DD Doesn't Know My MIL Well

Your daughter won't get used to your MIL unless you allow them to spend more time together, which your original plan would have allowed. You can stick to the original plan of letting her babysit AND spend more time with her in addition to that.

I don't believe you should be uncomfortable with your MIL for having said that she didn't think your daughter was crying "that loud" because I believe that she was trying to be reassuring. She probably felt awful about her own granddaughter not knowing her well enough to be soothed in MIL's own home, and was also trying to reassure herself that the situation was not really that bad.

And as much as your daughter may have been crying, the crying in and of itself isn't bad. Your MIL wasn't abusing her or making her cry. Crying for a few minutes because she missed Mommy and it was in an evening where she was probably tired and wanted to be in bed doesn't mean you should take it out on your MIL.

So yes, your husband is right. You won't be "sacrificing your daughter's happiness." That's such overly dramatic language that isn't true. Your MIL isn't going to scar your baby. You need to let go a bit and trust her. Your daughter will read your cues and follow suit.

EDIT: Also please remember that your husband has a say in this. You don't want to make such a huge stinking deal over something that is so very minor that you cause a family rift. The grandparent relationship is a valuable one even if you don't value your husband's mother. The woman is not going to harm her grandchild, and in fact if anyone loves that baby as much as you do if not more, it will be her grandmothers.

If your husband called and she was fine, then it had nothing to do with your MIL. If it was your MIL she would have been like that the entire time you were gone.

As far as your MIL's reaction of "She's not crying that hard." She was probably trying to keep you from freaking out and not allowing her granddaughter to come visit again.

Follow your instincts. The fact is, I wouldn't leave my child with someone I wasn't fond of no matter their blood connection. Family is much more than DNA, in my opinion. If you and your husband don't have warm fuzzy feelings toward this woman, I think of two things. 1. Your daughter will pick up on them and react to the negativity. 2. There's got to be a reason for these feelings. Listen to them. Offer opportunities for her to be around your daughter in more controlled circumstances and see if they can grow a relationship from there.

This is so normal! It's not easy for a little one at that age to be away from Mommy, but it really will be ok! And it has nothing to do with your MIL. Your little one just has to adjust. if she was doing great until about 10 minutes before you arrived, then overall she was doing great!

Give her some time to get used to being away from Mommy, and give her some time to get to know her grandma. She will benefit from that relationship, and you will be teaching her that Mommy loves her and Mommy always comes back.

I would suggest that for a while, you need to take her to visit but not leave her and see how she reacts. She may have the same feelings towards MIL that you both have. Which could be bad for leaving here there. Plus if she is always with you and you just leave her, she is not going to understand that it is only for a little bit and is going to be upset. Children have no concept of time and 5 minutes is 10 years for them. As for overreacting, no your not. Its our job to tend to our children and protect them, they know that. But it is not just his fault, your MIL could come see the child or you go to her. He doesn't have to always be there.

Can you mother-in-law come to watch her at your house when you go to your meetings? That way your daughter will be in familiar surroundings.

It takes effort from all the adults in your daughter's life for her to build a bond with her Grandmother.

Good Luck
God Bless

Babies and kids go through phases about how willing they are to separate from mom. I doubt your DD has issues with your MIL specifically. Even if they saw each other weekly, it's not the same as a consistent daily exposure. So sure, take her to your mom if your mom is willing to do even more than she is already doing. Otherwise, I'd give your MIL more opportunities. And it's not just about giving MIL more time with your baby, its also about YOU getting more time for you.

This assuming your MIL is actually capable of doing the job. But to be fair, this may not be exactly the way your baby is most familiar with. When my SIL had my mom's first baby, my mom "wasn't fit to babysit." Even though she raised eight kids. Ten minutes of crying (out of a 90 minute visit) is not going to sacrifice your baby's happiness. I'm guessing what your MIL meant when she said baby wasn't crying hard, was really that your daughter's crying wasn't getting to your MIL -- she was calm, and ready to dust off a few of those tricks from her parenting days -- and not that she was callous to your baby's needs.

From about 9-18 months both my kids were brutal with whomever I left them with, even my husband. Consider trying again, especially if she lives nearby, it will be great for you, MIL and baby if you can leave her for an hour or so a week. MIL might be out of practice, or a bit awkward. Give her some tips as to what baby likes but try not to embarass her for this happening as it might not totally be her fault. Hang in there mama.

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