Answering Child Who Asks Why Our Prayers Did Not Work?

I dont know about biblically speaking other than (the lord works in mysterious ways) But i always quote the tom petty song 'you cant always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you get what you need"

meaning all we can do is hope for the best and we are given what is meant for us

Prayers always work, they just may not work the way she wanted them too.

I know you wanted a Christian answer, but here's a Jewish one that maybe you can "tweak" to fit.

Jews aren't supposed to pray for things that cannot be changed by prayer. For example, if you see a house burning off in the distance, you are not supposed to say "Lord, don't let that be my house." The house is already on fire. God cannot come, put the fire out of your house, and set fire to another house. All you can pray for things that you can change - the strength to live through a house fire, a thank you prayer for the wisdom of having bought fire insurance, etc.

I guess I would just say that sometimes we're praying for the wrong things, and God helps us find the right things to ask for.

Good luck.

All prayers are answered --sometimes the answer is no.

There is song called Turn Turn Turn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHvf20Y6eoM

Prayers are our way of having a conversation with God. God is not a genie in a bottle where we make a wish and our wishes come try. God always knows what is best for us and sometimes the answers to our prayers are a simple "no" but that doesn't mean that God doesn't love us or care for us.

Sorry for your loss. I pray this helps.

Someone once told me that God answers all prayers with one of three answers: yes, no, and wait. I thought about it, and it seemed so true. Sometimes the answer to a prayer is no. It isn't because God is mean, or anything of the sort, but that He has a different plan. A better plan.
We do not know the will of God, nor are we meant to.
It is the same as when a parent tells a child no to something because the parent knows that is the best answer. It may not be the popular answer, or the answer that brings joy, but it is for the best sometimes.

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Hi Kay-

I have often felt that god always answers our prayers...and like any good parent...sometimes the answer is 'no'...

I also now 'pray' broadly...Like...grant me the patience, strength and humility to deal with _______.

The other thing that touched me years ago was a sermon by a priest for a friend of mine who had drowned...It was about life being a tapestry that we view from the 'wrong' side...knots...loose ends...etc. When we get to heaven, the beautiful 'other' side will be revealed...and we will have perfect and complete understanding...

I have heard similar sermons over the years...but THAT one stuck with me from age of about 10...

Best Luck!
Michele/cat

God answers all prayers...Sometimes the answer is not what we want....sometimes its no and sometimes its no not now.....

Some would say God always answers our prayers.
Sometimes the answer is 'No'.
Sometimes when someone is in pain for a long time, you might pray that they live, but death is an end to their suffering.
Just like kids can not always figure out why a parent does something the child doesn't like but it's for their own good - God does the same thing and we'll never be grown up enough (by God's standards) to know why he does what he does.
I thought 'Bruce Almighty' did a good job with this.

Sometimes God's answer isn't our answer. We may not always know why, but God does.

I prayed for the healing of a child in the NICU. She did not live. I later looked back at her photos and realized how much she had been suffering. As much as we all wanted her HERE, now she isn't suffering. What was her purpose? To bring people closer, I think. To remind people of the fragility of life. To strengthen family and friendship. She made US better people for knowing her.

It's hard when something doesn't get answered your way. Hard to understand as an adult, let alone a child. I've also heard the sermon about the knotwork/rug/quilt and I think that might be a good one to have her read. I'm sure there's a version of it online somewhere.

I suppose it would help to explain that we are not in control but God is. He has a higher purpose and plan for all of us. Through our faith we need to realize that God is good and to trust in him.

I realize that this is easier said than done because while I know this I too need to accept it.

my M. always told us that God always answers your prayers, its just sometimes he says no, and we may not understand why, but we have to trust that God knows best (For the record my M. is catholic, and I am agnostic so I dont know if I believe that)

This is difficult for an adult, let alone a child. I recently came to terms with this answer. God answers prayers when we ask according to His will. Sometimes Gods plans usurp our prayers. Yes, even when someone dies. Imagine people pray for a child to survive a grave illness. Imagine God answers those prayers. Now imagine that same child turns from God in his adult life and never returns to Him. That child would be better off dying saved than living longer only to reject God and his salvation. So all such petitions we ask we should follow the scriptural example "none the less, Your will be done." I have a friend with an advanced diagnosis for cancer. He is realizing his mortality and turning to God. We pray he will live, but I always add that God's will be done because I'd rather God take him now when he is saved than for an unknown future and a turning away from God.

"Gods ways are not the same as people's ways. We do not always understand God's answers."

Although I wouldn't recommend you have her read the book of Job right now, you may want to talk to your minister/clergy-person about how your church interprets it. That may help you come up with answers.

Good luck!

have her listen to Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayers" it is a really good song.
Oh and my M. taught us when someone is ill instead of praying for their health to return to pray for their highest and best good even if that means they go home before we are ready for them to.

I like the way Tedsmommy responded. You will need to tread lightly here b/c at 10 she may be starting to question religion in general (which is completely normal).

I would add that when we pray for someone to be healed, healing can come in the form of being okay with death if that is what the person is praying for.

We teach our children that God is sovereign. In Psalm 139:16, it says: All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
So, God ordained the number of our days before we were ever born. Because He alone is sovereign, we cannot add to or take away from that number. Death, disease, pain, suffering are all a part of the fall of man. Every one of us will die at some point. Do we trust that God is good, that He knows all things, that all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose? (Romans 8:28) Prayer always works. God doesn't promise that He is Santa in the sky. We can't demand of God and expect Him to give us our every desire. Prayer is a way to pour out our hearts to God, to depend on Him for our care. Just as her earthly father doesn't give her everything she asks, neither does God. Daddy only gives her what she needs, sprinkled with some special gifts.
If the person is a Christian, he is in the presence of God, rejoicing, celebrating, worshipping God. No more pain, no more sorrow, only joy and peace. Such hope, such a gift. We should rejoice at the life well-lived, while grieving for our personal loss. But, we don't grieve like those without hope. We have the promise of our glorification, of joining our beloved Lord in heaven with the saints who have gone before us.
Blessings as you minister to this young girl.

i would explain that god's plan is better than what we had prayed for and on HIS time it will be revealed

and God always answers (nothing for example, is the same as no)

I haven't read the other answers so I may be repeating but any time I asked a seemingly unanswerable religious question the answer was always "God works in mysterious ways..." That answer wasn't good enough for me but it might work for your daughter. Good luck!

Everything happens for a reason and God can see the big picture and help us in the way that will benefit us most. Sometimes it does take a while for us to see but He is always watching out for our best interest.

I have not read any of your responses but I have 3 children (pregnant with the 4th) and we are a born again Christian family. My children understands prayer and how it works. They know that God answers in one of three ways : (1) Yes, (2) No, (3) Not now. We cannot assume to know what God's plans are for us. We can pray to Him and ask for His intercession but we cannot demand He perform a miracle or do what we ask. It's important to understand that God's plan is different for each of us and your daughter is at such a tender age, she may not be fully able to comprehend what "God's plan" means but reassure her that God heard her prayers and He knows that His decision wasn't what she had hoped (prayed) for but that the person He took to heaven was needed more in heaven than on earth. I've always explained to my children that God has a purpose that each of us must fulfill on earth and once that purpose is achieved, God calls us to heaven. I hope this helps.

Great answer Reverend Ruby!

Even a loving parent wouldn't give their child everything they wanted simply because they asked. If your child asked for dessert just before dinner time, your answer would probably be no. Not because you don't love your child, but because you love them enough to make sure that they get what they NEED, not necessarily what they WANT. We can't always know what God has in store for us. We can't possibly know why some people die so young and others don't. All we can do is hope and pray that God helps us to endure through all things. God's timing is perfect.

We recently lost my father in law after a long battle with cancer. It broke our hearts to see him getting more and more sick and eventually passing away. My daughter has been raised in a non-denominational Christian church and although we were/are all sad about my FIL's death, she has never questioned it. Real faith is giving your life over to God and believing that He should be in charge.

Sometimes God knows how to answer your prayers in a way you might not agree with....like by sparing the someone who died any more pain and suffering when treatments were not working. Other times in the event of a tragedy, accidents happen -- we were all given free will and that means that we are now pawns and there are bad people out there and those who make mistakes and cause pain and suffering to others.

Of course, I am the kind of M. who does prayers (hail mary, lords prayer and our own family prayer and "thankful" session) with our kids EVERY night and we have talks about how there are bad people out there who might want to take her away from us so that is why it is important to not go running off in public (like at the grocery store) -- and she is only 3.5. She doesn't seem scared by these kinds of comments, just realizes it is reality and doesn't run off. Etc. I would probably tell a 10 year old more than most would be able to handle or be happy with....

You have received some wonderful, thoughtful answers here...I just wanted to add that I recently read a great book entitiled "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." I believe that you may find it useful, as it addresses your basic question in several different contexts. It might give you food for thought as you discuss this issue. It was recommended to me by a grief counselor after my M. died. Best wishes.

When my husband was trying to get a promotion in the company he is with, and he didn't get it when everyone thought he would, and with tons of praying on our part, we were very upset. Now my husband has a much better job with the company and the guy that got the staff job my husband wanted actually ended up taking a pay cut because of some of the changes in how they are paying staff. We could not have handled a pay cut.

My daughter and son-in-law were turned down for an apartment they would have had very small payments on because they made about $15 a year too much in gross income. They didn't understand why their prayers weren't answered, but they accepted it, and ended up in some other apartments. The apartments they were turned down for flooded a couple of months later.

If the person who died had continued living, he/she may have had to endure seeing their children die before them, had to endure alzheimers, may have been in a paralyzing car wreck, or any multitude of things that may have been so much more devastating than what they went through.

God knows what the future holds and he knows what is best for us. Like other people mentioned, the death of someone may have a great inpact on others, and even an echoing impact as they teach their children and grandchildren how this person fought a disease with dignity, then passed away without qualm, knowing they were going to a place with no suffering and no more disease. Their life (and death), may have even saved bystanders, including doctors and nurses who witnessed it.

This doesn't help much to answer why children are kidnapped and murdered, and other horrendous things that happen in this world, but when you see how things turn out, it is usually clear that God was in charge the entire time, and knew what he was doing.

I always get irritated when people think that prayer is for wish-making, in a sense. Prayer is to pray for God's will to be done, period. And I am not even a devout Christian and I get that aspect.

So when someone is sick, you pray for God's will to be done, and for strength to understand the outcome. That is what I would tell your daughter.

I am so sick of being asked to pray for the weather, for people that are dying, for so and so to make the baseball team, for someone to get a job etc...

If you continue the route of praying selectively...then you run into this dilemma, and moral conflict. Is it really appropriate to pray for God to bend the will of every little thing for our benefit?

My own daily prayers are very very simple...I pray that everything happens as it is supposed to, and that one day I may see the lesson in what I do not understand now.

I am so sorry if this post offends anyone, I only wanted to share my view. I know that your daughter is having a hard time of this, and I am sure her faith is being challenged at this time. I wish you the best.