Considering Holding Daughter in Kindergarten

What's the reason for holding her back. If she is doing good academically and socially it doesn't make sense to hold her back. Holding her back a grade does not mean she'll be the "smartest" in her class next year. I was skipped ahead in school, I was two years younger than my classmates and was still the smartest in the class. I grew up just fine.

I don't believe this is a valid reason to hold her back. If you hold her back, she very well may end up being the "smartest" in the class but very, very bored socially!!!

I have 2 Sept. boys and waited with both of them. My issue was not neccesarily with their age now but when they are older. I would rather have them start college when they are 19 rather than 18. Do you want here having to wait a year longer when all her friends are driving. Do you want her body developing a year later than friends. The social implications of being on the young side are greater than being older. It is better to repeat now than later. It should not be based on her ability to learn. Both of my boys would have been fine academically. It was the other issues for which I was more concerned. Teachers would rather have an older child than one younger.

I am a mother of 4 ages 14, 10, 7 and 4.

I too had to face this decision...my daughter was born the 24th of November and just made the December 1st school cutoff date. I did send her to kindergarten when she was 41/2 and truly in hindsight (she is now 21) I would have waited. She has always struggled with school, not socially but academically. She really had to "work" hard for her A's and B's. I wanted to make things easy for my daughter and this is one area where I totally blew it! Consequently when she started college she was really, really young! This too was extremely difficult...to see a 17 year old go off on her own is not something I want to repeat anytime soon. In my opinion holding your daughter back at this time will only benefit her and give her a boost to really excel!

If she's mature for her age, there's no reason to hold her back. I was a mid-October baby and started kindergarten at age 4, and always did very well in school.

My daughter is a mid-September baby, and our school's cutoff is September 1 - however based on her readiness I pushed them to let her into Kinder this year and she has done very well. (We will definitely not be holding her back due to age!) I think I would have mutiny on my hands if I told her she had to repeat Kinder - all her friends will be going to first grade and she knows that she has done well on all her tests, is a good reader, etc. To tell her at this point that she had to repeat would make me the most hated mommy on earth, I'm sure of it!

The only reason to hold her back would be if the teacher recommended it, in my opinion.

If only we could have a glass ball to see what the future holds. This is a tough decision. My son was a late october b-day and by the end of kindergarten we had to make this choice. I wouldn't base it on smarts. kids tend to level out eventually. My son was very smart by the end of the year but he wasn't reading well. I made the decision based on two things. 1st I was concerned that in a short time he would be faced with star testing and I wasn't eager to have that put on him at a young age and 2nd his teacher said to really look ahead. Did I want him to be the 16 year old running with the 17 year olds or would I rather him be the older.She said all to often she see's parents have regrets and problems by 5th 6th grade when you really can't socially get away with keeping them back. Now you are faced with the diffucult dynamic of her class mates moving on with out her. We didn't have that because he was in a k-6 home school class. So only 2 days a week dose he go to school. I know kids can be harsh but I don't think you will find it as much in these lower grades. Plus so many schools have mixed classes she might find her self with former classmates in the years to come. Like another mom said take into consideration if a second year is going to be a bore for her. Been there done that already. See what her teacher has to say. And most of all trust your motherly intuition, it's a gift just for your child. Good luck

Hi,
I held my son back in kindergarten. He's birthday is in late Oct. But I kept him back because he wasnt ready at all social or academically. The person I would talk to is the teacher and ask what they think. I'm glad i held my son es doing so much better this year than having to strugle to get head. I wish you the best of luck.

What would your daughter learn next year if she repeated kindergarten? NOTHING.
Smartest in the class? my daughter is the smartest in 4th grade. She is constantly made fun of by jealous girls. Called names and for the spelling bee the thought of the class was anyone but her win. Not much fun.
Let her go on with her friends. This decision should have been made the last year if you wanted her older. Don't do it now.

Hi,

A friend of mind has held back her daughter one more year in kindergarten. She was held back because of her size, not age nor academic. Since she was the shortest among the class, and got bully (yes already in kindergarten) with a group of girls. The teacher recommanded to my friend to let her repeat a year to give her more confidence and self esteem.
She is now in her second grade, happy, and doing great. My friend was very glad they held her back 1 year.

Hi Molly,

I would definitely start by asking her teacher her thoughts on retention. If your daughter is meeting all academic standards and is doing well socially, I see no reason to hold her back. I teach 2nd grade, and one year I had a student who started kindergarten a year later because of a late birthday. Socially, it was probably a smart move, but academically, he was very advanced and bored in 2nd grade. If held back, your daughter may become bored in school and that in itself can lead to other academic problems. It is my personal opinion that a child should never be retained in an effort to be the smartest in the class. I really don't see how that is in the best interest of the child. Also, I'm not sure if a parent can make that decision to hold back their child without academic or social concerns or concerns from the teacher, though every school is different, so again, I think it's best to discuss this with her teacher.
Jen

Hi, my daughter who is now 23 had a November 29th birthday... her kindergarten report card did state that in some ways she was less mature, but academically she kept up and moved on to 1st grade, and went through without a problem. She gained the maturity over the years and in some ways I think it was a good thing, her friends were all older than her so she kind of had someone showing her the ropes... I'm personally not a fan of keeping them back, especially in kindergarten, I think it's a blow for them emotionally... good luck and please let us know what you decide!

I'm a second grade teacher. Retention is usually used as a last option. If your daughter is doing well academically and socially, then I would move her on to 1st grade. I was the youngest in my class through 8th grade and it was fine. As for being the smartest in class, chances are there will always be someone smarter--maybe not in every subject, but in some way. Also, if it takes 2 years for your daughter to be the smartest, she is not going to feel good about herself.

I applaud your willingness to consider retention, so many parents are incredibly resistent to it, but it sounds like it is not warranted in this situation. What does your daughter's K teacher say about this? Talk to the first grade teachers and get their take. Ultimately this is your decision, but it seems like this is a situation where retention is being used for the wrong reasons.

Good luck with your decision.

Hello! I have 4 kids, two with birthdays it the middle of the year, and two with November birthdays. Both of my November kids started school "on time" and continue to be on track. They are now in 7th (girl) and 10th (boy) grades and I haven't regretted my decision for a minute! They are happy, well-adjusted and they are thriving academically. Holding your daughter back won't make her the "smartest in the class," it will make her the oldest kid who is simply repeating everything she already learned in kindergarten the previous year. She may be embarrassed and bored.

Two years ago there was a boy who was held back in kindergarten at our school and he ended up going to 1st grade in October because being back in kindergarten was making him miserable. My daughter has a friend who was held back in kindergarten and she feels awkward because her body is doing everything earlier than her friends. (developing, etc.)

I think it's also a good idea to think ahead to boys, etc. in high school - if she is older than her peers then dating might be hard. Also, she will be eligible to get her driver's license before he peers. I know it might seem silly to think about this now, but it's a real consideration.

Have you spoken to your principal about the criteria for holding students back?

I hope my experience might help you a little!

L.

Hi Molly,

my name is Tonya my son is 8 years old now. like your daughter his birthday is the beginning of November, and I did keep in Kindergarten for an extra year, but my son needed the help. but, he is doing well in Second grade now and did alot better in first grade last year. he didn't seem to mind that he was held back. but, he did Kindergarten at a different school so that might have helped also.

wish you all the luck which ever way you decide, I am sure your daughter will be fine.

My daughter had quite a few young ones in her class last year. If she is doing fine, then I don't really see why you would want to hold her back. All the ones that were younger in class moved on to 1st grade just fine, and are doing exceptional. Every child has their strengths and unless her teacher and principal think it would be crucial in her developement then I wouldn't suggest it.
Not to mention, she just made a bunch of friends and now they won't get to play anymore. She may get bummed about that.
Hard decision to make. If she has an attention problem or she wasn't understanding the concept of kindergarten or was struggling, then I would hold her back. I would ask the advice of the teacher and principal.

Molly: When a child struggles in the transition from kindergarten to first grade it is generally due to his/her immaturity. At this young age, your daughter's social behavior is a much better indicator of how well she will perform in the first grade, not her calendar age. If she is doing well both academically and socially, you have no reason to hold her back. Moms have an intuition when it comes to their girls so listen to yours and let her grow - holding her back with a new class of kindergartens who are immature will do her more harm than good.

I have two daughters, the oldest born in late October and the youngest born in April. The oldest has always been outgoing and friendly while the youngest has always been quiet and shy. The oldest was only one month older than your daughter when starting kindergarten but she was ready socially and has always exceled and done well. While seven months older when starting kindergarten, the shyness of the youngest has always been a struggle for her and was the biggest obstacle for her to overcome. It took her much longer to be confident and excel because she lacked the social skills that came naturally to her sister.

Your daughter will be fine and do great in the first grade.

Molly ~ I think that it is VERY important that you set up a meeting with her teacher and see what she has to say. She will have a very good opinion of what your daughter will be able to handle and of what will be expected of her next year. I will never forget my sons 1st grade back to school night - and the teacher was telling the parents ~ "If your childs kindergarten teacher told you to hold your child back, and you didn't - this is going to be a long year for you" - thankfully I was not in that position, and 1st grade has been wonderful! But I think that your best bet is to speak with her teacher. Good Luck!

Let your daughter go to first grade. If she is doing well, she should move on. Not every kid can always be first in the class. Keeping her in kindergarten another year will not give you a kid, that will always be 1st in class the rest of her school years. I was held back and it did me more harm the good. Final outcome for me. High school drop out, GED and some college. I always felt like I wasn't smart and it wouldn't matter what I did I would always be behind. If you want your daughter to be above grade level. Take her out of public school. Home school her or put her in private school.

I am a late November birthday and I matched the description of your daughter (I am now in my early 30's). I was successful in school and never felt odd becuase I was younger then my classmates ( I was a bit jelous of them getting thier licence earlier - but I always had a ride!). I would talk to your child's teacher but if you feel comfortable with where she is academicaly (on grade level is where she should be) celabrate her success and enjoy first grade.

This is a very tough decision I faced. My son has a November 20th birthday. He started the year at age 4 and ended the school year at 5 1/2. He wasn't ready socially to move ahead. We held him back. Instead of being ahead of the class he is still average. I think it really depends how much extra help and preparation for school you can offer her. If she is meeting all the standards and is doing exceptionally well in Kindergarten then pass her. If she is doing mediocre work and can be doing better then keep her behind. Girls are more socially mature than boys so she should be fine emotionally. Holding my son back didn't really make a big difference for him. Good luck with your decision. Just pray over it and you will make the right choice.

It sounds like you've already answered your own question.
"She is meeting all the requirements, academically and socially."
She's 5 1/2? Why would you hold her back? I was 4 when I started Kindergarten (my birthday is in October.)
What's with all these parents that hold their kids back on purpose?! If she's ready for 1st grade (and you hold her back,) she'll be totally bored... and then you'll have behavior problems to deal with.

Hi Molly.

I think if she is doing well socially and academically, there is no reason to hold her back. She's probably made friends and may feel bad about herself rather than smarter if she is held back. You can never guarantee that she'll be the smartest in her class. If she wants to move to 1st grade, I would let her.

My son started kindergarten at 4 and struggled because he didn't know how to read before he entered kindergarten. The teacher said that now-a-days kids can read before they start kindergarten. I took him out and taught him to read myself. But he learned and is still at grade level with the friends he made from kindergarten. He's about to enter 3rd grade which is the point that most kids are really pretty much at the same level.

How does she do outside of school? Is she involved in other kinds of kid activities like Sunday School, music, sports? If she is doing well with other kindergarten aged kids, she should stay with them. Still, if you feel strongly about holding her back, it is probably better to do it now rather than when she is older.

If she is ready then let her go forward to 1st grade. If she likes school she will do well even if she is average. You need only be concerned that she is learning on grade level not that she be the smartest in her class. You really don't want to put that kind of pressure on her as it will make her be too h*** o* herself.

Hi Molly,
I am wondering why you would hold her back if she is meeting all the requirements both socially and academically. I would think that it would cause more problems for her to repeat the same old stuff, while watching all her friends move on. If she were deficient in one of the catagories it would make you think twice about her moving forward, but she's not. Don't create a problem.

I'm sorry to hear that you are so alone in raising your daughter, that is very difficult, I'm a little confused about what your husbands logic was about her repeating so she could be the "smartest" in the class. Do you get the sense that his concern is for her self image?

Repetition is the backbone of our education system. We learn a concept, then practice and repeat it at ever growing circles of understanding. I don't think she will fall behind if you put her in first grade.

I hope this helps, it's just another viewpoint, I bless your decision making on behalf of the best interests of you daughter.
D.

If she is ready academically and socially and she wants to go to first grade then send her. There are kids in my son's class that have their birthdays in late November and early December and they do just fine. Don't worry about the age thing. I was a young one since my b-day is September but I always that is was cool that I was only 17 when I graduated high school, it made me sound smarter:).

I'm a little confused as to why you want to her hold her back to repeat kindergarten if she is doing well academically and socially.What is wrong with letting her go to first grade, since you already decided to let her start Kindergarten last year when she wasn't 5 yet. My son was born on Nov. 1 and we decided to send him to kindergarten this past fall (so he was 5 1/2 when he started school. The reason we waited was to let him mature socially and so that we would not be one of the youngest kids in his class. Since it sounds like your daughter is doing great in school and she is alreay there, continue on to first grade. Being smart is not the most important thing for a child, it is a plus, but tell your husband that learning to make good choices, acting like a great friend/daughter, helping others, are the most important things that we can teach our children. We have enough smart people in the world. We could use more grateful, giving, moral, smart people in the world.

Well my daughter is Sept and I had the same struggle--Fall is not a good time to have kids with the regard of school (nobody ever mentioned that to me)I ended up starting her "early" on the push of her preschool teacher and I have really listened to the advice of her teachers from there. She is in 3rd grade about to go on to 4th grade now and still is the youngest in her class...would I say she is the smartest-No however she very much holds her own. More importantly she is a well adjusted kid...academically, socially, & emotionally (The latter two being more important in life)I also have a brother that has a NOv 16th bday and he graduated top of his class and has just finished his doctorate degree...that being said it really is an individual call that only you can make on your child, however I wouldn't hold her back for the idea that she will be the smartest kid just becuase she is the oldest...she may get bored and go the opposite way. Good luck and follow your gut it is usually right!

My daughter is exactly the same age and is just finishing her year in first grade. We had the same question last year because she was not reading as well as our first daughter did (her sister is exactly six months older at each grade level). She is still at or above grade level - just a little behind what I feel is possible. Socially, she fit in fine as most girls often do like yours. I feel that she is slightly slower in reading this year as well but the challenge to learn more is better than repeating work once they understand. I have no doubt that the 6 months age difference will not matter or be noticeable by the end of second grade. I have noticed that she is learning at the class rate, not her "age" as the year is finishing up as compared to her sister. As far as holding her back to be the smartest in class - she may be that anyway after next year and the "stigma" of being held back may not be worth it. If she is excited about going on to first grade, I say go for it. Her brain will amaze you no matter what class she is in. Every class always has a few youngsters and the teachers will not let her be lost, especially if you are involved with homework and making sure she understands the concepts behind the work before she moves on to another subject in class. The first grade teacher should be able to tell you if she will be able to keep up but I bet her age will not be a problem very soon. Good luck!

It sounds like your daughter is doing well in school so I would not have her repeat kindergarten. As a 2nd grade teacher for 8 years and a new mommy, I applaud you and your husband's attention to her academic and social needs. However, retention should be used for kids who are really behind and would benefit from a whole year of repeat instruction. The kids at the beginning of kinder are so needy and your daughter will definitely be "smarter" and more mature than the others, but the teacher will be focusing on the basics and that may be very boring for your girl. Don't forget, they spend a lot of time teaching kids how to wash hands and line up and print neatly, over and over.

She probably wants to be with her classmates and friends, so please consider how that will affect her. What do her teachers say? Have they recommended this? If you haven't yet, please talk to them. Maybe this summer, look into some reading workshops, camps, etc. that focus on literacy and math skills if you're worried about her falling behind. Please don't worry about her young age. I'd be more concerned if she was older. Please follow your heart and what you think is best for your daughter, not to be the "smartest" in class but the "best" that she could be! Sorry if that sounds hokey. She won't be just average because she's your daughter. You can help enrich her mind if she needs a challenge and offer support if she needs it, ditto for the school and teacher if you tell them your concerns. Hope this helps!

My good friend and my brother both had their children repeat kindergarten, and they agree it was the best decision they ever made. That second year, their kids felt so "smart", and their social skills improve greatly.

My daughter, like yours, has a late November birthday. (She's 14 now.) We opted to hold her out, and start kindergarten a year later. We are also VERY pleased with our decision. Think of all the social things you deal with going through school, and imagine being a little bit older than most of your classmates. It has been a blessing for her to be a bit more mature than most of the girls in her class.

I think if you have her repeat, you will never regret it.

If your daughter is meeting her academic goals and social goals then she will be bored and frustrated next year if you hold her back. Her friends will move on and they will be learning to read and add/subtact and your daughter will be re-learning ABC's and the sounds they make as well as counting. That would be pretty stressful and boring I think. Good luck!

From what I've read - retention is something to be considered if a child is struggling in school but even then it needs to be considered carefully as its impact on learning success doesn't carry forward for much more than one or two grades without some careful work.

Basically, retention works for struggling students if the aspect of the curriculum that didn't fit their learning profile is addressed and accomodated. A child with a typical learning profile and age level social skills who enjoys and is successful in school, should go on to the next grade.

Good luck,

A.

Hi, my daughter is now 24. She was born in September. She attended pre-school. I was told not to put her in Kindergarten because she was a late birthday. I was told to keep her in preshcool one more year. I was devistated. I cried for days, knowing that all of her friends were moving on but not her. I knew she was ready, but the teacher's suggestions kept going through my head. We put her through, and it was the best thing for her. It was never a challenge. She was the youngest one in all of her classes, but I never regreted it for one minute. She has since graduated college and is doing great. If you feel you she is ready, please don't hold her back. My dad was a teacher for 37 years and he agrees. If a child is ready, put them through. Good luck

I would definitely speak to your daughter's kindergarten teacher and get a real assessment from her. Also, it depends on what type of teacher the 1st grade teacher will be (more academically challenging or on average with most 1st grade teachers). Of course, if your daughter attends a public school you won't know who it will be but if you're in a private school and you know which 1st grade teacher she'll have, I recommend speaking to the 1st grade teacher and getting her thoughts as well.

Age-wise, I wouldn't be too concerned. If your daughter is holding her own academically and socially, then she should be fine.

Best of luck!

My son has a mid-November birthday. I decided to start him in Kindergarten a year later. I struggled with the decision but have no regrets. That being said, I would not recommend holding your daughter back now that she has been in kindergarten and is doing fine. It will be too traumatic and she will probably end up being bored and not liking school. From my personal experience, I had a November birthday and started at 4 and did absolutely fine. Don't hold her back!

Molly,
My oldest was like that in school, but she was almost 5 when she started school. She did fine, and has graduated from highschool. She would have done really well, had I caught on to some of the problems she was having, like
being scared to death of public speaking, a new requirement
to graduate now. She did not pass that class. The rest of her grade were b-c's. My second one has a birthday in december, and started at the age of 5yrs and 9months.
She tested to get in early, but they wanted her to make up all of the work for the first half of the year. She is mature for her age, and everyone thinks she is a sophomore, but is a freshman. When she was in 6th grade, her teacher did not like her very much, and her scores were not as good as they should have been for the work she did do. She went to Jr. high and was put into high achievers which she carried 4.0 gpa in. (this is the highest level in jr high you can get) Now she was invited to be in Honors classes in highschool. She carries a 3.5 gpa and does really well in her social life as well.
SO, maybe letting her go on will be the best thing for her,
and maybe it is just the teacher, and she would do better in a school that is structured more for the kids that are
needing less guidance...like orangevale open....they have to be independant. I look back now, and think that is where Chelsea needed to be. hind sight is always 20/20, I sure wish my real vision was now(haha).
W.
High Ach

My daughter too was the youngest in her grade when we lived in TX. TX has a cut off of Sept 1 to enter Kindergarten and my daughter's bday is early August, so she was always the youngest (k, 1, and 2). Academically she was making all A grades in her private school this year. Socially she was age appropriate. Your daughter will always be the youngest in her class...even when she's in middle school with kids that were not held back who are nearly a year older and kids (boys) that were held back that are more than a year older. That was my only concern for my daughter, especially when she was in public school. Private school eased my fears about the age gap. In regard to holding her back in order to have her be the "smartest" in the class, I disagree with your husband's idea. A second year of K will not teach her new curriculum and at the end of the year all the kids will know the same content that she has just completed a 2nd time. If she has worked so well in K and knows the curriculum it's likely that she will be bored (and possibly become intested in distractions in the classroom to ease the boredom) in a 2nd year of K. Also, being that she is so on level, I think she may feel a sense of let-down knowing that she did well and seeing her friends move on to 1st grade, but her having to stay back the next year. If she did well in K and has no learning problems it is likely she will continue to do well in first and continue to be proud of herself. I'd just hate to have her confidence in her ability dashed at such a young age and after doing well this year in school.

If she is meeting all the requirements and is good socially , why are you so keen on holding her back. If you were going to hold her back you should not have started her when you did. What if she is never the top in her class then what. Holding her back could make her bored and hate school just like if a child struggles. Why not just let her learn at her own pace. You say she is on target,but you also seem afraid for her. Is there a learning disability that you are afraid of? If so have her tested for that and figure out what is going on and how it can be rectified. If you are not worried about something like that I wouldn't hold her back just because of her age.

Hi Molly,

I do not think repeating kindergarten will make your child smarter. If that is your goal, you should look at more competitive private school, charter schools or extra curricular activities. She sounds on target based on your description. A girl with my exact birthday (late NOV) was a whole year older and was considered behind and everyone in school knew she was held back, so changing school might be something to consider if you want her to repeat. If your daughter was a son, i would lean toward holding him back. My husband was born in Oct and is about 6 feet tall as an adult, but was always to smallest in his class growing up. Maybe if his parents would have started him a year later he may have had more confidence in sports and with peers.

Hello- I am a kindergarten teacher and what I tell the student's parents is if the child is keeping up academically and socially then you should not hold the child back. She will be bored if you make her repeat kindergarten! Also, it may have been a better idea to wait a year before sending your daughter to kinder, considering her late birthday. But, you already made the decision to send her and it sounds like she is doing well so I wouldn't worry about it. Good luck.

Hi Molly! I also have a 5-year-old kindergartener who is born in November. She is the youngest student in her class. Academically, she is right in the middle of her class. Socially, she has made lots of friends and doesn't seem to have a problem befriending and playing with kids who are older than her. I don't know if it's just because she's always seemed mature for her age, but she's been doing just fine even though she is young. I think that if your 5-year-old is also doing fine both socially and academically, there is no reason to hold her back. I know that my daughter would be devastated if all her friends got to move on to 1st grade without her. For sure, she would be unhappy with school. I never considered holding her back. Hope this helps!

Hi Molly,

I was always the youngest in my class, starting first grade at 5 with an early December birthday. It was never an issue for me, academically or otherwise. Because of my family stuff, I happened to be "old for my years." If her academic readiness is there, you would just want to make sure your daughter is socially ready. Her kinder teacher should be able to provide feedback on that if you aren't sure.

Good luck!

L. :)

My son is 11 years old and he is in 6th grade. He has an Aug. Birthday. He always did really well in school until 4th grade thats when the pace picked up, and is when he really started having problems. He has not been retained he is very bright, it just seems like he is always playing catch up. He makes Cs and a few Ds he tells me he has a hard time keeping up in his classes. We now have him going to a tutor and he will be going over the summer as well. I want to get him prepared as much as possible for middle school, (pre Algebra, writting SAs)So if I had to do it all over again I would of waited until the following year to start him in school, I tell my friends that all the time. I see where he seems to be more like the 5th graders and that he is forcing his self to act older like his class mates. So if you have any reservations about it I would hold her back.
Hope this helps,
D.

Hi Molly-
If your daughter is not lacking, I don't understand holding her back a grade. Is she struggling in Kindergarten? If the idea is that you want her to be ahead of her class, there are things you can start doing with her. She can attend summer tutoring, you can advance her reading at home, her arithmetic with flash cards, etc. My mother was an avid reader and earned her degrees in English. This was always our strength- reading and grammar. Math, we had tutors and after school help for and greatly excelled in. But we were never held back for it. Sometimes we had to change classes in Jr High and High School to meet our needs, but it was never seen as a failure.
I don't think holding her back is the answer. I think challenging her skills outside of the classroom are a must, and if the average public school does not offer what you want for her, then look into private schools. If they are unaffordable, look into tutors. My younger sister tutored elementary through college aged kids while she was attending the university. Some parents wanted their very young children to excel while other students were just trying to do their best in their current courses. But a tutor once or twice a week can help her and also make the next year a bit easier. One more thing is that if she feels like she is older and out of place, she may not try as hard. And while hard work is just that, it is definitely worth the effort.
The last thought is that she is 5.5. While it is definately time to get her education in gear, she also needs to know that her best may not be top of the class and as long as she is doing her absolute best every time, you are proud of her. And she needs to know that it's ok to have fun, too.
I hope this was helpful, and good luck with your decision. It is a tough one!

I think you will be hurting her instead of helping her. If she is meeting all the requirements, why punish her? If she wasn't meeting all the requirements, it would be a completely different story. More then likely as she gets older, there will always be someone smarter then her in the class in some subject, regardless. Of course this is all JMO, my daughter is in first grade this year and I can't imagine holding her back.

Hi
I have an August daughter and regretted not holding her back. Academically & socially she is fine. But nobody told me that if she goes off to college she'll only just be 18!
My friend has a November daughter who was held back she is in all advanced classes, very mature one of her teachers said it was the best gift they could ever give her (shes in 8th grade now)...
Look ahead...

Please don't hold her back just because your husband wants her to be the smartest in the class. Being held back for a child who already qualifies for 1st grade can hurt her self esteem badly. Trust me, I have seen it happen.
Patti B.

If she isn't having any problems socially or academically I am mystified about why you would want to hold her back? Is it just so she can be the smartest kid in the 1st grade? if so, what are you going to do when it's time to move to 2nd grade? Will you have her repeat EVERY grade just so she can be the smartest in the class? I'm sorry, but the problem here seems to be with you and your husband, not your daughter.

Hi Molly,

I would not hold your daughter back. She has already established relationships with others in her class and it could be detrimental to her later. Kids can be so mean. Also, if you are concerned that she is not the smartest in the class, that can be worked on. You can read with her more and there are great websites out there that can get worksheets for her to work on all summer.

The biggest difference between kids who excel and kids who don't are their parents. Your attitude will influence her success.

D.

D.

I've been in your situation with my daughter who was born in the first days of Dec. Yes, she was ahead in the early grades, but they all even out by 3rd grade unless you plan on doing some advance afterschool tutoring to keep her "above her class" And trust me, with sports, music and other children you will not have the time. If your daughter is right on track for her level socially and mentally, than keep her with her class. She will become bored repeating the class and may even slip back. Keeping kids back, thinking they will have an advantage over the younger kids is the new trend. It's sad to think we are already setting the stage for the pressure of being the best. They will have plenty of challenges in the coming years, let her enjoy the new friendships she has made and continue on. Next fall the teacher spends the first month refreshing all the kids. If you are worried about her not retaining from Kinder, than have her do some tutoring a few weeks before school starts up. You can even do it at home with workbooks your Kinder teacher recommends. Best wishes, I too have a husband who is addicted to his blackberry!

If she is ready to go on to 1st and knows everyone else will go on, I think holding her back will hurt her. She may feel she isn't good enough no matter how hard she tries. Kids don't forget. I have a friend who held her son back in K because he was too immature and he still remembers and even though he gets A's and B's in 4th grade he feels he isn't good enough. Unless she is really immature and can't follow directions, I wouldn't do it.

Have you discussed this with her teacher? My son just turned 5 in March, and he has been in kindergarten at his Montessori school. I asked his teacher, who said he is definitely ready for 1st grade (I am a high school teacher and do NOT believe in pushing kids if they are not ready). His elementary school has enrolled him in 1st grade, on a "trial" basis, after getting a letter and a report card from his current teacher. The report card was very specific, and after seeing his progress I feel confident that I have made the right decision. A teacher can really help tell you about how your child is when you are not there to see them. I also discussed it with my son, he is eager to go on - he gets bored if he is not challenged.

About me: high school science teacher, mother of 5 year old son and 3 year old daughter, married for 11 years.

Hi Molly,
My daughter is now in high school, but was always one of the youngest in her class (her birthday is late Sept). I was very involved in her school and knew the kids in her grade very well. I also worked in a first grade class room for three years. My observation, is that age does not make a difference in intellegence. The main reason to hold a child is if they are non-focused or unable to settle down and listen. To hold a child who is mature enough and bright enough to move on, can lead to boredom. Also, in my daughters class when they graduated 8th grade, the brightest girl in the class was the youngest, with a December birthday. The oldest girl (Oct one year older) struggled the most. Hope this helps.

Hi Molly

My son is also a November baby and is now 6 1/2. we DID choose to enter him in first grade , this despite the same concerns as you have.
However, we just felt like, we wanted to give it a try and he too wanted to move forward with his friends. well, turns out, he IS doing GREAT. he is at the top of his class for math and reading and has also adjusted socially. I think for each child it's a different experience, some are not ready. (the worse that can happen is , well you move them back) but it sounds like your daughter is ready to move on, so maybe give it a try. to this day, my son is still the youngest in his class and will probably be unless new students show up, but so far that hasn't matter in the least. I say go for it. however, whatever choice you make, best of luck :)

When is your cutoff date? (Here it is Sept 1st so a Nov birthdate child would be at the top age-wise).

My son is at the tail end of his Kindergarten class with only 2 months of kids being younger than him and he is doing fine. He is one of the 3 tiny kids in the class, yet he reads so very well (3rd grade level!!!) so all in all, since he is not struggling, we will let him go on to 1st grade.

I dont see that there are any concerns (other than your wanting her to be "the smartest" instead of "just average" in the class) so would the advantages of staying behind to boost her confidence outweigh the disadvantages of missing her friends who do go on, knowing that she is being held back, and being the oldest in her class next year (and thereafter)?

The BEST way to help your child to not be lost in the class is to read with her daily, do things with her, talk to her about how and why you do things (I know, I know, I'm SICK of the word WHY?! LOL) and volunteer, if you can, to spend an hour or 2 in her class each week. Kids love it, and I love it too in that I can see how my son does among his peers. Each child is so unique and different from the next.

Another thought- I have noticed, by being small growing up, and having a small son, that people seem to expect more from bigger/older kids, so if your daughter was one of the older kids in the class, the teacher might(?) place some additional expectations on her to set a good example, get it right, etc.

Anyway, I would like to hear more about why you feel she needs to be held back. Your gut instinct as a mother for what is right for your daughter is more important than what all we moms here who dont know your child could say.

Remember you are the mother and you know what is best. Your child really doesn't have a say. You are going to tell her what she is going to do. I did it to my son in K and he has a March b-day. It was really h*** o* me but he is thriving now in 2nd grade. He was much more understanding than I was. Now my daughter has a Sept b-day and she was held back because the school has a Aug 1 cut off which I totally agree with. I think some of the arguments written here to move her on are selfish thinking. Only you know and do not let outside parent bullying make your decision for you. I have heard the public schools will push her ahead if there is no MAJOR problem so keep that is mind. Talk to parents that had kept their kids back and see how they are doing. Good luck!

I'm having trouble understanding why you'd consider holding your child back? If she's meeting all the requirements and is thriving, there shouldn't be any reason, that I can think of, why you shouldn't keep challenging her academically? Wanting her to be the "smartest" kid in the class for Kindergarten will kinda be like cheating since she's already familiar and has been through the curriculum, don't you think? My daughter was also born in November and will be starting Kindergarten this Fall and unless she starts to have problems, I would not hold her back. Your daughter has showed you that she is capable, both academically and socially, why not reward her w/ your pride and encouragement to keep moving forward? She can still be the smartest kid in the class by maybe taking after school tutoring sessions al Sylvan or something similar to that. I don't think you should hold her back unless she starts to show signs of struggles and she stops responding to academic assistance. Then again, that's just my opinion.

Your Daughter is the right age for kindergarten and 1st grade the cut off date is December 2nd and it will not give her an advantage to stay back, it will be more of a negative in her development then a help. Developmently she is ready for 1st grade then she needs to go to 1st grade, it really sounds like her needs developmently, academically, and socially have been met and are ready but Mom and Dad are not ready? I think you need to look at it as what is best for her, what she wants and needs and not what Mom or Dad wants and needs. Just some food for thought-5% of school drop outs are students that were held back from going into kinder or 1st, that is pretty high. Move her into 1st and get additional tutoring to help boast her academics, if Dad wants her to be the smartest student in her class.If you think about it she will be what age when she is ready to graduate from High School(18) an adult who can make her own decisions. I teach early kindergarten and I highly recommend parents to keep their children in the age appriorate classes unless there is a huge development issue with the child and it does not sound that way with your daughter.

Go for it! I started First early as did my sister (who also skipped 8th grade to get into a program that didn't accept middle school girls yet) and although there are challenges (we are both short anyway, as adults, so there'd have been no real difference there) in terms of not always feeling as developed as the other kids, the major area of benefit is in academics. If your girl is ready, then let her rip! She'll rise to the challenges and be stronger for it, and her brain will bask in the stimulation! If you keep an eye on her you can make sure she swims instead of sinking.

Hi- I have two girls who are either the youngest or very near the youngest in their classes (now 4th and K). I worried a bit about my October birthday daughter when she started Kinder as it seems most people hold them back with the same idea your husband has. As time passes the age difference matters less and less. Kids end up where they are educationally, meaning that as they grow up the grades they've completed are the skills they've mastered. The developmental stuff that is so obvious in Kinder really fades after 2nd & 3rd grade. Both my girls have always done well in school (either right in the middle of the pack or above it) but I honestly don't think if I had started the older one a year later she would be the smartest in the class now, it just doesn't work that way. By repeating Kinder she will be re-learning what she has already mastered and I would think she would get bored not to mention a huge blow to her self esteem. I would only consider holding a child back under extreme circumstances where the teacher, school and both parents think it's absolutely necessary.

If the teacher is not concerned about her progress, don't hold her back. At her age, now matter how you approach it, she (nor her friends) will understand why they are no longer in the same grade.

Since she has already been throught kinder, now is not the time to consider holding her back. Honestly, this should have been thought about back in the fall. I'm not saying you didn't, but now that she has started school you need to let her continue.

Your husband is leaving up to you so that if it back fires and it causes problems, guess where the blame is going to lie?

She will be bored to tears doing Kindergarten again. I had no choice but to take my son out half way through because of his PDD. He was too immature at age 5. He is very smart and loves school now but sometimes I have to console him about having to be held back. Yes, he is at the head of his class now in third grade, but he feels bad. I try to reassure him it was because he wasn't ready. Your daughter sounds ready. I say, let her be challenged, she sounds bright enough to handle it and if she struggles, which I doubt from the sounds of it, there is extra help that you can get - it is a process, but I don't think you will need it. BTW - tell your husband not to worry if his child is the smartest in the class, they may be smart, but there is always someone smarter, if there weren't those people to challenge us, life would be boring! Challenge your daughter and don't break her heart by holding her back. She sounds ready! I wish you the best!
C. :0)

I have a late November birthday and was started in Kindergarten as 4 year old. I did just fine socially (as girls usually do) and excelled academically as well. The problem for me was later. I began high school at 13yrs old. As a 'late bloomer' I looked very out of place. This was a big suprise for my very 'curvy' mother! When you start thinking about driving and dating, etc. it gets more complicated. My first year of college was very difficult socially, even though I make friends easily. Because I wasn't 18, I couldn't go to dance clubs and such with my friends and was left out for the entire first term.
I don't know what is right for your situation, but I wanted to tell you how this played out for me.

One year does not make the difference between "smartest" and "average". Smart is smart, and average is average. Unless she is struggling now she won't get "lost" due to one year. You know your daughter -- if she seems smart enough, and is happy socially then let her go on. Ask her what she thinks. My daughter is a Nov. baby and is smart, but not brilliant. I started her early and let her continue. She just got straight A's with two honors classes.

Hi Molly,
I was in the same situation when I was 5. My mom put me in first grade. Though I did fine with the school work, I was always out of sync with my peers.
I think one thing to ask is whether you daughter is a leader. If so she may do better being the older than the younger of all her friends.
I would have.
My email is ____@____.com if you want to talk more.
Good luck,
T.

Molly,
I alos have a daughter in kindergarten, she's very excited about going on to the 1st grade. All the students in her class are talking about, the teacher has talked to them about going to 1st grade all year long. I would never think of holding her back, unless I knew she wasn't prepared and it was recommended by the teacher and principal. I don't understand why you are considering holding your daughter back. I would understand if she weren't excelling academically, but from what you've said that is not the case. Holding her back just so she will be "smartest" in the class sounds very self indulgent. You find that she will the most bored in the class and end up being the worse behaved in the class. My oldest daughter's birthday is in November also, she always took pride in the being the youngest of her peers. It may do more harm than good to hold her back.

Hi Molly,

I was born on 12/1 and my parents put me in at 4 1/2. Academically I did fine until Jr high when I just was not ready socially, my grades failed and I felt insecure about being so young (even if it was just a matter of months, it seemed like a huge gap at that age). I would urge you to wait, what's another year really? When I left home at 17 for college I was still ill-prepared and a year can make a world of difference. Best of luck!

As a primary grade teacher, I recommend children start kindergarten late rather than early. The more mature children tend to be more successful as they continue on through school. Since she is already there, I would follow the recommendation of her teacher. If there are any concerns that she may be retained in future years, don't give it another thought...have her repeat kindergarten. It is better socially speaking to do it now than at a later date.

Hi. My son was the youngest in his class he is also a late Nov. baby. He started kindergarten at age 4. Before school started for the year the teacher called me concerned with my son's age. We talked and she met him and I kept close tabs on his progress throughout the year. At the first parent/teacher conference she felt that we had absolutley made the right decision in having him start school. He was doing well. We talked and made sure it was ok for him to go on to 1st grade. He did go on to the 1st grade with his classmates. He is now in the 3rd grade and doing great. Talk to the teacher and ask her/him what they think. Her age alone is not reason to hold her back. Hope this helps.

HI! I taught first grade for 10 years before having kids. It sounds like your daughter is ready for first grade and I would send her. If she is on grade level this year and repeats K again she will probably be bored and you will have behavior issues to deal with. To hold her back so she can be on the top of the class may back fire on you--there is no guarantee that will be the smartest.

L.

If you have any second thoughts do it now! My sister battled every year at the end of the year with the same thing and finally in 6th grade kept her son back and becasue of the age she had to switch schools and he had to start all over.

Also a good friend of mine held her daughter back in Kindergarten for the same reason you are considering it and it was much better for her too!

If your daughter is meeting the social and academic requirements for the 1st grade, she should be in the 1st grade. If you hold her back, the chances are she will not be the "smartest" kid in the class just the most bored and perhaps the one that acts out the most.

I don't think you should hold your child back. She has completed the year of Kindergarten with success and no setbacks, so move her along. She will miss her classmates and always see them as the kids she should be playing with. If you had held her back before starting Kindergarten that would be one thing. I debated holding my young November daughter back before Kindergarten this year, due to her age, and some immaturity (very sensitive, cries easily), but she was reading short chapter books before age 5. The Kindergarten teachers in my school insisted I start her in Kindergarten and she did great and she has matured a lot too. I was trying to think ahead, future years, but now I'm so glad I didn't hold her back. She did great, is reading at at least 2nd grade level. Dont' let her age determine your choices.

And one more thing to consider...if you hold her back, she could get bored, which could lead to mild behavioral problems at school.

I don't recommend holding her back. Move her to first grade. She will be a very old Kindergartener and since she is academically and socially ready, there is no reason to hold her back. You are just putting extra strain on the teachers having to give her more challenging material because she's way above the other children. Her friends are in kinder with her right now. It would be a little traumatic for her to see her friends move and not herself. You can supplement her learning by giving her workbooks at home to make her the "smartest" kid in the class if that's what your husband wants. But holding her back isn't the answer.
Good luck.

HI MOLLY,
We went thru the same thing however I held my daughter back in pre-k. She was in a Pre-K program & they suggested we wait a year before enrolling her in Kindergarten. Our daughter's birthday is also late November. Her birthdate was just 4 days prior to the cut off for when you can enroll a child,so we waited. She spent another year in Pre-K class, which i think helped her alot.
She SOMETIMES has issue with the fact that she is 6 months older than all her other classmates. Since her birthdate is November she is almost a full year older than some. It has only recently bugged her/she's 12 now & going into Jr. High. But we explained that she wasn't quite ready at the time. It still bugs her sometimes....or maybe it's just that it bugs me?????
I really don't think it hurt her at all academically, in fact she probably needed the extra time she has always had some learning difficulties. She IS much more mature,personality wise, than most of the girl's in her class but I'm not exactly sure what to attribute it to, that she is a lil older, or that she grew up with siblings that were 10 yrs older than her???
Anyway, if you feel the need to hold your child back do it now! It's much too hard at an older age! At this age,she probably won't have a problem not going on with the others.
Good Luck, whatever you decide.....I know it's a hard decision,but try not to let the feeling of guilt,in keeping her back, make your decision for you.
I hope it helped just a lil...you are not the only mom with a husband that prefers you make all the hard choices yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my husband of 24 yrs but these type of choices were always made by me.
I will thinking about you today.....Lisa

Dear Molly,
My daughter's birthday is in October. She was 4 when she started kindergarten. I thought it was too early, but her Head Start pre-school teacher said there was no reason for them to keep her. She was bright, precocious, and advanced linguistically. So, off she went. We didn't have any problems until we moved to Oregon. Their age laws are different, so after she had already been established, they said they couldn't keep her. She was devastated. She loved school. Nothing I said could convince her that she hadn't done anything wrong or they didn't like her....it wasn't her fault. But my husband got transferred back to California and she was good to go again. She was always the youngest in her class. But she did fine academically. She was more advanced than some of the kids who were older and obviously less advanced than some of the others. There was never any discussion about retaining her. In any grade. I would have, had it been advised by her teachers or if she seemed to be unhappy or struggling. But she was fine.
I would really worry about holding your daughter back thinking that she will be the "smartest" in the class. First of all, if she is not exhibiting any signs that she can't function in the 1st grade, I would be more worried about her little psyche when everyone else gets to advance and she doesn't. Holding her back so she can be the smartest, might make her the most depressed. As far as being the "smartest" that's a lot of pressure to put on any child. And I'm sure your husband is wonderful, but he needs to get over it. There will ALWAYS be someone older, taller, faster, or smarter than your daughter. And that's okay! Let her be herself and excel at the things she excells at and work on the things she doesn't. She doesn't have to be the best at every single thing. Not letting her move forward and learn above what she's learned could backfire. And you are worried about her feeling lost, but I don't see any indicators why she would feel that way.
Schedule a conference with her teacher. My best friend is a teacher and I think that if your daughter was struggling, you would have already been called in to discuss it. But be pro-active and discuss your concerns and the reasons you are considering retention. They can advise you as far as their professional opinion what would be best. Do it right away.
It sounds like your daughter is a happy, well adjusted little girl. I say relax, be thankful, don't mess with it, and let her go.

Let us know what happens.

If your daughter is socially and academically ready, then there is no reason to hold her back. If she is "set on going to 1st grade" you need to let her move on as not allowing her to go on to 1st grade with her friends may cause her to dislike school and/or she may get bored repeating Kinder and end up doing poorly. Retention is for kids who are struggling socially or academically.

If you want your daughter to excell academically, find fun way to integrate 1st grade concepts into games or activities over the summer, don't hold her back. If you hold her back when she has done well, it will confuse her and crush her self-esteem.

I am also a November baby who started Kindergarten at 4 and graduated high school at 17 in the top 10% of my class and college with honors. Doing well in school is more about your child's attitude and feelings about school. If your daughter enjoys school, she will do well and she will be smart if you encourage her. It is a fine line...don't push too hard or she will get burnt out before she finishes. If you feel she is too young to go away to college at 17 when she graduates, then enroll her in a local college or provide her with some other experience for a year before starting college.

My son is also a November child who started Kinder at 4. He had some struggles over the years academically in 1st through 4th grades. Socially, he is extremely responsible, but also can be very silly and goofy...he found friends that have similar personalities and has had no problems since 4th grade. What really helped him academically was music, joining the school band. He is in 8th grade now, still in band, on the Honor Roll, playing two sports per year, and working towards his Eagle in Boy Scouts. At times it has been tough, but we worked with him and keep encouraging him and helping him as needed in school. He now realizes that his job is doing well in school and good grades lead to college and a good job in his future. He now earns good grades for himself, not for my husband and I...although he knows we could not be prouder of him.

Good luck with your dilemma! Based on your comments, I would let her move on if I were you.

I'm not understanding why you are thinking of holding her back. If she has been in K all year and is meeting all of the requirements why would you even consider it? You already made the decision to start her young and she's been fine. If she is having social or academic struggles then I would consider it if the school felt it was appropriate but if not, I would send her on. If she is indeed doing just fine, the school won't hold her back due to her age (or they shouldn't).

I teach first grade and we do get young ones.....most do ok. The ones who struggle are the ones who struggled in K being so young. If it was last year, I would have advised holding her out until this year but it sounds like she's doing just fine.

As for your husbands desires....honestly, I don't know how to put this kindly but that's just silly. That is not a reason to hold a child back an entire year. There is a HUGE academic jump with more curriculum and a longer day so she may struggle a bit at first but many of them do for the first 6 weeks of the adjustment so don't be worried.
Good Luck!

My niece is now in the 5th grade and her birthday is in November. She is thriving in school despite that she is the youngest. Girls muture much more quickly than boys and so I would look at her maturity level as much as the academic piece to decide if she is ready to move on. Talk to your child's teacher and see if they have a recommendation. Usually by now they will have had discussions with you about it if they think there is a problem. Also, you can see if you can meet with a first grade teacher and ask them as well. Keeping her back in kindergarten will not necessarily give the result of her being the smartest and it may be demotivating if she can already do all the work. She could become bored and not want to do the work. Even my son who is just finishing 2nd grade and won't be 8 until August (so is young for his class too) gets bored in class when he is not challenged by the level of work. Just my 2 cents but I would definitely schedule a meeting with her teacher to discuss. I hope it works out well for you.

If she is doing fine academically and socially, then I would send her on to 1st grade. My grandpa is turning 90 this year and still talks about having had to repeat kindergarten. He tells it now as a funny anecdote, but I have a feeling that it must have made a deep impression on him. I wouldn't hold a child back unless it was totally obvious that they needed the extra time to mature or to catch up academically.

As for being the youngest in class, my Dec. birthdate was past the cut off date in California, but not where I started school, so they kept me in my same grade anyway. I was always the youngest in class, and turned out just fine. : ) But my mom was also always reading to me, playing games (like Scrabble), and otherwise engaging me in activities other than just TV, so I'm sure that helped.

Besides, being the "smartest" in class is not always the best thing--sometimes the smartest ones get bored, act up more, don't feel challenged, and get lazy. (I can tell you that from experience.) And being the oldest doesn't always equal being the smartest.

I don't see any reason for holding her back. I teach high school and their is a stigma that goes along with students that are held back. It should only be done when necessary. A student the other day was just making fun of a kid that was held back in 1st grade. It is not right to make fun of someone, but the reality is that it will happen. It is not something she will forget. Kindergarten is not really an academic year, but more for socializing and preparing for 1st grade. If you hold her back and she is still not the smartest in the class, then what? I think you and your husband can do a lot with her at home to help her learn and be an advanced student in the class.