Appropriate Way to Announce a Pregnancy? Other Suggestions to Announce Pregnancy

Updated on March 22, 2011
M.S. asks from Albany, CA
13 answers

My husband and I just found out we are expecting our 3rd child and we are THRILLED! Unfortunately, we are expecting less-than-thrilled reactions from our parents. We are young (24&25) and have two beautiful and healthy children already - our son will be 4, and our daughter will be 3 when the new bundle of joy arrives!

Nobody else in the family seems to understand the desire to have more children, and think we should be content and done with 2. We are responsible parents, we don't expect our parents to be babysitters, we have great health insurance, are in a good financial situation, and we are building a house (that unfortunately won't be completed until the summer after the baby is born). My husband has a good job, and I am grateful to be a SAHM and student. Anyway, it is our life and we made our decisions - for many, many reasons - and we are very happy with the decision to expand our family right now. Regardless of how thrilled we are, I know the disappointment and sadness I will feel when our families don't share our enthusiasm.

I am trying to find a cute way to tell them but not face to face. That way they can have their initial reactions of shock (haha) or whatever, but when we see them they can be over it.

I was thinking of sending flowers to my mom's and MIL's workplace, with a little card that says:

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, New Fish!

Not one of them is like the other;
Pretty soon there'll be another!

Arriving November 2011

What do you think? Is this appropriate? I would hate to hurt any feelings.

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M.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hey I know how you feel. We are 26yrs old and have a 6yr old 4 yr old and 10 mo old. the first two times we told our family's about pregnancies we got not so fun responses. Which made me more scared then anything to tell them when we found out we were pregnant with our third, and we were in a tough situation my husband lost his job 1 week before we found out we were pregnant and we moved halfway across the country to live with my inlaws till we found another job. So pregnant and jobless we caved and let them know. We had our two older ones make cards, one pink one blue and on the bottom it said (for our oldested a girl "I'm a big sister again" and for our son "I'm a big brother....not joking!") they loved it and althought they were not jumping with excitement they did not give us the negative reaction as they did with the previous two. I guess what I am saying is you might be surprised yourself.

I would suggest not giving her this new at her job just in case, but maybe the flower sent to their home with that would be fun! I like the saying.

Oh and I have to say they have been constantly nagging my husband on when he is going to get "fixed" now...lol little do they know that it has already happened. We've been playing this one out for a long while now and have been enjoying it. "oh you know I don't think we are done yet...maybe 2 more would make us happy" , "she hasn't been feeling good lately pretty sure she doesn't have the flu but her tummy's been bugging her", "we still have room in the van for two more car seats"...lol it's been fun, cruel but fun ;)

2 moms found this helpful

J.G.

answers from San Antonio on

I think all the ideas are very cute. I wrote a poem to tell my parents about my first (and only). Read it to them out loud though.

Another idea would be to send a tri-fold picture frame with your two children's picture in it in the first two windows -- a "Due in November" in the third window (or a sonogram picture, plus the 'due in nov'). I've also seen some bracelts and necklaces that have little photo frames. You could put a tiny sonogram pic in one of the windows.

Congrats, btw. They'll get over being 'upset' once your little one arrives. It's not their life. You only get to live once. Enjoy your life and your family.

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J.N.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I know how you feel - we are expecting our fourth (after a nearly 8 year break) and we were sure that his family, at least, would feel that it was unwise (they'd said some things last summer, before we were even trying, that made it quite clear they felt that way). To my surprise, when we finally announced, they all acted excited; I'm sure they still have their reservations, but it's not like they can expect us to change our minds now. (Our family is very religious and abortion would absolutely not be an option, so they wouldn't dream of mentioning it).
We just told them that the Lord had decided our family wasn't complete, and was sending us a new addition.

I do like your idea, it's a really cute poem to go with the flowers. Maybe make sure to have plenty of baby's breath in the arrangement? (lol).
Another thing I saw done, more since a lot of her family lived out of state and it was the easiest way to tell everyone, was when my aunt took a picture of the positive pregnancy test and attached it to an email with the subject line "Oh boy, here we go again!"

Good luck! :)

2 moms found this helpful
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K.E.

answers from Jacksonville on

I am sorry that you have to deal with this.....We are expecting our 2nd and our families are all over the moon.....I would like 3 and expect them to be just as happy if and when that happens....It's a shame that people do not realize how having children is something to be excited about......

I wanted to say that I LOVE your poem and think that is such a cute idea! I do agree to send the flowers to their homes and not work since they may need some "shock and awe" time, which IMO should be a private moment for them to work through......

I wish you all the best! Congrats!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Kansas City on

You could have your 4 yo call his grandparents and tell them he is going to be a big brother again. That's how we announced our third and it was so cute! I am not in your situation, but I would think this way, the grandparents would have to act happy to the 4 yo.

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

First of all, congratulations! Secondly, if family is reacting so negative, too bad for them. Shame on them...they raised their family the way they wanted now everyone is grown and doing with their lives as they see fit. Why in the world should it bother them so much that grown adults are making their lives the way they want? I don't get it.

Anyway, don't you be bothered by their lack of enthusiasm. It's your life, your baby, your future. Flowers and your little poem sounds cute. Why not just send them an email picture of your first ultrasound? Or a picture of your pregnancy test showing a positive result? I don't know....I think you are much too concerned about their feelings than you should be. This is your happy time....enjoy it!

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J.S.

answers from Boston on

You've got some great suggestions below and I like your flower idea, but at home and not at work. I just wanted to comment that isn't it ridiculous that as grown, married women and experienced mothers we *still* have to concern ourselves with not getting people upset over pregnancy news? Why is that? My family is the same way. Each pregnancy was met with exclamations of "why would you do that!?" and "oh no, not again!" (and my dad is one of 7 and my mom is one of 4). When I became a gestational carrier my parents were so upset that I ended up walking out of my mother's house, both of my parents literally yelled at my husband and they didn't speak to me for weeks and didn't acknowledge the pregnancy in any way. Wackos!

Congrats and just know that once you announce it and let them get the initial snark out of the way, they'll come around and be excited too!

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C.M.

answers from San Francisco on

from a mom that wished for a 3rd, i wouldn't hide your happy news, and once the family gets over the "shock" they will be happy too ESPECIALLY when the little cutie arrives! your mom may like the news in person, as shocked as she might be. just a thought. not sure how close you are with MIL but she might appreciate the news in person as well. maybe have a bbq soon with family and friends, if they are local, and announce there with the cute poem. that way you have friends around that will be thrilled and maybe it will rub off on the skeptic ones! well, congratulations! i'm totally thrilled for you!

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S.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello and congrats!!! How very exciting!!! I know how you feel with sharing your news. When we were pregnant with my daughter I had my mom tell my grandma so I didn't have to hear about how horrible it is to have kids (yes, my grandmother, mother to my mom and 3 others). We have been trying for some time now and I know everyone is going to give me the, "are you sure you can afford it speech" since I lost my job, although my husband makes more then enough to support us. It really sucks that people can't just be happy and leave the negative stuff to themselves.
Our plan to tell everyone is this. I have bought M&M's that say "boy? girl?" and "knocked up". I plan to go by my parents house when they are not home and leave those on the table for them. That was the plan for all my family, but I may have to steal your cute poem for my sister-in-law who is a huge Dr. Seuss fan!
Congrats again!!!!

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M.C.

answers from Tampa on

A little different scenario, but I held off telling everyone that I was pregnant until after my first trimester. So by this time, I actually had a decent copy of an ultrasound pic in my possession. I made two copies of the pic and mailed them to my parents and inlaws in a 'Congratulations' (for Grandparents) card. For me, I wrote on the envelope to not open until we spoke (both sets of parents live about 18 hrs from us) but since you want to avoid their reactions you can just mail the cards and ultrasound pictures. I am not sure if you would want to wait this long however.

However, I think your idea is really cute. I like it better than what I did :-) Congrats.

S.J.

answers from St. Louis on

That is a cute idea! I don't think there is anything inappropriate about it whatsoever. It is thoughtful! Or you could mail little onesies to them that say Favorite Grandma or something, or baby #3 - something cute. Baby can wear them once he/she arrives. Or, have the older siblings wear T shirts that say "Big Brother/Sister" next time the grandparents visit. This would be in person though, unless you sent the kids to their house for a while and showed up later.

I am so sorry you are worried about their disappointment. That is just so sad. A baby is such a blessing, especially bringing one into a happy, healthy environment such as yours! Try to "brace" yourself for their reactions as best as possible and who knows, they may surprise you. You and your hubby take extra celebration if they disappoint. Best wishes!

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!

If you are not on public assistance, expecting family to help out financially or otherwise - it's NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!!!

I love your idea of announcing. It doesn't matter that you are young. You are obviously mature enough to handle the situation. Financially aware and not being irresponsible. If they don't like it - tell them to kiss your behind! :)

I would send the flowers after you hit 15 to 18 weeks...that's just me.

Again - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Love your idea! I think it is thoughtful and wise of you to let them have their reactions out of the way before you talk with them. That way, they also can feel more in control of the situation. But, sweet thing, let me tell you, you have to develop a thick skin. We have some in our family who almost seemed embarrassed when we announced a new baby. After awhile, they get used to it and are thankful for the new arrival. I've heard some people ask, "Which one would you have me send back?" Of course, none of them. They are all so precious and loved. But, even if family doesn't support your choices, that is okay. You aren't asking them to finance them. The decision is between you and your husband, and nobody else. Congratulations!! I, for one, am greatly pleased for you! I love hearing about a new pregnancy. Enjoy these days, and may you cherish every moment of your pregnancy!
(BTW, I have 6!) ;)

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