Dressing My 3 1/2 Year Old

Hi D.,

3 1/2 year olds are very independent. I know, I've been there. I would just let her wear what she wants, she will be happy and you won't be stressed. The more you argue with a toddler the tuffer they get, it's never a win-win situation. When my girls started pre-school they chabged thier dressing style all by themselves. It's called independence.

Good Luck,
M.

Fortunately she has more than 1 favorite outfit. We like to choose clothes the night before and that can help a bit. Would it help to have her choose 5 outfits for the week on Sunday night? That way she is choosing.

Hi ! well I'm going to warn you I won't be much help I just want you to know you're not alone... my 2.5yr old makes getting dressed a powerstruggle everyday... First its the fact that she loooooooooves being naked I have no idea why... then when I get her dressed its "no mommy not this" and she starts pulling ALL her clothes out of her drawers... My grandmother bought her 4 hannah montana shirts and thats all she wants to wear (I swear every pick you'll see of her for the past month you'll see hannah and if i show you her closet she has more clothes than you can imagine..) I've given up all together...I figure i won't win... I've gone as far as letting her wear a sweater in the heat and her tutu to cici's pizza...
I know it sounds horrible but there are worse things to battle with...

D.,
Don't take this the wrong way, but what's the big deal? She's just spreading her little wings. Why does she have to wear what you want her to? As long as you are purchasing clothing that is easy for her to slip on with few buttons and drawstrings to tie, you are in charge of deciding what goes into her closet. My daughter is 7 and has been choosing most of her clothes for about 3 years now. She enjoys putting outfits together. It's really quite cute to watch her pick and choose what she thinks matches and why. I only say something if it is inappropriate for church or special occasions. For dressy clothes it's hard to find things that don't itch. My daughter doesn't care for wearing certain dresses for that reason alone. If you're struggling with this, remind yourself: is it really going to hurt her to wear that? Have fun with it! God bless!

She will outgrow this phase and go into another, equally as noboxious. This is a power struggle. She is winning. I would talk to her and explain that mommy wants her to look nice. Show mommy the clothes you don't like and we will give them to a little girl who needs clothes. Look at what she likes, and see what it is about those things. Is it the feel, the texture, do they have cute pics? Take her to a store and let her pick out what she likes. Or, if you can afford more, go to the mini boden website and let her look. Their clothes are made for comfort but pricy. Good luck.

Hi there, have you tried to let her choose her own clothes in the store? If so, then I would just buy more than one of something if she really loves to wear a particular item. My son is the same way, he will not wear shoes if he has not chosen them himself and is very particular about what he wears - he will not wear one piece rompers or overalls. It's important for your child to be secure and comfortable and I would say it is just not worth it if she is unhappy about putting on something that she really does not want to wear. As she gets older she will change I am sure! I know it's hard as with girls you want to dress them up and have them looking good - but her happiness should come over & above wearing a specific or different outfit. Also if friends/family offer or ask to buy an outfit, tell them to rather buy a giftcard so that she can choose herself. I have had to do that with my family so that they don't buy something and get upset when he doesn't wear it. My daughter is also to some extent like that, she prefers comfortable clothing that can get messed up, so I've had to let that one go too!

I'd just keep washing the things she'll wear. Less of a hassle.

Hi D.,

I'm sorry you are having this problem with you little one. It definitely sounds like a bad pattern was set early on where you may have allowed her to choose her favorite clothes to wear; maybe not, or maybe not intentionally. However, this pattern needs to be broken before it is too late. We must make our children understand who the parent is and that they are not in charge. They must learn this early on or it can become too late and the real problems begin. I can not stress this anymore in this post. Please understand that this problem you have may only be the beginning if you do not stop this behavior now. Suggestion: Take a day when you have nothing specific planned or on the agenda. Tell her that you all are going out and need to get dressed. Take out her clothes and set them out for her to see. Do not ask her if she likes them or show them to her. Just lay them out to be put on her after her bath. Then, dress her. If she screams, let her. Tell her that you all will not be going out until she is dressed in the outfit that has been set out for her. Since you really did not have anyplace special to go, she cann scream and yell as long as she wants until she gets the picture that you are the parent and will decide what she wears. I hope suggestion helps or even someone elses. However, please remember that the longer this behavior persists, the worse it will become as she gets old.

A.

D.,
My sons have all had their favorite outfits - when they are dirty - my boys just had to choose an alternative. If the time/event was appropriate, I would allow them to choose the outfit- there were times that I would cringe at their fashion choices (imagine if you will bright multi-color Ocean Pacific Surfer pants, a bright yellow long sleeve shirt, cowboy hat and boots....) got that picture? There were other times that a matter of fact, no making excuses or apologies, the boys had to wear what I wanted them to wear for the time/place we were going. Now - to keep the peace - as soon as we returned home, I would let them choose their outfits for the rest of the day.
Good Luck - it is just a phase:)
T.

I always offer a choice so they feel as though they are making the command decision but I have had those times with the ever lovely Elsa dress my 3 year old refused to take off. Every day she would wear it,sleep in it, play in it (even in the sand box) I could only get it off her to wash it. It slowly began to fall apart. The lacey part dragging on the floor 2 feet behind her as she walked and rips throughout the dress. She didn't care she marches to the beat of her own drummer. When it was cold she wore jeans and a sweater under the dress. It was no big deal. When she started preschool she changed realizing she couldn't move around and run on the playground. My point is it will pass and nobody got hurt lol. Taking it from her would be like somebody trying to take my most compfy shoes or sweatshirt. That's not going to happen!

Let her wear her favorite clothes. Put them in the laundry when they are dirty. Open the drawer when they are dirty and let her pick out what she wants to wear.

If you are going somewhere that you want to control what she wears pick out two outfits-set them out on the bed. Ask her to choose which ones she wants to wear.

Sometimes I have to say to my children, "I am the adult. You are the child. This is an adult decision." Ignore the temper tantrum.

wash her outfit every night, or buy a second just like it, and let her wear it every day. what would it hurt? just pick your battles, it wont hurt her to wear the same thing every day.

You could try a weekly outfit thing, where you both choose what to wear each day of the week at the beginning. Tell her she needs to wear something different for each day and on a certain day, say Friday she can wear her favorite outfit! I went through this too with a very strong willed girl so good luck!

Wow! Lots of varying responses here, but I say if it isn't a power struggle (like if she isn't this way about other things, like food, etc...), give her limited choices - the things you know she likes to wear, plus some similar items.

Of my 3 kids, only my middle one (a boy) went through this at a young age. He ONLY wanted to wear blue jeans - not any other color denim, not shorts, just JEANS! He was 3-4 years old then. It was expensive to buy him decent jeans that he wouldn't tear up - and he didn't like elastic-waisted cheap ones! So as long as they weren't terribly dirty, he kept wearing what he wanted without me having to wash them every single day. He only went to preschool 3 days a week, so some days, he just ran around in underwear if we weren't going anywhere! He eventually outgrew it, but has still been particular about the style of his clothes! He is only 10, but you'd think he was a girl! My dtr and oldest son would wear stuff out of a trash heap if I'd let them! They care not! I know all that will change once they realize that WalMart and Kmart actually don't fly in the fashion world, but as long as they are wearing out all their clothes, or growing inches after wearing their good Levis three times, I will buy cheap as long as possible!

There certainly are more important things to battle over, and as a child who always felt I would hurt my mother's feelings if I told her I didn't like something she wanted to buy me, and then I'd get made fun of or take a change of clothes to school - it is a struggle not worth it! As a mom, I try to understand that if my child isn't comfortable, for whatever reason, in their clothes, they won't have the self-confidence to be themeselves and their relationships with friends could be affected. It sure was that way with shy old me, until I started letting my mom know I wanted to be the one picking out my clothes. I never wanted trashy, slinky stuff as a teenager, nor will I ever let any of my kids wear anything rude or crass or that breaks school dress codes, but within reason, they need to make as many choices as it is safe and affordable for them to make while they are developing that sense of self. Always having to be the domineering authority only pushes strong-willed children to resent any authority (my sister is the perfect case in point, but at 32 has finally settled down!).

Do what makes sense to you and keep the overall environment happy. You don't have to "spoil" your child, or let her be in control in order to keep the peace. Just set reasonable demands, and let your intuition be your guide!

Best to you!
A. V

HI D.!

Do you think this is a contol-issue or a clothing-issue? My daughter (now 10) always had a distinct idea about style. She wore this one dress my friend gave her every chance she could. Eventually, she wore it with leggings as a shirt until it was just impossible to fit into it. I think she is old enough to pick out her own clothes. There are other more important things to argue about. If it is a power struggle, that is different. Does she give you a hard time about anything else? She is old enough to understand that you are the mommy and you are in charge. If you consistently react in the same way - do not give in- eventually she will get the idea and the tantrums will stop. It can become a game of "who can last the longest". You cannot let her win or this will become a pattern for your whole life and you don't want a teenager that acts this way. Good luck! L.

What I did with my child who was extremely particular about what she would wear is put out a basket of 5 or 6 outfits. It can be her special basket. You can decide if you need to take clothes out of her drawers. She could wear anything out of the basket that she wanted, change 5 hundred times a day, and at the end of the week I would just wash her clothes, or replace those that got too dirty. Gosh, if I let her, she'd be wearing shorts in the winter. And the same pair, too!
Don't bother giving them choices. You are the parent and the authority, and simply saying "it is time to do this" or, "we are doing it this way today" with all the sweetness and conviction you can works wonders...no shame or anger in your voice.
Look at the end goal....you want your child to gain independence in her clothing choices and be able to dress herself appropriately. Give her control over that, and you get to put whatever you want into the basket.

Let her:) It will pass. I was a nanny for 3 girls and they did the same thing. Our boys would wear spider man, thomas the train,cars and stuff like that all the time if we had it. But since I do not like theamed clothes I do not buy it (and everyone else knows not to get it for them:)) SO even if the oldest would decide to throw a fit about what he will wear, I do not care since I like it all anyways:)

One experience changed my mind about clothing my kids. When my son was 2 , my husband was out of town and I was getting him and his little sister (then a newborn) ready for church. I was determined to get to church, (for my sanity fix for the week!) and thought it a small matter to have my kids in decent clothes. In a wrestling match, I finally got my son out of his (dirty) play clothes and into his dandies. I went to roust my sleeping daughter and returned to find my son back in his play clothes!! I was livid and soon in tears.

As I heard the clock tick, I decided just getting to church was the most important thing. And that decision has changed my life. I escorted my kids to the car and (still teary and a bit embarrassed) arrived at the church nursery door with my ragamuffins. The nursery caregiver reached for the baby and happily greeted my son with a bright smile, gave me a hug and told me to go relax in church. SHE did not care a bit what my child was wearing!

I was able to get to church with a happy kid, I was able to relax in church (and only a tad bit late) and neither of us was worse for wear. To this day, now with teenagers, I do not fuss about what my kids wear to church (OK, no skulls graphics...) I am just glad and proud to have them there with me!

This awakening pertains to other clothing situations, too. Besides decency (we watch neck lines and skirt lengths) and reasonably good taste (like no skulls in church), I've decided there are many more important matters in which to invest my energy.

My kids have also gone through this. Some things I would let them where and have to look away... Turtle neck with shorts and cowboy boots. My other daughter is 11 and still has a hard time matching colors. Many times she has worn plaid w/polka dots and stripes all in colors that don't match. Some days I will tell them to change. Other days, when it's not important I just let it go.

I also agree with some of the other mom's about choice. I usually take my kids shopping with me and when they pick something out I help them find something to match it. This is teaching the kids to match wothout the battle:) My younger one now matches very well and the older one is doing okay, BUT she is now starting to come to me to ask for help in matching.

My daughter also had very strong ideas about what she liked to wear at that age. One of her favorite things to do was to change clothes about 5 or 6 times a day (and never hung anything up or put it away, of course). I remember once around that age she wanted to wear her bathing suit under her dress, and I let her. I knew she'd probably be uncomfortable, and she was, and she realized it hadn't been a good idea when she had to go to the bathroom.

If your daughter needs to wear certain clothes to go somewhere, for example, try telling her she can change to one of her favorite outfits as soon as you get home. It's probably time to stop buying her clothes without her approval. That's what I did - took her with me when it was time to buy clothes for her. It's a case of choosing your battles. Hey, at least she'll wear clothes! It could always be worse, right? :o)

Hi D.,

It may not be the best advice but it is what I chose to do when faced with a similar situation.
Personally I always felt that I had to pick my battles so, when my kids only wanted to wear 2 or 3 different things,(kindergarten age) other than washing it, I let them! (but I wrote a note to the teachers and explained) I also went through this with food. My oldest would only eat veal parmigiana for dinner for 3 months!(at the time, he was 6) Occasionally cooked fresh by me and the rest of the time filled in with (for lack of a better word at the moment) T.V. dinners! I know with the food thing a lot of you are rolling your eyes and saying tsk tsk but honestly, it was not like he was refusing to eat anything but candy and I have always been a firm believer that when your body is craving something, it is because the thing you crave contains something that your body is lacking and needs. So, I let him have his 3 months (but was VERY grateful when it ended! lol)

Pick your battles. As long as the clothing isn't inappropriate (sleeveless shirts in snow, or stained clothes to church or some formal function), then what's the big deal? Save the "battle" for when it *is* important -- like wearing a pretty dress to a wedding, and not her cut-off pink-and-purple shorts with green polka-dot shirt.

i ended up having to buy a few of the same outfit! i also took her shopping with me (short trips of course) so she could pick what she liked good luck

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