Attachement Style Parenting

It's never too late to start! The 7 B's of Attachment parenting are:
1. Birth Bonding (as in making the most of the early months)
2. Belief in baby's cries (be responsive!)
3. Breastfeeding
4. Babywearing (preferably in a sling)
5. Bedding close to baby (co-sleeping, at least for the early months)
6. Balance and boundaries (mom has needs too!)
7. Beware of baby trainers (cry-it-out is not the only way to get baby to sleep longer, nor is it even a good way)

You might be doing this already without even knowing it. You can read anything by Dr. Sears, or you can look at his web site for other info or more in-depth explanations. Depending on what issues you are dealing with right now, I can recommend other books to help you. I'm happy to share this wonderful parenting style with others!

Honey, all you have to do is go to mothering.com and you'll have all the advice you need on attatchment parenting and I started when my adopted son turned 5, only months after receiving him as a foster son...so no. 9 months old is NOT too late!! lol... (my babies slept with me, nursed on demand, never had a crib, never used "walkers", were carried in a sling, held until they were ready to be let down...for the most part, anyway...and they were easily weaned at age 2 and just over 2 yrs old. I have delayed immunizations, uncircumsized boys, and all around, well adjusted, smart, lovely, joyous children.) My kids now are ages 14 (the adopted one), 7 (those are both boys) and my daughter is 4.

Hi N.,

Thank you for your confidence in my advice. I did not do alot of reading on the subject. However, The people I work with and friends told me I did attachment parenting. There is a wonderful book called " The Attachment Parenting Book " author is William Sears & Martha Sears.

Basically it means listening to your childs needs. An example is ......you can not spoil an infant. Some people/generations feel, if you pick up a child every time it cries, then the child will not be able to soothe themselves. However, my first child has been a challenge since the day before I knew I was pregnant. I did all the shopping and child care. I would not have ever made more than a 5 minute trip to the store w/out her being hysterical. However, when I carried her in my sling, she was so content , we could go for hours. To most people it looked like I had a brocken arm. I could nurse discreetly (atleast on 1 side) and shop w/ my hands free. As she got older, she could sit in it indian style. I prefer the slings to a carrier.
One thing that nobody worned me about was bonding. I just assumed, you had the baby, you fed the baby and you would bond. I think the word bonding exceeds our expectations. I had significant postpartum depression the minute my first was born and it seemed like we would never bond. I figured the baby hated me because I didnt even know what I was feeling.
Bonding does not need to happen over night. It is a continual feeling of saftey and trust. The attachment bonding books talk about how if we attend to thier basic needs now during infancy and toddlerhood, we will have more adjusted children. The reason I chose to raise my family like this is because I got little to no effection at home. I only learned how to love at my grandparents house. I felt such lonelyness as a child. I never wanted my children to feel that way. I used to sit on my Grandfathers lap even when I was 18. His death took me really hard. So, I guess attachment parenting/grandparenting must work. I felt the love from my granparents home. This does not gaurentee your child will not be spoiled or even a brat at times. Aren't we all.
I also was a working mother. I was lucky enough to be able to bring my child to work until 6 months old, after that I worked full time and she had a sitter. My situation may be a little less hectic because I didn't have family members watch my children. Its somuch easier to say to a sitter "THIS IS THE WAY I WANT IT DONE" Doesn't always go well w/ parents or Mother in laws. I know its not always easy but my children survived me working. They are 9-12 and not perfect children but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Maybe look for the book in the library. If you read it and enjoy it. Then you can buy it. Thru La Leche League it only cost $13.95. You can just look up La Leche League on the computer and your zip code. It will get you in contact w/ a leader. They would be able to get the book for you.

I hope this has helped. I really enjoyed talking with you. Feel free to write back if you have any other questions.

H. B.

Wow! I am 24 and married to a man who is 43 with a 8.5month old boy. So much a like! I am a strong believer of "attachment parenting" just because I think it is so important to build that bond as much as you can when they are little, since they try so hard to push away in their older years! Check out Dr. Sears' "Baby Book." He is awesome! And he describes all kinds of loving-parenting techniques including attachment parenting. :)

I had no idea I was "attachment parenting" my son until around last month, I'd asked a question to La Leche League regarding nursing and co-sleeping....turns out I've been attachment parenting all along. If my son is having a fit because I won't let him play with a lightbulb, for example, I explain to him that he can be hurt but I don't pick him up and "baby" him....but if he's genuinely hurting or frustrated that he isn't able to do something, I do talk with him and hold him if necessary. Then I show him another way to do whatever he was trying to do. He even goes to timeouts on his own and stays there until I tell him he can get up.
My son just turned 2 in February, and I work full time Monday through Friday. My older brother babysits while I'm at work and for most of my son's life, my brother stayed at my house because neither of us have cars. Now that I'm engaged, thankfully, my brother has been going home at nights. For a while my son started refusing to come to me when I got home, he only wanted Uncle...I can't explain how much that hurt me.
So I just became even more responsive to his needs, talked with him more, and we have such a strong bond.
The other ladies gave you such wonderful advise. I have read a little bit from Dr. Sears but not much. I think after reading some yourself, you'll be armed with more information and give you more confidence as a mother. Talk to some ladies from La Leche Leage as well, they've helped me out tremendously! It really does help to talk with people who have been there, good for you for reaching out!

N.,

I don't believe it is ever to late to attachment parent.
I am so relieved to learn that there are others out there who do parent this way.
Follow your natural nurturing instincts, there is a lot of good information out there too when you have a chance to read up on it.
Holly gave you some really good advise, My ds Dr. had recomended Dr.Sears too and I tell you it really gave me a back bone when it goes to talking with the in-laws and others who just think I coddle my son to much.
So give it a try, I know I feel rewarded with so much love, my son is very independent made the choice on his own to sleep in his own bed, trained himself to use the potty. We never indured the crying it out. dh and I pat each other on the back when we see how happy ds is playing and getting along with others, we are relieved that we didn't choose to example our parents "corporal punishment ways". It just worked for us.
good luck... you made my day!

Dear N.,

You can stop worrying right now. He is already bonded to you, and probably to your mother in law too, but you are the hero, the love of his life, and you can be open hearted about sharing him with your aunts, uncles, sisters, family members. Nothing is ever going to get between the two of you. Lots of mothers around the world for many centuries have had to go to work the whole life of the child.

You are going to have a lot of other things that are real worries, so save yourself this one. Sincerely, C. N.

I don't think it's too late. There's a message board on kellymom.com and the topic is attachment parenting. You can find some good resources there. Also, mothering.com
Anyway, just briefly about AP... we kind of ended being AP parents without even knowing that's what we were doing until I found info about it online. It means responding to your child, babywearing, usually moms who stay home, not practicing Cry-it-out methods, co-sleeping, breastfeeding... But just because you may not practice one of these things, doesn't mean you're not AP. I worked full time for awhile. I haven't always carried my baby in a sling, etc. But we are definately AP!
check the link below for more info....

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/ap-frame-of-mind.html

it's never too late, and i bet from the way you talk about your son in your signature that you are already doing some AP. really i can't add much to what you've already been told by the pp's- dr. sears' books and mothering.com are great places to start learning about AP. someone mentioned the 7 B's of AP...you don't mention whether you are breastfeeding, and i just want to say that i firmly believe that (of course while breast is best) formula-feeding moms can attachment parent too. so regardless of how you're feeding your son, you should be encouraged and congratulated for wanting to attachment-parent. the bond you will develop from parenting your son this way will last forever. the main things are closeness and responsiveness. a working mom can do this, but i would advise a working mom that co-sleeping at night is a must, so that your baby is getting as much close contact with you as possible to make up for the away time in the day. however, at 9 months it is possible that your son is happy and adjusted in his crib. if he sleeps through the night happily in his own crib without crying at all, then i would go with the "ain't broke, don't fix it" theory. even dr. sears himself had his first two (or even three?) children sleep in their own cribs because they were happy to do so. you go girl! of course you'll want to get your husband on board- attachment parenting involves both parents, and typically makes the bond much stronger for the dad. since the girl gets to carry the baby, birth the baby, and nurse the baby, the guy often feels a little like a third wheel. my husband LOVES to wear our daughter in the sling because he feels that he is getting to share that bond with her. he also loves the co-sleeping because he is at work all day and misses her. she is soothed by him and will go to sleep for him, which is great because it gives me a break. yes, even AP moms need a break sometimes! good luck and please let us know how things go over the next few weeks.

best,

S.

AP SAHM to sophia, 10 months