Baby's Gender

Updated on November 18, 2008
L.J. asks from Tampa, FL
24 answers

Hi ladies! Ok, I have a totally random question that I realize no one can answer definitively, but I want to throw it out there to get your opinion. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. With our daughter, we did not find out the gender and loved not knowing. So, we decided to keep baby number 2's gender a surprise too. And up until this point, it is. Here's the thing. The other day, during my normal checkup, the doctor determined I was measuring small so she ordered an ultrasound. At the ultrasound, I told the ultrasound tech in no uncertain terms that I did NOT want to know the baby's gender. The tech even looked through my file and assured me that gender was not revealed anyplace in my file. I went on to tell her how important it was to us to keep the gender a surprise. She said she completely understood and said that in all her years in doing ultrasonography, there had only been one slip up and, as she put it, "that will never happen again." Anyway, she performed the ultrasound, and even had us look away when she was measuring the legs (although I don't think I'd have any idea what I was looking at anyway). She then moved on to measure the amniotic fluid. At the end of the ultrasound, she said, in exact words, "Everything looks perfect with him...... or her." I then asked her if she revealed the baby's gender when she referred to the baby as a "him" (and then later a "her") and she assured us that she had not, that she generally refers to all babies, regardless of gender, as "him." She said that she didn't even look and had no idea herself if the baby was a boy or girl. Here's my question (and I know that I am being neurotic about this... I also know that no one knows for sure): do you think the ultrasound tech inadvertently revealed the baby's gender and then tried to cover it up after the fact or do you think that she used the term "him" generically? I am so relieved that everything is perfect with the baby. That is obviously the most important thing. I just hate to think I've waited this long and that I found out the baby's gender through this kind of mistake. Thanks mamasource moms! You're great!!!

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So What Happened?

Thanks to everyone who had SUPPORTIVE things to say. I definitely have the tendency to be slightly obsessive (let's face it, that's why I'm a lawyer by trade). My ONLY concern is that I have a healthy baby. I think that's every parent's worry. But given I have waited this long, I just didn't want to find out this way. Again, thanks for taking the time to respond to my long and rambling question.

Featured Answers

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T.H.

answers from Tampa on

sorry but I think it was a slip. You are probaly having a boy. but don't go out buying blue because it might be a girl. You will know in 2 wks so right now just feel blessed the baby is healthy.

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M.R.

answers from Tampa on

I think she did NOT reveal the gender. Americans do use "him" as a generic "him or her." It is annoying and she should have just said "the baby" or "the baby's" but I think it was just an honest misuse of the English language rather than a revelation of the baby's gender.

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J.T.

answers from Tampa on

This happened to me as well!!! We found out the gender of our first baby, but not with the second. I had an ultra sound at 32 weeks and we told the tech that we didn’t want to know the gender. She completely understood. I had the same woman for both pregnancies (I had about 5 US with my 1st pregnancy, and 2 with my 2nd) and she was a woman of few words, so when she referred to the baby by “gender” I thought she slipped up.

During the US my baby wouldn’t stay still – and we saw him/her move it’s leg up to the face. I said “Haha, it looks like it’s sucking it’s toes”…and without skipping a beat, the tech said “yup, she very well could be”. I just froze.…I was so convinced I was having a boy. Then after the US I asked her if she had seen if it was a boy or girl, and she said “yeah, I know”.

I too asked friends and family if they thought she slipped up, and the majority said yes and I should prepare for a girl. When I went to deliver, and had the heartbeat monitor on, the HR again confirmed my suspicion I was having a boy (it was low at 125-130). In any case, I did have a boy, so the tech didn’t slip. “She” must have been the way the tech referred to all babies. In your case, I think (unlike my tech) heard herself call the baby a “he” (not to indicate gender) then quickly added "she" because she knew you didn’t want to know. My opinion, I don't think she slipped - I think she just calls all babies a "he", then corrected herself when she realized what she said and probably by the look on your face! I guess you’ll really know in a few weeks - Good Luck!

~J.

PS Please write a follow up - I'm interested to know if you have a boy or girl

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C.S.

answers from Lakeland on

Hi L.,

I didn't find out with my second either, and our u/s technician said she would not even look at the genitalia. I really don't think your u/s technician looked at all or has any idea what your baby's sex is. Unless she seemed unduly uncomfortable (fidgeting, can't make eye contact with you, red-faced), when you asked her, I think your little secret is safe. :)

Even if your fears aren't relieved, it can just add to the excitement since you'll never know for sure till the big day! BTW, if you want more fun, the Chinese calendar worked for BOTH of my kids. ;)

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V.

answers from Tampa on

I could see the tech referring to the baby as "him" generically, & not accidentally revealing the gender. I don't know about you, but when I was pregnant & decided to leave my baby's gender a mystery.....I still always knew deep-down that it would be a girl, & it was. Go with your intuition. :~)

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M.H.

answers from Washington DC on

No way, she slipped up, sorry. He is a general term, but not when you are taking measurements and just saw the sex organs plain as day. There is no way she could have taken her measurments at 36 weeks and not seen what the gender was. I have two children and no one in the medical community ever used "he", they said "the baby". I did not keep it a surprise, but I really think using "he" as a general term is very far fetched in this situation. But let us know in a few weeks!!!

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C.W.

answers from Sarasota on

HI! I had an ultrasound at my doctor's office at 12 weeks (when of course you can't determine gender) and the midwife said "he" the entire time. Hope that helps :)

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A.

answers from Tampa on

I don't beleive she reveiled the gender of the baby. A lot of people us "he" instead of "it", and when the gender is unknown I have always heard the people say "him or her", the male gender is always said first.

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H.N.

answers from Tampa on

She was probably just referring/generalizing as "him" and it may not be a true slip up. Put it this way, you still dont know for sure so just let it go. You will know for certain in a few weeks.

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K.J.

answers from Tampa on

From what you said about the tech saying "in all her years" makes me believe that this is not a younger person. Remember that until just the last 15 years (or less) that "he" is the generic term for any person. Baby books are now beginning to alternate "he" and "she" for a baby of unknown gender but 15 years ago that was not so. If she was older than say 30 or even from a rural school system, don't even think twice about it. I still use the generic "he" term instead of saying "it".

Of course you amy never know about her schooling but please realize this "he" reference is a common thing.

Have a great last month!

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J.C.

answers from Fort Myers on

don't get too excited either way - even if the ultrasound lady said "him" or even if you DID want to know the sex of the child, that does not mean it would be correct anyway. My sister came home in a shirt that read "Im a boy" because that is what the dr.s told my mom and while technology is better now (you'd think) I have a friend whose baby is only a year old and her son was supposed to be a girl.
Although I was told my daughter would be a girl because I wanted to know and bought a few pink things, most everything was neutral because until she was actually born, I was still unsure. So her being a girl was expected, sure, but a surprise none the less!
@}~>~~

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C.L.

answers from Tampa on

Rest assured that it was just probably the tech saying "him" out of habit. I am a Labor & Delivery Nurse and also have a habit of calling a baby a "him".... even when I know it's a girl! We all see so many patients day in and day out that we get habits set in, so don't worry...your surprise is most likely still a surprise:).

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B.L.

answers from Fort Myers on

Well, like you said... I can't say whether she did slip up or not... BUT, I can tell you with my children we didn't find out and for all of my ultrasounds... the tech did refer to the baby as a "him", but she told me she would before she even began the ultra sound. She said that it lessens confusion so that when she referred to me as a "her" my husband and I would know she was talking about me.

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J.P.

answers from Tampa on

I'm with ya- I would think she slipped up too. I'd probably be leaning toward telling people to buy blue not pink! I think some of the other responses are right though. HIM is used as a generic term instead of IT. Ya never know, you could still ave a surprise at the end. Keep the faith !
j.

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A.P.

answers from Tampa on

Hello L. and Congratulations on the addition of your new baby. I have worked in a hospital for numerous years. I have known a lot of times where we have been addressed by the parents that they don't want to know the sex of the unborn child. We do then refer to the child as both sexes and also in no particular order. I on the other hand when I was pregnant I didn't want to know the sex of my child either. I relayed this to the ultra sound check as well. However, my daughter had other plans and had herself spread wide open the moments the device was placed on my belly and I saw the gender within me... It was still a surprise in all her glory it just happened to be sooner then later and I was still in awh when she made an early arrival....3 weeks early!!! and still 8 lbs and 15 ounces.....
I hope that helps!

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S.B.

answers from Tampa on

Just my 2 cents and opinion worth but here goes. I can't believe that she never looked to see what the gender was. You are 36 weeks and one of the measurements that she did was the femur. The top of the femur is right at the groin. You even mentioned that she said to turn your head when she was measuring the legs. That would be the femur. There is no way that she didn't see the gender. How close did she say him then her? I don't think you will know until birth. I do know that some websites do interchange him and her when talking. I know babycenter.com does it. I guess you will know in a couple weeks. Who knows though. Maybe she is that type of person that wanted to spoil it.

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A.G.

answers from Punta Gorda on

My first baby is 13 years old, beautiful girl. We did not know until birth, but in the ultrasound they refered to the baby as he twice. I thought the same thing you did. I was wrong. You never will really know. Even if it is a boy, you still never really know if she was being generic or not. Congratulations on a healthy baby, and do not worry about the tech.

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S.F.

answers from Lakeland on

That is a very hard question to answer, as being in the medical field for 11 years, we due tend to use him more often then a her when we are talking about a baby... Dont let this get you down by no means... You have a healthy baby on the way and just adding stress and worring about this is not good for you, the baby, and the family.....

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R.W.

answers from Tampa on

When I was pregnant with my first child the doctor kept calling her a boy even though I told him I knew in my heart she was a girl. He was surprised when she was born. When my second child was born the cord was wrapped around her neck and we almost lost her. The entire time during the delivery the doctor kept saying were losing him. So it is very possible that the tech refers to all babies as him unless gender is requested. It is not uncommon for professionals to refer to unborn babies as him. Guess it is just a lot better than saying it. Or him or her. You in your heart should know by now if it is going to be a boy or girl. Be happy and let it go.

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J.O.

answers from Tampa on

I think you need to focus on more important things....It probably is a boy so stop obsessing....Do yourself a favor...

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S.H.

answers from Tampa on

Now, now. Allow her the benefit of having a sense of humor maybe? She did add on the "her" following a pause. She sounded like she was being playful. Thank God you had a person with a personality and not a robot like most medical staff seem to prefer! :)

Several of my friends are techies and they always refer to the babies as "hims" or "hers" because they think "its" is far too impersonal.

Besides, U/S are not infallible. People have been misinformed before! :)

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K.C.

answers from Tampa on

We had the same thing happen and the tech said "her" while my mom and I were sitting there. Later in the appt I asked her if she slipped and she said no. She doesn't like saying "it" or some other unpersonal expression, so she always says a gender. Well...I believed her because we had a boy. : ) Enjoy it all!! Kudos to you for not finding out! We did the same thing and LOVED it!!!

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S.R.

answers from Fort Myers on

My husband and I had a similar experience! We didn't want to know the gender, but had 2 occasions where we thought the gender was revealed. Once, by a physicians assistant who asked us, "So you're having a boy?" She obviously didn't look at our chart, which specifically stated that we didn't want to know the sex. The next time it happened was by the nurse who did the same thing, "Him...or her." We thought for sure we were having a boy at that point, because what was the chance of two different people in the office making the same gender reference? Well, lo and behold we had a girl. Needless to say, we were shocked because we thought that those innocent slip-ups were indicative as to the sex of our baby. In reality, they were just calling the baby "he" and "him" because that is more gender neutral than "she" and "her". It's better than calling the baby an "it" which is what we called our unborn baby! So, you'll still be surprised, either way. :) I'm sure!

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D.G.

answers from Tampa on

probably a generality, no worries. i know lots of people just don't like to say "IT" when talking about a baby. Great luck with your new one!!!

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