Brushing a Two Year Old's Teeth

Updated on September 15, 2008
L.R. asks from Martinez, CA
32 answers

I'm looking for advise on how to get a two year old to let me brush her teeth. It's never been easy to do, but now that she's much more vocal and asserting her independence, I really hate trying to do it. Here's what I do, give her warning that it's time to brush teeth. She says "no" and keeps playing. Then when I get out the tooth brush, she rolls over on the floor face down. or if I'm holding her, she shoves her hand in her moth and does that toddler go limp struggle thing that makes it virtually impossible to hold her. Once I try to pick her up or actually put the tooth brush in her mouth she's kicking screaming and hitting. I've tried letting her do it herself and mostly she just chews on it or wants to brush the walls or the table. This is no way to teach her the importance of dental hygiene and is not fun for either of us. Any suggestions on how to get her more willing and wanting to brush her teeth?

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So What Happened?

Thank you for all of the responses! Based on your feedback, here's what I have done. I went out and picked up once of those musical tooth brushes. She loves choo choo trains so I picked out a Thomas one. She loves that toot brush! The down side is that the brush is so big that it does not fit in her tiny mouth (she is small for her age). I also started using the term "sugar bugs". "Oh look, I see a sugar bug on your tooth, can mommy get if off with the tooth brush?" I've also tried laying her down with her head between my legs. Some times it works and sometimes shell still rolls over on her face. All of those things have been helpful and work some of the time. I just have a hard time when she is so adamant about her refusal that she is in tears. I don't want to force it to create this yucky energy around tooth brushing. But sometimes, I still have to get it done, even if she's crying. Sigh.

I also took her to her first Pediatric Dentist appointment and mentioned my tooth brushing woes. The dentist talked to her about letting mommy and mama (we're a two mom family) brush her teeth in the way many of you said a dentist would. Fortunately, the dentist said her teeth look really clean. She gave me a much smaller bristled tooth brush and said I should use it as it fits my daughter’s mouth. (So there goes the Thomas brush, but I still let her hold it and play with it while I use the new one.)

Even with all of your suggestions and the dentist talking to her, it’s still often a very frustrating experience. But at least I have more tools to work with! Thank you all again, it was most helpful to hear that others have struggled with this. And also good to get the feedback from the dentist that my efforts, while frustrating, are paying off and keeping her teeth healthy!

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I think letting her do it herself is the best thing to do. Yes, she won't be doing a perfect job, but those little teeth will be falling out anyhow. At this stage it is just the getting in to the "habit" of tooth brushing. We use the flavored toothpastes by "Toms of Maine" for kids. Maybe let her pick out a new toothbrush, and the flavor of toothpaste, and then just help her be involved, and not force her. Also, another tip: a friend of mine uses the term, "sugar bugs" Let her know that when she eats, the sugar bugs get left on her teeth and that brushing cleans them off. It worked with my kids, now they stick to the brushing. I have a 3.5 and 5 year old.

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P.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L.. I have a similar experience going on with my 2 year old son. My latest attempt at getting him to help me is to tell him there are "sugar bugs" on his teeth that I have to brush off. If I don't brush the sugar bugs off his teeth they are going to eat holes in the teeth and that is not good. It sounds terrible to tell a child there are bugs in his mouth, but he actually opens his mouth...sometimes. It's still a strugle and sometimes I just wrap him in his bath towel and hold him tight while he is crying and I clean what I can. It's so terrible if they have to get fillings done and get sedated or wrapped in a papoose board. Try letting her pick a toothbrush too. We have an electric one - Spiderman. That way even if I am not scrubbing away if it's in his mouth I feel that it is doing something. Good luck!!

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S.S.

answers from Sacramento on

When my daughter was 14 months, I asked her pediatrian about the challenge of brushing teeth. He said that pinning her down to brush was actually the worse way of brushing her teeth. (Which was what I was doing with her kicking and screaming the entire time.) He said that at this age, it is more of a practice and getting her used to the toothbrush while building trust. Therefore I let her "brush" and try to brush when she lets me.

Now, at 18 months, I have her make the sounds of different animals or say different animals while I'm trying to brush her teeth. I'm getting better at it and manage to make a quick brushing. Good luck!

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K.L.

answers from San Francisco on

2 year olds will be 2 year olds, and girls are especially dramatic: you can try every angle to try to get her to brush her teeth, or allow you to brush her teeth, but none of them may work. Try exhausting a few tried and true techniques: have the whole house brush together at the same time so it is a group process, allow her to choose her own toothbrush/toothpaste (think of getting an kids spin brush for her if you think that might work), or try the sneak attack method and get a brush in when her attention is focused on something else. At this age, they cannot yet brush their teeth well enough and we still have to do it for them to keep them healthy.
My daughter is 32 months old, and we have gone through periods throughout her life when she has outright refused to allow me to brush her teeth, often throwing full on face down kicking/hitting tantrums. However, teeth brushing is one of those things that you cannot "let go": now, we brush our teeth together. I allow her to brush for awhile herself, and regardless of what she wants after that, mommy gets to brush. At 35 lbs and 43 inches tall, she is a giant amongst children her age (shes about the size of your typical 4 1/2 year old) and is stronger than an ox: but I have no qualms about forceably holding her down or against me against her will to brush her teeth when she decides that she wants to test me with the teeth brushing. I just wait until she opens her mouth to cry or yell, and then brush away. I tell her she can cry and thrash and be upset all she wants, but I WILL brush her teeth - I've explained to her why it is important, and what will happen if we don't brush (big teeth owies).
I have many a friend that, at some point in their toddlerhood of their child, has had to hold down a screaming, kicking, hitting child to brush their teeth. Remember that you can't wheel and deal with a 2 year old, and trying to reason with one is like talking to a brick wall: just get it done, despite the outbursts, and once she realizes that no amount of protest will get her out of it. Make it a routine for after breakfast for the whole house so that it is predictable for her: and if she outright refuses, tough beans. You brush her teeth wether she wants it or not, and do NOT feel guilty for forcing her. Dental hygiene is not something you can "scrimp" on!

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M.T.

answers from San Francisco on

I went through this with my first daughter (now 5.5) and I'm currently going through it with my 2 year old. with both kids my basic belief is to get them to "enjoy" brushing their teeth, or at least get in the habit of brushing their teeth. Consequently I do very little to interfer in thier teethbrushing time. My oldest now does a wonderful job of going into the bathroom alone and brushing her teeth (which she has been doing since about 3.5). My two year old goes in the bathroom, gets her tooth brush, I help her put the toothpaste on and then she attempts to brush. She usually gets a few teeth brushed and then she spits, fills a cup with water to rinse, and then she's done. In the next 6 months or so she will develop into a new stage where she is more willing/able to take direction and help and that is when we will work on making sure we get all of her teeth brushed, but for now I would much rather have her enjoy toothbrushing then to fight every night about it -- you have to pick your battles, and this is one (at least at this stage) that for me I do not fight. (one little caveat -- on the rare occassions that we have a lot of sugar/candy/ice cream I do work a little harder with her to make sure she does a more thurough brushing and I talk to her about how she had all those treats and now she has to make sure we brush really well). Hope this helps. Good lcuk!

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S.F.

answers from Sacramento on

I'm sure you've tried a number of approaches to this issue, but here's what has worked for me...
Although my son has always looked forward to teeth brushing.... I think it would still maybe work for your little one. He will be three in January, and is asserting his independence as well & wanting to do everything HIS way, so when we brush teeth, I ask him if he wants to do "tops" or "bottoms" first (meaning, I will brush the tops or bottoms) and then we say different silly sounds together while I do them. For getting the back teeth, we say "AHHHHHHH" really loud, and then the front tops and bottoms, we do "CHEEEEEEEESE" really loud. After I am done scrubbing away at his teeth, he says "Blaaaaah" and I brush his tongue (he thinks that is so cool for some reason!) Then I hand over the toothbrush to him and he "brushes".
Not to say that you haven't tried to make it fun already - I am sure you have....but try letting her make the decisions, and see if that helps...
Good luck to you!!!! Sometimes I think that having a toddler is so HARD! You have to constantly outsmart them!!! Hope that you get some great feedback from the moms on this site!

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C.M.

answers from Merced on

Well L., i have a soon to be nine year old daughter and 2.5 son - and i am strict parent when it comes to brushing teeth... my son always wants to brush his teeth by him self so i tell him let mommy get the bugs off your teeth and then it will be your turn, if he starts to fuss i tell him.. i see more bugs lets get them before they get you... just try to keep her distracted... and let her pick out her own tooth brush or get a variety.. we have 5+ so he dosn't get bored... good luck! C. in CA

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M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Take her to the store, Target, Walmart or the Grocery store and let her pick out her own toothbrush and toothpaste. See if she likes the ones that brush automatically and show her how fun it will be. It just takes her to understand that it can be fun not a chore. Show her pictures of yucky teeth and nice teeth. Buy that rinse or tablets that show the area's that she missed in red and show her how those can turn in to cavities. They also have really cute books on brushing your teeth etc. Have fun!!

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J.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Here's a way to turn the psychology around. Make it seem like a FUN priveledged ACTIVITY by watching you ENJOY IT.
What if you said something like,
"Mommy gets to brush her teeth now. You can just watch. Big girls have FUN brushing their teeth."
Let her watch YOU HAVE FUN. Turn some dance music (you know whe likes) and dance to music while you brush. Don't ask her to brush her teeth. Carry this on for as long as you can... days in necessary. The idea is to reprogram the activity as a DESIRED activity instead of a HAVE TO.
Always a good idea to make it fun anyway. Just an idea! J.

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J.H.

answers from Sacramento on

I have a two going on three year old son. We don't always remember to brush his teeth, but we try to get him into the habit and used to the feel of the toothbrush. We have three toothbrushes--one electric, one that lights up and just a regular soft one. He picks the one he's going to use and then we do a "my turn, your turn" thing. He starts out and it usually is sucking off the tasty toddler toothpaste and water and chewing on his toothbrush. I'm brushing my teeth at the same time and showing him, "see how mommy opens her mouth wide and brushes the back teeth?"

When I'm done with brushing my teeth, I tell him, "now it's my turn to brush your teeth." I have him make lots of noises to get that mouth open wide "aaah" "eeee" to get the front ones. When he starts to squirm, I say okay, "it's your turn." He gets the brush for a while, then I go back to, "now it's my turn." We do the best we can, and try to remember it's just training right now.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Dear L.,
It sounds like you adore your little one! And she's a hand full. That's not a bad thing.
I don't know her temperament, but I always found with my children that I had to get a little creative when it came to certain things.
I could tell you a pretty funny story about the one and only time my son ever tried throwing a fit in store because I wouldn't buy him a certain toy.
Anyway...back to brushing....
I told both of my kids that every body in the whole world has cavity bugs in their mouths. That's why God had somebody invent toothbrushes and toothpaste. Brushing and rinsing is the only way to keep them away. You can't see them, but if you don't brush them away, they will chomp little holes in your teeth that are called cavities. And then, the dentist has to help fill them back up.
I always brushed at the same time with my children. Sometimes, it really helped if I let them brush my teeth first and take a good look to make sure they couldn't see any cavity bugs. Letting them brush my teeth was a way for them to learn to make sure to get the very back ones and the insides. They especially got a kick out of brushing my tongue.
I totally know that some children might possibly be traumatized by the thought of "bugs" in their mouth, but it worked for my kids. They had stools to stand on that grandpa built them so they could reach and see in the mirror.
They didn't always gleefully brush, especially at times as they got a little older. But when they were little, they were right on it.
Just a bit of advice, because I worked for a pediatric dentist, many years after having my children.... apple juice, raisins and fruit roll ups are some of the most dangerous things you can give your kid as far as dental health. The natural fruit sugars go wild on little teeth. Well, any teeth.
It's fine to give your little one those things, but it's important to brush, or rinse and spit really well, at least, afterwards.
Good luck.
You have to find a way to get her teeth scrubbed somehow or you will be having unhappy dental visits.
Believe me.

Take care.

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A.T.

answers from Stockton on

You may want to take her to a pediatric dentist - they can check her teeth and teach her how to brush. Also, I found the "spin brush" with a character on it and the special flouride free toothpaste for toddlers works the best. It's still a struggle - my son is almost 4. but his front teeth turned brown and after the dentist cleaned off the stains we talked to him about keeping them shiny. Luckily as they get older you can talk about not having stinky breath and how their friends won't like to talk to people with stinky breath.
Now we are learning to spit out the toothpaste so we can move up to flouride paste and lose the flouride drops we have to give hime now. You've got a girl, so appeal to her natural feminine vanity! She probably has chosen toothbrushing as her power over you. She is 2 - and they love to push buttons and test over and over and over and over. It's exhausting!
Maybe just let her choose - if she brushes her teeth then she can have a special reward - trip to park, art project, extra bedtime book, etc. If not - dullsville, no fun. Or a sticker chart works too - unless she eats stickers, like my kid.
Good luck!
If you know how to get a kid to blow his nose, let me know!

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L.R.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi L.,
Check out my profile to see my experience in this area. What you are going through is normal but not fun. It has alot to do with her trying to get control. I had this problem with our daughter and I gave her two choices. Either she could sit still, open her mouth and we would take turns or I was going to lay her on the floor and hold her still until I was done. I ended up holding her down for about a week or so, reminding her the whole time that if she chose to sit still with her mouth open then I wouldn't have to hold her down. I also reminded her that NOT brushing wasn't an option. If she is a small child you can try laying her in your lap with her head between your knees. The up side to her screaming and crying is that it is easier to brush all her teeth. :) It will take winning the battle of wills before she will "let" you brush. You might also try finding some disclosing liquid to paint on her teeth before brushing to show her the "tooth bugs" that you need to brush away. Now is also the time to take her to the dentist if you haven't yet. My daughter is 3 now and I STILL have to threaten to put her on the floor when she is cooperating. That always does the trick. Email me if you have any dental questions.
Sincerely,
L.

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G.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I went thru the same thing with my two yr old and tried this.... I bought her a character tooth brush ( dora her fave!!!) and bought character paste dora as well. I also noticed she did not like brushing her teeth with mint flavored paste so I bought her bubble gum flavor. This all worked great cause she begs to brush her teeth now. No more hassle. Hope ur prob works out. Good luck.

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S.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Let her brush your teeth and trade actions make a game of it. Sometimes toothpaste tastes HOT to an inexperienced palate so brush without it. Feed her foods like apples and carrots that clean as they're chewed. Hygiene is the farthest thing from her mind at two. Let her chew on the brush to get used to its feel. keep trying because it is important but think about a kid's need to have some control over themselves (autonomy) starting before they're three.

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R.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L., I have a fun game I play with my daughter thats taken the tears out of teeth brushing. We look for suger bugs. only now it's evolved into other things like princess and other characters or animals she likes. I ask her who do you think is hiding in here today and she'll tell me "princess". I say okay lets see if I can find snow white or she'll tell me who to look for first and I start bruching saying "snow white come out where ever you are" as I look for snow white I might find other princesses first because one is always the hardest to find running away from the tooth brush which means I am covering alot of territory in her mouth. She spits them out one by one as we find them. Hope this helps, have fun.

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M.K.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L.,

Here are a few things we've tried with our boys. (They're a few years older than your daughter) They tend to brush their teeth willingly when they see us brushing our teeth. We don't make a big deal about it. We just start brushing our teeth and definitely don't pay them any attention. Eventually my boys feel left out and start reaching for their toothbrush too. My husband keeps an extra adult toothbrush in their bathroom just to mock brush his teeth.

When this tactic gets a bit old, we give them dollar store mirrors that prop up on the bathroom counter, so they can see themselves brushing their teeth up close. My problem with this is they tend to fight over the mirrors even though they each have their own and sometimes counterspace even though they have a large bathroom.

Also, try allowing her to pick out a favorite character toothbrush/toothpaste. My sons always get a kick out of having a special brush. For some reason, my older son sometimes likes to do double fisted toothbrushing. He holds a toothbrush in each hand and goes to town. It's pretty comical and I try not to laugh because he's actually getting the job done well.

Recently, a neighbor who happens to be a dentist gave us toothtune toothbrushes. The toothbrushes are not electric. They play a popular pop song only when they brush their teeth. It's really audible only by the person brushing. Both of my son have one and they get a huge kick out of it. They learned right away if they want to hear the song, they have to start brushing. My only problem now is that they spend waaaay too long brushing their teeth! I'm not sure where you can purchase one, but can find out if you're interested.

We realized we just have to continually keep ahead of their antics and try not to become too demanding or they both gang up and it's a huge meltdown before bed or morning rush before school.

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J.H.

answers from San Francisco on

We've had this problem off and on with our daughter. She's now 3 1/2 but still fights it sometimes. The only thing we've found that works is to be playful about. My husband will pretend to be her dentist. She goes to the "dentist chair" and afterwards goes to the toy chest to pick out a prize. She likes the pretend aspect of this. Sometimes I say something silly like, "Is there a dragon in your mouth?" or "do you want dragon breath or witch's teeth?"

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T.R.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi, L.,
A bit about me: I am the mother of a spirited child, who is now 16. She's doing great now, but it wasn't always smooth. As a matter of fact, most things were a struggle when she was little. I was also a preschool teacher for 9 years. The whole preschool had to brush teeth (one by one) after lunch!
As I read your posting, a few things come to mind. I'm wondering if there is might be a creative way to take some of the struggle out of teeth brushing. Have you tried making brushing teeth into a game?
Ideas:
You could get brushing/teeth books from the library and read along with other books.
You could buy a special brush that is her fav color.
You could sing a made up song. (for example: Brush brush brush your teeth to the tune of Row Your Boat)
You could let her "brush" her moms' teeth- take turns.
Pretend to put dollie to bed and go thru the whole routine with dollie including "brushing" dollie's pretend teeth. Buy dollie a teeny tiny toothbrush of her own.
Also:
Add teeth brushing into a play date. Maybe there is a friend or cousin who is 3 or 4 who could model teeth brushing. {My daughter became interested in potty training, because a friend's daughter had her portable potty chair at our house.}
Praise her for any positive attempts.
Use good tasting toothpaste like Tom's Silly Strawberry.
Lastly, thank goodness that baby teeth fall out. Of course, it would be best to have her brush every time. But if you can't, you can't. For what it's worth: my daughter did not brush her teeth regularly until preschool. She did not see a dentist until she was about 7, because we did not have insurance. Now her teeth are healthy and beautiful.
Good luck!

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L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Once our daughter hit 2, we started giving her a daily vitamin, which she thought was a big treat, so the deal was that she had to let us brush her teeth, and then she got her vitamin. She is now almost 6 and still brushes her teeth, we do a once over and then she gets her vitamin.

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S.B.

answers from San Francisco on

L.....I do empathize with you as it is a struggle with us too; however, reading your request allowed me to see the humorous side of it, and I can’t stop laughing! Seeing the humorous side of it is half the battle; you have a darling and enjoy her feistiness rather than resist it! Anyway, what works most the time are options. We have a set-up in the kitchen and in our bathroom and he chooses every night where he wants to brush his teeth. We allow him to start off the brushing and then I tell him it’s my turn while his job is now to turn the water off and on over the toothbrush. We also make it a big deal afterwards to give everyone fresh kisses….so he runs around the house giving us fresh kisses. Good luck!

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R.N.

answers from Sacramento on

I went through the same thing with my now 5 year old daughter. I never found an easier way till after the awful dentist experience we both had to endure. I just have to say, please do whatever you have to NOW! Brush that baby's teeth. Oral sedation and papoosing my 3 year old was the worst day of our lives. I felt so bad and knew it was all my fault. But it wasn't me in the chair, it was my baby. I'm sorry I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do. Hopefully someone else has some ways to make it fun and easy now. Good luck.

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K.L.

answers from Salinas on

I recently had the same problem with my 3 year old son and i found out that giving him an electic toothbrush is more entertaining for him and he likes to brush with it. Maybe try that and hopefully she will like it.

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N.B.

answers from Sacramento on

Take her to the store with you to pick out a new toothbrush and some kid/character toothpaste. My kids got excited about using their fun new things to brush their teeth. Then you could take turns brushing her teeth--she can do it for a minute, then its your turn. If my kids won't open their mouths, I tickle them until they laugh, and then stick the toothbrush in real quick.

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T.G.

answers from San Francisco on

L.,
I bought my 3 year old son an electric toothbrush - (one that sits in a little cradle) about 6 months ago. I have him hold it in his mouth and I sing the alphabet song while he attempts to brush. After I'm done singing, I get to brush really good (and sing again). For us, it was a struggle as well in the beginning. Now he knows the routine and tells me to start singing.
I know this probably sounds corny but hey......it works.
Good luck.
T.

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A.H.

answers from Modesto on

I have found this to be helpful. My little one was very against teeth brushing, but now she is allowing me to at least "tickle" her teeth with a rubber finger brush and toddler toothpaste, which she loves. At first I left her use her own toddler brush (she tends to mostly suck off the toothpaste) and then I use the finger brush. Anyway, Baby Center offers this:

http://www.babycenter.com/search/showResultsForContent.ht...

I find the harder you fight and more negative energy you invest the harder it is to get the child to comply, but keep it up and you'll do fine. Let us know how it goes : )

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C.O.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi L. R.
There are a lot of fun toothbrushes out there now days. They have ones that spin and make music and all kinds of stuff.. you might try looking for one of those at Wal-Mart or somewhere. It'll make it fun-time for her. Good luck.. they don't call'em "terrible two's" for nothing!! lol :)

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M.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I'm sorry, I didn't really read all the posts. My pediatrician recommends sitting down with your legs open like a V and putting your child down, laying on their back, with their head in between your legs. Then put your legs over their arms. This is the same way I have to apply eye ointment. It's not fun, but usually works. I have been brushing my 2 year olds teeth like this for a year. She is used to it and still sometimes struggles. My pediatrician also said she is still doing this after her children 'try' and brush their teeth and her twins are 7 years old.

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S.E.

answers from Salinas on

Hi L.,
My son used to be difficult and now he opens his mouth willingly. A few months ago I gave him my toothbrush and he would put it my mouth. I think it is natural for people (children) to open their mouths to prompt the parent to open her mouth. While he was enjoying trying to brushing my teeth I was able to brush his teeth. I am not sure if this approach will work for everyone, but worked did for my son.
:) S.

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C.M.

answers from Chico on

Try taking her to a Pediatric Dentist as she is the right age for a first check up and possibly a cleaning anyway. The dentist will be gentle and will impress on her the importance of brushing, flossing and possibly flouride tablets/syrup. Children often take to heart personal care guidelines better from an authority figure like a dentist or doctor than their own parent. The dentist should give your daughter a bag full of dental goodies, a toy and/or a sticker.

When you call the dentist's office to make the appointment let them know about her behavior in regard to bruching and they will work to encourage her to brush and allow you to help.

Good luck!

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M.R.

answers from San Francisco on

I have two boys and what's worked for me is I give each a toothbrush with (traning) toothpaste and we brush together. My 16 month old usually just plays with his. My 3 year old brushes only one side, while I do the rest. Sometimes we take turns. Also, when they are in the bath, it seems to be easier.
Good Luck!

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K.L.

answers from San Francisco on

This is a constant struggle for us too. At one point I felt like I was holding her down just to get her teeth brushed. But with persistence and creativity, it has gotten better. Sometimes I ask her to name all her friends, then I repeat them, with numbers. Ex: Angie is 1. Joey is 2. Ella is 3. No, mommy is 3., etc... until I feel like I've brushed them long enough. I've also tried singing songs. "One, two, buckle my shoe" or "ABCs", or "Happy Birthday",or even a made up brushing teeth song - "This is the way we brush our teeth..." 3 times: 1 time for the bottom teeth, 1 time for the top teeth, and 1 time for the fronts of the teeth. Sometimes it's just counting up to 10 or down to 1. If I get interrupted, I make fun of it and start over. I *TRY* to make it a fun and try to keep it light hearted, otherwise we just end up with tears and frustration.

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