Can I Leave Them Home Alone?? *UPDATED*

Is there a college near by? Maybe you could look for a student and offer a discount on rent in exchange for "watching" the kids while you're at work.

i really don't think that's a good idea. yes they are asleep but it only takes one second for something to go wrong. And all it takes is for one neighbor to notice(and there is always one that notices!) and they call child protective services. it sounds good believe me, but i don't think you should. but to each her own. good luck

I have an almost 11 and almost 8 yo and I don't leave them alone AT ALL, anytime day or night. I just couldn't imagine it. This is a tough situation. Isn't there a friend or family member that could keep them for those nights? Good luck to you.

FIrst, make sure it is not illegal in your state. Most places have an age limit.

But, regardless, 10 is old enough to stay home while you run to the grocery store for 30 minutes. Overnight - no. Ten year olds hav eno judgement. They could not handle an emergency. No.

Absolutely not. It's one thing to leave them alone for a quick errand during the day, but to leave them alone all night is not safe. Just because the outside of the house looks ok and you're close, it doesn't mean that things are safe inside the house. PLEASE don't leave your children alone at night. I'm guessing you would never consider this to go on an overnight date less than 1 mile away or to go to a 24-hour restaurant less than 1 mile away to hang with friends all night, so please don't talk yourself into it being an acceptable situation just because it is for work.

If it was a couple of hours during the day, I would say yes, but 2 young boys overnight? I would not do it. Too much can go wrong. I would hire a sitter/nanny for those nights, it should not be much since it would only be 3 nights while they sleep each week.

Now i'm sure a lot of mother's out there will probably disagree with me; but who are we to judge your situation. If you have tried to find childcare or someone that can watch your children but haven't had anyone that can do it; it makes for a pretty difficult situation. We don't know if your in a place where you don't have relatives, an unsupportive ex-spouse, or need to make money in order to afford child care. All I know is; when my mother became divorced my sister and me were very young...I was 8 and my sis was 9. Our mother worked nights as a 911 operator and didn't have a good support system (she escaped from an abusive marriage. I admire her for that.) However, my sister and me stayed at home nights alone a few days a week until her job allowed us to stay a few evenings or she made friends with other women that had kids and we all stayed together with a sitter later. The majority of the time we stayed alone, liked it, and obeyed the rules. Our mother went over all the rules: don't open door, when she called she gave a special ring, numbers to reach her, no noise..and call her before we went to bed...etc.

So do what you must; no one should judge you...you have found a job in a tough economy right now and when you get the money or know someone that can help you will have the right assistance. Sometimes we have to do things we might not want to do but everything will workout fine; my mom did and everything worked out. Just talk to your children and leave rules, phone numbers, emergency contacts etc. If I was in your state i'd watch your kids for you with mine for free. Take Care; God bless you and your family. Congratulations on the job.

Maybe I'm just a worrier of a Mom, but I kind of think 10 years old is too young. Here in Canada where I live it's against the law to leave kids alone under the age of 13. You might want to check laws and things. I can only imagine this is a tough situation for you to work around but personally I would hang in there until they're older.

Sorry B.,

This would be illegal for you to do. This leaves your children in a dangerous situation. You need to find a job while they are in school or hire an overnight person during the week. Looking in on them is not safe enough. I wish you luck!

I'd be 50/50 on it.

On the one hand, they're ASLEEP.. .so that cuts down on the amount of trouble that can happen. Instal a closed circut wireless video surveilance system (as opposed to an web version) that links to a monitor that's on you... and alarm your house 2 ways (motion detector inside so you know if they've gotten up), and a "normal" alarm that's tied to all the windows and doors, fire, & co2 sensors... and I'd be less concerned about middle of the night stomach flu, shenanigans, fire, etc. Even without the interior video monitoring, as long as there were the standard alarms... it would *probably* be fine if your twins are mature enough to know to call the "short list" in case of a problem.

On the other hand... it will undoubtedly get out that 2 kids are home alone at night. Which presents a risk. Plus you DO have things to worry about like middle of the night stomach flu.

Ideally, if you had a friend who could sleep over on those nights, that would be best for the next couple years. But like I said... 50/50. MANY kids are latchkey kids from 2-7pm at 9/10/11 years old and are perfectly fine. So being only a few blocks away, in a safe neighborhood, while they sleep, 1-3 nights a week doesn't horrify me. Personally I think being left alone in the daytime is far more dangerous, because they are awake and able to get up to stuff, even innocently. Most problems are of our own creation. Also, very few people come to the door at 2am (friends wanting to play, people selling stuff, missionaries, etc.).

Most states don't have laws that have a minimum age for being left alone, but instead have a guideline of "able to adequately care for themselves under ordinary circumstance" (like being able to make a sandwich, knowing not to leave the house, etc.). But it's worth checking out the wording in SC state law, just to be sure.

There are two issues here. Can you? That would be a function of the laws in your state. Should you if it is legal to do so? That is a question you should ask yourself about your children. So much can happen so quickly.

M.

Hi Mama-

First check with the state and see what the law says. If that clears you, then I suggest you talk to your kids about it.

I believe in lists. List the pros and cons of this plan. Then also list on how you'll react to emergencies, so there is a plan in place.

You are the only one who knows if your children are mature enough to take on this responsibility.

Personally, I think 10 is a little young, They get scared easily still, and being home alone at night may be too much,

Good Luck,.

R. Magby

Not only is it not OK...I think it might be illegal. Don't leave them alone overnight, please!

My son is a very mature 11 yr old. Just this year I started leaving him at home alone if I had a quick errand or just a few things to get at the market (no longer than an hour or two). And during the day he's fine with it. But he wouldn't like it at night at all, and neither would I. The normal sounds of the house spook him at night, and he's always NEEDED to know that I was close by. A few times he woke up sick or throwing up, and I was there to help him clean up, change the bed, etc. Other times a storm will knock the power out.
For 3 nights a week, can you get your Mom or a relative to stay the night with them while you are working? You've got to do what you got to do, but if it were me, I'd worry myself to death even if there was nothing to worry about.

Wow, tough situation.

I personally couldn't do it.

My first and not so polite response would be "are you crazy?"
the more polite response is, Probably not a good idea, 10 is still a child, and not even a teen, and overnight?, what if there was a fire?, or a burglary, or a sex predator who realizes what nights you are gone

Interesting topic. I was fortunate to work during the day, but did have to leave my daughter alone at the age of 11, but that was a while ago. I googled it and although this isn't from SC, it seems to fit the question:

"Lynn Yaney, spokeswoman for the agency that handles child welfare in Contra Costa County, California, states:
"A general rule of thumb is that kids under age seven aren't capable of thinking logically and putting cause and effect together," Tanner said. "They are reliant on caregivers to structure their day." Children between ages 7 and 10 years aren't generally ready to self-supervise for an extended period, but in a routine and predictable environment, such as just after school, they can manage, Tanner said. Children 12 and 13 years old should be judged on a case- by-case basis but should not be left alone overnight." http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm

I agree with the responses saying it's not a good idea to leave them alone, legality aside. There are ways of working through situations like this though so don't feel its impossible. You might check with a church or other organization that might give you some leads of people, retirees for instance, who would love to come and stay with them, even for free. Good luck.

I'm sorry I'm going to have to say they are too young for a couple more years at least.

one more little thing.......having security guards check on your kids is a little creepy to me. Do you know these people well? I've known security guards......they aren't ALL stand up guys.

I was a "latchkey" kid when I was around 10, but that was after school for a couple hours. I'd never feel comfortable doing this - it's too many hours, too unsafe. During the day, they're awake and can call if there's a problem. At night, they're asleep if something happens. I'd talk to family or church to find someone who's willing to do the sleepover sitting. Perhaps a college student who's responsible - they could study once the kids are asleep. Good luck!

I would say no...you have no way of knowing what is going to happen while you are gone...it could be anything from a frightening dream that they need assurance from...a sudden storm ....a fire...one of them decides they are hungry and wants cook something on the stove....a water leak....ANYTHING. Do you have someone who would trade babysitting with you? A friend who would be willing to come and stay the night on the evenings that you work? Or could the security company find a position that you can work at during the day while your children are at school?
You also need to check into the local laws...in Kansas it is against the law to have someone under the age of 14 at home alone without adult supervision.
I just wouldnt feel like it was worth the risk myself...I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened while I was away. I understand the economical situation you have found yourself in, newly single mom...2 children to raise, but I just feel like putting your children at risk is not worth the money you will earn at the job.
Good luck to you!!

.... for me, I would not do it.

All it takes... is for 1 person to notice they are home alone, then 2 people will notice, then 3 and so forth. And they will notice the times you leave and return home... and that there is a routine to it.
These are things child predators notice.... and strangers and neighbors etc.
What if they come and knock on your door, when your girls are alone?
They 'are' neighbors... and if one knocks on the door, will your kids answer it? Technically they may know them, so they might open the door etc.
Even if patrol agrees to look in on them... that is no guarantee. But an assurance.
As the others said, many things can happen. Which cannot be foreseen.

Riley made a great suggestion about the closed-circuit camera and motion detectors.
I would, also put in 'door knob alarms." These things just hang on the door knobs inside the hoouse, and when someone touches it from outside it will let off a LOUD alarm.
Also make sure your windows are totally secure and safe. Many windows can be opened easily by an intruder.
Do you have adequate curtains in your home, that will shield outsiders from looking in? like Peeping Toms etc.
When I was a kid, we had a problem with a Peeping-Tom at night, creeping around our home.

I think, 10 years old is too young.
I would, have a neighbor come and babysit them. Or someone, that I totally trust.

all the best,
Susan

NOWAY is it ok they are only 10 yrs. old if something where to happen and a responsibile parent wasn't there you'll be charged with neglect have your children taken away if a fire broke out and if they died you'll face more charges.WOW I can't belive this is a thought a plan that crossed your mind.
Read your update as much as I disagree your the mom to your girls.If they are ever endangered or if something where to ever happen to them I hope that they see to it that your served full extent of the law for child neglect endagngerment..If I where the children's father I would take you to court and gain FULL CUSTODY.Don't need the spill on your relationship this is what I would do same goes with my kids and my husband.
If I was coworker i'd be contacting SRS.

I think 10 is too young to be left home alone at night. During the day, it's fine, but nighttime is usually when problems arise and there should be an adult there help keep them safe.

I would suggest getting a college student to stay with them or a neighbor. Maybe you could do different things each time so it didn't inconvenience anyone too much (ex: one night, someone stays at your house, another night, the twins each stay with a neighbor, the third night the twins each stay at a friend's house - together or separately).

I'd also look into the laws for your state. It might be illegal to leave them home overnight if they are below a certain age.

I hope you find something that works for you.

K.
http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/karenchao

I am pretty sure the law says you can't leave your kids alone until they are 12, but you might want to check on that. Then it depends on maturity levels too. Not say your twins are not responsible, but my neighbor's daughter is pretty responsible, she is going on 10 and I would not feel right leaving her alone if she were my kid..

My first feeling is this is a bad end waiting to happen. You are depending on non-dedicated external observers, or your 10 year old children, to potentially save their own lives. Your security system doesn't call 911 for way too many scenarios... and the potential to loose custody for neglect... too many horrendous possibilities.

Maybe have them with you one or two nights a week, and then with your friend the others and barter services, or you can find care through your church or community center; ask for referrals or advice from your neighbors, your police officer friend; your child's classmates parents, teachers, principal, the local community college with Early Development Education students, look via CraigsList or place an ad.... someone will know someone that's dependable and inexpensive for evening care. You can also look here for state licensed home care providers:

http://childcare.sc.gov/main/general/facilities/search/in...

Whatever you do, find a safe solution you can live with and good luck:)

Imagine that a predator successfully bypasses the security system and gets into your home, of course after monitoring your routines for awhile, as well as the routines of the patrol officer. Are your children's lives worth it?

Suppose that the patrol officer, as part of her job, has to respond to an all night call, so she is not available that night, and because she is responding to an emergency does not have time to notify you. One of the twins wakes up to use the restroom, slips and cracks his head on the bathtub. He then bleeds to death slowly while you finish your shift, completely unaware. Or maybe he vomits in his sleep, and chokes to death. Or maybe he has a seizure. An electrical fire starts in your apartment, and by the time your neighbor realizes and calls your kids have already died of smoke inhalation. Or perhaps your neighbor is out of town, or doesn't know to rescue your kids. Should I go on?

I can totally empathize with child care being expensive, but it can be done. You have gotten some great suggestions about contacting a college or networking a little more. I would take those suggestions. And perhaps you should visit the fire department personally and get their professional opinion on leaving a child unattended and what the risk value is if a fire broke out in your apt. I am really surprised that a retired police officer would support this decision, I would sincerely question her motives, and find out if her current agency would support her efforts. I would think no, as a liability and ethical issue.

Unfortunately they are still too young to leave at home unsupervised. Perhaps you can ask a friends of yours to keep them while you are at work, or ask the parents of their friends (and offer some token monetary blessing) or find a responsible older teen (only as a last resort) but you will have at least another 2 years before they are old enough to be left home alone for a few hours but probably not long enough to cover a full working shift besides anything can happen and they need to be protected from the world and themselves. Please get some one to watch over them ASAP.

It is a tough situation for you since you don't have local family.
I worked for child protective services and a 10 year old staying alone is a judgment call. Probably okay for a few hours in the daytime if there is a neighbor next door and you are available by phone. It doesn't seem like a great idea for overnights, especially on a regular basis several nights a week. I'd look for childcare of some kind, you have several good suggestions posted.

Shauna G. had a very nice answer. When I grew up my mother and father divorced and we stayed by ourselves while my mother worked at a hospital at night. I am not saying I liked it or that it was fun, we did what we were supposed to. People mention all sorts of things. One time I was in charge and it was late afternoon a neighbor came and jumped off a bed in my brother's room and his arm was broken.These things can happen anywhere with mom in the house or not. Since patrol agreed to look in on them see how they actually feel. What does everyone's gut instincts tell you? Like Shauna I know it is hard and you will feel that tug at your heart even with babysitters. Good luck and I'm glad you have a job and the courage to be on your own.

Maybe someone has already suggested this, u have too many posts to read all. But have you thought about letting someone, say a needy college kid, live at your house for free in exchange for being home 3 nights a week? Or maybe an elderly woman that wouldn't mind staying over for a few $$.

I know a 10 year old who watches her younger sister...alone after school.

Im no one to judge, my oldest is 7 and still dont know what possible age ill let her stay alone. When i was a kid i was alone after school everyday, and i considered my mom to be the most responsible of people.

I feel for you in your situation, but NO! You can't leave a 10 year old -or two 10 year olds home alone overnight. Call your local DFACS office and ask what the state guidelines on leaving children home alone are. Most states have minimum age and time limits they consider okay -anything else brought to their attention could get you in trouble!

I think it completely depends on how mature your kids are. I had to stay home alone at the age of 9 on weekends as my mom worked as a waitress at catering events and didn't get home until 3am or later. But I was mature enough to understand the rules, what to do in emergency and be able to follow-through with all of that.

Good luck!

TOO many things can happen in just a matter of seconds or minutes and I do not believe that a ten yr. old is ready to stay at home by themselves but for maybe an hr. or two in the daytime; NOT at night for any length of time!! If a fire started in your home; the children could become very scared and not be able to make good decisions; and not to mention a break-in of some type!! The patrolwomen you mentioned cannot "patrol" every few minutes to assure nothing happens.....I know this is a hard decision-being a single mom and not having a partner to rely on-but I wouldn't take any chances.

Updated

TOO many things can happen in just a matter of seconds or minutes and I do not believe that a ten yr. old is ready to stay at home by themselves but for maybe an hr. or two in the daytime; NOT at night for any length of time!! If a fire started in your home; the children could become very scared and not be able to make good decisions; and not to mention a break-in of some type!! The patrolwomen you mentioned cannot "patrol" every few minutes to assure nothing happens.....I know this is a hard decision-being a single mom and not having a partner to rely on-but I wouldn't take any chances.

I totally understand your situation also, but as you have heard from these other parents its just not a good idea, and KIDS TALK, and pretty soon, it will be OUT , that you are not home on certain nights, and they are alone!!

Another suggestion besides the college idea, is to check with a nearby church College Youth Group, alot of these kids are LOOKING for extra money, and since they would probably be sleeping most of the night, you CAN offer a "reduced" rate, and still feel good about leaving your children for the night.
I wish you well in looking and finding the Right person for the job!!

Hi B.: Call your local college and ask them to post on their student bulletin board an ad stating your situation - basically - "reduced room and board in exchange for watching 2 kids overnite" - or something like that which is acceptable to you in your own words. I tried this when my daughter was a toddler when I needed a babysitter through the day and it worked great. Got a real nice young woman who needed the money and I got someone I could trust to care of my child. Best of luck to you and hope you find a solution to your situation.

I know you've already gotten so many responses but I'd just like to add a few more things. The likelyhood that something major is going to happen to you children is very small. A fire in your condo, someone breaking in, one of the kids getting hurt, they could all happen but please think about the little, everyday things that most liekly WILL happen. What happens if one or both of your children has a nightmare and wakes up in the middle of the night and no one is there to comfort them. What if one or both of your children has a stomache ache and just wants Mommy to give them some medicine and make it go away but you're not there. What if there IS a strom but the children are too scared to call you. Are you ok with the thought of them huddled together trying to comfort each other? What if they do come to you in the office like you said that they could do in the event of a storm? If they are scared and they know where you are do you think that they will really wait for you to come or wait to call you or just come running?? Would you be comfortable with them walking to your office in the dark, in the middle of a storm, unsupervised? What if your alarm DOES go off? That would freak ME out. To be alone in a house with the alarm going off and no one is there and you don't know what is going on? Even if you could be there in 2 minutes do you know how long 2 mintues would seem to two 10 year old kids??? I know you want to provide for your children financially and do what is best for them but at their age they need Mom. They need to know that they are safe and that they have someone that is physically there looking over them and protecting them. They NEED that sense of security.
Good luck - I know it's tough and I wish you the best of luck and I hope it works out for both you and the kids.
T. C.

I looked this whole issue up a few years ago and it's very gray. It's state by state law, and most states won't give a specific age when kids may be left alone. As one commenters says, it's a judgement call which means that the age and maturity of the child will be looked at, plus the circumstances in which they were left.
Should anything happen, the more serious it is the more likely you are to be charged with negelct or endangerment.
Predators and house fires aside, my experience is that kids sometimes do silly things when an argument or fight breaks out. They aren't mature enough to make sensible decisions when in a heated situation. That's when the trouble starts.

Will you be the one checking on them? Or are you the "dispatcher"? It sounds like a situation where you can give it a try for a night, see how you feel and go from there. Do you know your neighbors? Is there another mom on the block that will be your emergency go-to person for the girls? These are the questions that I would be asking myself.
Mostly, I think it would be fine. For those saying that at night the problems are bigger, well I just don't see the logic in that. I would be more worried about the daytime. At night it is easier to spot strange cars and people wandering around.
I would get a security system installed, though.

I wouldn't. As far as the law, every state is different and some allow young children home alone for different number of hours but not always night hours. If your schedule can't be rearranged you may want to have someone (maybe a neighbor) come and sleep at your house while you are out or swap sitting with another parent.

You know your kids better than we do and you know the area where they will be so you have to decide if they are able to handle an emergency properly if you aren't home. I live in BFT as well and there are certain roads I won't even drive down at night because they are creepy! And you have nice areas like Habersham over there by that trailer park ( used to live there a long time ago too).

My daughter is 10 as well and I leave her home alone for a hr or less during the day but I don't think she would be fine with it at night like that and we live in a 'gated' community so to speak.

Have you talked to your daughter's about this and see how they feel about it?? I know finding good child care is hard around here and to find someone to stay over night is probably even worse. And I totally understand trying to keep a normal routine for them too. I used to work 3rd shift when my daughter was 3 and I hated to get her out of bed to take her to the sitter and then she was there all the next day so I could sleep.

Good luck!! And don't let anyone on here bash you for being a single mom and trying to make ends meet either:)
S.

It depends on how mature your twins are and how adventurous and impulsive. I wouldn't leave my 10 yo granddaughter alone for that long, that often. She is impulsive and likes to experiment. IF she were hungry she'd get up and cook on my gas stove. She is fascinated with fire. She and a friend rolled a cigarettes out of newspaper and grass. She has a good head on her shoulders and is mature in many ways but she still isn't able to look ahead at possible consequences.

I suggest that most 10 yo brains have not developed the part that allows them to see the big picture and be aware of consequences or effects of what they do.

I also wonder if they would be frightened. Ten seems a bit young to be left alone even when they're sleeping.

When I was a senior in high school I babysat for a neighbor family whose parents managed an all night restaurant. Sometimes they hired me to just sleep at their house. The kids were in bed.

If you do decide to leave them alone, be sure to think thru all possible scenerios and teach them what to do. One concern would be fire. Be sure that they know how to get out of the house and to never ever hide instead of leaving.

I agree with everyone's concerns, and it's certainly worth the money to hire some one.
On the other hand, it makes me think about how I started babysitting (for a baby and a toddler) when I was 11. Seems crazy now, especially considering the parents had no cell phones. Personally, I think leaving 2 ten year olds sounds much safer. I think plenty of children that age are home alone after school- I know I was home alone a lot at that age. I guess times have changed. What time will you be leaving?