Anal Retentive Almost-3-yr-old!

My son was in EXACTLY the same situation...almost 3, peeing in the potty but pooping in a diaper, and holding it for up to 5 days until he was crying in pain and getting crankier every day that went by. What finally solved it was rewarding him for pooping, even if it is in his diaper. About a month ago I started giving him 3 m&m's every time he poops, and he hasn't skipped more than 1 day since we started that. He also tells me now when he's going, which is a big step because he used to hide and deny that he was going. I never thought I would be bribing my child to poop in a diaper, but I would have done anything to get him to stop holding it! It was so sad to see him in pain. Good luck to you!

I would bribe her until she gets back to going every day. You can use a star chart and she can earn a toy after a certian number of stars, or you can give a piece of candy each time. Kids like charts because they can see progress and you can say nice things about how great she is doing just look at the chart. after she is going normaly then you can ease off the chart, but that may be a few months.

Good luck

This is going to sound incredibly gross, but it worked for a friend whose child didn't want her poop to come out, and I used it for getting my daughter interested in potty training: We told our daughters that pooping in the potty is good for the fishies because every time we flush, the poopy goes down into the ocean and makes food for the fishies. Gross, right? Well, surprisingly, it worked. My daughter, especially, is very interested in fish; we take her several times a month to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. When we started potty training, instead of telling us she had to go poopy, she'd yell, "I have to feed the fishies!" My friend's daughter would tell her mom, "It's OK to let the poo out because it feeds the fish! I'm feeding the fish!" Sometimes kids think of poo as a part of themselves and are afraid to let it out or flush it down the toilet. Maybe this is the case with your daughter, and now all this holding it in has made her constipated, which makes her want to avoid going poo even more. It sounds like she has gotten herself into a painful cycle. I'd try some gentle laxatives or prune or pear juice to make it easier for her, and try the fish food thing and see if it helps her let go a bit. Good luck...

Hi there,

Our little one had a horrible time with constipation for her second year of life. The specialist suggested it was a dairy allergy that made it painful to pass the stools (b/c it irritated her anus), causing her to hold them, causing her to become constipated, causing her to hold them... etc...

I think she grew out of the allergy way before the constipation problem cleared up. We were advised NOT to give her a lot of bran and roughage because it made the poops more bulky and scratchy and more painful to pass. We steamed/boiled her veggies so they didn't dry out and actually had her eat white bread, pasta, and rice (instead of whole grain) because the specialist said it would be easier to get the stools to pass. But we tried to get her to eat lots of fruits and veggies. She was also on a medication like Miralax (still is on a tiny dose).

I can tell you more about what the specialist recommended and didn't recommend, and you might be able to find it in my other replies and questions if you are interested.

Good luck! It is so frustrating and hard to watch your little love suffer like that!

H.

Sounds like the constipation was painful enough that she is now afraid to poop. That's perfectly normal - I closed the hatch of my Escape 6 weeks ago and caught my forehead with the corner. It was only about a 4 on a pain scale of 1-10, but it shocked me because I so didn't see it coming - but now, EVERY time I close the hatch, I flinch because my subconscious remembers the pain and shock. So until she has many good experiences, she is going to "fear" which means she'll tense up and we all know that can cause pain. Does she cry about pooping in her pull-up too? If so, I would certainly ignore the question of "where" she poops until she gets over her fear of the actual process. Push fluids, add a bit of fibre to her diet, maybe some prune juice so that her stool is really soft and the urge is just a shade closer to uncontrollable. If she cries don't scold, just comfort her and let her know you love her and you'll have/do "a special treat" as soon as she's done. Try sitting beside her and let her lean into your lap and rub her back to help her relax. Maybe make a game of panting like a puppy or taking BIG breaths and blowing like the wind - childbirth relaxation techniques work for bowel movements too!
With 6 children and now 6 grandchildren, we've had all kinds of toileting issues - just know patience always works better than making a big deal of it. Obviously holding it can cause health issues but I'm sure you're a long way from that. And always remember "this too shall pass!"

To echo the encopresis topic -- my 7-year-old son is currently on Miralax after seeing a gastroenterologist. The thing is, you can't reason with your daughter, explain it to her "the right way" or engage in a battle of wills on this. It is indeed functional at this point and you do need to deal with the constipation to enable her to go without pain or fear. I totally agree with the previous poster, that she needs to have lots of good, easy experiences before she can go without fear. My son now has been going every day and keeps talking about how much easier it is with the medicine. So he gets about a half-capful a day, although I may ease up as it's not supposed to be too liquidy, but rather "snake-like". I agree that a pediatrician can help guide you, but generally with Miralax (which is the easiest on their little systems) dosage is not clear, an amount that works for one kid may be too much or too little to another, so it's trial and error. But the idea is not to clear her out or even to clear constipation (which you say is better) it's supposed to smooth it out and make it much easier for her to go, less pushing and potential pain. Then on top of that, it's important to get into a routine of sitting on the toilet for 5 minutes after every meal (or whichever meals can be managed, I can't do lunch since he's at school). Use a foot stool under her to get her knees up to a good angle, and reward her for sitting even if she doesn't go. Be consistent, be calm, and patient, she will get it under control eventually.

My just turned four year old used to do the same thing. He would only poop in the pull-up, but had been going pea for almost a year and a half. He would go for several days without going. Then, he would complain that his bum and tummy hurt. He really wanted a bike with training wheels. We told him that that was a big boy bike & that big boys went poo poo on the potty. We told him that if he went poo poo on the potty for seven days, he could get his bike. He had some set backs, but it finally worked.

Oh I cannot wait to see your responses! My 2 and a half year old son does this too. He goes potty all day long on the big boy potty. His underpants stay dry all day. He wears pull ups to nap and bed and those stay dry. He will start screaming and crying though and say he has to poop. He refuses to go on the potty. I think he is trying so hard to not go in his pants but is afraid to go on the potty. I've tried telling him it's okay to go in his pants if he needs to. I've tried getting him to go on the potty. I've even brought the potty into the living room so he'd be more comfortable. Nothing works. He eventually goes. In his pants or the potty. He screams while he does it. Poor guy. Good luck with your daughter!

If a child has had pain with going poop, they remember that pain and won't poop thus causing more pain. It is also what they can control in their young lives so it gives them power. I would give her prune juice and as much fiber as you can to make sure it is not difficult to go and then talk as little as one can about this subject to her. If she goes in her pullup, just let that be like you are doing already. This too shall pass.
F.

You say you have offered but not pressured her to poop in the potty. Has she ever pooped in the potty? She is obviously strong willed. She is strong enough to not poop, but why? I would try (but not to the point of trauma) to finish potty training her. If it's a comfort issue then this might solve it. If it's a control issue then poopping in the potty gives her back the control. I wouldn't discourage her from being "in control". In fact, praise her for it so that she realizes what she is doing. She wanted control, and has it. If she wants to maintain control, and re gain comfort, then perhaps a schedule would help her. Tell her what time of day she should poop. Then write it down on a schedule. Then put her on the potty at the same time every day. That's just what I would try. Best of luck getting her comfortable.

First, remove all milk products from her diet and replace them with soy. Trader Joe's is a good place to shop for milk free stuff and they aren't expensive like the grocery stores.
Second, get some Kondrumel. It comes in a white bottle with a blue label. If you can't find it in the drugstore, ask for help. It is mineral oil that is easy for your little one to swallow.

I have 20 years experience with this as my developmentally disabled 20 year old has struggled with this since she was about 5. Her developmental age is 27 months so she has been at the same stage as yours for 15+ years. Hopefully she will grow out of it but until then, removing milk products will keep her from getting so bound up while you work on getting her more comfortable with going #2.

So sorry you are going throug this! I know this is a tough situation. I've been there and so have several parents that I know. This happens to many kids during potty training since they tend to want to hold it for some reason. I know you don't really want to hear about ways to treat constipation (since you feel the constipation may have stopped) but it is possible that the root of the problem could be physical and has, in turn, resulted in a problem with your daughter's behavior. Going to the bathroom has been painful for her in the past and she doesn't want to experience that anymore. Can't blame her! The only way to change her behavior is to change the physical problem that is causing it. She has to experience going to the bathroom pain-free before she will stop being afraid. I think you have to focus on the root of the problem which is the CAUSE of the constipation.
You can try Mirilax, etc. to soften her stools but that only treats the symptoms. In my experience, it could be dietary. Rather than add in more foods, I believe some foods need to actually be removed. She may have some food intolerances or allergies. I finally figured this out for my kids when they were 5 and 8 so I hope you don't have to wait that long! :) I went to many doctors who said, "Add more whole wheat," which only made their constipation worse. Gluten (and sometimes dairy) seems to be the worst culprit. Gluten intolerance (or sometimes Celiac disease) is a genetic condition and there are many other symptoms associated with it that may run in your family. If you want to read about this condition, here are some articles that may help.

http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/constipation-children...

http://www.uchicagokidshospital.org/pdf/uch_007934.pdf

I'd be happy to answer more questions if you want to give this a try just to rule it out. Constipation can come and go with this condition that is fairly common. It was the only thing that worked for my kids. When I removed the gluten, their eczema and stomach aches went away as well. I took it out of my diet and elieved my thyroid problem, skin rashes, canker sores, muscle and joint aches, etc. Take care and hang in there. :)

There have been a few posts about this in recent weeks - it's a condition called Encopresis. Basically, the child withholds going to the bathroom, the liquid component of the poop leaks out leaving a hard stool that is really painful.

Our 22 month-old has this following a bout with constipation that we were unable to relieve on our own.

Our pediatrician has her on a capful of Miralax each day for 8 weeks. It has helped tremendously, but I'd strongly advise you to speak with your pediatrician about it and to follow their advice regarding how to correct the situation. We are basically having to retrain her how to poop.

Here's some information about it:
http://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/cond...

With the weather getting warmer, my answer to all of the potty questions is comando. She should not be allowed to wear any bottoms, not even underwear, until she realizes that pooping is for the potty only. I understand about the pressure. I do not believe in that either. But she is almost 3 and has the reasoning capability now that if it is ok for pee to come out and leave her body, it's ok for poop to do the same. I always teach my kids that when we eat, our bodies decide what parts of the food to keep to make us grow strong and healthy, and what parts to get rid of. The parts to get rid of turns into pee and poop and it's now our job to let it go. Many, many children feel like it's the most horrible thing for these things to leave them because they belong to them, not the toilet. I was once a part of them, and now it's time to let go to make room for new poop. Then, when it's time to let of that poop, more new poop will be made. Also, when you say you've tried everything, what exactly does that mean? What you might know may not be what others know, and vice versa.

Miralax miralax miralax. Around 2 tbls mixed into her drink morn and nite

If this has been an issue for sometime as by your post it seems so, you'll want to do this for a couple of months to give ample healing time for her colon which can become so stretched out that she will continue to get impacted causing severe trauma and problems later on. After a few months, you can adjust the dosage. And if potty training is going on stop until she has healed and hadaome time to just get used to pooping without pain or fear of pain, could be along long time...good news is she will eventually poop and on the potty just fine you may still have to dose her 1/2 dose every other other day or so, but any pediatrician will tell you miralax is safe and better to have to keep your child on it as long as it does the job for a year or more if necessary than to let your child and her diet ( if you've tried everything) go on suffering. If you're still not sure see your pediatrician, look up additional info on miralax, or contact your health food store for something that works on par with miralax...you won't find anything, your pediatrician will probably back up my suggestion, and the info on the web about miralax will no doubt only set your mind at ease and you out to the drugstore for the industrial sized white bottle with purple and pink lable and oh so attractive hotpink top... About $23.00 at any chain drugstore acouple more dollars at some, but if you've got a costco card head there, $25.00 for two yes two industrial sized bottles still with that oh so attractive hotpink top. :)

good luck and hope your little one feels better soon

I would try to clarify where she actually has pain, just in case the stool is so large she is getting small tears in her rectum. and how intense the pain is by giving her comparisons like does it hurt like when you hit your Knee or when you fell down or is it in her stomach. you may have her play with a doll and have her train the dolly to poop and how often the dolly should poop so the dolly feels happy and good.

First, let me tell you I am EXTREMELY against bribes. With that said, my son did the same thing. We ended up having gasteroenterologist appointments and tons of miralax making liquid poop for 9 months or so to "retrain" my son. Believe me, that is NOT a fun solution. AND, after it was all said and done, my son did not have anymore "blockage" problems, but did still hold his poop. One thing sure fire than will make your problem worse is arguing about it with your daughter (which it doesn't sound like you do). DO NOT make a big deal at all. What finally worked for me was giving in and offering ice cream as a reward. It took some time for the reward to actually be appealing, but eventually the ice cream was worth the hassle of pooping in the toilet and he actually would run to the toilet 3 times a day sometimes just to get the reward (which was for results, not effort). I let him choose the flavor before hand, and that made it more appealing. After a while, the reward became 'oh, i am out of ice cream, how about the gummy bears instead' and eventually just tapered off.

My grandson had the same problem. They have a bad experience pooping (it hurt) so they don't want to do it again. We finally found a doctor with a great treatment plan. You start out by giving them a suppository to clean everything out. Then, you give them some mineral oil two times per day. Since my grandson had had the problem for a very long time, we started out with 1/8 of a cup of mineral oil two times daily. the mineral oil is completely natural - no taste - can't hurt them. It goes into the bowel and coats whatever is in there so it can "slide" out. You will find "skid marks" in her underwear because she will not be able to stop the oil from coming out - no big deal - tell her it's okay. She has no control over it, but it's not a lot like pooping her pants, she will be fine at school. But she must be allowed to use the bathroom whenever she feels like she has to because she won't be able to hold it so be sure to let her teacher in on what's going on so she can use the restroom when she needs to. Anyway, start out with probably less than the 1/8 cup but again, don't worry it will be too much because it can't hurt her. it will simply come out the other end. Anyway, start out with kind of a healthy dose and then after a week or two cut it back. After a while, you won't need to give her any, but then I would have her eat Activia every day to help keep her regular. Also, get a footstool for her to put her feet on when she goes poop. Much easier to "push" when you have something to brace your feet against! She just needs to get cleaned out and then discover that it really doesn't hurt to go! Good luck! I remember seeing my grandson on the toilet crying his eyes out trying to go! It's miserable for everyone!

My daughter had this very same problem for a whole year. It was so misarably hard. Have u talked to yr doctor about it? We would give her miralax or mineral oil in her drinks, it helps to soften it, but as far as mentally, my daughter I think was so afraid to go because she thought it would hurt, I'm not sure, but one day all of asuden she was ok and didnt have her problem anymore. Hope it gets better soon!!!

I had this problem with my oldest daughter when she was a toddler, and her pediatrician recommended Metamucil cookies (you can find them at the grocery or drug store by laxatives, etc.). You probably want to start with about 1/2 cookie and make sure she drinks lots of water with it. You can also tell her that the cookie has magic properties - it will make it so her poop won't hurt so much. When one of my kids gets constipated we always use these, and they always work, very gently.

Good luck!