I'm having an off weekend and I'm feeling like I need to vent.
Here's an overview. I did two days of a garage sale, my child is sick, I got my period and I'm having some back problems. The end result has been that I'm exhausted, sensitive and irritable. I felt annoyed with my husband yesterday and pretty sensitive all day. I admit that my irritability had more to do with me than anything else. I tend to get overly sensitive at times.
My husband felt ignored by me yesterday and told me that I'm not the best communicator, even though I always talk about how important communication is. We talked about it today, but I feel anxious and responsible for how the weekend went. I'm just having an off weekend.
Do you ever have that type of weekend? When things just feel eh? When you bring the worst out of yourself and each other? Do you have a pattern in your life and/or relationship that you repeat sometimes? Something that your husband doesn't love about you?
I'm trying to think about how to avoid this in the future. Maybe it's just important not to take on too much. We have 3 kids. That seems to be enough 😳
** I just read a couple of your responses. When I said that my husband felt ignored, i meant that he literally felt like i was mad at him. I was behaving as though I was upset with him, but I never communicated why i was frustrated with him or irritated. I don't necessarily think that he was being high maintenance. He literally felt like i was upset with him but wasn't communicating. None of us like to be ignored, ya know?! He brought up the point that i was treating the kids totally normal but then walking by him and ignoring him and not talking much. He helped me quite a bit yesterday, took my daughter to the doctor, helped with the garage sale, etc. but on a couple of occasions, he annoyed me, and i started to shutdown...
Off weekends, yes. The spouse issue, no. I'm super clear in my communication even if that means I say I'm crabby as hell and need him to go fetch me some chocolate and wine. I'm also upfront and say, "I'm not mad at you, I'm just crabby at life in general today." That way they (husband, kids, whoever) know. I will actually warn them to stay away from me because I need to be alone. Self awareness is the key.
Sounds like you two need a quiet dinner together (can you get a babysitter?) and then come home and make love. No talking about difficult things. Just relaxing and trying to let the tension out during your meal, and thinking about the bedroom when you get home, out loud, with each other.
You might be surprised at how much it might make you feel better, at least for a while...
Vent away! We've all had off weekends. I know I have.
One thing I just have to say - and I mean this in the kindest way possible - is that you are not responsible for your husband. He sounds a bit high maintenance (no offence). I have two very good friends and a sister who have high maintenance (emotionally needy) men who require attention. They have, since their kids have hit about ten, backed off on giving them attention. You simply burn out.
Don't be so h*** o* yourself. My god, you've got a sick kid, your period, 2 days of garage sales? You rock.
ETA: I hear you. Saw your SWH.
I get PMS and my husband just avoids me. So do the kids. So some of that is just unavoidable. It's the same for my friends.
I also know what you mean about being annoyed and holding it in, just getting through the day. My sister (and mother too) does this. As a kid, I would wish they'd just blow up and get it over with rather than giving me the cold shoulder essentially. You can try to work on it - or have a code word, so he knows that you're annoyed, but it will go away over time and you can talk later - or do what I do, I walk into my laundry room and curse out loud (not so they can hear me) and then I'm ok. I just let it out.
But that's really common. When we're stressed we're not at our best. My husband isn't, I'm not .. we just don't take it too personally. If my husband is annoyed and won't tell me why - I just know he will later on, and move on. Just agree on some form of dealing with it (for both of you) and then make time to reconnect later - good ideas from the other moms.
This sort of thing happens to EVERYONE from time to time.
What to do?
You accept it and don't try to avoid it.
Just find a way to step around it.
Talk with your spouse about it and come up with a code word that will convey:
"I'm not reasonable right now. It's not your fault. And we'll happily connect again once I'm over it".
A day or two and/or a hot bath can work wonders sometimes.
Timing is everything and it's reasonable to expect that sometimes it's just better to wait out a crappy mood.
He should be able to use the code word too because guys also get moody sometimes.
Sometimes I tell my husband "I'm just mad right now and I'm not mad at you but I don't want to take it out on you either. So just respect that I need some time to pull myself out of my funk.".
It really helps when you have a procedure to get through these things!
Everyone goes through this and has these days. It happens to me a few times a year. I get over tired, over worked, feel like everything I do is wrong, and I'm irritable as hell. I feel like i am having a mental break down and it all catches up to me until I feel like cracking. My mother in law is great with my son. I tell her I need a break and she will keep him overnight. I need a good night sleep and me time. The next morning I feel refreshed and a better person.
You just need a mental health day. Recharge your batteries. Take a hot bath, read a book, talk to your husband with no kids around. Theres nothing wrong with how you feel. You had a lot on your plate.
I felt like a total failure as a mom when I finally admitted that I needed a break from my son. You have to take time for yourself once in a while. Getting a manicure and pedicure is my favorite way to take a break from the everyday hussle of being a mom.
He "felt ignored" when your child is sick and you are dealing with a variety of ailments yourself.... Well okay then.
It sounds like he needs to be more sensitive to what's going on around him.
As for shaking this off in the next few days - maybe a "couples massage date" to take care of your back problems?
We all feel off sometimes. I have started trying to recognize it ASAP so I can let my husband know "Hey, I feel off today and may need more alone/quiet time then usual", and he has come to understand that this is just part of my personality and to not take it personally.
We all have days like that. Let him know if he feels like that to say something to you when he states to feel like that. Not later when his feelings are all hurt, communication is a 2 way street.
Yes, we all have our days. Sounds like you already have a great preventative measure in mind.... don't take on too much!
Of course I've had off days. Sounds like you had a lot to do and your child was sick. Top that with your period and sometimes it's just too much. Garage sales are a lot of work. I'm sure you were just having an off weekend. Something that often helps me.....I will take a 30 min walk by myself. I just put on my tennis shoes and leave from the front door (I don't drive to a path or track...just literally walk out the front door and down the street). The walk itself will usually rejuvenate and re-energize my batteries. Every once in awhile I need a little time to myself so I will usually go get a pedicure (summer time), sneak off to the library to read a magazine in complete silence or go window shopping nearby for an hour (I don't even need to spend money). Take care of yourself. Take your kids to the library today if you feel up to it. If not, treat yourself to a pedi nearby when hubby gets home from work. Hang in there!
When I have a weekend like this, I need to take breaks to keep myself sane. And I will go lie down in bed. It might be for 30 min at 2 in the afternoon if that's the only break I have, or I might head up to bed an hour before my husband comes up for the night. If I'm not ready to sleep, I'll read a book. I'm a classic introvert, and sometimes I really REALLY need a little time by myself to stop from going over the edge.
I think the key is the communication your husband mentioned. I'm not hesitant to say to my husband "I'm grouchy and I need alone time, I don't want to talk about it right now, but I can tell you that it has nothing to do with you." He believes me, doesn't take it personally, gives me my time, and lets me rejoin the world when I'm ready. I'm sure your husband would rather have you ASK for some time to recharge instead of trying to be the energizer bunny that keeps going and going - because eventually all that going and going will backfire. I hope you feel better today after some sleep last night!
