Another Child.....Foster/adoption?? or Deal with Life

I was 43 when I adopted a newborn. I ended up with three kids, now 20, 16 & 15.
I love my kids, but you need to know that adopted children come with their own set of rules and it is definately not what you are used to.
Do you remember the adoptive mom who sent her child back to russia? Well that is more the norm than the happily ever after.

If you want my advice, get a dog.

C. - if I could help you with this issue then I could help myself too! I feel like I am going through the same exact thing (except I'm 40 and didn't have cancer - God bless you).

My heart aches for those wonderful years when my kids were little. Maybe we forget the hard times, but gosh I miss them.

I haven't even been able to go see Toy Story 3 because I know I will cry the entire way through it (it was one of my older son's favorites when he was a very little boy and he always sang the ending song).

I'm eager to see the responses to your post . . . lots & lots of hugs.

I went through it too. I had had 2 boys and due to metal issues cannot have more. So we looked into fostering. You are not suppose to do fostering with the idea of adoption. They stress that at the county agencies. Most will go back to mom or dad. If your wanting to adopt look into a private foster agency. Be prepared to take on anothers persons troubles. All the children I know who wer adopted either later in life or as a toddler have issues. Basiclly from neglect and development problems from it. We didn't follow through with the fostering because I knew I would never be able to givew back a child to parents who were jerks. We got a femle dogt and the maternal issues were resolved or at least it worked for me.

Perfectly normal.

My neighbor just became a foster parent. Her baby just graduated HS. Foster and adoption are both good options. In VA, there is a program where you can ask to only foster kids that are adoptable.

I would talk to your hubby and make sure you are on the same page. If you are go for it.
M.

Go for it! Many states have foster to adopt programs.
If you still have your uterus (you did not mention what kind of cancer/surgery) you could even consider egg donation/embryo adoption if your health allows for you to carry a pregnancy (it's the 21 century...amazing what is possible nowadays).
You are still young! Good luck.

Definitely not wrong at your age to want another child, you are young still. Of course you want to make sure your husband is on board and then together you need to decide would you rather foster or adopt? Go through all the pro/cons of both and decide from there what is best for you. good luck

Hi C.,
You are definately not too old to adopt a child. I was 40 when I adopted my daughter. I may be wrong but it seems you think it takes children to define who you are. Since your husband is not interested maybe the 2 of you could go to counseling. This may give you a better understanding of your need for a baby and will help your husband understand your needs.

You may have this feeling simply because you cant have children now. I didn't have that problem. I was missing the husband so decided to adopt instead of getting pregnant. If you do decide to adopt I will tell you its the best thing in the world. I know one poster described the incident with the Russian adoption. When you get older children sometimes it doesn't work out. I got my daughter as a newborn so she has only known me. She is the bright spot of my life. I have never regretted my decision in adopting. I can't imagine my life without her.

If fostering or adoption is for you than go for it but I think you should talk to someone first before jumping into it. You have to realize that you will not only be satisfying your need but the childs needs as well. Good luck!!

I am a foster parent. When we walked into our pre-placement classes, the first thing the instructor said was that if we were there to adopt a healthy caucasian baby, it would probably never happen. After 5 years caring for foster children, I can say she was very accurate. The fact is that there are a lot of children waiting to be adopted who desperately need a permanent home, but they are anywhere from a few years old to teenagers. Many of these children are very lovable and simply need a forever home, however, they come with a different set of issues than children who have been brought up on your home. In order to get a better understanding of what it is like to be a foster parent and the things you may face, you would need to go to some of the classes and meet some people who are doing it. But, ultimately, if you are only open to a baby straight from the hospital, your chances of getting what you want are very low.
Foster care is extremely challenging, but has been an important part of our lives. Your thinking about a child thinking an older child would think no one else wanted him and the like was somewhat accurate, but even more, the children want to have someone they can trust to care for them...someone who won't give up when things get challenging. They just want to be safe and loved. If you can give this to a child, you are needed.
I hope this has helped. Please contact an agency if you are interested. We work with Focus on Youth in West Chester. They have been great to us and we have been super impressed with their care of the children. We also were with a county near here for quite a while.
I guess the most important thing is to let you know that if you are interested in helping children, foster parents do that in spades.

well thats a hard question -sorry about your cancer hope you are getting better- i was adopted when i was very young and my adopted mom had the samething you did. all ican say to you is be honost to your adopted child from the get go tell them they are special and yes that did come to my mom'e mind that one day my mom would come and take me away from my adopted mom and u know what it never did. sometimes there are reasons that the birthmother will give a child up -see mine was a close adoption and she just did not want to see me at that time. -but i will tell you this there will be a time when the adopted child will ask you -i want to find my real mom let me tell you they still really love you they just have questions for them. please don't get affended is this happens and remember always be upfront with the child always tell them thats they were special and was adopted even when they are very young. good luck-wish your happiness in the wourld to you. a mom who was a adoptee

Foster care is a wonderful thing to do. Not just for you but for the children. So many children need good homes, even if just for a short while. I think that if you can come to terms with having the kids come and go that it would be a terrific opportunity to make a difference and could help fill that hole. I believe that you can also request when doing foster care that you only get children that they truly think will be up for adoption, which will decrease the likely hood that you have to part with a child you have become attached to.

Hi C.,
Like you I adore children and babies and love to have them in my life, there is nothing wrong with that! I have 3 children 9,4 and 2 and we are in the process of adopting internationally from Ethiopia. I love and cherish adoption....Ethiopia is one of the few countries that allows you to choose your age(infants are available! And gender). They have such a need for good adoptive families...did you know there are over 147 million orphans in the world? 3 million in Ethiopia alone! These babies can't be taken back, mothers aren't going to change their minds, they are family-less living in orphanages. So our baby girl will be adopted from an orphanage and we will travel to add her to our family and I am sure she will be as loved as my bio kids!
The blogs www.weloveourlucy.blogspot.com and www.mycrazyadoption.com were very special to my heart when adoption was pulling on my heart too;-) The "gotcha day" videos will make you smile!
If this feeling won't go away then it's meant to be, trust me I've never met an adoptive parent who didn't feel the call and pull...it's normal:-) Good luck!
M.

I say talk to your husband, let him know how you're feeling and what you want to do....even do some research before you talk to him so you have the names of agencies, pros/cons, etc. to let him know how serious you are and how important this is to you. I think it's great that you want to foster/adopt! Go for it!

Best wishes on your decision and moving forward with your desire! I hope you are cancer free and happy!

ps - you're not too old - I'm 43 and so desire to have another child!!! Mine are 5 & 4 and I miss them the day they leave my house already!

You mention it isn't a desire your husband has so I don't think there is that much to talk about. To have another biological child, you both need to be on board with it. That's only fair to the child. Is he ok with fostering? Why do you have to go into it with plans for adopting? What about just being a foster parent for however long is needed? I don't think you can dictate you will only take an infant or small child though if you are a foster parent. You'd have to look into that. I have a friend who did fostering with it in her heart it would lead to adoption and they fell in love with two children they fostered. Eventually the kids did go back to their mom even though my friend thought there was no way that could happen and they were devastated. They went on and adopted another child later but it still saddens her to talk about those children.