Baby Name Stealing Conundrum - How to Handle

You're not in the same family. Use it. If she's a real friend, it shouldn't be an issue. If she's not even pregnant, why is this even an issue?

There are baby books out there with 20k names in them - you picked a name. That's not stealing. I never understood this name-stealing thing.

At the end of the day even needs to worry about their own child and choose the name that they want. Personally if someone else wants to use that name then I saw go for it. You can always spell it differently or use nicknames if the kids are close friends or in the same family. There are bigger thigns to worry about.............sometimes it is better not to disclose the name until the baby is actually born.

What if you don't use it and she eventually has a boy? Or never has a baby?
Do you care enough for her claim/stake that it won't bother you if those scenarios happen?

Oh---Just putting everyone here on warning--when I get my 100 foot yacht?
I'm naming it Scooby Doo! Don't steal it!

No one can own a name.
You shouldn't feel guilty and she shouldn't feel possessive.

People don't get to claim names for their future children and expect that those names are off-limits to everyine they know. That's craziness.
Besides, who knows what your friend will do if and when she actually has a baby.

Use the name you love.

I have to tell you, now that I am older, I realize, who cares if we have children named the same thing?

In our neighborhood we had 2 Hannah's and 2 Rachel's. I am talking about girls that lived one house over from each other. They were different ages so honestly it did not matter.

You name your children what you feel is the best name for them.. and then I personally would tell my friend, "we can both have children with the same first name, it just means we both have excellent taste! "

Kind of makes sense that you both have the same taste in na,es, you are such good friends.

If it's the name you and your husband love then use it. If your friend is hurt, oh well.
She may change her mind. She may never have a girl at all. Her husband may not like it. She may find a better name. I had 2 boys before I had my girl. Girl names that we had liked or chosen for them before finding out what we were having didn't even make it to my daughter save one of her two middle names. So names that we were in love with from our first and second weren't as good to us by the time we got to my third. Heck, even some of the short list for my first boy didn't make it to my second boy and never got used.

Name your baby whatever you want. She's not pregnant yet. Who says she going to have a girl. You are overthinking this.

Name your baby what you want. She has no one to name and no guarantee that she ever will.

She probably won't like it and she might tell you so. If she's really your friend her disappointment will last about as long as it takes for her to fall in love with your new bundle of J..

These things happen all the time. They fade into distant memories that seem very trivial in the presence of growing children and expanding families. Anyone that lets something like this change a friendship would not be around long after kids arrive on the scene anyway.

My husband and I have two boys. When I was pregnant with our oldest, we did have a girl's name picked out. When I was pregnant with our youngest, we ended up choosing a different girl's name. We have two boys and have decided we're done. Guess we didn't need any girl's names after all!

Life changes. Use the name you want. It's possible your friend will one day have a girl and need to decide whether or not to use the name. It's also possible she won't have a daughter, and this is all a moot point.

No one owns a name. I think sometimes the reasons people tell each other the names ahead of time is to sort of "claim" them. Sometimes people are just excited and happy to share, but other times it's because they want dibs on it. I think that's a little pushy when both women are pregnant, but really, she's not even pregnant yet.

You made it clear when you got together that the name was already on your list, so it's not like you didn't think it up on your own. I think a lot of families tend to repeat names. My family has a ton of Davids and Roberts (my grandmother and her sister both named their second sons Bob), my cousin's has a ton of Georges and Georgias, and I'm sure others will tell you the same. Names go through cycles - schools that were once full of Lindsays and Matthews are now full of Hannahs and Calebs.

If you're good friends, your friendship will survive. If you can't enjoy the name because she's theoretically going to be using it, then you can change. If this situation bothers her, she may wind up changing it anyway. But she's not even pregnant, and even if she becomes pregnant, there's no guarantee that she will have a girl. I really don't think a woman who isn't pregnant gets to "reserve" a name just in case and inform all her pregnant friends that they can't use it!

Some people get worked up if they think someone 'steals' their name.

I think this is silly. Your friend may never have kids. Or she may have all boys. Or, she may have a girl but change her mind on the name. Or something else...

I think you should give your child the name that you want her to have, and not worry about the rest.

Use what you like. If she is a true friend, she will get over it. And even if she isn't a true friend, she might get over it anyway. Names are funny and people are funny.

My husband wanted to name our first child a name that I abhorred. He said it, and I immediately though, "for a girl, but not for a boy!" and I told him so... He was really upset and said his whole life he'd wanted to name his son this if he had one. So we did! And you know what? The name that I couldn't stand (b/c I had a mental association of that name already) doesn't hold any associations for me anymore except for my wonderful son. And do you know when that happened? The moment he was born.

Name your child what you want. My daughter (whose name is Allison) has a best friend whose name is.... Allison. They think it's great.

Your friend might not even have a daughter. And if she does, it could be years from now and she might find that *that* name no longer *fits* HER anymore. Or is too popular. Or she's decided on something else. Or...
But even if she still wants to use it.... great! Not a big deal at all.

When we were pregnant with our 4th, a boy, my husband said he liked the names "Nicholas" and "Paul" ..... but felt that we shouldn't use the names because our neighbor's son was named Nicholas, and our best friend's son was named Paul!

I planned on going ahead and naming him Nicholas Paul, anyway... Nicholas is a family name (and hubby's middle name).

As it was, the day before our son was born, hubby got the news that he was being transferred from Iowa to Texas!

We moved 6 months later....

My point is, you never know how long you (or others) may be in an area... name your daughter whatever you like! If your friend has a problem with that and decides to get all p**** about it, that is her loss.....

Unless you choose something REALLY unusual (which your child may hate... I hated my name for a LONG time, but don't have a problem with it anymore), you will always run the risk of having several children in the area with that same name, or a variation of it.

Congratulations!!!

.
IMO:
Name your child whatever you want. Your friends future daughter maybe a son, should she ever have a child....

It is just a friend, who cares? Cousins aren't even a big deal, when your siblings steal your name you are kind of stuck.

I have four sets of aunts and uncles, they each on average had two kids, of these 8 cousins there is 6 Christines. There were five before I named my older daughter Christine. No one gives a rip.

My younger daughter is Genevieve. My ex sister in law was going to steal it. I said go ahead but I will use it anyway. She was into unique names and knew I would do it so she went with another name.

I wouldn't talk to her about it again at all. You've already given her a heads up. Besides, when you hold that baby in your arms, you may decide she looks just like a "Katie" to you (insert another name). That's what happened to me. I had a short list and took a day to decide from that list.

If you do pick that name, just send out your baby announcement. Let the chips fall where they may. If she decides not to talk to you about it, great. If she ends up having a girl and says she's naming her daughter the same thing, tell her that's great! They'll be like name twins!

If she chooses to not be friends with you over this, then she's not much of a friend.

Bottom line, this is YOUR child and you shouldn't be held hostage to not using a name. It is NOT baby name stealing. Not allowing yourself to be held hostage is what this is about.

Unless your friend made up the name and it has never appeared on a baby name list, or it's a completely original group of words like some celebrities' baby names (Spaniel Moonlight or something), then name your baby whatever you want.

This "future daughter" may not appear for years, or ever. Your friend doesn't own the patent on the name.

If it's a name like Anne or Chloe or Elizabeth or Zoe or something that girls are often named, you might mention to your friend, in a casual way "I'm glad we both love that name. It's in the top 20 (or 100 or whatever) for popular names." That might remind her that she'll encounter many other little girls with that name when her "future daughter" starts kindergarten.

My sister and I both planned on naming our boys Michael and this is while we were pregnant at the same time. We ended up going with a different name after we realized we were naming our twins Michael and Jackson. I named my son Jackson after a close friend named her baby Jack. My friend named his kids Sofia and Jackson, two of my kids names, after he knew they were my kids names. I don't own those names and I don't care if someone "steals" them. If she's a good friend, she won't care. Besides who knows if she will ever have a baby?

there is no such thing as name stealing. names are free. you can name your baby whatever you want. so can she.
i remember two friends from my younger years getting almighty pissy with each other over this. i don't think they ever spoke again.
stupid. stupid. stupid.
you tell your friend 'i love this name. it'll be a pickle, both of our kids having it, but we've got to roll with it. i'm sure we'll figure out some fun ways of dealing with it.'
then do.
khairete
S.

I can totally see both sides.

But I think you should get to name your baby what you want. After all, as you said, she's not even pregnant. Who knows, she may have just decided that the day before you saw her.

I say go for it, but just be careful how you bring it up. Maybe make a point to bring it up the next time you see her, say, "I didn't get a chance to tell you, when you said your favorite name is X, that is on our short list too! I love that name!"

then just leave it - until the baby comes, and then "Oh yeah, we decided to go with X. I guess there'll be two of them huh!?" all smiling and positive.

if she chooses to get upset, well, that stinks, but seriously, it shouldn't be a deal breaker. Good luck!

Use the name. Your friend may change her mind by the time she has kids or may have a spouse who hates the name. She may never even end up using it. If she does, it will be a cute thing to both have a child with the same name (one of my high school and college friends just had a baby on the same day as our daughter's birthday ... she copied me, ha ha!).

The ONLY time this may be an issue is when a very close relative has a child with that name. Do not let it bother you in the least....and name you child whatever you choose.

I always knew I was going to name my daughter after my mother. My mom's name is beautiful. We also used my MIL's name as her middle name. It flows beautifully and she is so her name!

If you like the name, use it.

Invite her out for coffee and sincerely explain the dilemma to her. Honestly, she may feel upset for a few years and then she will realize it's great...it's fun for kids to have the same name. They love it - it gives them an instant bond! When our son was born we named him...then 1.5 years later our pediatrician (who is my friend as well) tells me one of her patients could not think of a name for their son and they were looking at the same old heritage names we were. She suggested our sons name and they loved it and decided to name their son the same name. I felt angry at her at the time. Later I met this family and their new baby and they were so excited to meet us. Even later than that when our son was a bit older he was delighted there was this new little guy with the same name as him. It turns out it was very special for them both to have the same name. It was very positive. It was silly of me to feel angry about it. Now I LOVE it when I hear of another kid with either of our kid's names. So, yes. We tend to get possessive about names. But it's ridiculous. Have a heart to heart talk with your friend. She may be angry now but she will understand some day. Really it turns out you just both have the same taste in names.

Claiming names is ridiculous. We all think we have great taste in names- just look at all the responses on any question asking for name advice! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you know. Her theoretical precious snowflake will be no less precious and unique if she happens to know someone with the same name. Just look at how many Julies we have on this site! And I went to school with tons of Jessicas, Sarahs, and Lisas. It will be fine, she can get over herself.

If it's the name you like, name your baby that. Your friend may change her mind in between now and whenever (if ever) she has a baby girl! Maybe her husband (is she even married yet?) doesn't like the name. You never know.

I was just sure I'd name my daughter Caroline, and my husband vetoed it right out of the gate. Meanwhile, a friend of mine (who actually WAS pregnant at the same time I was, and we were both having girls!) ended up actually naming her daughter Caroline. And you know, I wasn't upset about it then, and I'm not upset about it now. Little Caroline is a darling girl, and her name fits her perfectly. Meanwhile, my not-Caroline has an equally lovely name that also fits her perfectly. Everything worked out. :)

It will bug her. So decide it thats reason enough to change it. If bugging your friend does not bother you much, move forward with the name and do your best to explain yourself.

Yes, they do get possessive, but is it a fad name? Names come and go in phases and she is not pregnant yet. When I was choosing my daughters name in 05, Savannah and Sophia were very popular. They are both old names that resurfaced. I bet no one is considering them today.

Likewise, I only know one John today, but when I grew up it was common to have 3 of them in one class or grade level.

Uggggh, sucks but use the name. What if you don't and she has three boys or moves away and it won't matter. If she is passed she will get over it in time.

I agree with the others, go with the name you love.

I am curious what the name is. Is it in the top 50?

We have friends who named their daughter the same name as the daughter of good friends of theirs. Didn't seem to impact their friendship. And in that case, the friend could have felt like our friend was copying. Who knows. Maybe she was annoyed but they're still friends. You're obviously not having girls around the same time. If a friend named her daughter the same name as one of mine, I'd just be flattered. You told her it was on your list so you're not stealing her idea anyway. I would say to her that you're going to use the name as it was on your short list and it's the most mutually agreeable one between you and your husband but you hope she knows that of course if she ever has a daughter someday, of course she can use the name too if she still likes it. Shows you're not trying to lay claim and also points our there is no baby girl any time soon or for sure for her anyway.

I'm guessing it's a somewhat commn/currently on-trend name? You're not stealing the name of her future child from her any more than anyone else who chooses that name. Don't worry about it.

I understand your issue very well. In my huge family it can be crazy too.

My ex sister in law was pregnant and my sister was pregnant with her only child that lived through the 5th month of pregnancy. My sister had decided on a name, such as Maria and the middle of Dawn. She had lost 3 babies, 1 was stillborn at 8 1/2 months (boy) and twins (boys) around 5 months due to her small size, they sort of fell out because her body couldn't support the extra weight. She had these names picked out for her very first baby if it had been a girl. Her 4th pregnancy produced a bouncing baby girl and my sister in law had had her baby girl a few weeks before and named her something and used Dawn as her middle name.

My sister was devastated and cried and cried and cried. She put on a good facade in front of everyone but she was so hurt. She used my middle name as her daughter's middle name in the end and it's very pretty and a great honor for me.

Can I suggest that you do go to her and sit down with her and tell her you were surprised by her baby name choice and that you hope that you can both name your children what you want.

I named my daughter 2 names I liked. My mother ragged on me over and over that those names were taken and that there were already several people who had been named that. I was just using old used up names.

But "I" wanted to name my child what I wanted. So I did.My ex and I did what we wanted and didn't worry about what others thought. But, if my friend had told me she was planning on having a child in the future and was choosing the same names I'd picked out I would have told her that was the name I'd picked out. Some time in the future she will hopefully get pregnant and have a girl and the names that are popular in that time might be something she likes better or she might want to use the same name. She could tell her girl she's named after yours or whomever she is named after.

Think about it like this. Kaylee. How many kids do you know with that name? Adults, teens, kids, but hardly any babies get that name nowadays. It's not "the" popular name now. I honestly know about 15 people with this name.

Names are special and personal choices.

Let's ask this question. Why this name? Is it pretty? Is it special to you? Your grandmother's name joined with your mother in laws maiden or middle name? Your favorite cousin's name? Why this particular name?

If you have a personal connection to the name you can tell your friend that you don't care if she names her future daughter the same exact thing but you want to let her know why you picked it way back when you and hubby decided on it.

IF it's not that personal why not toss around the idea of a different name? If she's a good friend let her have her name, if she really really wants it and it's not something she is thinking but might change her name in 6 months, then see how it goes.

I swear, naming them is THE hardest part! ;)

I hear you. I can see both sides, my husbands cousin named her son the same name as my middle child and it was a little weird to hear, only b/c they had already met my W...but at the end of the day it is just a name and if you love it, use it.

I would speak up & tell her tho...instead of not telling her & her just hearing it after the baby comes. you guys are good friends after all!

if she is your friend, ask her how she feels about it. if she feels strongly about you not using that name, then i wouldn't use it.