Child Who Is Starting to Hit?

I take my son's hand, hold it and say a firm "no." He's a fiesty one, so it may take more than once to get his attention. Then I say "be gentle" or "be nice" and give him a little love. He's starting to get the message, although he still hits or attempts to when tired and his space is invaded. As children develop more language you can more easily talk them through this, but when their language is limited it takes physical touch intervention.

SAHM of seven

Definitely tell her "NO HITTING" in a stern voice. And squeeze her hand as you say it, just to get her attention. You daycare provider should do this too. Hopefully she'll get the message eventually. Good luck.

I think this is really quite normal since she is old enough to have those strong emotions but not old enough to articulate how she feels or to problem solve. I wouldn't panic too much, your little cutie is not turning into a mean girl. Just coach her along regularly and firmly, that it's okay to be angry but not okay to hit. If you can show her some problem solving like "let's take turns" she'll start to mimic you when you aren't there. There are also some good books on this sort of thing "when I get angry" is one I think I have seen. Good luck.

That's pretty typical behavior for a child her age. Redirection usually works best. Calmly tell her "no hitting." She's a little young for this, but when my boys were a little older we had a rule that "when you hit, you sit." There is a a board book called "Hands are not for Hitting" that you could get and read to her. If she is a spirited child generally you could try reading Mary Kurcinka's book, "Raising your Spirited Child."

My 2.5 year old used to hit quite a bit when he was younger. The advice I got from my pediatrician, and which worked for us, was to ignore the hit and the hitter and focus our attention on the child who was hit. After my son realized his attempts at drawing attention by hitting weren't been noticed he did eventually stop. The only downfall is that he did hit more often for a short while there as sort of a last ditch effort.

Read: Raising Your Spirited Child. You'll love it :o)

Your best opportunity to teach about hitting is at home. When she hits you or her dad, hit her back on the arm as you cry about the pain she has caused you, but just hard enough to make it hurt. This sounds cruel, but it isn't. It teaches her the law of natural consequences. Crying together about how much hitting hurst will definitely tell her how much she is hurting others. Almost all children go through a hitting phase ~ both of mind did. A slap on the arm always stopped it for ever.

At day care: Hitting stops when who ever GETS HIT gets more attention than the one who hit her/him... Encourage the day care leader to give no attention to your daughter for it - not even time-outs. Have her pick up the hit child and hug her and dry her tears and tell her how sad it is to be hit.

If it is attention your daughter is seeking, she will stop when she doesn't get it from the grownup in the room ~ she will become jealous of the attention her playmate is getting and will not risk losing the attention she wants for herself again.

The risk of punishing children who hit is that they will become attached to the attention of punishment and seek it continuously as they grow. Once they are out of the hitting stage they may tease, take toys away or act out in dozens of other ways to get this need met. Discourage the day care provider from getting your daughter into this trap. Time-outs and punishment here will be her worst enemy going forward.

I found this article on iVillage. They have some great articles and advice. Hope it helps...

My child is almost two years old. He has started hitting anyone he interacts with. We have tried time-outs, but nothing seems to work. How can we get a child this young to stop hitting?

Your two year old sounds like he is becoming interested in other people. Hitting, pushing and grabbing toys are all ways that toddlers use to try to make contact with others, before they develop other social skills. Your son sounds like he is curious about other people. He has limited language and experience, so rather than walking up to someone and saying, "Excuse me. Can I play with you?," he shows his interest by smacking them. Subsequently, he discovers that he can get a reaction when he hits someone. He may even get two reactions, one from the person he hits and one from you. Even though the reactions probably aren’t pleasant, he is intrigued by them.

Toddlers are fascinated with what they can make happen over and over and they are also curious about how people react in different situations. Hitting people satisfies both of these interests. Furthermore, toddlers see the world only from their own point of view and therefore don’t understand that other people have different ideas and feelings than they do. "If hitting you is fun for me, I expect that it is fun for you, too." They are often very surprised at first when they hit, bite or push someone and that person cries. Sometime they continue to hit, just to see if they will get the same reaction every time and from different people.

Since they are fascinated with what they can make happen, they will repeat behaviors that cause certain predictable outcomes. These experiences can provide wonderful opportunities to learn. The frustrating thing for parents is that toddlers have to repeat behaviors numerous times before they can fully learn something. Here are some things that you can do to help your child learn positive ways to interact and also help keep other children safe in the meantime.

Model the behavior you want to teach. Often we are so surprised, scared, embarrassed or angry when our children hit that we intercede too roughly. This gives children a mixed message and also serves to make both children feel more tense and upset. Children will better learn from the interaction if you are calm, firm and gentle and use your words.
Give your child information and help interpret the response he is getting. Tell you son, "It hurts when you hit someone. Jessica is crying (pulling away) because she doesn’t like to be hit."
Support the victim. Encourage the child who was hurt to speak up, to say, "No," or "Don’t hurt me." Also, help your son make things right with the child he hurt. Maybe he can bring the other child some ice or a blanket or something else that will comfort him.
Offer your son an alternative. When your son hits someone, he has a good idea that he is trying to communicate. He may be trying to say, "Let’s play," or "Hi!" or "Move over," or "Don’t take my toy." If you can figure out what he is trying to say, you can redirect him to another way to say it. "If you want to ask Jessica to play, you can say, ‘Let’s play,’ or you can bring her a toy." "If you want Jessica to move, you can say, ‘Move.’"
Supervise him closely when he is in situations where he is likely to hit and prevent any hits you can. If you stay close to your son, you may be able to offer him an alternative before he hits someone. If you see him approaching someone with his hand lifted, you can step in, gently hold his arm and remind him, "If you want to say ‘Hi,’ you can wave or blow a kiss." If you can reach him before he hits someone he is mad at, you can stop his arm, and say, "I’m going to stop you from hitting Timmy. If you are mad, you can tell him, ‘I’m mad!’"
Learn to anticipate his behavior. If you stop a hit, he may be likely to try to hit again, soon. Stay close to ensure his success and to continue to offer him safer options. The more times he uses alternative methods of interacting, the better he learns them.
Choose situations where he is most likely to be successful. You may have observed that his hitting happens more in certain situations or with certain children. He may be sensitive to large groups and would be more able to control himself in a small consistent group of children. He may do better when he is outside than when he is inside. He may do better one-on-one with another child than in a group. He may be more likely to hit if he is tired or hungry. He may be successful with a group of kids for up to two hours, but after that, he begins to lose control. If you spend some time observing him and talking to other people who care for him, you may be able to get some clues about when and where he is most likely to be successful. Then you can try to arrange for him to be in those more successful circumstances.
Choose durable playmates and understanding parents. While your son is working on learning gentleness, it can reduce the stress on everyone if you spend most of your time with easy-going, active kids who don’t take being hit too seriously. Spending time with parents who understand young children’s clumsy attempts at being social, can help reduce your stress and sense of ostracism about your child’s behavior.
You can remove him from a situation if he seems unable to be successful. If he has had several attempts, or hits in a certain situation, it may be that that situation is too difficult for him. If possible, remove him from the situation and/or take him home and let him try again another day.
It can take time. Because there is so much to figure out about people, feelings and appropriate behavior, toddlers don’t learn these things fast. It may take a while for him to stop hitting. The exciting thing is that he is not just learning how to stop hitting, he is learning other, more successful ways to relate to and communicate with his peers. With your support, gentle, positive limits and encouragement, he will learn to be a social and compassionate person.

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I don't think that it definately means you have a "spirited child." My oldest went through this just like the previous poster said .... when he could understand what was going on, but didn't have the words to explain his feelings. He is a very mild mannered boy, so it was quite shocking behavior to us. Now my youngest (17 months) is starting to bite and hit as a reaction, too.

Try the book: Hands are not for Hitting. I use lines from that one and Teeth are not for Biting, all the time. I say, "Hands are not for hitting. What are they for? Waving (or eating or whatever activity might be at hand). Or "Ouch (hitting or biting) hurts! Let's have a hug instead.

You identify your child as "spirited." I would recommend reading "Raising Your Spirited Child," by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Her website, with the table of contents for the book, is here: http://www.parentchildhelp.com/SpiritedChild/TableofConte...

I have been reading this book lately, and just this morning ready about "spill-over" tantrums - when your child becomes so overwhelmed that s/he can't help for let the emotions out in a flood. I imagine that the hitting, too, might be your daughter's reaction to the feeling of being overwhelmed. Even though she's not quite two, talk to her about her emotions and how she can deal with them. Most importantly, try to plan for success - try to avoid her getting so tired or so frustrated with lack of space that she hits. Work with daycare provider, too, to find the cues that let you know she's losing it.

Its important to understand that a child that young uses actions to communicate. I bet you're right when you feel she's probably doing it when she's tired and someone is in her space. Think how close a person has to be in order to hit them in the face. I think you should talk to your daycare provider and ask that they pay attention to what's happening up to the physical aggression so that they can prevent it, rather than just reacting to it.

My 2 year old can be prone to hit when he's upset and tired too. Whenever he does it, I bend down to get down at his level and I say, "Please don't hit me. That hurts mommy and makes her sad." I try very hard not to raise my voice or yell at him because I don't want to scare him. I also take his hand and gently touch my cheek and say, "This is how mommy likes to be touched."

Physically acting out is very common with children who are learning to communicate. Once your daughter is able to communicate more effectively, she can tell other kids to back off if they are bothering her and she won't need to hit.