Ear Piercing, 12 Yr Old Boy

I would just like to share a little bit of my experience with the "punky" look. I was very into the punk scene when I was a teenager. Even though I was a pretty good kid, dressing that way caused me to attract some not-so-good friends. Meaning, they were somewhat of a bad influence on me. Also, dressing that way made me feel like I had to look a certain way to be accepted rather than just being myself. Maybe that's just part of being a kid but I thought I'd share a different view on it for you to think about.

Whatever you do I think it's more important to just show him that you love him no matter what he looks like and that there are other much more important things like character etc. Good luck!

I think when parents are seperated or divorced they tend to do all they can to keep kids happy thru the most difficult time of his or her life. BUT, if you give them everything at 12, what can you do at 16? Think about it Mom. He still needs guidance from you and his dad, not friendship.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with letting him express himself in that way. Something like ear piercings can always be taken out and the holes grow closed again.....they're not as drastic as many things kids want to do. My son is 13 and he has had one ear pierced since he was 5. He begged me and begged me and I told him to save his money and pay for half of it and I would take him.....he did so I did. That may be an option in this case also.....tell him if he wants them pierced to save up and pay some/all of it. That is always a way to tell just how serious they are about something.

I do, however, know several people that think I was very extreme in allowing my boy to get his ear pierced, although I just shrug them off because ultimately he is my child and what happens in his life and his and I's decision and as long as we're okay with it, that's what is important. I say let him go for it........why not. Also, my son knows where it is appropriate to wear his earring, and when to leave it out. I help him by reminding him which kinds are appropriate for boys also.

When faced with a situation such as yours with my 12 year old son, and remembering the sage advice to choose your parenting battles wisely, I ask myself if that is the hill I would want to die on... or would my energy best be spent somewhere else.

pick your battles with your teens, and know WHY you're fighting over it. if your girls wanted their ears pierced at 12 would it be an issue? if not, then why is it with the boy? that's going to be an arguing point for him! lol
in our house, the piercing rule is 14 for ears and 18 for anything else. and there has to be a discussion as to WHY the piercing is wanted, and the want has to be there for a considerable period of time to rule out "going with the crowd" etc.
in the end, if it just makes you feel awkward, that is going to be a difficult position for you to defend with just "no", and your son or ex may over-ride it because your position isn't really defendable. you need to have strong reasons for your no, as well as for your permission. and if he looks "punky" or is a skater, what's the big deal in the long run? looks certainly aren't everything, but they DO make teen-agers work harder to prove themselves as honest, hard-working, and "normal" in spite of their outlandish appearance!

I think you answered it yourself.....HE'S A GREAT KID - great grades, good disposition. Sounds like you are a wonderful Mom and he just wants a bit of self-expression. Don't worry what others think - and anyway - he can always let those holes close if he changes his mind in a year or two.

Hi J., I would have to say no the the ear piercing... I don't think it's an age appropriate thing "I don't care who else has done it." It seems as you've said that you've agreed to some other requests.... so a "no" should balance out okay... sometimes kids want you to say "no."

"NO"

You're the parent...

Hi J., boy I am not looking forward to this stage with my kids. I have taught middle school so I think I have an understanding of this age group. There is a fine line on which you need to walk without being too overbearing so that they don't really rebel. I think you are feeling that this is not a good idea because it is permanent. Once they are pierced you will always have that mark on your ear. It is trendy now but in a few years he may hate it. If it were my son, I would say no for right now. If he wants to do it still when he is 17 or even better out of h.s. then okay. It may cause problems in school, some people who may be close-minded will pre judge him, in a few years or months he may regret doing it. I think it is a bad idea. good luck!

It's up to your comfort level. If he's doing good and is a good kid and not doing it because of peer pressure but really wants it then I would let him. It's something common now (yes, both ears on boys!) and it's not indicitave of gayness nor will people think he's gay because of it. And he can take it out if he doesn't like it and they will close. good luck!

Some things are just too much too soon. It sounds like you've had a history of being permissive and allowing your son to do pretty much what he wants in the self-adornment department. If he's dying his hair and piercing his ears now at 12, what do you think he'll want to do by the time he's 17? Tattoes and more piercings???

Sounds like you're trying to reward his good behavior with this type of permissiveness. That may not be the best idea. Remember you have other children coming behind him who will look up to him as an example and role model. Do you really want your kids to be dyed, pierced and tattoed in the next ten years? Just think about the possibilities for long term consequences of this choice if you allow it.

I think YOU have to remember WHO IS IN CHARGE in your household. Way too many parents today let the children run the house and if that is how you want it fine, but you had better put your foot down now or no one will like your son when he is grown up!!!! It is called "tough love"!! Some day he will thank you for putting your foot down with him. As long as he lives under roof he needs to abide by your rules, that is the bottom line!

I guess my only question would be is he responsible enough to take care of cleaning it so it doesn't get infected? I don't think an ear piercing is a big deal, when he gets tired of earrings he'll take them out. I'd say no if it was a nose or lip ring, but I think an earring is relatively harmless

Our 17 year old never wanted any part of piercing or tattooing but so many boys are doing this now that it is not out of sort. It is really up to what you and his father think is acceptable. If you both think it is OK go for it but if you really are feeling this is not right at this time then I would ask him if he could wait. The one thing with ear piercing is the earring can always be taken out where as a tattoo can not be taken off with soap and water.

S.

My stepson actually got his ear pierced when he was 8. We told him he couldn't wear it at recess (that's pretty funny now that I think about it) and had to keep it clean, etc. He was very conscientious about it. At about 11 or 12 he actually stopped wearing the earring because he no longer thought it looked cool or whatever... Now he is almost 21 and has 4 tattoos which we would never have allowed if he was still living at home and under 18 but he's a young man now and has to make his own decisions. He is a very kind and thoughtful young man. It's funny, on Father's day I overheard him telling my 5 yr old that he should never get a 'real' tattoo as my 5 yr old inspected one of his big brother's real tattoos and told him he only gets fake ones. LOL!

As many have said, you know your son's character and if you think this wouldn't be a perception limiting move then go for it. It is hard to know when the times are changing so fast we can't even keep up!!

Good luck.

I took my 7 year old son to get his ears pierced last year - it was what he asked for after his sport season was over. I personally find no harm in an ear piercing in a boy (or a girl for that matter). It's only semi-permanent - if and when they decide they don't want it anymore, they can let it close up and only a small scar is left behind.
Let him express himself! Or, he may find ways to do it on his own - when I was a teenager, I went behind my parents back and got two tattoos and a tongue piercing. The only ones i regret? Tattoos. Obviously!

My personally, being very conservative, can't imagine letting my son (who is not near that age) have even longish hair or red tips. So bless you for being a somewhat hip parent. My husband had an ear pierced with two earrings when I met him. He also had a tatoo and let his hair grow long when he got out of the Air Force.

Thing is since then we have both grown up considerably. We both attend a very conservative church now and we really like the product they turn out. So both of us are thinking that those kinds of trendy habits will not be allowed in our house. We aren't comfortable with the stereotypes placed on kids with those trendy styles, we aren't comfortable with the lifestyles we both led when we were into that trendy type stuff. And we wouldn't know where to draw the line.

I would just sit down with him and tell him that you aren't comfortable with the earrings....in both ears or even in one. That he will have to wait until he is 18 and able to live on his own for that one. That he may not like this rule, but you have limits and that just crosses the line for you. Explain that you aren't trying to be mean, you do love him very much, but it just isn't going to happen.

J.-
It is a choice that you must be comfortable with. Personally, I would not allow it. I know that children go through a lot of identity crisis and experience peer pressures, but there are some things that they need to be able to explain the reasons behind wanting to make their decisions. Ask him why he wants to do it. Sure it is great that he is doing well in school and is a good child, but what message will be sent with the piercings?

Just my thought.

Ear piercing and hair dye are not tough love points a parent needs to make. Holes close up and hair dye can be changed or cut off. Who cares if he looks "punky??? He's a kid and now is the time for self expression. 12 is about the age that this starts, and I say better now than when he's an adult and appearance matters when he's looking for a job. By then he'll be sick of it and less inclined to "rebel" by doing these things. If he's responsible and a good kid why not. Some permissivemiss is great as it helps establish a positive relationship between parent and child, and lets him know you respect his right to personal expression with regards to his appearance. Hold out the control struggle for things that really matter like drugs, alcohol, sex, and curfew. I know a lot of boys who have pierced ears by 12, and luckily they get sick of it by the time they're in their twenties. If your daughter wanted it, you'd probably let her at 12 right??/

Personally, I wouldn't have an issue with it, but I also have a lot of tattoos and had my nose pierced recently. If my son wants to get his ears pierced, I'll be thrilled to take him. It's very commonplace now; a lot of boys that age have their ears pierced. I say let him express himself as long as it's not harmful or against his school dress code.

I personally think that 12 is a little young for a boy to be asking to have his ear pierced. I have an eleven year old boy and the thought hasn't crossed his mind. If your son is active in competitive sports they are not going to allow it. Hope this helps.

Hi! I see you have a lot of varying opinions, and I thought I would throw in mine. I was definately a teenager that was into "fad" type things. I have multiple piercings in my ears and now only use your standard two earrings. I have a tattoo that I wanted when I was a teenager, but waited until I was 24. I thought I might change my mind and never did, until now. I feel you have to let your kids express themselves, but perhaps in a non-permanant way. There is a lot he can say through hairstyle and clothing. I thought no one would look at me different if I had a tattoo. I would still be the same person to the people who knew me. Did I get a lot of looks at the first extended family party I attended and these were people who were friends and family? Human nature is to judge by appearance first, get to know you later. It stinks, but that's how it is. Choose carefully. I know almost anything goes these days (so they say), but it is permanant and he may change his mind later. By the way, Claire's sells magnetic earrings that are small studs and many others. Maybe he could try those first and see how he likes it and if he is getting the reaction he anticipates.

I have 3 younger brothers all of which got their ears pierced around age 12 (now in their 20's). I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I would tell your son that it's his responsibility to clean his ears so they don't get infected. I would take him to the peds office if you don't trust the places in the mall.

I say go for it... as long as it is done professionally and HE is paying for it with his own money!!

I have to say I laughed when I seen you say you wonder if it will make him appear punky! If the longer skater hair with blonde tips and red in it doesnt already then the earrings wont either!

My son, who turned 19 today, had the punky hair, the earrings, baggy clothes with his rear end and boxers hanging out...what was in style then. He was a good kid for the most part besides the typical childhood pranks and trouble- nothing very serious though! Thank God!!!!

This started at 6 years old. First it was the earring, then a year later the tiedyed hair.... yes we had EVERY color possible smeared in there at one time! Then weird hairstyles and then came the baggy clothes. At 12 he got the other ear pierced and then at 15 he wanted his eyebrow pierced. He did that one on his own... with a nail (so he says, but I do not doubt it)!!!!! Somewhere between 12 and 16 he also pierced his cartlidge.

When he was 16 he asked for his tongue... I said no and he then told me he would just use a nailgun and do it on his own again.... I flipped out and talked to one of his friends Moms. We agreed to take them both to get it professionally done when THEY saved up the money! Christmas Eve they both had enough money and they both missed out on great dinners... we took them and they got baby food as a gift from us after. lol

Like I said my son is 19 today, and he is very respectable and extremely funny. He graduated high school- with some help from us (he had a traumatic brain injury at 17) he works full time plus some! I figued the holes would always close up if he did not want them anymore... I always hoped he would grow out of it but it never happened and I figured I would rather have it done professionally than to hear him and his friend used the nail gun or un-sterile needles or shared needles. The day he turned 18 after getting his motorcycle license we both went and got tattoos together and he even convinced me to get my nose pierced... held my hand through that one too! lol

I figure as long as he is a good person on the inside, what is on the outside to make him feel confident does not matter to me!

I wish you luck in finding something to make you comfortable with whatever you decide!

Many blessings to you and yours!

My son isn't quite 12 yet and it wouldn't matter if he was. I'm going to be very honest with you. Ear peircing (to me) is very gross on a boy, man, either or. That is body art that should be left strictly to women. Maybe I'm not forward thinking enough but I'd never allow my son to do it, especially at such a young age. Think a few years down the road, can you imagine the difficulty he would have. He could have the best grades in the world, be the most polite teenage boy, and he'll end up with the wrong assumptions about him because he's got Dennis Rodman ears.

Well, the fact that you're gut instinct is "no" should be your answer. You've been very lenient and allowed things that many parents would not; just because you've said yes in the past does not mean you must say yes to everything he asks for. Also, I'd question why he waited until going out of state to Dad's before requesting this. Did he wait until he was gone because he thought you'd say yes more easily? Is this an impulse based on friends at his Dad's? If he wants to have this done when he gets home in the fall then you know it's not just a whim. Personally I would tell him that you're uncomfortable with it and that the answer is no for now; if he comes home and still wants it done you will reconsider but he needs to know the answer still may be no.

Too young...I agree with many of the posts. Once he is older and on his own what he does at 18 will be his choice as he'll be a legal adult. Stick to your guns

J.....that is something you and his father and your son need to talk about together. My stepson got his pierced when he was 12 and he is now 14 and still has it. I have taken him several times and gotten several different types of earings. You just have to make sure why he is doing it. Good Luck

Pierced ears is no big deal now. He'll probably take them out after a little while. Especially if he's in any sports. I think piercings and hair dying is a safe way for kids to express themselves. Boys don't have a whole lot of clothing styles to choose from so this is a very safe outlet for him. I would stop at the ears though. Anything else has to wait till their 18 and are paying for it themselves.

Sometimes we have to pick our battles with the kids. Is piercing that bad to stress about? I'm not sure, but it's not as bad as having to deal with drugs and alcohol. (which many 12 year olds have to deal with in school and peer pressure)

Make him research about it. Then demand that he report his findings to you about the care of pierced ears.

My husband has his ears pierced... 2 in one ear, one in the other. If my son wants to get it done, I won't have an issue with it. Dad has long hair, so if my son wants long hair, I'd be a hypocrit to say 'no' and besides...Jesus had long hair...

Um, so ok... you have an issue with it. I guess all I could really say is it's not something that will be permanent... he can take the earrings out when he gets older and discovers that it's frowned upon during job interviews, etc. it is something easily hidden or 'undone'. My ex husband pierced his eyebrow - YUCK - looked nasty... so i guess... it could be worse :)

That's my personal opinion... I hope it helps you come to terms with your son's 'wants'... :) Good luck!

I have a 20-year-old daughter who has many holes in her ears, and also a tattoo. My 22-year-old nephew got his ear pierced when he was in high school. I also have an employee (young man, 18) who has both ears pierced, and it just seems right on him I guess. He is the best employee and just a gentleman so his personality outweighs what you might think about him and his ears. I guess I would want to get at the "why" of why he wants them pierced. 12 does seem a little young, but that's when my daughter got hers. If he's generally a good kid and kind toward others and a hard worker, I think I would have no problem with it. I'm also not really a fan of boys getting their ears pierced, but times have changed and there are bigger battles to fight down the road probably. Good luck!

I pierced my girls ears as babies. They both love them.

My feeling was if they wanted to have a double piercing at age 12 - which is in fashion now. I would allow it. With this stipulation I have said they are not allowed to pierce ANYTHING else or have tattoos until they are 18 if they want that.

Saying a boy can't have his ears pierced, but allowing it if you had girls would be discrimination in my mind.

What would you think if it were a girl asking you this question?

I say, since this is not hurting anyone else - and as long as he takes care of his ears himself, what's the harm? It's a personal preference.

S

J.,

You seem like a very laid back mom (considering the hair thing, etc...). My feeling on this is that it is "permanent" - not something that can be changed like a hair style should he decide later that is not for him.

I think I"d wait until he figures out more of who he wants to be........... if in college he still thinks that is his "style" - then maybe then.... but to do it now seems pre-mature for something that is not the norm for boys.

He may really regret that later should he become a business exec in the white collar professional world.

As a teacher, I can tell you that a 12 year old with both (let alone one) ears pierced does give him a "bad boy" image. Hair alone doesn't really come across the same way. I can appreciate boys trying to assert thier individuality, but piercing kind of takes it over the edge. It isn't a tattoo, but it is altering their body to a certain extent. Maybe you can tell him he can pierce his ears when he's old enough to get a job and pay for it himself? I know our school district does not allow boys to have earings during the school day, so that's another reason not to let him have it. Go with your gut and just tell him no. You're not a bad mom for doing so.

My sons all wanted their ears pierced and so I told them they had to wait till they were in high school. 12 year olds don't have the best hygiene. So I didn't want to deal with all the infection stuff. Plus kids who are 12 may have a very different idea of who they want to be when they are in high school. My oldest son got his done when he was in 9th grade but he did a great job of caring for it till it healed and my 2nd son decided that just wasn't him, but he had wanted one when he was younger but was glad I made him wait cuz it just isn't him. But my younger son just got his pierced this year and he is old enough and still struggles with the ear being infected cuz he just doesn't pay attention enough to caring for it. Now my youngest son has been wanting to get those larger earrings that stretch our their ear...and he is destined to be a very successful business man so I did say no to that. I told him that other businessmen would not take him seriously and it would limit his carear by doing that so, I told him he has to wait till he gets out of college to make that decision. Because I think he will realize his carear is more important than having this huge earings. Earrings are acceptable for women in upper level management but not men...at least not yet.

I think it's up to you and what rules you set in your home. My brother (10 years younger) had piercings and every color hair he wanted. He was an ok student but always a respectable kid. He's turned into a wonderful, hard-working young man/husband.

Now, personally, I don't think it's something I would want my boys to do but they are only 3 and 10 months, so I'm a bit away from that. If his grades are good, he's well behaved and such then maybe it's not the WORST thing in the world. My fear is that he would just go and do it himself or have a friend do it. But, that's not a reason to give in to something you aren't in favor of.

What does your husband think? Chat with him and present your decision together. If it's something you don't want, you have every right to say "no". Good luck.