Delicate Question About Recovery from Childbirth

What type of birth control are you using? I had this same type of problem recently and my doctor said it was most likely from my IUD (but can be caused by other birth controls as well), because the vagina is lacking estrogen. So she gave me some estrogen cream to insert once or twice a week, and I haven't had the problem since. I only needed to use it a few times and haven't had any problems, although that could depend on the person. Good luck!

E. I had the same problem and my doctor ended up sending me to physical therapy. I was in that for about 2 months and I have no problems now. Good luck.

Hi E.,

I see you are in Milwaukee - I wanted to mention a store called "A Woman's Touch." They call themselves a Sexuality Resource Center. My friend recommended it to me shortly after my son was born for a particular lubricant they stock (Liquid Silk - works great for me) and while I was there, I found the store reps to be extremely helpful on the topic of post-partum sex.

They have pamphlets on post-partum sex and also recommended the steps for menopause sex (I was breast feeding and the lower levels of estrogen during breast feeding are apparently similar to those of menopause). The girl I spoke with was very knowledgeable and it was quite comfortable to talk with her (even though I was carrying my one-month old with me - not embarrassing at all).

There may be some steps you can take on your own or with your partner to help things be less painful - if, in fact, it is something simple that can be addressed this way (e.g. lubricant, massage, etc). I don't want to over-simplify or down-play your pain, though, so another doctor's opinion may also be helpful if this doesn't work for you.

Here's the link to A Woman's Touch:

http://www.awomanstouchonline.com/

It was great for me and I encourage you to stop in.

Good luck!

H.

You should talk to another doctor. Your doctor should be concerned and offer you options when you come to him/her with any kind of pain in the vaginal, uterine area, especially if they can't find a reason for it. He should have at the very least offered you suggestions on things to do that would help make sex more comfortable for you. It is a vital part of your relationship, marriage, and part of who you are. You should be able to enjoy it and don't settle until you find somebody who is willing to help you find a solution. If you don't want to talk to another doctor, you could try massaging it as Rebecca suggested... or try the physical therapist.

I had a second degree tear, but sex was painful until my son was about 10 months old. I talked to my OB/GYN. She didn't see any reason I should be in pain during sex and thought that perhaps I was causing it to hurt - i.e I was expecting it to hurt, so I would tense up and that would make it hurt. She suggested the type of massage Rebecca suggested to help. She also suggested I try lube since I was nursing. Having my husband massage the scar area (as well as the rest of me) helped me relax and since it was part of the foreplay, I also became aroused. It only took a few tries after we started that and I stopped tensing, and it stopped hurting. So, that's a possibility. By the way, I use "Just Like Me" lube by slumber parties - best lube ever, never gets sticky. The ones they sell in the store have never worked well for me.

I also have to say that my scar behaves just like any other scar and once in a while my scar still hurts. Sometimes its during sex, sometimes I can just be sitting, but it does. My sister says the same thing happens to her. But we both have large scars on our knees that have been there since childhood and they periodically hurt too, so maybe we just have some weird psychological thing going on, I don't know, just thought I'd put it out there.

In response to Kris S. who said "...there is no substitue for natural lubrication. Natural lubrication indicates that you are enjoying yourself, you are relaxed, and you are ready. If you are not truly "excited" it doesn't matter how much tube-lube you use." I agree with you that it doesn't matter how much lube you use if you are not excited, and that there is no substitute for natural lubrication, but lack of natural lubrication does not necessarily mean you are not ready for sex. Some of us can get aroused and yet still need lube. I myself need lube because my excretions are too thick when I am nursing and for about a week after my period before I am fertile again. There is nothing wrong with using lube and nothing wrong with me medically, that is just how my body is.

I am not sure this will help but I had a 2nd degree tear and I healed well from it but intercourse was still painful for me. However, it improved by the time my daughter was about 7 months. I am pregnant again and I hope that I don't have a similar problem. My midwife said that I may have had some nerve involvement somehow because the tissue healed fine. So...maybe you could research the nerve aspect and see if anything can be done. I don't know. But good luck because I know that it is stressful on the relationship and really frustrating. J.

Your best bet at recovery is to manually stretch the tissues. use some lube and massage the area that is causing problems, or have your husband do it for you. It may take a little while to break up the internal scarring but it will help.

If you don't get relief this way, ask your Dr. for a refferal to a Physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor issues (yes they are out there)

E.,

Sometimes it takes our bodies a while to heal. Also, if there is pain, your body can react before things start. You could be tensing up and not really notice. I would suggest that you do some yoga and relaxation to help with this problem. I think the yoga might help with stretching and the relaxation won't hurt.

Hopefully that helps.

L. :)

Hi E., I'm a first time mom in my mid thirties, had bad tearing, and have had the same problem. We have only had sex twice but it is not pleasant. My friend who has had a couple kids says it gets better with time--I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I hope it improves for you.

I am not a doctor, but I had two children and an appendix removed. I got pregnant with my 2nd baby while my appendix stiches were still healing (same month). I feel practice makes perfect. A big pplus is that since you are fragileor experiencing pain, this will give you an "excuse/reason" that your husband needs go go slow and be very gentle. They are always in a rush, it's good to slow it down and be spoiled. If you know what I mean. Also try the creams that make it easy. What about a hot tub. If you don't have one at home try going to a hotel maybe with one that they sometimes have in the hotel room. If this continues... maybe get a second opinion to see if their is something. Or take advil or somepsin relief thing before you go. Hope this helps.

E., Is it the same Doctor? See a different one.

Hi E.,
I have a 10 yr. old girl, a 4yr. old girl and a 4 mo. old girl. I had torn with my first two and had the same experience you are having. It's gotten better over time but I don't think it will ever be the same. Hang in there!

Brittany G

I had a small tear, and had the same pain during intercourse. My doctor prescribed a oral pain cream, and that helped. After I used that for a month or two, the pain went away. I don't know why.

E.,

I totally feel for you!!!! I have 3 kids. My 1st I tore 4 layers deep and from my vaginal to anal walls. I lost all bladder control for about 6 months. Intercourse was awful. Same thing- the burning and stinging, horrible. Each baby i had the pain got worse. i saw a specialist for bladder control issues after my 3rd baby. He told me my bladder was prolapsed (sticking out) the size of my fist into my vaginal wall. The anal wall was also prolapsed into the vaginal wall. I recently had surgery to get my bladder fixed and put back inthe right possition. I would go to a doctor who deals with bladders to see if that is the problem. I feel so much better and intercouse doesn't hurt anymore. My example is extreme for many, but you don't want to go as long as I did and find out there is extensive damage. Do your research, and if it still hurts after seeing a couple different doctors, find one that listens to you. You know your body. Good luck

Hi E.,

I went through the same thing you described. My daughter is now almost 4 but it wasn't until she was 3 that I really started to enjoy sex again.

Let me start by saying, there is no substitue for natural lubrication. Natural lubrication indicates that you are enjoying yourself, you are relaxed, and you are ready. If you are not truly "excited" it doesn't matter how much tube-lube you use. I was very apprehensive to have sex in the first place (I was torn and I also had a damaged bladder and had to wear a cathedar for 6 weeks). I started to dread my husband touching me because I felt that he wanted sex all the time and I just did not want to.

I told my Dr. that I felt extra tight and she said that there was nothing wrong - everything looked fine. Bottom line, if it doesn't feel good you shouldn't force it. Not that you shouldn't keep trying but your body is telling you something by making you experience that pain. You must have had enough damage done to your body by the childbirth and your body needs more time to heal. Intercourse causes pregnancy (as we know) and I truly believe my body was telling me to NOT get pregnant again by making intercourse uncomfortable/painful.

JMHO but I hope it helps you!
K.

My friend had a similar problem (although she had only minor tearing), Her doctor suggested estrogen creams, which she never tried. She decided to stick it out. Within a month of finishing breastfeeding everything went back to normal. This sounds EXACTLY what she had experienced. It may be caused by the hormones induced with breastfeeding. I would suggest talking to your ob.

I work as a doula and physical therapist, had similar problems for 3 years after the birth of my first child. I felt great improvement after my husband did prenatal perineal massage when I was expecting our second child. Getting a copy of those directions (usually found in more holistic birth books, childbirth educators, midwifery books or likely on-line someplace) might make it easier for your husband to know specifically what kind of stretch to apply, or you can do it yourself following those directions if "stretching the soreness" is a little too vague for either of you. Improvement often comes after only 3 - 6 sessions. If this does not work, seeking out a physical therapist specializing in women's health would be a good next step.

I hands down agree with Rebecca. Try to manually loosen the tissue. But if that isn't working, definitely get the referral to a physical therapist that specializes in pelvic floor dysfunction. If you need help finding one in your area, let me know and I'll check with the one in our office to see if she knows anyone in the Milwaukee area.

Oh my goodness! My friend had the same problem. I don't know who your doctor is--but the fact they haven't offered some serious assistance with this is leery to me. I guess women aren't supposed to enjoy sex lives--whatever. With my friend, there was a small piece of tissue that was accidentally 'stitched' in when they did the stitches, this caused excessive tightness and pain. Another friend said she just had to keep at it (sex) until it sort of stretched out. Grim, I know. But if this doctor did the stitches, he or she should be totally credible for the after effect.

I haven't read the other responses to this, so I apologize for repeating if it's already out there. This actually sounds like my symptoms when I get bacterial infections. For years I put up with this until it finally spread to my eyes (it was really scary) and I ended up in an urgent care where a specialist "happened" to be on duty. She immediately know what was wrong, did the test to confirm, and I was treated with both topical and oral antibacterials. I had been told, "you are probably just allergic to your husband," and "there will be discomfort, just use more ky..." all by stupid men who didn't care. So, my advice would be, go to your doctor, and don't take lamo excuses for an answer... make them perform a simple test that will show whether it's yeast, bacterial, or viral... (there is a viral one now too) their symptoms can be really similar, so a test is always the best way. Pain is NOT normal unless it's your first couple times after childbirth.

Hi, I am sorry to hear about your discomfort. My son is a year and a half and I feel some tenderness once and awhile, but nothing painful. I know how you feel to want things to go back to normal though, and how frustrating it can be.
I have read that it is very common for traditional doctors to sew mommies up too tight. They think they are somehow doing your man a favor. Anyway, I have read about it happening more often than it should. I certainly hope you are not one of those cases, but it's possible. I would go to another doc. and get another or even two more opinions.
Your health and wellbeing are important!

Good luck!

I experienced the same sort of thing after my first baby and recovery. I toughed it out for a while hoping it would get better, but intimacy brought me to tears. I felt like I was tearing all over again. My doctor told me that my body had reverted back to a state similar to a virgin. He said the best thing would be to do exercises to stretch myself. Doctors can give you a set of tubes of varying sizes. That may not be what is happening with you, but ask you doctor about it and see what he says.
Good luck!! If it helps, I did not have any of these problems after my second birth and recovery. I was such a relief!!

I would seek a 2nd opinion, E.. With my first child (who was 9lb 4oz), I had a 4th degree tear (the worst you can have). I was completely healed after 5 weeks and was brave enough to try intercourse after 8 weeks (everything went very well). I can honestly say that I never had the issue that you're having. My oldest is now 4, but b/c I had so much trauma with her, my son was born via c-section (he was 10lb). We didn't want to risk complications to my health down the road. Again, you may want to seek a 2nd opinion.

This may sound odd, but here is something that I tried and worked for me shortly after I had my son 13 years ago. Anal Ease-You can get it at any type of "naughty store", just rub a bit around vaginal area, avoid the "g spot" and this will give it a numbing affect. This should get better in time, it took a while but I did.