Everything Is a Crisis!

My son went through this too, it was a phase and got better when his vocabulary increased although it was very frustrating. I kept thinking "is this what they mean by terrible 2's" LOL. He's going to be three next month and that behavior has gotten better although he still has melt down's when he doesn't get his way (here comes the next phase), but he can now talk it out and state how he's feeling about it. I would just discuss with her what feelings she must be feeling so when the time comes she can put words to those feelings.

Dr. Sears has some great advice for this!:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

I know it's rough, hang in there :)

Imagine a world made for "giants", where you can't express what you feel, and need to ask for help for everything while others tell you what to do, what not to do, and the giants determine when you eat, bath, go to bed, get up, etc.

That is how 2 year olds feel. They can't do things on their own even when they try, they need help and often don't know how to express themselves. They depend on their parents or other adults for food, clothes, baths, etc.

I would suggest that you relax a bit and realize that your response may feed into the frenzy...if you seem aggetated, it most likely makes her response more over the top. I am not saying you freak out but since you stated it makes you nuts and it makes your blood pressure go through the roof I can only imagine your daughter senses it too.

Good luck.

Normal.

When she gets frustrated with doing something, ask if she needs help. If she says no, say, "I'm right here if you need my help." and then go about your business - ignore the behavior. If she gets out of hand, send her to her room.

Don't respond to the whining, tell her you can't "hear" her when she whines and then have some wine!

Happy Mother's Day!

Yes, at this age and at other age-juncture phases, they think everything is a 'crises.'

Your Daughter, is normal.

A kid at 2 years old, does NOT have fully developed 'emotions' nor the capacity to then articulately say, the exact word, for their feelings or frustrations.... nor the ability in how to deal with it in tandem, of said frustration.

AND they do not have, "coping-skills' to then deal with, their said frustrations or preferences.
So, that makes for a frustrated Toddler.

And some kids, do not even know how to 'ask for help' either. That is also, taught. Role-play with her. Practice. Give her the words to use, that she can say. They do not know that, instinctively.

"Coping-skills" are taught. It needs to be taught, not expected.
"Expectations" of a child, are not, coping-skills.
"Expectations" of a child, are not an easily attained thing, for a child, either.

If you give a child this age 'choices' of things to do/pick... they don't even 'know' how to choose, yet, either. So even that may be a frustrating thing, for a child.
Because- They do.not.yet.have.... the ability for succinct "deductive" thought processes.

Children's frontal lobes are still growing and don't mature until sometime in early adulthood.

A child does not come automatically able to understand all emotions like an adult can or cannot. Nor do they 'know' the names for all of their feelings. And then the brain is not even fully developed, until 26 years old.
So, age development and all its abilities, does come in stages, and the child's ability, to cope, with difficulty and abstract concepts/communication/knowing their feelings etc.

It takes, learning and parental guidance, in 'mastering' these various frustrations. And, teaching them 'how' to communicate their feelings, and teaching the names for their feelings. A kid does not automatically know that. It is taught.
"Mastering" frustrations, in a young child, takes time.

2 years old, is nothing.
3 and 4 years old, is harder.
Even at 5 or 6, they are fussy.
Then at the Pre-Teen and Teen ages, they are fussy too.

"Patience" is not something immediately 'mastered' nor understood by a 2 year old, completely.
Some adults, do not even have that mastered, yet.
So why expect... a 2 year old to be patient and to understand patience.

It also takes, having 'expectations' of a child, be age-appropriate. Otherwise, frustration of child and then parent, will always be irksome.

Also, keep in mind the child's motor-skill ability, per age.
A child this age for example, cannot dress or undress, by themselves. Per their motor-skills and coordination. So even if they try and try and try again... they still may not be able to do it, perfectly.
Just encourage "trying your best" sort of thing, and help when needed.
For me, I don't keep telling my kid to try and try and try and try again, if they are clearly not able to do it or are having a major melt-down over it.
They, per their motor-skills, simply may not be able to do it, accurately.

To deter flipping-out.... does she nap? A tired toddler/kid, will have less tolerance and patience for things. Tiredness = a fussy kid.

My daughter had this same problem - it also started at age 2 and she is about to turn 3 now. She would get so frustrated! She still has her moments but what worked for us was the creating of a "fuss" chair. If she started fussing and whining about something I would tell her she could fuss in the fuss chair - that she could fuss and whine as much as she wanted in the fuss chair. It was not a punishment and she did not have to stay for any set length of time. Just till she was done fussing. It worked like a charm. She would sit in the chair, get it out of her system, and come back to the problem ready to try again with a mroe positive attidtude. Now she sometimes just tells me she is feeling frustrated and wants to go sit in the fuss chair for a bit all on her own.

Kids typically get frustrated at this age because as Andra stated, their bodies aren't able to perform the tasks they would like. Most toddler tantrums can be attributed to this frustration. One tactic, when she begins to get upset, is to give her a small task she can do. When shoes were tough with my son, I played "shoe store" , so the second the whining started, I'd say "Oh, time to play shoes store, here, hand me your shoes" and then "Where shall we put them? Do they go here, on your ears? What about your elbows? Oh, can you show me where they go?!" Then he'd stick out his feet and would have relaxed at this point. You can stay with silly "Now, how do these things go on? Can you show me?" and this has inserted a few giggles, sometimes they're ready to try again. Other times, I just did it myself because he was still learning this skill and we needed to get going.

Distracting them with things they *can* do can stall a tantrum or stop it right there. Once the feelings of frustration and inabililty to master the task are interrupted, we can either help them through the task or see if they are ready to try again. Verbally narrating what's happening helps some children too. "I open up the shoe, like a great big garage door. Here, what color are your socks? Blue! Okay, so they're going to be the blue cars going into the garages. Let's drive them in! Now, we will close the door with these straps--pull them up, push them down." Staying silly *with* them also helps.

Identifying their feelings and giving empathy also helps. "Wow, you are so frustrated! You are trying so hard to get those shoes on and they just aren't going how you like." When we give them words for their feelings, they are later better able to express those feelings in words themselves. Plus, they know that *we* understand the heart of the matter, and that feels very validating for our little ones. They think "mommy loves me and knows me and my feelings are okay." This is good.

As for teaching patience, this is something that I haven't figured out in my years of working with kids. I think this is something that comes much, much later in life. Right now, they're still working emotionally out of their lower, more primitive brain. With my 4 year old son, I use a timer. That is, when he wants me to do something while I'm in the middle of dishes or some other task, I just tell him "I'll do it in five minutes. (you can start with two or three, inititally) I'll set the timer so I will know when it's time to stop and help you" and then I keep on with my work. Repeated requests are met with "when the timer goes ding" (a short, simple response) and not much other talking about it. This works well for us on most days, and obviously it's task-related; there are certain things that I won't make him wait five minutes for, like help in the bathroom. But otherwise, it's good for him to learn that I don't drop everything for him each time he calls.

Hope this helps give you some ideas.

It is normal for the age. She's trying to do everything and can't yet. However, if you are mentioning it, it may be that the behavior is exaggerated. My son had very exaggerated temper tantrums -- turns out that he is both strong willed and ADD. He is wonderful, though. So, well, just hang in there -- as she gains more reason -- things will calm down and also you will be able to pinpoint just why she behaves in that way. For us, the key was trying to reinforce reason on issues over and over. Also, the whining drives me crazy as well -- when my kids were toddlers -- I refused to respond to whining. They had to speak to me normally to get my attention.

as frustrating as it is...its normal behavior for a 2yr old.

My son has no patiences. But they have to learn it, its just not automatic. We have to provide our children with the necessary tools in how to be patient. Not an easy task. I taught my son when he has a heated moment (which is very often) to calm down (doesn't always work right away, but he does it) at an early age.

I taught him to take a deep breath (i showed him how and always did it with him, as it was a great tool for us both to calm down, as we feed off our own kids and vice versa), and shake it off - had him shake his head and his body. This way it took his concentration off of the reason he was upset. Then we would wipe his tears, give a hug and talk it out.

Next I am teaching him to use words to describe his feelings instead of crying or yelling at me. Hes 3. Still use the calm down method. Also have taught him "dallas moments", which means he needs a moment to himself in his room or on the couch. with his blanket. It teaches him its ok to get frustrated but you must try and calm yourself down first before we can tackle the problem together.

Also have taught my son he must try first...frustration is normal, impatiences, always...but he MUST try. If after two failed frustrating attempts, he can ask for help. Then i assist but make him do most if not all the work. Teaching him in the process.

you have to find what works for your daughter and you. Key thing, do not LOOSE your cool. Just makes the situation worse. I have the worst patiences and i get heated myself when my boy got frustrated, started to yell, etc...my tools i taught my son, in turn were teaching me to calm down too. it helped us both!

teach your daughter to communicate with you why she is frustrated. Ask her to help you understand what is wrong, so you can help her find a better solution in making what she is doing work for her.

She is 2, learning what she can do. She doesn't know so she gets upset...its your responsibility to help her from a to z.

i also encourage my son to do things on his own. even though I know the things I ask him to do will cause him to get frustrated. He needs to learn to over come that frustration and lack of patiences. Sometimes its hard, but your own patiences will work out in the end.

Sounds like she's very smart and her body is not working as fast as her brain wants it to. Try teaching her to count and have her count to 10 and take deep breaths to slow her down.

Wow I'm glad you posted this lol my son is almost 5 & STILL does this. I always thought it was only my child & like you, my blood pressure goes through the roof lol I get so frustrated with the constant whining and tantrum about EVERY little thing. I'm not even kidding you, it's EVERYTHING. I have learned though to tell him I can't hear him when he's acting ridiculous. He sometimes (recently) calms down & will just talk but I he still has his daily temper tantrums over the silliest things.

This is a normal age for crisis!! LMAO My daughter was this way then and she is now 20 and she is back in that stage!! Just reassure her that everything is alright. Use a calm and slow voice. I know my daughter is somewhat of a perfectionist and it takes her about 5 minutes before she can get back to reality. I would say that your little girl knows the outcome she wants but she has not had quite the experience yet to go as fast as she wants. It only takes time and you can help her by reassuring her that she is a smart girl and you know things will be good for her. This is really a good thing because when it comes time for a career or college she will try harder then most. Remember it is a good thing!! LOL

Trust me I understand this tottaly. My son is 5 and he still acts that way, if he can't get something right he goes off on a rant of I quits and I gives ups. If he can't jump rope like the bigger kids, even if hes told good try, try again. He throws a fit and runs off. Or if I tell him to get down from some where in the house, or told to wait a bit before we can go some place. He cries and wines and drives me up a bleeming wall, cus it doesn't stop. I think though in your case, being only 2 shes probably just fustrated that she can't do these things on her own even though she wants to, and throws a fit to show that fustration. Maybe just letting her have her fit then try it again after shes calmed down.Though I know thats easier said than done, having to listen to the ear splitting screams and fits that drive us up the walls can make that act just a little bit harder. On how to teach patience that I would like to know myself. laughs.:)

My 5yo is sometimes like this. He has gotten better though but at 2 everything was a potential melt down. There were times when I just wanted to cry and have a melt down too(sometimes I did) because everything was so stressful and you never knew when or what would cause the freak out. I have no advice because I have blacked out that part of my life.....just want you to know you are not alone and your daughter is not crazy..lol

O yes! Its normal and not to make you feel bad but my daughter is 4 and still acts like a crazy lady sometimes!

Mine is 6 and still acts like that sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if it's in their nature? D has absolutely no patience with anything and is still working on learning how to control her feelings. This is normal for most 2 yo's. If you can catch her before it develops into a meltdown, that's the best. That's the only way I can deal with it for D. As soon as I recognize any of the signs, whether she's drawing and frustrated it's not going right, or her shoe won't tie properly or even if her clothes don't feel "right" (she has some sensory issues) I have to help her calm down and remind her to look for other ways to relieve her frustration instead of tearing up her picture or throwing her shoes across the room or cutting her dress off. Sigh... Oh, and one of the best ways to teach patience is to be super patient yourself! Big hugs, and good luck!

TOTALLY normal.

This stage is also when we instituted the

"If you whine you don't get what you want" rule (attention, help, food, up down, go, stay, whatEVER) and kiddo would have to start over and try again.

&

"If you throw a fit you don't get what you want AND you go on timeout." rule
((In our house we never went by minute-per-year thing, but instead... timeout until you're calm, can say what happened, can say how to fix it. ADHD kiddo... meant our timeouts ran from 15-60 minutes on average))