My almost 2 yr old calls my MIL 'mama', and I don't like it. She has caused drama in the past and over-stepped boundaries and I honestly don't think she's deserving of that name. It may sound harsh but here are the reasons why it especially bothers me: My own mom has always been 'mama' to my 2 daughters and the rest of her grandkids. My almost 2 yr old did not start saying it on her own to my MIL. I think she was repeating what my MIL called her (she is mexican and calls her mamas) but when my toddler would repeat it wasn't meant to call her that, it was sort of a question like she thought my MIL was referring to my mom. I think my husband encouraged it because he knows how overly sensitive she is and if she realized that my mom was 'mama' and she was just 'grandma' it might offend her. I refer to her as grandma to my toddler. I just can't bring myself to say 'mama'. My husband just brushes it off or gets offended when i metion it. My question is do you think this is too confusing to her? I think it's confusing to call both grandmas 'mama' and there is no way she's getting that title to herself. My mom was 'mama' first anyway. And also is it too obvious if I refer to her as 'grandma' in front of her to my toddler? Even though I have resentful feelings inside I really don't want to stir up new drama! Thanks for reading.
*Just want to clarify, my daughter doesn't call everyone mama, just my mom and my MIL. She calls me mommy and her dad, daddy. It just bothers me because I feel like my MIL is over-stepping again.
Thank you for all your responses and helpful suggestions. I kinda thought i had explained it pretty clear that this was NOT something my daughter thought up on her own, in fact i would be more ok with it if it had been. My husband and his mom somewhat 'trained' her to say it and since it was already being used for my mom, I would have liked to seen what my little one would have come up with on her own. I guess i should have also explained that in my family, 'mama' has always been a 'grandma' name and 'mommy' was for mom. So i don't feel like it's my 'name' that's being used. My mom had fully intended to be grandma also but ever since all her grandkids were little they would pronounce mama, and also papa for their grandpa. The main point was this woman was awful to me right after i had the baby and since i consider 'mama' to be a special grandma name, it's a lil hard to swallow with everyone in her family referring to her as mama when they talk to my daughter. But like someone replied also, i will continue to refer to her as grandma since that's what i'm comfortable with but i won't make a big issue if she does continue to say mama. And yes, i have a lot of MIL posts because i have a lot of issues with her! lol
just keep calling her grandma, she'll get it. she's little and it might be confusing. My daughter has so many grandmas (I have 2, she has 2, my husband has 1) so she's started calling them just grandma, other grandma, great grandma, great bonnie, and she calls my aunt "aunt grandma". She'll come up with her own thing eventually, just keep calling her grandma and correcting her gently.
You have lots of mother in law posts.
I think you are making too much out of this.
Little kids that age call people mama all the time and they will call people what they call them.
My mom fully intended to be "grandma", but my daughter had other plans.
Her very first word, in reference to my mom was Nannie. It stuck. My mother barely has her own first name anymore. EVERYONE calls her Nannie.
My daughter also went through a phase about this age where she called me by my first name. I can't believe how many people got so offended by that and said I should correct her and make her call me "Mom".! They said it wasn't right for her to call me by my name, but heck....seriously? It's what she heard everyone esle calling me. She knew I was her mother.
I'm just saying not to get too hung up on this. You don't think your mother in law deserves to be called mama and your little one could care less about your reasons for it. She doesn't understand. You can refer to MIL as grandma all you want, but there is no way of knowing how she will ultimately refer to your mother in law.
I had a Poppy and a Grampity Do-Dah.
Those were my "pet" names, I guess you'd say. No one had ever mentioned or used those around me. It was my own little thing.
The main thing is that your daughter has lots of people in her life who love her. Being this little, that's all that should even know.
Let the rest go.
It will be what it will be in the end.
Best wishes to you.
Thats a tough one! I think its fair if your toddler calls on grandma "mama" for her to call the other one "mama". Personally, I would have forbid any of my kids calling my mom or my mother in law "mama" because that is what they called me when they were first learning to talk. Mama was their first word. The only way to get it to change would be to change it for both grandmas. This way your husband can't think it was just a vendetta against his mom. If you choose to let this slide, the good thing is as they get older you can always let them create a new name for their grandmas. Good luck!
well i am VERY close with my parents but a couple of times my mom slipped and called her self mom to one of my kids. I was livid. She honestly did not do it on purpose but it started to happen more frequently. She got a bit testy. I told her it hurts to see someone else get called mama by my children.
if you have your daughter call your mom "mama" i would let her also call the other grandmom "mama" if your already letting one grandmom its not fair. you have to pick your battles.
I think your daughter has the right to call both of her Grandmothers what she wants to and what she can pronounce. Chances are this will change as she gets older. In my family we always use the grandma's last name to distinguish which grandma we are referring to. You need to be careful with this, dont alienate your MIL just because you dont like her.... she is the Grandma no matter what your daughter calls her so that fact doesnt change. Sit with your daughter and look at pictures and say "this is grandma smith, mommys mom-- and this is grandma jones, daddys mom. This is not a battle you want to start, you are only hurting your husband and confusing your child. If she wants to call them both Mama I dont see the prob.
OMG! Reading this post brought me back to when my oldest daughter (now 8.5yr) would be TOLD by my MIL (who is also hispanic) that she was "Mama". It drove me NUTS to say the least and as you can probably tell....it still does to this day. My (ex)husband would laugh it off and egg it on as well which made it worse. I was Mama. This was my first child. She had her chance.. Anyway, I had to make it clear to my daughter, my husband, my MIL, FIL and BIL that I was mama and SHE was Buela. It was really tough. I pretty much had to have a talk with my in laws to talk about names. My dad was Papa but my in laws (again wanting to do their own thing) would call my husband "papa". It was all soooo confusing. Yes, I think your daughter will be a bit confused some times. If it bothers you, you need to talk to them. First try to correct your daughter in front of them. Maybe (mine didn't but give it a shot) they will get it. Good luck. Whew...sorry, that is a touchy subject! LOL
I know what you mean. I don't think "grandma" would be offensive. I'd continuing referring your MIL they way you want. Let it go if others say different. Probably the way you refer to her is the way it's going to go in the long run. =) Mom's really have a lot of pull on these types of things. Good luck!
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I would just make a point to always call her grandma. To your daughter, to your husband, and in front of her. As your daughter gets older she'll make the distinction between the grandparents and start calling her grandma unless everyone else calls her something else.
If MIL makes a comment I would say that you want a different name for each grandparent to make them more individual and not to confuse your toddler, and that your mom is called Mama, but if MIL doesn't like grandma what would she prefer to be called?
Maybe she can call her Abuela instead. That's what my kids call my mom and her husband (Abuela & Abuelo) and my husband's parents are grandma and grandpa and my dad is Grandpa Pete. I think you need to sit down with your husband and discuss this. Better to do it now when she's still young.
I know it's hard, but going by the 2 year old girl that I nanny... Kids that age call EVERYONE mama. The little girl I nanny walks around the house calling every one mama.
Little girl(Walks up to daddy): Mama?
Dad: No, papa
Little girl: Mama! (Huge smile)
Little girl (Walks up to me): Mama?
Me: No, Tori
Little girl: Mama! (Huge smile)
I don't know if it's like that for all kids, or if she's just being a goof.
Keep in mind that at almost 2, she might not be able to say "Grandma" (or at least not be able to say it well.) My parents taught me to call both of my sets grandparents "Grandma" and "Grandpa." That's what we tried to call the grandparents, but our then 2 year old son couldn't get it out, and it came out "Pappa" and "Mamma." We just kept saying Grandma & Grandpa. Grandma worked itself out, but for some reason "Pappa" stuck. I think we found it cute and encouraged it.
My point is, her language skills are still envolving. Just keep saying Grandma. She'll get there. You're her mom, she's going to listen to you more than anyone else.
In-laws can be tough to deal with. Sometimes they forget that you are a person with a history and your own family and traditions. Just hang in there and be positive. It really will get easier.
YOU are her mama/mommy.
Your mother is her grandma, nana, or gramma, etc and so is your husband's mother. That you want your mother to have the name that is yours, but not his mother, isn't very nice.
I've been a daughter-in-law and am a mother-in-law. As both I was/am respectful of family member's boundaries. I am sure your MIL is aware of the fact that you don't like her, but you can't expect her to give up her son and grandchildren because of that. Without hearing all the stories, drama and hard feelings involved in the family history...can I just say; Please try to let things go and be more understanding so everyone can get along?
Why you don't just choose a grandmother name for each grandma, tell the grandmas that this is what your child will call them at this time and teach your child to use that name.
Gently change it to Mamaw! All small kids call other adults by mama and daddy. My sister told me last night that when my mom was keeping a little 18 month boy from church that when my sister got ready to leave for work he called out "Bye, Bye Daddy!!!" She said she rolled laughing as said "I am not your Daddy, but Bye Bye!" It is perfectly normal. My kids all called both my mother, aunt, sister, SIL,and MIL by mama. We just corrected them and they eventually got it right.
I think she is confused. Don't make a big deal about it....it will work out when your daughter is ready.
I can understand where you are coming from because of the resentment you feel, but it should be about your daughter & her. You can call her grandma & refer to her as grandma all day long! Why dont you add her name behind the mama, most mexicans do that, I personally dont like it and it sounds impersonal, but that could be your own private jab at her lol!
