My husband and I separated a couple weeks ago, not my choice, and I've gone through a variety of emotions since then. Very likely, this is ending in divorce and my primary concern is for my daughter. I am Marriage & Family Therapist, but my objectivity is caput right now because I am in the throws of anger. I have a lot of family and social support, but I was looking for some interesting, creative outlets for this palpable, physical anger. I don't feel like journaling right now. Any sane, interesting ideas as an outlet?
Thanks,
J.
I went to an art supply store and bought pastels and paper. Here I work w/ art therapy but I didn't take my own advice. I vented, I always clean a little obsessively when I'm not up to par, and I've been exercising. Because I deal in emotion and words, I really did not want to journal. Using color and giving myself topics such as anger at self, anger at him, protecting my daughter, etc, will provide an outlet to express my frustration. I'm not worried about building resentment; I just feel I needed an outlet, NOW, so that my anger is used productively. I was worried about what I would say to my daughter, worried about how my own stuff would impact my clients, and work environment, and I just need to channel this sadness, depression, and anger. I want to teach my daughter how to cope but when I didn't know which end was up, I felt out of control and at a loss. I'm not there yet (how could I be) but I have a little direction. Thanks so much for the advice and well wishes!
J.
A healthy outlet could be exercise. I'm in a kickboxing class right now that is taught at my kid's karate studio. Love it. It's a great workout and another Mom in the class who is going through a divorce says she always feels better afterwards.
Best wishes to you,
M.
Hi Jen:
I'm sorry to hear about your recent separation. Some would consider your knowledge of family and marriage an advantage, I know of nothing that can prepare you for the extreme disapointment, hurt,and abandonment felt in a situation like this. During the onset of my divorse,I carried alot of anger. After doing alot of soul searching,I discovered that alot of my anger,was directed at myself. I felt hurt and angry that I didn't have the forsight of things going awry. I was angry at myself for acting a fool. I gave my whole heart to this man. I was a loyal wife. I felt so pathetic. I thought myself a dreamer. All those plans I had for our future and that of our sons,were shattered. I was mad,that I had wasted 12 years of my life,on A relationship,that obviously meant little to him. I was mad,because I was to blind to see his lack of enthusiasm,or his recent attempts of distancing himself from our children.This obviously to ease the transition for himself. His thoughtlessness regarding his own children sent rage through my veins. Your more fortunate than most Jen. You have a career,family and friends surround you. You have interests,and hobbies,that please you,and of course you have A precious daughter,who loves you more than life itself. Turn that anger around. The sooner you put this behind you and move on,the better life for you and her. Put all your efforts into your relationship with her.Don't allow your anger or frustrations to interfere with that relationship. Enjoy moments with your friends and family.Begin doing all those things you enjoy. That please you. Begin working out,kickboxing sounds great. Take a dance class. When I'd turn on some music in the house,and dance around,not only did it put me in a better mood,but I lost weight and toned up. I looked my best after my divorse. lol. It was'nt intentional. The fact is,It didn't take me long to realize I was living A happier healthier life! Concentrate on being Jen. You can Be a wonderful example to your daughter.Fill your home with (genuine) love and happiness,and She'll learn how to become a strong independant woman. I wish you and your darlin daughter the best. J.
Hi Jen,
You have to do what is right for you. Do something hubby never supported you on, yet you really wanted to do it. Force your energy into that and do damn good at it.
Otherwise, take a karate or gym class that will use your physical energy. Best of luck, I know it sucks being so angry that you could hit something.
C.
Hi Jen, sorry to hear about your marriage, first of all if there is any way to save your marriage do it. as far as anger, you have to focuss on all the good things in your life, anger takes a lot of energy, I know I have been there, I don't know if you believe in the power of prayer or not but it got me through some rough nights. Like you I love gardening it had always been an outlit for me, my biggest thing was I didn't want my children to remember me angry, I wanted only good memories in the minds of my children, thank God my husband and I hung there, mainly because of our 3 kids, who are now grown, and we have 27 years together, and going strong, if it doesn't work out that way for you, always ask yourself what's best for my daughter, if you can't seem to use your hobbies to cast out the anger, ask yourself what you are really angry about, then ask yourself is it worth all the energy, when you can use that energy to towards postitive things. Anger is no longer an issue for me, I always try and look and the good and the blessings in my life that so much out weigh the bad stuff. I pray this helped in some way. J. L.
Hi
How about physical work, gardening, ceramics, painting. You could also look into exercising, kickboxing or martial arts classes.
Good luck
Jen - so sorry to hear about your situation.
When I get that way I clean house and by that I mean, scrub floors, walls, laundry - really really clean every nook and cranny of the house. It keeps your mind off things for a bit, and in the end you have a clean house.
Also I would suggest finding another counselor, or perhaps an old teacher that you admired and talk with them. It's important (as you know) to work through the grief.
:) It will get better.
Venting, just plain unencumbered venting is always a great way to let out steam. If you have any friends you can just vent to, it really helps.
Also, try joining some kind of support group or something? Just getting understanding in a non-critical/correcting way often feels good... and that you are in the company of "like minds" often helps to get out any "anger."
Boxing is also a great physical outlet. Just get some videos and you can box and yell your frustrations out as you do the video.
It's real fun and you get a work out at the same time!
All the best to you...
~Susan
