have been a few nights where he wakes up for 30 seconds. I let him cry and he goes back to sleep. I think that you will eventually get to that point where you can't go another night. You have to be strong and you have to want to do it. My sister in law has a 16 month old who still nurses but started sleeping through the night at 10 months. Continue the nursing if you can, but sleep is so important for both mother and child.

I breastfed my daughter until she was almost two so don't feel bad about that. There's other mothers out there. You don't need to feel quilty. In the beginning of her life I'd pump my breastmilk but she'd refuse to drink it in the bottle so I'd run home from work at lunch time and feed her. Then after she was 10months old I became a stay-at-home mom. Towards the end of the two years she'd drink it at night mostly and then less and less until she stopped. I didn't want to end that closness with her . . .

I am a mother of four but honestly that doesn't make me anymore certified than a mother of one. I personally dealt with a breastfeeding issue with my now 3 yr old. He absolutely refused to give mommy up at bed time and nap time. I eventually had no choice but to let him just "deal". He was using me to pacify himself and as a comfort zone so I started by placing a shirt of mine that smelt like me and for the first couple nights had placed a dab of breastmilk on it in his crib with him. He would smell me if he awoke so that gave him that close feeling. In the beg. it was tough, I wanted to run to him everytime I heard him fuss but of course my husband assured me he was fine and I had to let him deal with it. It worked after about 5 days and now he's 3 and sleeps great! Good luck.

If you're looking for a part time job, keep an eye on the Virginia Department of Health website. Occasionally a breastfeeding peer counselor position comes available with WIC.

I think it's great that you've breastfed for so long. Many moms won't even give colostrum while in the hospital. My daughter is 13 months and still nurses frequently. Don't worry about him being too old to nurse. The World Health Organization recomends breastfeeding until at least age 2. The world average weaning age is somewhere around 4, and considering how many children are weaned much earlier there have to be a signifigant number of children older than that still nursing. Nobody expects you to nurse that long.

You might try contacting your local La Leche League group. I've tried calling them myself but nobody has returned my phone calls. The website www.lalecheleague.org has good info though.

There is also the extended_nursing yahoo group if you're looking for support from moms that nurse beyond the first year.

You can also contact your WIC office if your son is on WIC. Even though you aren't elligible for bennefits yourself, the lactation specialist on staff should be able to give you some ideas on how to wean.

A book I like is "The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning" It gives a lot of good information even if it is a little militant about the dangers of formula.

I hope some of this was helpful.

A. B

Hi S.,
I agree with the earlier posts also. If you'd like to get some more sleep though you might try systematic waking. My 7 month old goes down about 8:30 at night but I found would wake up at midnight and then 3 am or so. I started waking her up before I went to bed around 11 and then that way my sleep was only interrupted the one time during the night before we got up in the morning around 7 am. Please don't feel like you should be embarrased to breastfeed. My good friend went until 27 months with her oldest and she only weaned her because her second child was born. She's actually been nursing about four years straight now! Good luck. K.

No Cry Sleep Solution Book - Amazon.com has them cheap... we love this book, it deals w/ toddlers too! Good luck! It worked for me, and mine's 7 months old....

I went through the same thing with my now 3 1/2 year old. I was having surgery and had to wean him by the time he was 9 months old. The first few nights, he cried and fussed, but I held him and let him have some of his favorite juice. (I know he should have been getting water, but water wasn't going to help for the first few nights.) Then, I switched him over to water. After a couple of days, he'd ask for a drink, but wasn't trying to nurse. Within a week, he stopped drinking in the middle of the night all together. There will probably be a couple of nights where you're awake for a while in the night, but it's worth it in the long run. Good luck!!