Doggie & Toddler issues--Any Animal Experts??

Updated on September 23, 2012
K.S. asks from Atlanta, GA
21 answers

My golden retriever is 12 years old and my daughter is 16 months old. My dog is as sweet as can be, however she is and always has been a bit on the skiddish side. My daughter absolutely ADORES Casey but Casey wants to be left alone. It is clear to me that my dog has a breaking point, you can only stand being chased and poked and whatever else for so long...The other day Casey showed what I took as a sign of agression. It was not a full on growel but it was enough to make me seperate them since. We live in an apartment so my dog is basically in a bedroom, which she doesn't seem to mind but it doesn't seem fair to her either. I think I should put her down. I don't think she would make it if we gave her away because of her anxiety as well as the fact that she is 12. Am I wrong to feel this way?

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for your advise and well in some cases unwarrented opinions =) I spoke with our vet today and we are going to put casey on prozac and if it doesn't work as he recommended to let her be with her sister in doggy heaven due to her age and history.So lets keep our fingers crossed that the doggy prozac works

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S.H.

answers from Spartanburg on

I have a 13 year old dog and twin 3 year olds. Ever since they were babies she has growled at them and sometimes snapped at them to let them know they were in her space and she'd had enough. NEVER would she bite them. She would get especially cranky if they woke her up from a dead sleep. I think it's unfair to consider euthanizing the dog, unless biting becomes an issue. Teach them now to respect the dog's space, show them how to pet nicely, etc.

C.V.

answers from Cleveland on

I honestly wouldn't jump RIGHT to putting her down. Yes she may be old, but unless she has some sort of cancer, is blind or otherwise REALLY unhealthy I think putting her down would be unfair.

The thing thats hard is that she is as old as she is. You've had her for so long, & she has been the queen of the house. Introducing a baby to any dog that was in the house first is hard to do. Old dogs are stuck in their ways and her changing might not happen.

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M.B.

answers from Dallas on

I know this will seem harsh and I'm not saying you're a bad person, or parent. I certainly didn't get that impression from your question. However, I do think it's wrong. It is your responsibility to care for it. How is it, that it has become acceptable to put down an animal, when you start to have problems with it? YOU brought the dog in your home. YOU chose to have a very high energy breed in an apartment. The dog had no choice. It didn't break down your door and insist to live with you. The dog was there a decade before your child was. I'm not asking you to choose a pet over a child, I'm asking you to take the responsibility you promised when you got a pet. You're right, a dog can only take so much. Dogs are not people, they can only warn a human in certain ways. A warning is not aggression. A warning is saying stop, or I will have no choice but to protect myself. I would suggest consulting an animal trainer/behaviorist. In the mean time, keep your dog and child separate, until the behavior can be addressed by someone who is qualified to help you. No, it's not fair to the dog, but it's better then putting it to sleep. Does the dog go for walks? Does it get to play outside? If not, I can assure you it has pent up energy. That will exacerbate any problem with a child. Goldens require lots of outdoor and play time, if they don't get it they are a ball of pent up energy. You are responsible for teaching your child to behave around animals and setting up boundaries in your home. I have 14 month old and 2 large high energy dogs and I have to keep my very busy son from poking and prodding at them. He has to learn to treat animals with respect, or he will be in a dangerous situation. That's just how it is in my home. It takes a lot of work, but it's work that has to be done.

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C.G.

answers from Davenport on

I agree that your child's safety comes first. However, it is dangerous and unfair to the dog that you allow your child to constantly harass the dog. Especially, a dog that old...I'm assuming she sleeps alot. Your daughter's behavior is only going to get worse if you don't put up boundaries. Our son is now 4 and we have taught him from the beginning how to play with the dog (It does not include being chased and poked 24/7). Maybe talk to your vet to see if they know someone willing to take her.

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

Wow. I'm a bit shocked that you can have a pet for 12 years and consider killing it because it growled at a child that you admit was chasing and poking it. Many vets will not euthanize animals with no significant health or behavioral problems for a reason. There are actually a lot of alternatives. Find a trainer. Find a behaviorist. Separate your apartment to keep the baby away from the dog. Teach your daughter the correct ways to handle a dog. Contact a breed rescue, and let people who love the breed find your dog a great home.

I trained all 3 of my dogs to tolerate my son - they were afraid of him at first, and they still don't like him much. I actually didn't have much difficulty with it, although there are certainly personality issues that could make it harder with your dog. I would go on petfinder.com and find a Golden Retriever rescue. If nothing else, they may be able to help you find a trainer. They may even have an opening and be able to take your dog and find it a good home. Good luck.

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L.K.

answers from Kansas City on

Not an expert but do not per her down, find a rescue group, NOT a shelter.
Trust me, she will adjust! I just looked it up for you-www.grra.com
Golden Retriever Rescue of Atlanta. I'm sure they will be happy to find her a home where she can be a companion for someone.

My last 5 dogs (4 goldens, 1 lab mix) have all been rescues and 3 out of the 5 have been 'seniors' and all have had some sort of issues. They all settled in and were great pets and additions to our family. Oh, I don't have all now, that's over the years. I now have 1 golden and the lab mix. The lab mix, Tucker, his owner passed away suddenly and we decided to take him in at 6 years old. He was very skittish at first, at still is in certain situations. But he was raised an outside farm dog, who lost his loving owner, was up rooted and put in a house with 2 teenagers and another dog and has adjusted beautifully.

Please just don't put her down.

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A.K.

answers from Los Angeles on

I say to put your 16 month old daughter down. Better yet, you put yourself down as well because the poor dog is being harassed and you are too much of a wimp to discipline your bratty child. Why should a dog be murdered because you nor your child has any sense of respect for another living being. Wow. Your vet agrees? So sad! Killing a dog because its begging you to protect him. You're not good enough to have a dog.

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K.C.

answers from Columbia on

We have fostered many dogs for rescue organizations including Goldens. Goldens are typically great with kids and we fostered a golden while our daughter was 2. However, I could see where a older dog who has not been exposed to children would have a hard time making the transition. It is true that there are trainers that can help her adjust better and you owe it to her to give that a try. If you really just fear for your daughters safety and want her out of the home then please please please call your local Golden rescue and let them assess if she can transition into another home. Many people love older Goldens because they are already trained and mellowed out. Give her that right to live out her "golden" years with someone who will shower her with love.

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V.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I agree that you should find a new home for her instead of putting her down (Unless she has a serious illness that you aren't telling us about). There are many rescue organizations that would gladly find a good home for her to live in the rest of her days.

If you want to try to make it work with her staying with you, I agree with the person who suggested blocking off an area for your daughter (Like the living room) so that Casey has more than one room to roam around. I also think you should work very h*** o* teaching your daughter how to treat animals (I know it's hard and that it will take time, but eventually she'll get the hang of it). Maybe while you have the two together while your daughter is still learning, have a muzzle on the dog just in case.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

At 12 years old, many dogs like Goldens have arthritis and yours may have some aches and pains. This is not more justification for the idea of having her euthanized, just saying there may be something medical going on that could make her less tolerant of your daughter.

She probably does not appreciate having a toddler poke and harass her all day long and the growl is a warning, that she's saying enough is enough! I would let her have a space all to herself where she can get away from your daughter, and I would be teaching your daughter appropriate behavior toward the dog. I have a 13 year old pug, an 8 year old pug, and my daughter is almost 3. She's been spoken to from day one what you do and what you don't do the dogs - I've demonstrated petting gently and she's been great about keeping it at that, she doesn't try to pick them up, or poke things in their face or their ears, or grab or pinch their skin or tails.

I agree that sometimes people have to make tough decisions and I've seen some dogs that have no business being around children of any age. However, I think considering euthanasia is jumping the gun here. I would make an appointment with your veterinarian and discuss your concerns. If she's in some mild discomfort from arthritis, there are pain meds she may be able to take that could help. Your vet could also recommend a reputable trainer or behavior specialist that you can look into.

Good luck to you!

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J.P.

answers from Seattle on

A few weeks ago I surrendered my dog (a 9 year old pug) to a rescue organization because she bit my son on the face twice. I should have done it after the first bite but I (mistakenly) thought I could prevent it from happening again. So my advice would be, if you fear that your child will be bitten, take action now. As others have said, please seek out a rescue organization or reach out to friends and family to find a new home before putting the dog down. This is another reason to act sooner rather than later - I have heard that shelters will not accept a dog who has bitten, as it's a liability for them. It also sounds as though you have a genuine concern for your dog's quality of life, which is another reason to send her to a new home where she can live her last years in peace, with loving attention. Best luck.

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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

WAIT!!!

I would first call a dog behaviorist. They do exist. Second, you do NOT have to put this dog to sleep.

We have two dogs and two kids. The first dog we got about a year before our daughter came along. The dog was a rescue she was great!

After four years of trying for kid number 2 with no luck we got dog number 2. He was insane -- really. He had massive fear of being left alone (even with the other dog). He had been left a long time in a crate with no food or water, so he ate and drank everything he could find. It was crazy. He was so scared he didn't wag his tail for the first year. The second day we had him he jumped on our bed, I picked him up to put him back on the ground and he was sooo scared he peed all over me -- I was dressed in a wool suit, and silk shirt. I was real not happy. We almost sent him back that time and several other times.

However we called an animal behavoist -- actually we consulted with three different ones before we found one we liked. It really helped. We still have all the dogs and all the kids, and no one in our family has ever been bitten.

Good Luck! Your local animal shelter, rescue place, or vet may have names for you.

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C.G.

answers from Augusta on

I guess it's hard for me to rationalize keeping her locked in a bedroom not being fair to her but euthanizing her being fair? Sorry to put it so bluntly but it strikes me as very odd.

In all likelihood your daughter will become less interested in her in a short time and leave her alone. Does she have a spot where she can "hide" like under a bed or something?

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

These are tough situations. I agree if the choice is the pet or the child, you choose the child 100% of the time. This is clear cut for me if the dog has bitten or has tried to bite. The other option is to keep them separated while you teach your daughter to be careful when with dogs (this takes time and mistakes will be made). Another option is to muzzle the dog, so she can't bite (should the worst happen). I would still look to find her a home before putting her down. It's ultimately your choice, but you aren't "wrong" to want to protect your child.

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D.K.

answers from State College on

At 12, Casey may have some aches and pains and her hearing and eye sight may not be as good. I can understand your worried and you may have to make that decision, so no you aren't wrong to feel the way you do. A bite would be horrible for your young daughter and I'm sure that is what you are worried about. Before doing that I would take her in and have a full vet exam, check bloodwork maybe, but have her joints etc checked. If she is painful, many meds out there may help and without the pain she may be more tolerant. The slight growl is a warning that she has enough and would like to be left alone.It was good to separate them, since it can escalate, but Casey was just trying to say please leave me alone. Also if you try to keep her longer, talk to your daughter about how to pet Casey and when to leave her alone. She is young, but with repetition can probably learn when you say enough, she needs to leave Casey alone. If she has a lot of anxiety and it is causing problems, there are some meds you can talk to your vet about. I'm not advocating unnecessary meds, but for severe anxiety some make a difference in some dogs.

Growing up we had a golden, and I was older when she reached the age where she starting having old age issues. She did have arthritis and using an NSAID gave her many more pain free years and kept her comfortable. By the time she was 16 she would sometimes snap if she was asleep and you touched her without talking and making sure she saw you first. She never tried to get near you with her mouth and was just startled and surprised. No one put her at fault and we just made sure we talked loud enough she could hear us and did not touch her hip area as she was waking up, since she could get stiff.

Good luck to you in the coming weeks as you make a very difficult decision and I hope you have a wonderful vet that can help you make sure there is nothing that could be causing some of the problems and also to make the final decision.

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T.Y.

answers from Atlanta on

Yes, is the pet ill??? Why would you put her down?

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S.

answers from Atlanta on

They do have medications for dogs with anxiety.....

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M.R.

answers from Atlanta on

I think you can save the dog by letting her know she is not alpha and that you and baby are. In other words, don't give the dog any attention until everyone else has been tended to, don't feed her until everyone else has eaten, etc. It may seem cruel but she will quickly learn her place in the new hierarchy and will no longer show aggression toward you or the baby. And definitely reward any positive signs the dog shows toward the baby. At the same time, keep showing your toddler how to properly treat the dog and reward any positive behavior from your child as well (petting gently, talking quietly around the dog, not stepping on the dog, etc.).

The first word my son learned was "gentle" because of my old cat with diabetes. The cat didn't like babies/toddlers and I didn't want the animal to harm the baby so I taught the child how to react around the cat. The cat now adores my 4 year old son and follows him around like a puppy dog and my son treats all animals with the same respect he learned to treat the cat with.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

This isn't a dog issue this is a toddler issue.
Get the girl to leave the poor dog along, She's old she deserves to be left alone.
When you see her gettin to the point of not putting up with hit redirect the toddler. Don't punish the dog for getting fed up. Dogs aren't toys or jungle gyms , toddlers don't get this unless the dog or dog owner puts their food down. And the only way a dog can do that is to growl or bite.
So it's your job to tell your daughter that's enough leave Casey alone.

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J.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

that is tough. is their anyway you can keep the baby in the living room and block off all exits so the dog can have the other rooms so she isnt stuck in one room. then both can be happy and unharmed. also try having time with the dog with baby and showing the lil one how to pet nice and be gentlie that we dont pull or poke puppies. then the dog also get attention and when the dog is done you separate. i understand your concern about a possible bite happening but you also have to look at it from the dogs view and the dog nipping is just a warning and basic instinct.
we have a border collie chow mix and my 3 year old daughter gets nipped by him when he has enough and i correct them both. the dog gets a swat and told not to bite and my daughter gets told not to pester the dog. your little one can understand what no is at her age. maybe try getting a big stuffed dog for her lol. good luck with your choice i know it must be hard.

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B.B.

answers from Augusta on

I wish I had your problem with my 19-yr-old cat. My toddler tortures the life out of the poor old thing, and nothing I do seems to teach my son that he can't be that rough with her. The one thing I KNOW would get through to him is if she hissed or even gave him a good scratch once. But she won't. She has never done anything but cry for me to intervene. I don't want my son to get hurt, but I also don't want him hurting her.

I know a large dog like a retriever being aggressive is somewhat different from a cat scratch. But I wonder if it wouldn't do your child some good if the dog taught her how to treat him...just a little bit. she might respect him more for that.

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