Behavior Help Please

I also have the same problem with my five year old. It is really hard but if I ignore it or don't show that my feelings are hurt her attitude changes a lot quicker because she does not get the dramatic response of hurting my feelings. It is just a button she pushes and she thinks it is fun. I also think it is because there is a comfort level with mom that isn't there at school and she be a brat and know momma loves her.

Well I had the same problem at one time with my daughter she was about 4yrs old when it all started, and now she is 5 very smart child, and i don't mean to sound like a boastful parent she is very clever; it seemed as if she took orders from others much better, than she did with me, at times I felt she ruled me and my home not the other way around. I learned to have alot of structure, and less excuses on why I couldn't discipline right then when things happened. I also had to realize really quick she is my daughter, I have enough friends I had to get out of that oh she'll be mad at me. I know it stemed from me having my own baggage with stuff that I went through with my mom, and swore I would never be like. But when i put all these things into prespective it all became much easier, remember it is better now then never. And remember too it is out of love that we dicipline our children because if they do not learn it with us then someone else will teach them, and it can be a very hard lesson for them to learn when it does not come from that source of love.

Kids feel more comfortable misbehaving for their parents because they know they are unconditionally loved and accepted at home. It means she feels loved and accepted by you, which means you're a good parent. But you still don't have to put up with it. Protect yourself. Make it clear her behavior and attitude are not okay with you. Leave the room, or send her to yours.

I was talking to a co-worker about discipline lately as my 5 year old son is taking to ignoring us and not responding to a direction right away. He said he and his wife went to a parenting class and what he said made incredible sense.

First, you shouldn't let your daughter get away with it. It may hurt your feelings but she isn't "getting" it, nor is she likely to if you don't take a more hard line.

The gist of this discipline method is that you never repeat yourself. Tell her ONCE and if she does not respond immediately, she endures her punishment. The rule for parents on this is that they have to sit down ahead of time and explain the rules. When you then go to give her direction, you call her name and make sure she answers first. Then when she answers, you give her the direction. She has ONE chance to do what you say, and if not, the immediate consequence is carried out. Whatever punishment you decide fits the situation.

How does this relate to what is going on with her and you now? She is being disrespectful and you are allowing her to do so. She may not ever understand how she is being disrespectful until you show her consequences for her actions. A simple time out, grounding from a toy, etc, will be quite effective. She isn't going to change if you don't actively do something to change it. This does mean it's a lot more work for the parents than the kids though. We have to follow through, and sometimes that means interrupting what we are doing.

I was amazed to see when my son started school at how well behaved he was in school, and when we asked him about why it takes us "to the count of 3" to get him to do something and why he does it immediately for his teacher, he said it was because she (in so many words) meant it. And do you know what? He's happier knowing his boundaries. Kids are so adaptable and they do like structure. If you start calling her on her attitude toward you and punishing her for it - and do it consistently - she will get it, and I'll bet she get it quickly. Good luck!

Well, I understand where yuo are comming ftom/ My gaughter was like that when she was about 4 years old and on. She is 13 now and finally the attitude and problems are comming up around schii==ool, and other people and family members. Isay finallyh because counselors and teachers just assumed it was me and my husband, but it's not. When she was 6, we took her to a childrens counselor and she was diagnsed with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). She was medicated for a while, but I saw no difference. She is 13 now and is finally being medicated for a mood disorder, and an attention disorder. They won't lable her as Bi-polar because of her age,I am bi-polar and it runs every other generation on my husbands side of the family, so they are going to assume thatshe has it but won't lable her with it until she's older. We have hyad her in and out of counselng sincemshe was 6 until current and she's 13. I had to do a lot of research on early onset childhood bipolar disorder because the psyciatriscs are not up on it since it is fairly new to diagnosse in children. You have to do a lot of research because the Drs finally listened o me and now she is on meds that seem to be helping. It has been a long rough road for our family, but it is worth it to get her the help she needs. I've learned that ODD runs hand in hand with ADD and Bi-polar disorder also. It's easier to catch it early and get them 0n meds because as they get older, the violence and disrespect becomes so worse. If you have anyquestions for me, feel free to cotact me and I will help in any way I can. Good luck, abd keep your chin up! There are others out there with problems like you have and we can all understand! My biggest suggestion,is to get her to a child psychologist and get her diagnosed and possibly medicated. I'm not one big on putting lables on kids or medicating them, but I know how much medications helped me and they are beginning to help my daughter. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions, ____@____.com

Sincerely,
A.

Hi W.!!

I feel your pain, girl!! I have three kids. The oldest is 11 and he runs his mouth all the time. He cannot quit sassing and it does hurt.
It's nice to know I'm not the only one that has these problems.
Kids will push the boundaries all the time with us. I think it's their job in life. LOL
Sounds like you're a wonderful mom and very caring. It's nothing you're doing I doubt.

Take care and God bless you!!!
http://tinamccomb.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

T.

Hi W., I have a 6 yr old girl to and just latley she has been trying to be smart mouth with me. i just say excuse me you do not direspect me with that tone, then i say to her what do you say to mommy. then she apolgies. nip it now my daughter everyday for the most part is so helpful,kind and really close to me. there are some days she comes home from school and she is like that and think its because she gets overwelmed at school.i have spoke to her teacher and it seems like the days she is testing is when she comes home mouthy.so we talk about then she is good after.but dont give in once and argue with her because they will feed into that i niped mine right from the get and now she talks to me about her feelings its because now she knows i wont tolerate it.sending them to their room i feel doesnt solve anything.you need that comunication. i also let my daughter know if she is going to continue with the attitude. she will start losing priviliges. as for charts and things i do believe in them for sertain things but for behavior no because i feel they are getting rewarded like if your good for these days you get something. i feel that shuts down communications keep that open. i wish you luck.

Hello W.,

My name is J. and as for you 6yr old ,from my own children its cause home is there place .they know they can be what they want to be if thats bad good mean or not, My 4 kids are perfect outside of the home and the minute they walk in the door they are nasty with me or there siblings i always say home is there comfort zone cause they know out in public or school they have to be good but at home they can be whatever theywant to be. my 10 yr old has done that since she was 4 and my 5 and 4 yr old same, so i just go with the flow . In my house mom always gets the crappy end of the deal , cause when daddy gets home they are all over him kisses and hugs but becasue i am a stayhome mom i am always here, i always say i am back ground noise to them .....i hope that helped if not i am sure someone might have a better answer for you ...J.

Little about me 35 yr old stayhome mom of 4 kids a 10-5-4-14mth been married for 17 yrs to my bestfreind...

Hi W.,

My daughter was the same way at age 4. What I did and maybe it will help you, I simply asked her why she like behaving like that and why she was. I also told her that she hurts my feelings when she misbehaves. I also told her that she makes me very proud that she knows how to behave nicely and ask her to talk to me about what makes her so mad to misbave. My daughter and I talked about this daily (every time she acted up or did something mean). It seemed to help. I hope it helps you. Another thought, you may want to get some incentive for good behavior, like a dollar store toy or a new book etc., a trip to the park or library.

good luck, L.

Maybe she is learning this from you. Do you act different when you r in public or diff towards diff people? Do u dissapline her differently in public than u do at home? Just some thoughts?

Too be honest I'm not sure of how to fix the problem other than maybe some special focus time every day. Maybe if you set a side a certain time everyday to spend just the two of you to listen to her day and talk that might help. I can tell you this. It seemed my girls were always better for everyone and could just be a nightmare for me until my ex mother in law told me it was because they feel safe with me so they let all the behavior out with me where they were safe. Just an idea. Hope it helps. Hugs, N. W.

I had this problem when my daughter was 4 1/2 - 5. One thing that has helped is report cards at home. I give her stickers for positive things, little x's for negative issues and large X's for big problems or trantrums (and place a short description next to each one, so that I can remember what they are about). At the end of each day, we talk about the events that happened throughout the day and how we can improve the next day or how much fun we had if it was a good day. Each report card goes for a week. At the end of the week, we do something extra for fun if it is good. Hailey (my daughter) does well with it because she can see her progress plus a week is long enough for her to get an idea of her behovior and short enough that a clean slate is in sight if she has a bad week. We share these report cards with her Grandma. She loves showing off her good stickers (or calling Grandma up and telling her about them) and gets a little embarassed of the bad ones. Hope this helps. It has done wonders in our house.

I have a six-year old too. He's my step-son and I think because of this he acts out more for me. I know it can really hurt you. I have basically raised him, so his behavior is very hurtful. All I can say, because I'm learning too, is always take a time out before discipline. This helps you cool down, and not discipline out of anger or hurt. Also, let her see how her behavior hurts you. Maybe if she knows that what she does hurts mommy she'll stop or mellow. Good Luck, you're not the only one.