Yikes, so many losses! You've had so many helpful responses--Mommy B., Denise F., Riley J., ...
Anxiety and fear are healthy. Really and truly. And it's hard to hear, but time really DOES heal. It's still all so raw and your losses have come so close to each other, it's no wonder you feel broken emotionally. Give yourself time to heal...be gentle with yourself. Your loved ones would want that for you as well. The lucky thing is that we all have memories, of those we have lost, that can warm our lives, especially through our grief and healing..
A few years back, I had too many losses and bad and sad experiences in too short a time. I was a mixture of angry, devastated, frustrated, sad, surprised, numb--you name it, I felt it. I found myself saying, "Lord, what are you trying to teach me? I'm not ready for so many lessons all at once!" I'd have arguments with God about what was happening.
A dear friend and mentor of mine used to say "work through your pain, not around it." That was more than 20 years ago but it really helped me during that rough patch. It's so easy to get locked into fear and anxiety--it can be paralyzing. Getting up and out for the day was really tough during that period.
The thing that took me a while to accept is that it was okay to cry, to be sad, to be fearful, to be angry at God or whomever. Giving myself permission to do the needed grieving was a huge step for me. It was painful but it was necessary.
I'm not talking about wallowing in my sorrow and getting stuck there. I can do that too easily. I deal with depression on a regular basis, so the added stresses of loss and grief can compound the impact.
Sometimes I had to admit that this is a day when I would take a mental health day and stay at home. I'd read, or listen to peaceful or bombastic music, or go out for a walk, or cry, or write in my journal. At other times when I wasn't working, I would make a point of calling a friend or family member even when I didn't really want to, or call someone to do some volunteer work to get out of myself. And, yes, sometimes I admit I wallowed, but I tried to not do that too much. Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes I didn't.
A word about talking with friends and family--it can be complex. Sometimes it is the best thing you can do. And sometimes it is too much of a burden for them to handle. Trust your gut on that. If you think it isn't helping enough to talk with them, it might be that a different counselor might help. Not all of them just sit and listen. In fact, I actively look for the one's who are interactive with me as I work towards a healthier spot.
Personally, I have found counseling to be very helpful, but it totally depends on the relationship you have with the therapist. Before I go to anyone, I get recommendations from people whose input I honor. Then I call the person I think I might go to and have a phone conversation with them, asking what style of counseling they do. Do they engage interactively? Do they tend to listen more "to let me work it out myself"? Do they have a sense of humor? Are they direct or more subtle? Are they faith-based (if that's your thing).
The trick is to know what works the best for you. When I think of my favorite friend or family connections, I think about what qualities make those people so special and who helps me grow the most. The type of person who helps you grow is the person whose qualities you might seek in a counselor.
It's important to remember you are a consumer when you talk with a counselor. I usually cut to the chase pretty quickly when I'm seeking a counselor. I know what works for me and I actively seek that type of person. If I go to someone and I misjudged them over the phone, it's important to be able to say that it isn't working. I have indeed done that in the past. It has saved everyone a lot of time, emotion, and money to stop if it isn't working.
That being said, a good fit with a counselor can be such a healing experience. The ones who have been the most healing for me, have helped me find the springboard to not need their services again...until I need them for something else.
I remember once telling a counselor, who was particularly gifted at working with me, that if people had more friends, with whom they could talk about their deepest fears and thoughts, there would be a lot fewer counselors. We laughed that she might work herself out of a job soon.
It's important to distinguish between when friends and family can do the job and when a counselor is needed. When you get to the point where conversations are happening with the counselor that could be done safely with friends and family, then it's time to move on.
I'm so sorry to hear of all of your losses and fears. Time, gentleness, engaging with others and talking about it, and allowing yourself to go through your feelings will go a long way towards healing. And don't forget lots of hugs. Touch can be so healing.
Peace to you in these tough times. I've been there! And there is often a wonderful world on the other side of this scary forest, even if you don't know how big this forest is and how long (or short) the path is.
Hugs and smiles to you! : )
