Baby Shower for 3Rd Baby - Charlotte,NC

I'd kick out an invite and have it read--- "J. is expecting a little girl and we'd like to see you all before life gets hectic with a newborn. Please join us for nachos and beer on Sunday at Moe's tavern and sports bar. No presents please, we've got plenty on hand from kids 1&2."

Best,
F. B.

I believe that every baby's arrival deserves to be celebrated. For the 3rd? I would do an open house or "meet the baby" party. State specifically NO GIFTS - this is to celebrate the newest addition....

Congratulations!!

You could have a meet and greet celebration after the baby is born.
Don't call it anything other than a 'pot luck' and people will not think to bring gifts especially when they are bringing a side dish or salad or dessert.

A baby shower isn't about celebrating every child - it's to celebrate a woman becoming a mother for the first time.
It's a rite of passage from 'maiden' to 'mother' (and menopause is when we become 'crone').

Either way you do it, it will be viewed as a gift grab = Tacky.

Planning a meet the baby afterwards is just a veil to attempt to cover the obligatory gift but it has the same concept (gift) to those invited.

Some people will choose to give you a gift and that is great but please do not throw a party for yourself. It will make people question your motives (gift grab, financial status, 3rd girl so you should have some hand me downs, etc)

A baptism is a great time for a celebration.

I am also in the camp of those who would not purposely expose my newborn to the flu and other viruses going around at this time of year. It will be hard enough staying well with siblings in the house.

J.,

How do you "celebrate" a baby before he/she arrives? I think that's twisted logic for people who want to convince themselves it's okay to have showers for every baby and/or to throw their own showers. Not saying this is what you think, but I have heard so many moms on this board justify this sad trend of needing to "celebrate" with "parties" that are simply veiled showers for subsequent babies.

Or, the other go-to line that each baby needs to be "celebrated." Um, yeah, a birth of a new baby IS cause for celebration. BUT---- You can share the joy of your new child in many, many ways that do not involve a shower or anything that resembles a shower.

Additionally, you say that your friends live far from you and that no one has "offered to throw us any form of celebration." Do you expect this? Friends can be over the moon happy for you and share in your joy without making a party for you. This is your third baby, and even if you got rid of all of your baby stuff, it's not up to your friends and family to replenish your stock.

So, to answer your question, "No." Do not host your own celebration before the baby is born. Even if you say, "No Gifts," people will still feel that it's a shower, even if you don't call it that, and they will bring gifts. Not the impression you're going for, according to your post, and you are quite correct, hosting a shower or what appears to be a shower for yourself AND for a third baby, no less, is in very poor taste.

If you are religious, you can have a celebration for the baby's christening if you're Christian or for the baby naming or bris if you're Jewish. That is customary in religious homes.

J. F.

Yeah no. Tacky. An open house after the baby is born to meet the baby, if you like. But no matter how you word it, you're having a shower and you're throwing it for yourself.

By the way - I'm the youngest of 4. I am quite sure my mother didn't have a shower for me, even though I am a lot younger than my siblings and was a surprise, so they didn't have things they needed. Not once have I felt slighted by that. It never even occurred to me to be. Because it wasn't about me. Showers and parties aren't about the kid. Even a "meet the baby" open house isn't about the baby. The baby couldn't care less. The parents want to show off the child, hear the comments, get the gifts. Was I celebrated? Absolutely - when it mattered! I have all the cards she received when I was born. I have the silver cup that was sent to her and a few other little gifts, but never saw them until I was an adult. But if I had never gotten them, it wouldn't mean anything to me.

A celebration before the baby arrives is a shower, whether you call it that or not, and people will show up with gifts even if you tell them not to. You don't need to throw yourselves a celebration because you're having a baby, that's tacky and unless it's a shower or a Blessingway, you don't need a pre-baby party.

Children are not traumatized if there was not a shower during their mom's pregnancy, I promise. Most kids don't know, ask or care. They do not feel less loved than the sibling whose pregnancy included a shower.

A new baby is celebrated by a meet the baby open house (to which people will certainly bring gifts) or if your religion has any type of ceremony for newborns.

I understand that when you have additional children you don't want people popping in from out of town every other day, it would be nice to say here is the open house to meet the new baby. Of course you do it after the baby was born. Why would you even consider celebrating a child that isn't born yet? If that were the case why not have it now, three months ago, next month. If the idea is to celebrate the baby the baby should be there.

You call it a luncheon, a meet and greet, whatever, but it isn't a shower and it isn't a sprinkle. The latter two are seen as money or attention grabs.

No. If you wanted to do a "meet the baby" gathering after she is born, then I would think that was neat. But to throw your own gift grab before the baby comes is tacky.

Sorry.

A shower is a shower is a shower no matter what the label on the invitation says.

It's like this. Brutal? Maybe, but it's what your friends will be thinking when they see this invitation...believe me, they'll think it but won't say anything.

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OH MY GOD!! They're begging for presents, it says no gifts but that's what they say when they want people to think of bringing a gift anyway! They must have lost their jobs or something!

Should we cancel our plans to eat out with them next week???? I think they can't afford to eat out, they're asking for gifts!

Didn't they plan this baby???? What were they thinking! If they couldn't afford to have this baby then why did they get pregnant??? If the baby was an accident they did find out in time to get what they needed, right??? Why aren't they providing for their baby themselves???

OMG!! A baby shower is for a first time mom to get the items they need so they can start off right building their family...didn't they know those things were supposed to be kept until they're done? Then if they decide to have more they have to buy their own stuff???

Wow!!! They must really be having a hard time! This is a thinly veiled attempt to get stuff for their baby! That's just sad.....Wow!

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Throwing your own party is asking for gifts even if you say no gifts. NO ONE comes to a baby party without gifts. It's begging for gifts no matter what you call it.

Plus. A come meet the baby is nasty. Really? It's flu season. Every single person who'd come would be covered with germs and want to hold the baby. This act right here is why infants get RSV and Whooping Cough. So many smart moms are keeping the baby at home and away from everyone but immediate family, grandparents included in that group, so their child will have time to get past that first few weeks where they can't fight off much of anything.

What most people do. They come to the hospital to visit you and get a glimpse of the new little baby and they bring a gift then. It will be diapers and clothes but you should get a few things.

But over all, you're on the hook for everything for this baby. If you don't have stuff left over from your other kiddos then you need to start shopping around. If you can't afford stuff then find some cheap thrift stores and start stocking up.

IF you need things like a car seat and baby bed and simply can't afford them get on FB and find out if there's a give away, free page in your area. There are other places too but FB is usually a good place to start.

Like others have said, it's tacky. No matter what you call it, it's a shower. Have something , after baby.
I've had 4 babies. With the last 3, I made sure to tell people we didn't need anything. It didn't matter, our friends & family still got us things. My point is , if you had a shower, people would definitely feel obligated to get you a gift.

Are you going to be doing any christening/godparents ceremony/baby dedication/baby-naming religious events? If you are, you could host a small reception afterwards, with church friends or out-of-town family who might come to a ceremony of that type.

Otherwise, since this is your third child and third girl, I would suggest just a really nice birth announcement. I'd assume that people who want to "meet" the baby will either drop by or else they'll send a gift. Since your close friends live out of town, you'd pretty much be inviting colleagues or casual acquaintances to a baby shower or celebration, and those are often not well received by the invitees.

No. A celebration before the baby is born is kind of pointless since people will want to see the baby. Wait until after the baby is born (and flu season is over) and have a sip and see instead. Throw an open house with punch and finger foods and invite everyone to come and meet the baby.

Nope.
After the birth, you host a "meet the baby" party at your home.
You provide the food, drink, cake and you DO NOT register and DO NOT mention gifts at all on the invitations--not even to say "no gifts."
OR
You send birth announcements after the baby is born.
Celebrating a baby does not necessarily include gifts.
Showers are for new parents, regardless of how long it's been since the last baby.
Congrats!

You have a "Sip and See" after the baby is born. You put out drinks, appetizers, and you DO NOT REGISTER. You use wording in the invitation such as "come meet our new addition and help us celebrate our growing family."

I had a shower with my third. I did not have one with my second, and I did have one with my first. I had a lot of people WANTING to give me one for the third, and it was a surprise. It was a great time and we got a lot of things we still needed for him.

But I also agree you celebrate EVERY child. Have a party after baby is born and you are feeling well. No gifts, just come enjoy spending time together.

Throw a party AFTER the baby is born. In my family, this is accomplished by having a party after the baptism but if you don't do that, then it's OK to have a "meet the baby" party to celebrate the baby's arrival. A party before the baby is here doesn't celebrate the arrival of the baby, it will seem like a shower even if you don't register and say "no gifts" it will be awkward.

Maybe ask some close girlfriends for help...after the holidays, tell them that you and your husband are planning on hosting a "meet the baby" party (maybe in March or April?) and you're wondering if they'll be able to help you with getting ready, picking up the food, etc. because with two young kids and a newborn you'll need some extra hands. Be clear that you don't expect them to host or contribute financially, you just need some extra help. My friends have all hosted their kids' baptism parties but we close girlfriends were always honored and happy to help organize, get decorations, set up, serve food and clean up so that our friend didn't get too worn down and was able to enjoy the day too.

It's all about how you word the invite. It doesn't have to be a tacky gift grab...it really can be just about getting together and meeting the new baby. I would definitely wait until after baby is born, and agree that a baptism or baby dedication are excellent reasons for a get together.

In reading through the other answers, "OMG!" Some folks need to take their meds and calm the heck down.

I think it would be fine to have a "meet the baby" celebration after your daughter is born. To do it before sounds like a shower no matter what you call it. Also, to say no gifts necessary sounds to me like...although no gifts are necessary they are appreciated which I think is tacky.

I completely disagree that a meet and greet/open house is tacky or offensive. I try to send parents a little something for each child, be it 1 or 5. After you announce the birth, you may get gifts anyway. Also, if you have a meet n greet type event, it won't be awkward to be the hosts. I wouldn't see it as a gift grab. I would see it as a party. Yes, perhaps wait til after flu season but if LO isn't due til Feb, March or April would be a great time to have an event if you wanted. Depending on your weather it could also be a "First Barbecue of the Season" party that just happens to be introducing the baby. I don't see where you are looking for a gift grab at all in your post.

If you want to have a "meet the baby" opportunity after the baby arrives (sorta like an open house format)...then do so.

As for throwing your own shower...NEVER. Even if it's your 3rd, it is ok if someone else wants to throw it as long as it's low key (like close friends/family, luncheon style or something like that).

Your baby will be born during flu season so I would not want people around her. After she is born order cards or magnets with her picture on it to introduce her to your family and friends. No matter when you have the celebration people are going to bring gifts. If your family and friends are like mine they will come by after the baby is born to see her and will most likely bring gifts so I don't know if the celebration is necessary. Good luck with your decision!!

I would have an open house/meet the baby once the baby is born.

You could have a baby "sprinkle" instead of a shower. Just have friends and family over to celebrate the new baby and when inviting them say "no gifts necessary". I know some people will insist on brining a gift, so if you have family or friends like that you could tell them to bring a book for the family to read together.
I would do it before the baby is born because of two things. One as a nurse and a new mom, you do not want to expose your new baby to germs more than you have to. She will get enough of that from her younger siblings, plus I am assuming you are due sometime in February or March, still times that are high risk for RSV which can be serious for a baby. Number two, after having my first I didn't want a bunch of people over, I was tired, sore, and emotional. People came over anyway, but there is no way I could have thrown a party. You have 2 other little one's to entertain along with sleep deprivation from a new baby, I would use the time after the baby comes to bond with her and get the other children used to her.
I hope this helps!! Congrats and good luck!!

If you want to have a celebration before the baby, I like Fanged Bunny's idea as well as the wording as to why no gifts are necessary. Otherwise I don't see why you can't do a meet and greet after the baby is born (other than the germ issue). Anytime a family member or close friend has a baby I feel it's appropriate to get them a little something, even if I've already given them a gift for the baby shower I bring something small when I meet the baby for the first time. I wish people wouldn't get so up in arms in their comments, we should be here to support each other not slam each other for asking a simple question! Congratulations and good luck with whatever you decide to do!

I love celebrating any baby, no matter their birth order! Simply put on the invite "No gifts" and you're fine. On a personal note, I never was into throwing a party to meet new baby. I'm not a germophobe by any means, but I don't think a newborn needs to be exposed to lots of people before their little immune systems get a bit stronger.

Congratulations!

Not before the birth of the baby - that's too much like a shower. If you wanted to celebrate the fact that you're pregnant, you should have done that earlier on.

I suggest a "Sip 'n See" which is done after the baby is born.

ETA: I don't know if this is a generational thing or what, but I would never assume an invite to a meet the baby or sip 'n see is a grab for gifts, especially if the invite said no gifts. I would happily go and meet the baby without a gift and not give it another thought. I can't believe that so many of you immediately go there. You know what they say - you expect others to do what YOU would do. Hmmm.....