Exhausted with Sleepless Nights!!:(

You know what? Some kids don't sleep all night for years. I think it's hard, especially for a new parent, to understand this is perfectly normal. Babies aren't supposed to sleep all night for a very very long time if at all even by age one.

If you can't cope with not sleeping at night then you need grandma, grandpa, dad, best friend, etc...to come spend the night and take care of the baby so you can get some sleep.

Tell someone you need help. Ask them to come help you. Tell them you are about to go crazy and need to get some rest. Please come help you. They should understand you really need to rest.

I know CIO is not for everyone but if you have an open mind, he will learn in 3 nights and it sucks but is worth it. I suggest you see pedi and then a sleep specialist, they can help w timing of 2 naps, making good habits etc. GL!

T.,I have so much empathy for you right now. I was up until 2 last night with insomnia... should call it 'mom-somnia'--- all the things that go through one's mind after a busy day, all those thoughts you didn't have time for push and shove to get some attention.... my son is 8 and still occasionally keeping me up at night. ;)

Yes, lack of sleep is probably the hardest part of parenting. It sounds like you are doing what you should be doing, making sure he's fed, getting some pain relief for those poor gums, and that his diaper is dry. Take each day one hour at a time, one step at a time. It's okay, during the daytime when he is happy, to pop him in a pack-n-play or other safe place while you take a short doze. Try not to be h*** o* yourself for not having any magic tricks for this. Some people will suggest sleep training (near impossible when they are teething); it may also be that your little guy is getting ready to crawl or 'practicing' some new skill at night. Some babies do it in their sleep. It just happens.

Hang in there, and be sure to ask your partner/spouse to take baby out for a couple hours on the weekend and let you rest. Division of labor is what still helps my husband and I-- we both have had recent bouts of not sleeping well and take turns getting Kiddo out of the house so the other can sleep. Don't feel bad asking for help. Sleep is a necessary thing!

At this point it's less about managing your kids sleep schedule and more about managing your own.
Get a sitter or family member every so often to watch child so YOU can get a good several hours of sleep.
Just recharging your batteries will make you feel so much better!
Some parents will trade off nights - Mom tends to child one night, Dad the next - so at least once every 48 hours you'll each get a shot at a good nights sleep.
You just have to find a strategy that works for you.

You're not alone, but you are exhausted!

A few hints - a 9 month old does not wake up because he is hungry. He does not need to eat. He will make up for it during the day, really he will. Ask the doctor. Yes, fill him up if you can, but he's requiring WAY too much of you to get back to sleep. Two hours? Not good for either of you!

At this age, he needs his rest. That's absolutely essential for brain development, so if you have to do a couple of tough nights to get there, that's what you do. And, frankly, you are sleep deprived as well - you're not only miserable, you are a risk if you are driving (to yourself, to him, to others).

It's not the teething. It's gone on for too long for that. It's bad habits. He's relying on YOU to comfort him or he's relying on pure exhaustion to fall asleep. Neither one is good. We see it on Mamapedia and in the world at large in many forms - co-sleeping, nursing of older infants and toddlers, and so on. I support all of those if they are what the family wants - but not to the detriment of brain functioning.

Please look up or talk to your doctor about self-soothing, and about the Ferber method. It's not a cruel and wanton "cry your lungs out forever and feel terrible while I ignore you" method at all! It's a "you can do it" method of calming and soothing, letting him know he is safe and competent to fall asleep. It builds confidence and self-reliance - and yes, they need this at 9 months old! You don't pick him up or sing lullabies or walk around the house or feed (not even water) - you pat on the back, you say "You're fine, time for sleep" and you leave. You go back in 10 minutes the first time, 20 minutes the second, 35 minutes the third, and so on. You DO divide with Dad or Grandma or anyone else available, but everyone follows EXACTLY the same script! You have 3 nights of absolute hell, and then you are DONE!

Please, please, see this as a necessary stage for his development and his growth, and not just as a means to have YOU sleep more. It's like carseats/seatbelts, toothbrushing, and not running into the traffic - doesn't matter if someone likes it, it's essential. And it does become automatic.

I went through this, hated it, but listened to the pediatrician, and we were all so much better off!!!

Every kid is different and some kids just take longer to sleep through the night. My daughter was an excellent sleeper who slept through the night around 3-4 months. My son, on the other hand, started sleeping through the night after 9 months. He's 12 months old now and still wakes up during the night sometimes. I just comfort him and put him down (I'm also against crying it out). I think the most you can do is to teach him to comfort himself, but you have to be prepared to do it consistently and know that it won't happen over night (putting him down when he's half asleep, staying by the crib while he tries to fall asleep on his own, etc.).

When kids go through big leaps in development, they go through sleep disturbances so it could be that, but sleep disturbances caused by reaching milestones don't usually last long. If you want to ease teething you can try Tylenol. Also, check with the pediatrician to make sure there's no medical cause for these frequent wakings.

Hang in there...he will out grow it. You just have to suffer and hang in there. One of my kids was not good at sleeping till he was 2. Yes, two years of no sleep. I had no short term memory. None. He would wake up every hour. It was relentless. If he got up only 3-4 times a night it was a blessing bc it was not 8x. To help with this my husband and I would take turns with the getting up at night. Luckily my other kid was normal when she was a baby. Just keep reminding yourself that babyhood is temporary. He will outgrow this.

I like the idea of someone helping you at night. Maybe for a few nights?

I would fall into a night- waking -pattern with my kids due to illness. When the illness was over, they still wanted my company so we would wait for the weekend and I would assign dad, who was less willing to cave, to soothe them back to sleep. This would curb the night time waking.

Also, my middle was a 20 minute cryer. For mostly nap but sometimes bedtime. He is a very emotional, temperamental kid so it took him that long to wind down and fall asleep. I thought I was being mean, a bad mom, that he was in pain,etc. .....everything I could think of. But after several conversations with the pediatrician and ruling out everything under the sun (including my anxiety :-) ) we figured this is just how he would self-soothe.

So I had to let it be. But you know what? It was 20 minutes on the dot everytime. He is now 9, and he is a fabulous sleeper and a great kid!

Does he have reflux, by chance? One of mine had reflux, and there was absolutely nothing I could do that would get him to sleep more than 2 hours at a time until he outgrew the reflux. So I can completely sympathize because I was so exhausted. All I can say is - keep doing his bedtime routine and make sure it's really solid. Because when he is developmentally ready to sleep through the night (done teething, grown out of reflux, etc), he'll start sleeping well really quickly if the routine is in place. With my reflux baby, it was literally overnight. He was up 3+ times per night, then one day, he stopped spitting up and slept 8 hours that night.

In the meantime, do the best you can to get enough sleep to survive. What worked best for me and my DH was that we each took an entire night. The person who was on duty got the baby monitor. The one who was off duty slept in a place where they couldn't hear the monitor. That way, my DH and I each got a full night's sleep at least 3 days per week.

ETA: If you have decided to do the Ferber method of sleep training, please please read the book before you jump in. Many people think they know what the Ferber method is (CIO) when they don't really. For example, I'm pretty sure Ferber does not say to leave your baby crying when he's in pain from teething. Your library almost surely has the book. Please read it before you try to do it.

we used Ferber with our first. It worked for us. It was a few tough nights but well worth having a sleep trained baby. Even Ferber advocates caring for your kids when they are needy sick or teething. See if you can get a solid bout of sleep during the day of necessary for a few days straight it will do every one good.

Best
F. B.

That seems like a lot for his age. Once a night maybe but every hour or two. Holy cow. Sounds like a habit. If you are nit willing to do CIO for a few nights, there really isn't much you could do. I would not talk to him or pick him up or turn on a light. Reassure him and walk out.

Hang in there - it's hard I remember.

I thought that I was doing something wrong. All babies are different. Some are great sleepers, some not so much. Some of mine were, and others weren't. Same mom. So ..

If he's full, burped, and dry before bed, and warm (that was a big one for us - I had two that would wake if chilled), then you can let them fuss a bit and just rub his back. I did the CIO with my first. I felt sick. It worked. But I really never wanted to do it again. For me, too hard. And now there's some debate going on about it ... so it's in and out of favor ..

For me, I could go in and just let them know I was there. I'd rub their back and settle them, and then they would fuss a bit, but that was all. I made sure that with naps, etc. they were going down on their own. No bottles or nursing to sleep. No me holding them. I was loving, but wasn't putting them to sleep. They fell asleep in their crib without me.

I did have one of those Fisher Price Aquariums. It made noise and had low lights that would shut off. It worked for my kids. I could set that on, and leave. If they did wake at night, sometimes I'd hear it go off. So they could bonk it with their foot.

I put mine in sleep sacks - the heavier ones for where we're in colder climate. And I had their bedroom temp slightly warmer than ours. I once (trying to figure out why mine woke too) slept on cot in their room with just a light blanket on, and I woke up cold too. So that's when I bought warmer gear for them.

Mine had soothers. So we went through a phase where they couldn't find them. So I had an extra one in the crib.

One of mine was sleeping too much in the day. I only figured that out because he missed his nap one day and then slept through the night. So I went down to one nap earlier in the day.

It's all kind of trial and error I found. I just remembered that it wouldn't last forever and got my husband to give me nights off when I was sleep deprived. Hope that helps :)

My girls didn't sleep through the night until around 2 1/2 years old.

Co-sleeping worked so well for us. Everyone slept better this way.

Hang in there!!! It's tough during teething too, but it is honestly about hunger especially with little boys. I had a big hungry one too (he's 8 now and tallest in his class) who was waking all night. I know you stuff him before bed, and that's great, but he's still hungry. My aunt (who has 10 kids) taught me that you have to stuff them AROUND THE CLOCK with as many extra feedings as you can all day long (healthy and no sugar late in day even fruit). After three days of completely stuffing the child at every moment (at 9 months they will refuse when they are stuffed, don't worry about overfeeding, just attempt attempt attempt and get them to eat whenever they will all morning, afternoon and night) their body will start to register the change to being more satisfied and sleep will improve. My son went from waking every 2 hrs all night to sleeping all night long when I finally committed to feeding him EVEN MORE than I was all day long for a few days. Up until age 2 he would start to wake during the night on days where I was busy or flaky and didn't feed him as much. I used CIO (which was basically a few minutes of fussing before settling themselves) with all of mine and it was smooth because they were full and therefore able to sleep all night. The proper way to use CIO is to allow a few minutes of normal crying, not extended periods of traumatized wailing. The key is fullness. Full babies will sleep once their routine is set. 3 nights is the norm for most habits to set in, like his understanding you are not going to come in and sooth him. It can seem like an eternity, but first stuff him until he's less hungry nights for like a week, THEN start the seep training.

Sounds like you won't be sleeping for the next 2 years then.
Enjoy.

my kids would only sleep about an hour if not laid on their side. so that is one thing to consider. other things to help: don't turn on any lights when you go to him, don't pick him up. just gently pat him and talk in a calm soothing voice. try a pacifier if necessary. check temperatures of the room and baby. if they got too hot or cold they will wake. look at the naptimes, at that age my son was taking a 3 hour nap, going to bed at 9 and sleeping till 10 am only waking once to eat and go back to sleep
when my kids were having a growth spurt they would wake more frequently and eat before passing out.

you poor exhausted mama. yes, you need to get this worked out, yes i'm with you on no CIO and yes you need help!
where's the dad in all this? i hope he's in the picture, and ready to stand and deliver, although the lack of any mention makes me suspect he ain't. but assuming he's there, the two of you need to tag-team this problem and get on top of it.
your little fellow isn't even a year old yet, so it may just be too soon to completely sleep train him, but getting up every hour isn't only hell for you, it's really not good for him. he needs his sleep. and i think when you consider that you're putting your son's health first, you can better make a plan to tackle this.
CIO is pretty nasty. but ferberizing isn't, and if you stick with it, it's generally very very effective. i don't think you need to 'start' on your naps and practice that way. you need to do it for naps AND bedtime. and because it will mean several nights of crappy sleep for everyone, you need to be able to switch off with your husband so that each of you has a chance to rest.
you're not going to leave your baby howling. just a little more time each visit, learning how to stay silent and gentle, no picking up and rocking, no singing or talking, just a quiet touch to reassure and go.
leave him a night light. he's very small, and you'll probably need it while you go through the process.
good luck, mama.
khairete
S.