2 months ago my daughter climbed out of her crib @ 22 months old. We wanted to transition her to a toddler bed at 2 years anyway so we figured what's a couple months early? Well, bedtime has been a nightmare ever since! From birth until 2 months ago we could lay her in her crib and she would just go to sleep, no fussing...period. I realize we were spoiled parents but I had no idea it could get this bad. She will not go to bed/sleep and does everything to fight it. We've tried every method we know of. We started with the Suppernanny method (repeatedly puting her back in her bed) well, she would instantly jump out of bed and follow me out of the room no matter how many times I tried. After a few nights of that not working we tired to let her cry it out. I would put her to bed and close the door, occasionally going in there to put her back in bed and comfort her. She cried for two hours!! We even tried putting her back in the crib, she doesn't climb out but she will scream for hours and as soon as I would pick her up she would fall asleep on my shoulder. She was so determined to fight it that she forgot what she was even crying about. So now what we are doing is staying in her room until she falls asleep. Which eventually works but bedtime lasts from 8:00 until she finally falls asleep somewhere between 9:30 and 10:00. Nobody seems to understand what we are going through and says it's just a phase. Well, my parents were here for the week and couldn't believe her stubborness about sleeping. I said "this is what I've been trying to explain to people!" If it's a phase it's sure a long one! WHAT DO I DO, I'M DESPERATE! I don't want my husband or I to have to use up 2 hours of our night trying to get our daughter to sleep, that is our time to reconnect. On top of it, we're expecting #2 in Dec.
My daughter is almost 21 months old and we haven't dealt with this yet.
A friend of mine put a crib tent in her son's crib when he started to climb. I've heard of other people doing this too.
It keeps them in the crib until they are ready for a toddler bed.
Hope this helps.
I understand the frustration you are going thru. My son, Ryan, started climbing out of his crib around 22 months as well. So we transitioned him into his toddler bed. He's now almost 26 months old. To be honest, we tried everything you have been trying and nothing was working. But now I think we have solved our problem...or at least until another one is discovered. Every night we do the normal bedtime routine that we have always done, and then when we say it's bedtime, we put him in his room and put a baby gate at his door. I don't like closing the door because I think Ryan gets scared to be in the dark in the beginning. So we started using a gate. He may play in his room and not to go to sleep for an hour or more but at least he's in his room and winding down to sleep. We play a lullaby CD every night and I think this helps him calm down to sleep. Yeah, he'll keep asking questions or having us come over and check on him, but eventually we say, Ryan get in bed it's time to go night-night. This seems to be working great for us. He has tried to climb over the gate, so we moved it up higher, then he discovered he could crawl under the gate. So we have placed 2 gates (one of top of another) at his door. But once he's sound asleep we remove the gates. Just so you know, there have been many nights where Ryan has fallen asleep on the floor. So we pick him up and put him in his bed. However, sometimes by morning he's back on the floor. But in the last week, he's actually crawled into bed and stayed there.
So hopefully you find something that works for you and hopefully it happens before baby #2 arrives.
Good Luck,
A.
B.,
If I were you, I'd attempt Supernanny again. It might be too late, since you've given in and stayed in there with her, but maybe she'll be more receptive since she's more used to the bed. Another thing we do is let my son take some books to bed with him. He lays in bed and reads them before he falls asleep, then we take them out when we go in to check on him later. The rule is that he can have books in bed, but no toys, and he has to stay in bed.
She's 2, so she's ready for this, and most likely capable of understanding that this is what bedtime means now. You have to be firm and more stubborn than she is!! I would say absolutely don't comfort her when you go in, or she'll keep crying for that. When you do the Supernanny, you have to go in, put her in bed, and walk away. No talking, no comforting, no attention, except maybe the occasional, "It's time to go night night." If she keeps following you out over and over and over, say, "Night night honey," walk out, and close the door. Let her cry. Go in every 10 minutes to put her back in bed. Don't comfort or speak. If she can open the door, put up a gate, and again, don't visit or allow her to see you but every 10 minutes. If you are as stubborn as she is and are completely consistent with this (it may take several weeks - be ready for that) she will realize that you're not giving in and she's gotta go to bed. Be firm!
Best of luck,
Amy K
Have you read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth? His book saved me with my infant who wouldn't sleep, and as I recall, he had lots of info for toddlers, too.
As for the Supernanny method, I wouldn't have stopped it. Just keep going. Keep putting her back in bed, even if it takes three hours. She can't "win" -- she has to know that you mean it, and that you will follow through.
I also wanted to respond to what Rebecca said -- I taught my boys to go to sleep independently, and it hasn't affected our relationship in any negative way. In fact, it has had no negative impact on my children at all. My boys are now 9 and 12 and they are STILL snuggly. They are both happy, healthy, affectionate kids. They are close to me and to their father, and we spend a lot of time together. (They also happen to get enough sleep, as compared to a lot of their friends.)
We have a two-year-old son. Our bedtime routine is change his diaper, put sleeper on, read three books, lights out, I lay on the floor by his crib and put my hand up in the crib. He plays with my hand or doesn't. (One time he put my hand under his cheek and went to sleep. It was sooo sweet!) I think two is too young to switch to a toddler bed. I am going to wait until he is three. I think he will handle it better then.
Laying by the bed and holding his hand has worked very well. We have even transitioned out of this for nap time!! I turn the light out, tell him I love him and to go sleepy sleepy. He goes to sleep by himself 8 times out of 10.
Hang in there. It will get better! Choose a solution and stick with it. I think that is one mistake we parents make. We aren't always consistent. WE NEED TO STICK WITH IT!
I just transitioned my 2year old little girl a week ago. The first nights were interesting. She was so excited because it was "her bed" and she could get in it by "herself." She had a time when she whined and cried and I would ask her what she wanted: you want your blankey- NO... Okay... Blankey!!! and I would tuck in her blankey, Do you want some music... NO... Okay.... MUSIC!!!! and I would wind her music box. Then it was a kiss and a hug and a nose kiss and she was ready to go to sleep. She sometimes would cry for water but I found out that it was a ploy to get her out of her bed. For you... you will just have to find the right combination. Each child is a little different but the best thing to do is keep going with a bed time routine. Good Luck!
I know this might not be what you want to do, but I agree with the last poster: get a crib tent, let her cry it out if you have to, and along with a strict bedtime routine, keep emphasizing to her that she needs to go to sleep at ________time and that mommy and daddy are going to leave the room and will see her in the morning. I would ask her, "is there anything else you need before night-night?" She might want something to help her sleep- maybe a stuffed animal or a night light or music or something. She could still put up a huge fuss but at least you'll know she is safe with the crib tent and you can leave the room. And try the toddler bed again when she is a little older.
Other than that, you could try letting her stay up until she is so tired that she REALLY wants to go to sleep. But then you are still going to be dealing with a tired and crabby toddler and lose out on your own time at night.
My son is only 18 months old and believe me I am going to keep him in his crib as long as I possibly can- or until he can actually tell me that he wants to sleep in a big boy bed. I figure it is easier to stick with the crib, and easier to transition to a toddler bed when he truly wants to do it instead of when I make him do it
It sounds like she is following you out of the room because she wants to be with you. As a mom, I find that very flattering. I love that my 2-yr-old wants to be with me. I appreciate that at any age, actually--I have an 18-year-old, a 16-year-old, and a 14-year-old, too. Let me tell you, you will not always be quite this popular. Have you tried rocking her to sleep or at least laying beside her bed while she falls asleep? That is what my 2-year-old likes and her father and I both enjoy those sweet little moments. I'm a little ADD, so when it is my turn, I bring a book to read or my MP3 player if it is too dark to read. Books on tape are a rare treat in my busy life, so I look forward to it. I will also say that this will not last forever. I have never had a 4-year-old (I don't think even a 3-year-old) who wanted me to stay.
I have a little nagging question about the super-nanny and cry-it-out methods. They are popular because of the results that they have in a baby or toddler's behavior. But you will be dealing with this child a lot longer than that. I have never seen anything said about how they affect the parent-child relationship at a later age. I have children in nearly every age group and they all enjoy being with their mom. We laugh and joke with each other, they like to hear my opinions--and rate them rather highly. We enjoy sharing activities (my teens program my MP3 player and I like their choices!). Could I have had all of this if my goal in their first years was to teach them not to need me so much? I don't know, but always wonder.
Hi B. - we had a similar problem with our 2 year old not when transitioning to a toddler bed but instead when we moved. She was fine the first month and then one night everything exploded. After two weeks I thought i was going to tear my hair out! We tried letting her cry it out but halfheartedly - I'd keep going back in to check on her. I realized (after my hubby pointed it out) that when we sleep trained her as an infant we just had to let her cry it out period. Hardest thing I've ever done. But after reminding myself of that, that is what we did. The first night she cried for an hour and 15 mins. I stayed outside her door and told her "Mommy is here but you have to go to bed" every so often. It got better super quickly after that. I also set her expectations each night telling her exactly what was going to happen (we're going to go get your jammies on, then we'll get a drink of water, then we'll read a book, and then it will be time for bed). Within 3 days we were back to "normal" (going down awake and drifting off on her own).
I think change just unsettles them and they need to learn to soothe themselves again. And I agree with the poster below... you can't give up on the Supernanny thing or your daughter will just figure out where your breaking point is and get there.
And to the poster who said that being needed is "flattering", its also not the way to raise a well-adjusted, independent person. Trust me. I was one of those children - my mom let me sleep in her bed until I was almost 10! I could never spend the night at a friend's house, never go to camp, etc. I was too scared to be without my mom at night. Not good. Took years to break the fear. I even had a hard time when I left for college. Its best to help give kids the tools they need to know they'll be ok in their own room at night.
I recommend reading the book 'Happy Sleep Habits, happy child'. But this is what he would suggest, an earlier bedtime (sometime between 6-8pm). He feels earlier the better. Just watch for a couple of days for the first signs of sleepiness, that will let you know what an appropriate bedtime is. My little guy has been going down at 7pm. Not too early not too late). Also, she is in bed then it is lights out and DO NOT GO IN A GET THEM OUT! If you do, then she is training you instead of you training her. If you like you can stay in the room but no eye contact, singing, soothing, or talking. Just let her know you are there. The first few nights they might cry longer but they will eventually cry less and less each night. This is more of a test of your willpower not to give in than it is of their willingness to give up. Blackout curtains or a dark room help alot has does This is a phase if you take control but it can continue if you dont change. Good luck and get the BOOK. You will be soooooooooooooooooo glad you did.
