A.,
I use to be a director of learning center where we had 300 kids and many children that were similar to your daughter. At 3 1/2 she definitely understands what she is doing gets her attention.
First let me address the parents complaining issue. At 3 most kids can tell their parents who hit them, bite them etc. But by NO MEANS is a teacher allowed to tell a parent what child is doing something to their kid. This is against licensing to talk about another child with a diff parent. So if a parent "complains" about your child whether saying her name becuase their kid said it or addressing her as the child that keeps hitting my son etc. The teacher can not say your child's name or acknowledge that it is your daughter. This is out of the safety of you daughter. You don't know if one of those parents are "crazy." and would try to retaliate against your little one. This is the same reason "home-made" items are not allowed to be brought it for the reason that if a parent "posions" one etc.
Next issue. They should not be putting her in time out! Most daycares will not do this as it is looked about as a "negative" or corporal punishment in some eyes. Obviously it is not working for you daughter. Her are a few suggestions.
1. Ask that your daughter shadow a teacher. Meaning have your daughter hold her teachers pocket if needed. Wherever the teacher goes your child is right there. For 4 years I ran a successful 3 year old classroom. I have had 15 by myself as well as 30 with a 18 yo assist. I went over a yera without any incident reports etc. If your daughter is shadowing her teacher there is no reason that anything should be happening.
2. In the case a situation happens the child should be addressed as what the behavior was how it was wrong and how they should act. As a result of the second time they should be sent to a "Peace Place". To a 3 yo Peace Place is not a Negative Time Out. Instead it is a place that they can feel calm and collect their feelings away from others. Peace Place should only be for 1 child. They Preschool Should know how to make a Peace Place/Center and if not then this is how: Get a simple mat or carpet and place in a place away from others. There should be a basket that goes along with it. It should contain books about emotions and character values etc. (happiness, kindness, when sophie gets angry bookes etc) as well as puppets (even sock or lunch sack ones), sensory bottles (they should def know what these are), a stress ball and a mirror. This of this nature. So your daughter feels at ease. These are proven methods. There is no reason your daughter should be sent to a time out as it is obviously not working.
I stand by my opinions they worked for me. After just being in the industry 1 1/2 years I became a director for a reason.
As to the Pooping. She knows better. Simple as that. I think when the other issues are addressed this will come. My daughter was potty trained by 18 months except pooping. When she was a little over 2 the Private School she was going to go to told her she had to be fully potty trained. She never pooped in her underwear again.
You need to give her an incident to want to go. Sticker charts for the most part don't work. You need to take away something she loves. For my daughter she is a tv aholic. Even at 2 she understood what no tv meant. So for my daughter whether it was a beahavior issues etc. I let her know I would erase her shows off DVR etc and she would shape up. Let her "earn" her joys and passions. Take something away whether dessert or toy and put your foot down.
HTH if you need anymore ideas let me know.
E.
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