Does Anyone Think This Is Odd?

I don't know why it would be awkward. It's her personal business and she doesn't care to share it. Why is that awkward?

It's her personal life, and she is at work, a business...therefore...her personal life is no one else's business. How is that weird? Why do you need to say anything?

I chose not to discuss my pregnancy with my coworkers. I really didn't care for many of them and simply chose not to allow them into my personal life. It was great! When all the chirping began about when is that baby going to be due and you have been pregnant forever...it really didn't take long at all.

There may be circumstances surrounding her pregnancy that she doesn't want to get into with everyone. I had a co-worker who knew that her baby had a major deformity and wouldn't live. She did not discuss her pregnancy at all at work - I only found out by asking someone who knew her really well, and only then because I asked if it would be okay to buy a baby gift when she returned to work - good thing I asked! Anyway, she left work for 6 weeks and returned, and never said a single word about it. People have their reasons...

You are doing your friend a favor by not telling anyone else. For whatever reason, she wants to keep her pregnancy on the down-low, and good for you for respecting that.

I have known women who do not want to broadcast their pregnancies simply because they don't want everyone else's two cents. One woman I know had coworkers pour her coffee out of her cup ("Ack! You're poisoning your baby!") and crucify her for eating tuna sandwiches on occasion. People sometimes forget that there are social boundaries when around pregnant women. When I was pregnant, one person told me horror stories about miscarriages and stillbirths. Long story short, maybe she doesn't want a target on her belly for all those well-meaning but really annoying moments.

It may also be that she has information which has put a damper on this for her. Sometimes we receive news that our in utero babies have tested positive for chromosomal defects or that the pregnancy might be compromised/may not progress. My sister had a very compromised pregnancy due to an incomplete placenta (my niece died a week after being born)... you can be certain she didn't want to discuss the pregnancy.

These are just some ideas of what *might* be going on for her. You are right in your instincts to keep your distance, only she knows why she's not sharing/enjoying her pregnancy, and she'll tell you if/when she's ready.

Well, the fact that she wants it kept quiet hasn't stopped you (& probably others) from "knowing" so there goes the whole idea of people keeping something in confidence!

Who knows what her reasons are...
Maybe she's acting as a surrogate.
Maybe she's placing the child for adoption.
Maybe she has genetic concerns and is terrified.
Maybe she has a history of miscarriage, still birth, etc.

Whatever the reasons, you've gotta respect her wishes.

I'm sure the "workload" issue will present itself eventually.
For now, plan your vacation time, appointments and miscellaneous leave accordingly WITHOUT taking her pregnancy/delivery into account. If it's a huge deal, you'll be made aware of it at that point, right?

It isnt anyone elses business as much as most of us like to talk and share and get that attention. She isnt one of them. She may not be planning on keeping the baby. She may be a surrogate for someone else. It might not be her husbands baby and they are working it out in their own way. (oooh that will start the gossip) Maybe she hates what women look like when pg and doesnt want to admit that everyone can see. But mostly, its none of our business when someone else is expecting and you can go about your business and not even consider it in your plans for work/vacation. All your planning can be turned upside down with a co workers unexpected illness, or death, or dismissal. So just go about your daily life and if she decides to mention it, fine, if not, its not yours to talk about.

Really, it's only your business if she or your boss make it your business. And if you want to plan a vacation and take it when she's off, then it's your bosses problem, isn't it? So, don't worry about that. If your taking time off is a problem, your boss will let you know.

It sounds like she doesn't want to talk about it. Why do you need to comment on it at all? Just treat her like you normally would and she'll either tell you when she's ready or she won't.

Well, if your boss knows, and you will be taking on the work, then talk to the boss about the best way to handle it. Perhaps she has an idea of how to approach it best. Her reactions are a bit wierd, but not everyone is comfortable with that stuff. If her reactions are causing actual issues at work, than the boss needs to deal with it in some way.

It sounds like she doesn't like to be the center of attention. Or, maybe she's lost a baby before & is not comfy telling the whole office yet. Maybe she doesn't want to hear tons of unwanted advice or hear horror stories about childbirth. Maybe she doesn't want to be pregnant & isn't happy about it. Who knows. It's unusual, but I don't think it's that big of a deal. Some people are more private than others. I'm sure she has her reasons. Just because it's different to you, doesn't mean it's wrong. It's only awkward if you make it that way. Just treat her like she is not pregnant. I'm sure she'll confess soon enough.

Some people are not attention seekers. You may not think a pregnancy is something people can see as attention seeking but it is. There is nothing odd about that.

We have a woman at work who did the same thing. She just doesn't like that kind of attention. All the stupid comments about heartburn meaning it is a hairy baby. Oh the baby is high, low, I assure you not everyone welcomes this stuff, ya know. Just last week she started talking about her pregnancy, she is due in two weeks.

Sure we knew she was pregnant but clearly she didn't want it to be the topic of conversation so we just let it go. It was not awkward for anyone, to me it is more odd that you find this awkward. Why is it awkward? What possible NEED is there to discuss her pregnancy? She is one of my favorite coworkers. So at least I won't be knocked up at New Years so maybe some drinking. :)

It seems to me her coworkers need to discuss her pregnancy is making her uncomfortable. Why say she is glowing? What the heck, it is her pregnancy let her enjoy it.

Your what happened, this is not about you. You plan your vacation and request off, if it is when she is on leave they are going to say request denied just like they would if you requested time off that overlapped someone else's time off. If her bosses know they will take care of it, it really has nothing to do with you nor does it actually effect you other than she is not doing what you would like her to do.

Has someone in the office got their eye on her job?
Maybe the pregnancy was not planned and she is still getting used to the idea that she is going to be a mom. Perhaps she feels she will be judged if she acts like a debbie downer when discussing it.

B., when she hits six months, talk turkey to her. Don't mention that she isn't telling people. Just say something to the effect of your needing to know what her maternity leave plans are because a lot of her work will fall on you, and you feel like you need to know what she has in mind. If she snaps at you, tell her you don't appreciate that - you work hard and are having to prepare to work harder, and she shouldn't be mean to you. Don't be afraid of the pregnant nutty chick. Stand up to her, respectfully but firmly. You DO have the right to know.

Dawn

maybe she is giving the baby up for adoption? That's the only reason I would suspect that she's trying to keep it under wraps..

Since she isn't confiding in you - don't acknowledge it - yeah - it's a white elephant in the room - but oh well. You answered your question yourself - keep a good, cool, professional distance from her.

A co-worker of mine was expecting one time and didn't tell anyone until she was so far along it was impossible to not know. Especially when you would be sitting at nap time and she'd be sitting at a table with her feet up, leaning back and he tummy would be moving....

I was pregnant too and asked her why she wasn't talking about it and she told me that her sister or cousin had started talking non stop about their pregnancy/baby the day they had found out they were expecting and did not stop talking about every little symptom, every little move, every little flutter, etc...and she just could not be like that so she was not telling anyone until it was so obvious that no one could not notice. She figured that once they found out and started asking questions and everything it would just be a few weeks until she delivered and she would not have to listen to someone at work that talked about their pregnancies and morning sickness every fricking minute of the day.

She has to deal with it sometime.
That everyone knows or will know.
Her belly is growing.

She perhaps, doesn't want.... SO many people telling her what to do or she is very private about those things.
Being pregnant, can be VERY overwhelming... especially since this is her first.

People just need 'space' sometimes. Not hovering or everyone telling her what to do or how's it going or touching her belly or playing guessing games on the gender or anything.
Or maybe she is superstitious...and doesn't want anything to affect her pregnancy.

To each, her own.

I've had several women where I work try to hide the pregnancy as long as possible, though by month five they usually announce it as they are clearly showing. Some just dont want to be the center of attention. If it might affect her career in some way, or the way people treat her, cause people to start complaining or just treating her differently she may want to put it off for as long as possible.

A mom at our kids school was hiding her pregnancy. It turned out that the baby had trisomy (i forget which #). The baby passed a few days after birth. There really could be many reasons. I do agree that it would be helpful for you to know. I would talk to your boss in private if you are stressing.

I don't think it is weird at all, though it is out of the norm. You can speak to the boss in a month or two to ask if you need to make special arrangements while your co-worker is on maternity leave, or if you can still schedule time off even when the co-worker is out.

She could be giving the child up for adoption, it could be an unwanted pregnancy, a baby with a poor health diagnosis she does not expect to live, perhaps she has former fertility issues or prior miscarriages and she is worried to celebrate too soon, or she may just be a very private person. I wouldn't worry or engage in office gossip about it. If the time comes she does announce it, or the office throws her a baby shower, then that can be the time to offer a congrats.

I hid my pregnancy for over 4 months, a friend is due around the same time as me, and she is annoying the hell out of everyone with her minute by minute pregnancy updates. She doesn't even know I'm pregnant b/c the world is revolving around her right now. I bit my tongue as to avoid that as much as humanly possible.

Well...it could be odd. Or not.
After I had a miscarriage and was pregnant many months later...I only told my co-workers I considered friends.
Told my boss when I was around 3 months, if I remember correctly.
Other coworkers...I just didn't care to share, but I didn't hide it either.
Basically, because I felt they wouldn't really care anyway.
Why share my good news w/ people I don't have a relationship w/. Ya' know?
Now your situation is different...you are both women and work closely together.
...Maybe she is one of those people ashamed to be pregnant.
Weird thought, I know. But that is kinda the mentality my MIL has. She is a over the top Southern Baptist.
Oooh! I had sex! Gross! ;)
Lol.
Just a thought.
I'd just leave her be. Hopefully she will warm up to you soon.

That is really weird if you ask me. What is she afraid people will say about her? I would probably say something about it to her about it when it was just her and I, and say congrats, and see what she says. And if she snapped back asking why you said congrats, then i'd tell her what you have been seeing.

It just seems strange, unless she isnt happy about the pregnancy and doesnt want anyone to say anything to her.

Added: And I could see why it is awkward because if she doesnt want anyone to know then she shouldnt be huddled in the corners of the office whispering like school children, and drawing more attention to herself. She should be more discreet, if she doesnt want the attention.

Hi,
It is her personal business when to tell everyone that she is pregnant. If you know about it with out hearing it from her, wait till she is ready to talk about it. Do not be nosy and invasive. People have different believes about things, in my culture we do not tell until we know that the baby is all right usually after first trimester.

Wow, this is an odd one....with women on this site counting the minutes pregnant they are with some of the posts, to this gal still trying to hide it still.

This reminds me of a personal experience a few years ago...several Pre-K moms got together for breakfast after drop off the first week back, and I sat next to one mom I had not seen all summer. And I could just tell her center of gravity was different as she bent forward to sit down, and the way she had to adjust herself...had pregnancy written all over it...so I just blurted it right out...."Are you expecting?"

It took her breath away. Only her husband knew....and now the rest of us. And she wondered how I could tell? I thought..because I'm a mom and recognize the changes. How could I not tell? Do people think we're all clueless observers? We all had a good laugh and the other mom's started calling me the 'Baby Whisperer'. She had been keeping it a secret due to chronic kidney and thyroid problem she has struggled with and right then and there....we ALL pitched in to help her out with meals and carpooling.

So, my surprised announcement turned into a true blessing for her.

I personally am not good at hiding my understanding and knowledge. A pregnancy is something to celebrate, so if you slipped up, it would certainly be more understandable than her hiding the obvious.

At some point some one needs to tell her "The cats out of the bag." Because there is no way I'd fake a congratulations at this point. When she does tell, I'd simply say, Yes, I've known for quite some time. You bozo.'

Well I think it's weird too but obviously she has her reasons and it makes sense to her. I worked with this weirdo once who would take a little notepad around and constantly write in it. We always wondered what in the world she was doing in that thing and then she left it laying around once. She was writing down every single thing she did and the time she did it. 9:55 clocked in, 10:00 got to my station, 11:15 went to the bathroom and break for 15 minutes, 12:00 stocked shelves, 1:30 went to lunch arby's and ate a roastbeef $3.95 and clocked in at 1:53, etc. She was very paranoid about everything. She divorced her husband who apparently she was scared of. I don't know if that had anything to do with the list or not but we all thought it was strange.

I don't think it's odd, but if it is then I suppose I was odd as well. I was working during my last pregnancy and I didn't tell anyone but my superior and I only told him because it got to a point where I had to tell him. Well, to my dismay, he outed me in front of everyone. I know they would have noticed eventually, but i didn't see the need to tell them. I wasn't embarrassed about my pregnancy, I didn't have any reason to be, I just considered it my personal business. I'm not sure why it's awkward for you (and your coworkers) to NOT discuss someone's pregnancy. *shrug* You all are there to work, make your conversations about that or even the weather for goodness sake. Do like someone else suggested and talk to your boss in private... Be sure not to run back to the other workers with gossip about when she'll be leaving.

It's weird.

I had to train someone to take over for me when I went on materinty leave and it took months!! It was her first job and it took time to sinc in. So yes, I think it's weird. She won't be able to hide the baby once it's here!

maybe she is being a surrogate? maybe there are some major issues with the baby and she doesnt want to have to go through the whole issue of explaining etc to everyone. who knows. if she hasnt told you or anyone else how do you know?

Updated

maybe she is being a surrogate? maybe there are some major issues with the baby and she doesnt want to have to go through the whole issue of explaining etc to everyone. who knows. if she hasnt told you or anyone else how do you know?

I did not hide my pregnancy, but I kept it under wraps. I really did try to hide my belly some because it just felt like such an intrusion to have people in on my personal family matter. If I could have known that people would have simply nodded and kept going instead of feeling like it was their right to stop me and discuss my pregnancy, I would have been more forthcoming with mine. It just felt like this was a very personal thing happening inside my body, and I had no control over whether it was visible to the world. I hated that feeling.

I'd like to know why people believe that they MUST say something. What's wrong with just knowing and going on about your business? I didn't mind people knowing. I just didn't want to talk about it.

She is required to let her manager know about her leave one month in advance. I'm sorry that you feel entitled to more notice than that, but you really are not.

ETA: Just read some responses, and I think that it is ridiculous that some people are telling you that you have a RIGHT to know and even that you should talk to your boss about it. CRAZY, I tell ya. Let this woman have some peace and enjoy her pregnancy without you or anyone else on HER JOB feeling a need to chime in. Geez. It's none of your business, and you're just mad that she's not doing things the way you think she should. She does not need to coordinate with you her time off. I wish that she could be pregnant for a little longer, just so you can have a fit over it. If you insist on discussing it with her before she's ready, I hope that she curses you all the way back to your desk. LOLOL!!!

She must have a reason. Maybe doesnt want to talk about it and doesnt want a shower and all that.

Hello i havent read all these responses but just reading your post and something popped in my head. is it possible she doesnt want people to know bc she doesnt plan on keeping the child? I mean ADOPTION. I know i wouldnt want all the judgments for having a child and not keeping it. and i wouldnt want rumors going around my work place. Something like that i would not want to talk about with alot of eople. i know you think itas awkward but its still her personal life and you as a friend and coworker should respect that. As for the work load increasing when she is on leave. i am sure you understood taking a job as yours that you may or may not hve a workload to deal with so suck it up and leave her personal life be!!

Is it possible she is a surrogate for someone??? I've known someone that was a surrogate and they didn't tell anyone at their workplace either, except the boss. She took about a week off and everything was back to normal at the workplace.

just wanted to chime in that it does seem weird that far along, Ihave a hard time hiding anything because I figure some how it will eventually come out and i'll look stupider for trying to hide it,

but as others have said, just ignore it.

Hi, B.:
It is your business and everyone in the office's
business because her attitude is affecting
everyone.
Say she wasn't pregnant but being snippy with folks
in the office. She is affecting y'all.

I would suggest taking with your supervisor about
how you are feeling. Maybe she could mediate a
conversation or help you in some way.
Just a thought.
Good luck.
D.

Updated

Hi, B.:
It is your business and everyone in the office's
business because her attitude is affecting
everyone.
Say she wasn't pregnant but being snippy with folks
in the office. She is affecting y'all.

I would suggest taking with your supervisor about
how you are feeling. Maybe she could mediate a
conversation or help you in some way.
Just a thought.
Good luck.
D.

there are many reasons that she may not want anyone to know. maybeshe's ashamed and doesn't plan on keeping it. worse case scenerio she was raped and putting it up for adoption. or she could have a phobia that everyone will think er less capable if pregnant and doesn't want that. or she could have been raised to think it's a private affair and isn't to be talked about. maybe she's had multiple miscarriages in the past and is affraid of another let down. there are so many reasons. if you want to do anything send her a card so that no one else knows you did it stateing that you have noticed this miiracle and wanted to congradulate her. state that you know it's not yourplace to tell others and that you won't but still felt the urge to let her know how happy you were for her and that if she needed anything to just let you know. i don't see the need to worry yourself over when she will be out of commission as this is the bosses job and you stated the boss already knows. if you want leave put in for it and if you get it great if not then pick a different date. and if your work load gets increased it' not because you weren't forwarned...it will happen either way. maybe the boss already has a sub ready to go.

Well it is her decision to tell, she does spend more time everyday and week with co-workers then family. Sadly she is not realizing that she is creating a slight distrust environment. Really first tri-mester i completely get especially since I had a miscarriage earlier this year.
Is she planning on returning to work? Maybe she is miserable and knows she isin't coming back and therefore doesn't want anyone to feel obligated with a shower and all.

I have to 100% agree with the poster who said stop whispering in corners. Makes me crazy when grown women act like 3 yr olds! And that is the behavior that would bother me.
What is personal is personal, but honestly we spend more time and work then anywhere else anymore and sometimes that has to be taken into consideration as well.
Do you have any specific travel plans that would be at the same time you estimate she would be out? I would speak to the boss and make sure you can get off. I would say something like our family is planning on taking a nice trip or even time off to enjoy visiting family around such and such a date. Before we put anymore time or effort into this I want to check that being off work during this timeframe shouldn't be a problem. Then her time off is the supervisor's problem. Because this one point is very valid. Most offices and companies are so tight that anyone being for more then a week or two does disrupt things. Or even worse they can't afford to have 2-3 workers out the same week. We had a calendar so each of us could see what was open. It was perhaps the only place we worked well as a team and helped everyone get anytime off that was needed. Go for the team approach with the time off.

Certain women in certain professions do not what the "competition" to know they are pregnant for fear of others taking their jobs. I do agree that she's a little touchy about it and it can be awkward for you.

Personally, I would slip her a card congratulating her letting her know if she needs anything to let you know....and leave it at that.

I'd ask her point blank why she doesn't want anyone to know. If she snaps, she snaps. I understand wanting to make sure all is okay, but why not share in the joy rather than making it a "dirty" secret? I would want people to know, unless she plans to quit her job when she has the baby and is concerned about that?

We had someone do the exact same thing in our office and you're right, more people talked about the fact that she was obviously pregnant than they did when, later, she finally came out with it. Obviously, this woman has a reason for not wanting people to know. You have to respect that - pregnancy is personal. Do you KNOW 100% that this is her 1st pregnancy? I lost my DD at 23 weeks and when I was pregnant with my son, I hid it for as long as possible (although once I was obviously pregnant I told everyone) - mainly b/c I was scared of losing him - not b/c I cared about other people. I just couldn't deal with their "Congrats" and what not while dealing with my own emotional roller coaster. You never know what people are dealing with...