Breastfeeding to Fall Asleep

Tiny babies always seem sleepy anyhow, so it's hard to always put them in bed when they are awake... sometimes they just fall asleep on you! (Enjoy it while it lasts!)

But I do agree that in principle you want him to learn to fall asleep without you nursing him. The younger he learns it, the less likely that you will have to deal with "crying it out" when he's older. I made all kinds of mistakes with my older daughter and we did end up crying it out and having all kinds of sleep isses with her. With my second daughter, I took the advice of a friend who has 4 wonderful kids. She is a big believer in "Baby Wise" and turned me on to it. The idea is to schedule your baby's day so that when he wakes up, you feed him, and then you have play time (or awake time of whatever kind). Then you put him down for his nap (awake). When he wakes up, feed him, and just keep the cycle going. A whole cycle of eat-play-sleep should take about 4 hours. Obviously as he gets older the time between feedings may get a little bit longer, and at night you will be surprised how quickly he will go toward longer stretches without waking. One of the big keys is, don't let him sleep while he is breastfeeding. Do whatever you have to do - change his diaper, undress him, etc. That way he will get a big, full meal every time and won't want to "snack" (which will just provide the watery milk, not the fat-rich hind milk). Anyhow, that's Baby Wise in a nutshell and it was a life saver for me in terms of getting my little one down to sleep with no issues! I hope this helps you! Good luck!

Hello, i am not sure if you are trying to figure out how to get your child to sleep without nursing him to sleep or if you just want opinion on nursing to sleep. Nursing to sleep is the normal natural way o do it and humans have been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years. However, modern society have been putting new regualtions of baby sleep. So it is normal/natural for us to nurse our babies to sleep and sleep with them. It is natural and healthy for the baby to awake a couple times at night and nurse. If you are asleep with you child you can feed it without even sitting up. But since mony parents no longer sleep with their children in the industrialized countries, they have been training them to sleep through the night. This is just FYI. Make whatever choice you need to. Childen naturally begin to want their own room and space when they turn around 3 some earlier, some later, but they will continue to jump in your bed when lonely if you let them.

Breastfeeding and rocking are absolutely not bad habits. Maybe doctors would feel too useless and threatened if people turned to natural parenting so they like to offer all this wierd "unnatural" advice?

I also HIGHLY recommend the book previously mentioned, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Dr. Weisblauth (sp?) gives you very detailed information about sleep habits. Without that book, I don't think we would have gotten through the last year. My daughter is still nursing to sleep and she will be a year in May.

Hi Heather,

Congrats on your new baby boy, and enjoy this time as it goes by so fast! I can see you've gotten some good advice already, but the one thing I will add is that I would encourage you to NOT nurse your child to sleep and that you should him down when he's drowsy but awake. I have a 2.5 year old son that still depends on me to nurse him to sleep because that's the habit we've developed, and I regret that I didn't train him to fall asleep when he was drowsy and awake. He cannot easily self-soothe himself to sleep w/o nursing, although we've made some progress lately as I've been night weaning him and he's learned to self-soothe more. Interestingly, I did put him to sleep while drowsy and awake when he was a newborn, but somehow that developed into him falling asleep on the breast. The good thing is that he can fall asleep on his own if he's with the grandparents or others, which is a huge relief. But I think that if you can put him to sleep without having him depend on nursing or rocking, you'll be better off in the long run. Hope this helps and blessings to you!

I am a fan of routine, scheduling, whatever you want to call it :) My advice would be to NOT put him down hungry (I don't think this is what your Ped meant), but can you change the nursing to before the bath? That way, he will be full and still have his routine in place. Then when you rock him, just do so for a few minutes until he is calmed and soothed, swaddle him, and lay him in bed still awake.
This is what we did with my daughter (she's now one yo), and she slept through the night at 7 wks, and has continued to do so from there on. She sleeps about 12-13 hrs each night.
Good luck!! And I know you'll get alot of advice on this, just do what feels right for you and your baby, even if it's to continue what you've been doing :)

Of course you should feed him and love him before bed but remember with the routine you are in now it will only get more difficult as he will get bigger. I always fed my babes and put them down sometimes with nice relaxing music playing and they went right to sleep. I never had a fight with them at bedtime. If feeding in the middle of the night pick the baby up and feed him but don't put the lights on as he will associate it with daytime/playtime and want to stay up. Again judst feed and change him and put him directly back in his bed.

HI Heather,
First of all, congratulations on your consistent routine!!! We have found that having a routine and sticking to it has been one of the most beneficial things about effectively parenting our kids. Routine helps them know what to expect and provides the security they need. At 3 months it's ok to have a little flexibility in the routine in terms of listening to what the baby needs. I remember when my daughter was 3 mo old being told that she was " conditioning me" because I picked her up when she cried and she didn't appear to need anything other than to be held. I thought it was ridiculous.

I think the issue with nursing to sleep is that the baby starts to only be able to sleep when nursing or close to you. Look for signs that the baby is starting to fall asleep and put him in his bed when he's drowsy enough to fall asleep. This way he'll learn that his bed is his comfort spot for sleeping. Some people also introduce a "comfort toy" or blanket etc... during this time so that they associate it with sleep time. That can help when you travel and don't have their bed available to you.

Expect that when he starts to teeth soon, that he will probably want to nurse to sleep and will want to nurse when he doesn't seem hungry... I remember at that time wondering if I was somehow "spoiling" my daughter because I was doing what she seemed to be needing. With our second child it was much easier to know what was making him want to nurse constantly. Feels good on those little gums!

Good luck. Most importantly, I think.. listen you yourself and your baby. The books, experts and family are great to give information, but I didn't find any one person or resource that told me exactly what to do. So much was knowing different techniques and doing what worked for each individual child! It sounds like you're doing a great job so far!

I hear you on the pull between letting him nurse to sleep vs. the put to sleep awake issue. I nursed both my boys for 21/2 years, and did find that putting him to sleep awake helped with the staying asleep at night... I think it helps with self soothing in the middle of the night, but I loved the night time routine of letting him gently fall asleep in my arms at the end of the day! I kinda went the other direction and started with the naps. I made sure they nursed after naps, then play, then sleep (just make sure he's not overtired to fall asleep, that's a bad habit too...when they wouldn't sleep I found that I just wasn't getting them to bed early enough, or getting enough nap. It's kinda opposite for we adults!). At night I always followed the bath, rub down, pj's, book and then nursing, but I played the same CD while they nursed (classical for my oldest, Mrs. Moon for my younger) and then as they were older... maybe one year? They would be awake when done nursing and put down to bed, but I would sing a quick song and then play the CD. Then they still have the music as a cue. When we weaned, that was the feeding that was last to go... heartbreaking! Daddy simply started doing the book and the music. You'll find your own rhythm... just remember a strong pattern really helps in getting your sleep at night!

Good luck!

I would try to feed him and then do one other thing befor you put him in is crib. Like read a book or something. That way he is not hungry when you put him down but it is still really close to bed time.

Don't worry about bf to sleep. I only have a 4m.o. but I have noticed a difference from 3mo to 4mo. I too was worried about developing bad habits. What I started doing was nursing him until he was very sleepy, then rocking him the rest of the way to sleep. It works pretty good, it works when he is frustrated and really tired. Then when I put him down he is out, I make sure he is really out though. And now after one week, sometimes he bf to sleep and most of the time we are all rocking him to sleep. Trust your gut feelings.

Just a word of encouragement: Doc's and nurses mean well, but they don't know our babies the way we do, and we can trust our instincts and gut feelings to do what feels right. Also I have learned that advice from other mothers and La Leche League members is golden.
One more thing: I read Babywise, and that technique of putting him down awake sounds great in theory, but it's not for every baby. I know it works for some, but not here. Good luck!!

I remember reading somewhere that if your baby falls asleep while you're breastfeeding/bottle feeding, it's not good. You don't want them to because then you've taken the edge off for them. So when it comes down to really going to bed, they don't want to because now they feel much better because they've kind of sleep. I hope that makes sense. That reminds me, I read about it from the Sleep Easy Solution. Check it out.

I nursed both my boys to sleep at night. When I stopped nursing I would lay them in their bed with a cup of water, read a book and they would go to sleep with no problems. As long as you have a good routine kids will follow it. The rule in my house is NEVER wake a sleeping baby! :)

Do what works for you. Both of my kids at theat age fell asleep at night while breastfeeding. They both sleep well.

If your routine is working, don't change it. Sounds like you're doing just fine.

Hi Heather,
I HIGHLY recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth on sleep questions and training. He has incredible credentials and experience. Furthermore, his methods work! At your son's age, nursing to sleep is not a problem. I had a bedtime routine from the beginning with my daughter and for the first couple of months she would fall asleep while eating. As she got older she would finish eating but be awake and drowsy. I would put her in bed and leave. She rarely cried, just wiggle and coo until she fell asleep. Email me if you have questions. Sleep training is something I feel strongly about and have made it a personal mission to help other parents.
Sincerely,
L.

I agree that nursing to sleep is not a problem. My son is 10 months old now and at 3 months, we had pretty much the same routine you have now. I say if it is working for both of you, there is no need to change it. As his brain & body mature, the routine may change but I don't see any problem with nursing to sleep. My son sitll does, but just this week he has started pulling off to be rocked to sleep instead of nursing to sleep, and he did this on his own when he was ready. We also stopped swaddling at 5 months, also when he seemed ready. Just trust your instincts, not what any dr. tells you. You are the mommy and you know what's best! They may sleep longer if they put themselves to sleep, but I think babies are meant to have contact with their parents throughout the night at such a yound age.

Heather,
My daughter is now 11 months old and when she was as little as yours she did the same thing. Now she still has a bottle before bed and is drowsy when she goes down but she goes right down to sleep and sleeps through the night. I enjoy those last few minutes with her so much, its so precious and I think you should do the same with Ethan. They are only little for such a small amount of time enjoy snuggling your baby and rocking him. I think a routine is important, which your doing, but I agree with one of the other moms who said, forget all those things you read and listen to yourself and what works best for Ethan. When I did that is when my little girl finally started sleeping through the night.

Its hard not to listen to what all the doctors say and maybe somewhere down the road you may need to do a little sleep training, but Ethan is so new and right now the best thing you can do is give him that love and comfort that babies need to be secure. Enjoy this time, it will never come again with him!
gabby

Hi Heather...

I breastfed my girls - and I highly recommend letting them fall asleep while nursing. They may wake when you lay them down, but will usually fall right back to sleep. Your precious baby boy will soon become more active, rolling and then crawling - and then running himself ragged! So enjoy those moments when he dozes gently in your arms. At this stage, his security depends on his cuddle time with you, and those moments of bonding are precious.

All too soon, he will become so active that simply being tired will cause him to give up the fight when laid in his bed.

My youngest is almost 10 now. I won't lie and tell you that there were nights that I wasn't up for a bit longer than some of my friends who put their babies on a strict schedule and never let them fall asleep at the breast... but I will tell you that my most precious memories of my sweet baby dreaming and smiling while still "attached" are still so very vivid... and now, when they're mouthing off to me for a brief moment - those memories keep me from wrapping my fingers around their little necks sometimes! LOL... it all really goes so fast!

My advice to you... do what feels most natural to you and most natural and healthy for your sweet little one. Cherish every moment with him. While I do believe that consistency is very important, these stages pass so quickly... and before you know it, all those stacks of baby books and magazines will be a thing of the past and you'll be teaching him to drive. It won't be until then that you realize just how quickly it all passed. And hopefully, you'll look back and smile because you didn't sweat the small stuff - and you chose to hold him a little longer, even if he did still crawl into your bed in the middle of the night when he was 5 years old. I promise... he won't do that when he's 12!

Congrats on breastfeeding... you'll never regret giving your baby the best!

Hugs to Ethan...

M.

throw everyones advice away! Stick with your instincts.... i have a 3 1/2 year old and a 4 month old.... I am a attachment parent by all means.... I have breastfed both little ones to sleep and as long as you are enjoying the time with them while doing it, keep doing it..... In the first year, babies are learning who they can trust (especially mom), and comfort is trust. Trust me, it goes by SO FAST, that you should cherish this time while you can. I say follow your instincts and love on your baby as much as you can regardless of what "they" say. hope this helps :)

Hi Heather-
I was in the same position until I started EASY- it's the method/ routine that the Baby Whisperer is about. I got my son onto it at about 3 months & he took to it very fast- in 2 or 3 days actually. It is just the order in which you do things- Eat Activity Sleep & You time. I recommend it completely.

You should definietly not put him down hungry, but he will squawk if he is used to going to sleep one way, then you try to change it. So if you are sure that he has taken a full feed, then go about your wind down & put him down. Pat his back & shush him to sleep... the book goes into greater detail, but if you want more advice from me, feel free to message me- I'm happy to help. There's also a website full of Baby Whisperers- babywhisperer.com

Good luck!

Heather, although doctors are wonderful and helpful....their job is to HELP us in raising our children to be healthy. You go with your instincts....those have been there WAY before doctors!! If baby Ethan goes to sleep when you rock and sing....how can it get more special and precious than that!That is the silliest old wives tale, so what if they get useto being held and rocked, how is that BAD, to get useto your mom holding you and giveing you love!! Before you know it they are walking and moving and won't want to be held anymore! I think you have the whole bonding with your baby DOWN PACKED! Congratulations!!! He won't be this age for long and things change so fast. Why would you wake a sleeping baby? That's like fueling a burnig house....you need your sleep too. I say continue with what feels good to YOU and Ethan! How about dad, does he sing....he can get in on the bonding as well....when your done feeding Ethan, hand him over to dad to rock and you both sing to him or read.....these moments are meant to be cherished!He will sleep, you will NEVER sleep through the nite again..(JK)..he is three month old...he was in your WOMB just three short months ago..life on the outside is very diffrent...babies wake up at nite..it's what they do...he will learn to sleep through the nite...you will find what works...remember ist's natural...you have the tools in You, dont unerestimate that!
As a mom of three....any little sound at nite, I'm up checking on them...the last time I slept through the WHOLE nite.....I can't even remember....hey, the BEST job in the WORLD has it's hiccups!!! Good Luck and enjoy Ethan, he sounds like a wonderful baby!

Congratulations! And welcome to the wonderful world of second guessing yourself for about the next 30+ years. My advice is to test all the things "they" say that seem might work for you. ("They" being all loving,well meaning relatives and friends, with or without babies of their own, and anyone labled an expert on air or in print. Speak honestly to your personal pediatrician (or your mother) when you really need help. You know YOUR baby better than anyone. You need to make things comfortable for the two of you. (And don't deprive Daddy of the joy of cuddling a sleepy baby.) I found swaddling the greatest idea ever. I had the joy of being a SAHM so I always rocked my daughter to sleep as an infant and anytime she wanted to as a toddler. (I have a long, positive story about pacifiers. Let me know if and when you get to that point. They were recommended to me early because she had terrible colic and it helped SO much.) I never saw any difference in the lenghth of night time segments of sleep or daytime naps. You can make some schedule adjustments but even the little ones have their biological clocks and some just sleep longer than others. In spite of being rocked to sleep at will (and it became a lot less often as she got older), when it became necessary for me to return to work when she was 4 she had no problems with preschool naps. She has always had a zest for life and hated to slow down but when sleep is needed, she crashes. She is 32 now, successful, single (one of the things that I am still second guessing myself about) and I swear I have never seen anybody fall asleep faster in my life. So, enjoy your new bundle of joy. (As the bundle gets bigger so do the challenges and the joys.) Trust your gut. Share the good time and the hard times with your husband. Be joyful but remember you are the parents and don't raise a little tyrant.....Wow! I gave you a lot more than you ask for. Didn't I? God only gave me one child of my own but she is the best job I have ever done. And my last job was 8 years in the Infant Area of a large Kindercare. Six weeks to one year old. I helped "start" a lot of babies. I don't know everything about babies but I have a lot of stories of mistakes and sucesses. If I can ever offer you educated sugestions, just email me. Good luck and great joy.

T. F.

Hi Heather!

Your posting is such a great question. I think every first time mom wants to be "validated" in one way or another. And of course, we always want to make sure we're doing everything "right". Well, this is an issue that has many viewpoints. It really depends on how YOU want bedtime to go later down the road.

I am a mother of 2 boys. With my first baby, I rocked and fed, and rocked and fed, and..... With my second baby, I didn't rock as much, but still rocked and fed :o) Doing this can create a security for them to lay down and sleep longer through the night BUT it can also make them not want to sleep without you later, as toddlers and pre-K. There nothing wrong with sleeping with your child, it just depends if you want to create that potential happening :o) Both of my boys were secure in their own beds by 5, but there were "tricks" to be successful.

My sister didn't want that "dependability" in her home when she started having children. She would feed the baby downstairs, then put her in the crip upstairs to fall asleep on her own. Successful, still even at 3, HOWEVER she never see's/cuddles her daughter. Baby is up at 6 but plays happily in her crib for 1 hour! My sister will get ready for work in that time, then go get her out and change her. Off to daycare, home at 5, dinner, then bedtime at a strict 6:15. My sister is pregnant with twins now, so I'm sure that "perfect" schedule will change :O)

Anyway, there is NO right answer. It's what "feels right" inside. Go with that gut instict you have, whatever it is. If you learn to listen to that inner voice now, it will help you be a more successful mother "to yourself".

Whatever you do, I'm sure it will be perfect for your baby!

:o) N.

Hi Heather,
I say if it ain't broke, don't fix it. It sounds to me like you have a perfectly fine routine going. If I were you I wouldn't mess with it. The things doctors tell you about bedtime routines are merely guidelines. All babies are different and different babies will work better with different routines. You should consider yourself lucky, and keep in mind, once you get comfortable with the routine, your baby will change it for you. Sounds to me like you have good instincts, and, like most of us you question them because someone of apparent authority in a white coat is telling you different. Stick with your instincts. Your the mom, and this is your baby. No one knows your baby better than you. :-)

Hi Heather,

When I was a first time mom I read up on EVERYTHING. I mean, I had so much information swimming around in my head that if anything came up I had at least 3 or 4 different solutions for it. You name it, I had a solution (or five).
Now that I'm a mom of two beautiful girls (ages 9 and 14) I can tell you the single most important thing I've learned from mothering: You have an innate wisdom inside of you, particularly when it comes to babies, that is based on thousands of years of human evolution. Don't be swayed by all those "shoulds" that all those "experts" espouse. If what you are doing is pleasing to you and your baby then THAT is what you should be doing. If we allow ourselves to really listen to what our instinct (gut) is telling us instead of what our busy mind says, we'll make the right choice for ourselves and our families.
I chose extended breastfeeding and a family bed arrangement. It was challenging to go against the common cultural assumptions about how we should be raising our children but I've NEVER ONCE regretted it.
You sound like a loving and attuned mother. Follow your own path, whatever it is!
Best,
T.

FORGET what the "doctors" tell you - as a mother of 2 - one 1.5 years and one 6 years - I can tell you that I struggled with all of the advice about my children and sleep, etc. until I heard the best advice of all which is that it is NATURAL for your baby to be with you at this point in his early life and do not RUSH letting it go - they will evolve soon enough and it is important for you to comfort him right now. In another year, then, yes, but don't rush this..it goes too fast and you will never be able to take this back..

By the way, my boys both adjusted to sleeping alone after both my husband and myself held them closely at night for their first few years...

Good luck!

I am a mom of 4. I have 9 year old twins, a 6 and 1 year old. I nursed the last two for 1 solid year and they both fell asleep in my arms nursing at night. Buy a lullaby for noise and something for him to look at if he does wake up. They usually have fish one with bubbles etc. at any baby store.
My 6 year old still falls asleep with the music on and my 1 year old has it on each night. I did the same routine as you from very early on except I read to him first because I didn't want to over stimulate him, then the bath, massage with lotion etc. and then nursed each night before bed and used this quiet time as my time with my the baby.

I know you only have one, but for me with 4 I tried to divide my time between all and this was one way to do this with just the baby.
Hope this helps, TR

Sounds like you would be interested in reading the Baby Whisperer. She explains the E.A.S.Y. method. Eat, activity, sleep, you. It is best for a baby to learn to fall asleep, that way if they wake up they don't need someone to help them back asleep. Good luck, it is hard when they already learn a pattern like my 2 did (falling asleep at the breast). But it is what worked for all of us and I didn't have the determination for the EASY method. Sounds like you are more motivated.

HI!
Congratulations on your new baby! I have two kids, one three and a half and one 20 months old. I did things so differently with each that I can give a bit of insight on both ways. with my daughter, the 3 and a half year old, I was determined that she stay out of my bed and sleep in her own. I would breastfeed to sleep and then put her to bed in her own crib. Just because of her personality, it took her two years to sleep alone in her bed, and now she does it every night. She would fuss and cry and had trouble sleeping through the night. I wish I had not worried so much about how she was sleeping because none of what I did then applies now! My son I breastfed to sleep until his tenth month, and he always did fine with it though sometimes I would rock him to sleep and sometimes I would put him down by himself when he was sleepy. He has been sick a lot during the winter, and now he sleeps with me often, or with his sister sometimes.He cries his head off when I put him down in his crib by himself, and just sobs until he's hysterical the couple of times I tried to let him cry it out. You can eventually substitute reading and rocking for nursing and rocking when you are ready to wean. Then you can substitute cuddling and reading for rocking when it seems like he's ready for that. With mine it was when my kids and I didn't fit very comfortably in the rocker anymore... All I can say about sleeping and babies is that I really believe they are too little to sleep alone til they are anywhere between 7 months and a year, and the only sure thing about their sleep patterns will change drastically in the next three years no matter what you do. My children have switched sleep patterns so many times in the past three years it boggles the mind. Every two or three months it switches to some new torture!! Enjoy your baby and don't worry about how he goes to sleep. You only get to breastfeed and rock him a few more years, so have fun with it, and when he is five, he'll probably go to sleep on his own. Hope this helps :) M.