Bad Languge .

Find an alternative discipline that he does not like at all. Keep trying different ones until you get his attention. Tickets, grounding, loss of something like phone or tv or games, volunteering, picking up poop since that's what he's dishing out, etc. Once you found one that gets his attention, then be committed to sticking with the rules and consequences each and every time.

G. ,
this is 2008 and i'm sure that some of the cussing words you think are ,are words he and many people hear evryday,as for being disresptive is him beind a boy trying to change into being a man.I raised 2 sons and believe me it was no easy task at about 12 or 13 i think they take there brains out and forget where they left them
(haha)i was always telling mine that .as to altertive school they work at there own pace which maybe what he needs to do at lest he is still in school count your blessing ,even the small ones
L.

Grandma,

Your grandson has no respect for himself, and that's why he disrespects everyone else.

Try talking to him calmly at first and she what happens. If he decides he wants to be grown and maybe curse you or raise his voice, I'd tell him that he's on his own. I'd tell him if he wants to be grown he needs to be grown outside my house. I would tell him not to ever bring his a _ _ to my house until he learns some da _ _ manners because evidentually, he lost them somewhere between 1 and 15 years old. When he finds them, he's more than welcome to come back.

Granny, you're gonna have to get firm and remain firm. My grandmother told me that you talk the language that kids understand. If he's cursing me, I'd curse him. Kids nowadays are not fearful of anyone anymore, but I guarantee mine are! Speak his language and I betcha you'll bring him down a notch. If that doesn't work then you guys might just be a little too late. Sometimes parents wait too late to instill in children what should've been instilled when they were too young to speak. You gotta catch 'em early. It may be tool late for him but try getting on his level in order to bring him back to yours.

Where is his dad? I think he could probably get a grip on things if he were in the picture. Also...is he driving yet?
At that age taking the keys away makes a big impact. If he likes the alternative school, maybe that's the best place for him. Even a military school would be great to get him under control. (My neighbor had to put her kid in one and you would not believe the change. He came back saying "Yes, Sir" and "No Mam". Then he signed up in the military and was making some of the highest grades on his testing.) I hate to say this, but if he didn't learn to respect his mother (or adults) as a small kid, it's a little late to try to change things now without some type of outside intervention. Best of luck!

The use of foul language is a by product of another problem--unless he is hearing it at home. Most often it is to get attention where there is low self esteem--and for some reason??it makes those doing it feel superior/ or like they are somebody. Perhaps you might talk to you daughter to see if there has been a change in his MO recently.

Praying you will be able to help your grandson because this is a very bad habit and will not go away easily. Left unattended will only get worse and cause many heart aches all the way around.

Blessings--K.

when my son (now an adult in the army) was a teen and got disrespectful, I took away all his priveledges. But if your daughter is not on board all the best advice in the world will not help you or your grandson. He may very well at his age be involved with the wrong kids and may be doing drugs. Most kids will test their boundries, push their parents buttons, and basically get away with whatever they can get away with. It's their job to try all that out on us, it's our job to not let them get away with it. to be the parent, the authoritive figure in their life that is unwaivering. best of luck to you.
As an edit let me add, that he is in 9th grade, your daughter has at least 3 more years of this child at home, it will only get worse if something doesn't change at home right now!

As a former teacher, it has been my experience that the kids who like alternative school do usally for a number of reasons: 1. Its usually smaller and yes, you do get one on one attention that a larger school can not provide; but also sometimes a smaller school feels safer. 2.It has a very rigid structure, therefore the kids know the "drill"--most kids including teenagers want structure, it gives them a sense of security.

However, his behavior that landed him in alternative school should not be condoned at all! Nor should disrespect be something you or his mother endure. Addressing disrespect should really be viewed as a life lesson: For example in our family when our teenage sons became disrespectful there were consequences. We explained it like this--in the real world when you have a job, there will be bosses that you don't like for whatever reason; however they are your boss and you must respect their position. If you disrespect you boss one of the consequences might be getting fired, which means loss of money, etc... You need to set up some very firm consequences to stop disrespect within your family.

I would also suggest that a meeting with the school, since he likes the alternative school and it is meeting a need for him, to address why. Many school districts often have an alternative high schools that allows open enrollment for those kids that are just not getting their needs met in a regular high school enviroment--making it a win-win for everyone.

My experience from that is that your grandson is either not happy with something or is "misunderstood" by you and his parents! He may need to talk to someone about it. He also needs to feel that he is a total part of the family! Let him make decisions on dinner, movies, plans for the weekend. Kids like alternative school b/c it is a more one on one experience. They get "attention" and that is what they are crying out for! They act out in class b/c that want attention! Good luck!

Hi G.,

This is a very unconventional suggestion, and I haven't had to deal with it yet, but a friend of ours' son is 7 years old and his father swears like a sailor around him all the time. When the kid started to use that language, the father took him aside and said, now son, swearing is for use only during the allowed time. Every day (or so) he is allowed to swear for 30 seconds and say whatever he wants and dad does it with him, they yell out the car window at no one as loud as they can. The kid is the sweetest boy you will ever meet, and needless to say his parents have a unique approach to his upbringing. I have never heard him swear or for that matter be rude to an adult, even with his friends he is quite charming. It may not work for everyone, but if limitations are set and adhered to I think children will understand that it is ADULT language. That is what I tell my 3 year old when she repeats my accidental outbursts in traffic. Seems to work for now...

Hi my name is A. and im 17 years old. im a jr in high school so i understand teenagers. when i was a freshman in high school i was getting in alot of trouble with attitude and fighting. i was also sent to an alternative school and i liked being there to. it may be just a phase that he is going through right now being in a new place, high school can be a little scary so it is normal for teenagers to start acting out. it might also be the other teenagers he is hanging out with, teenagers have alot of influence on eachother and the actions that take place. i would say talk to a counclor about what you are going through with him and maybe they can talk to him and find out if the problem maybe caused by something that has happend to him in his past or recently happend that you or his mother dont know about.

Is his father in the picture? A positive male role model would help.

I have a son that is in the 9th grade. He has never cussed at me and have mercy on his sole if he did! That is soooo disrespectful!! However, I've had many other problems with him... i.e... Truancy, Runaway, always taking the path of least resistance. One of the main things is to enforce enforce enforce rules. Let them know you are serious about what you say. Is his dad a positive influence on him? If not, Does he have a male figure that he can look up to? I have called SOS Ministries and talked to JJ Ramirez I hear only great things about him helping these kids. You might want to go that route or if it becomes unbearable try calling Cal Farley's Boys Ranch in Amarillo...800-687-3722. If it hasn't gotten this bad yet, call the PD or Sheriff's Dept (according to where you live) and ask an officer to come speak with him. With some of them that is all is takes and then with others its sooo much more than that! I don't think there is nothing that I haven't tried with my son. It all boils down to choices. We all have them. They know right from wrong. If they continue making the wrong choices they will have to pay the consequences.

I really empathize with you and your daughter. Kids don't realize how hurtful their tongue/actions can be.

THE BEST OF LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER!

I hope you will see some light at the end of the tunnel soon !

we had a similar problem with my step-daughter. she used to live with her mother, but in that household, the daughter ran things. she was extremely disrespectful, spoiled, paid no consequences for her bad actions, fighting and doing really bad in school. after being suspended from school (not the first time) her mother asked us for help. i went with her to a meeting at the school, decided that the only way to help her was to pull her out of there and have her live with us and go to a much better school in a much better school district. at my house she is one of 5 children and we have rules and structure and respect is demanded. this year at school, she had perfect attendance and got 2 awards for doing so well in her classes. i think your grandson is missing some structure, rules and discipline. and maybe your daughter needs to be more strict with him. kids need these things, they need to be guided. goodluck to you and your family.

Is mom single? Sounds like he needs a good role model. Maybe look into big brother program. Maybe Mom needs to spend more one on one time with son to figure out deeper issues. Why does he treat Mom with disrespect? Is she seeing someone and he feels threatened...we don't have the whole picture here. What is definite is that Mom has to step in and stop this behavior. Maybe threaten to put him back into regular school? Why does he hate former school so much? Was he trying to get thrown out? Were there bully issues or others that made life bad for him there? Sit down and talk...sometimes he will talk to another adult...counselling is often helpful as it is easier to talk to a stranger than to your family. Good luck.

get him in a church!:)