Family Bed - Jamestown, TN

I would suggest "the no cry sleep solution" and "baby whisperer". They both have really good suggestions about transitioning babies to their own space without crying.

There are gentle ways to do this. Leaving them to cry is not the only answer. A couple good books are "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and "The Sleep Book" by William Sears which you should be able to get from the library.

From my experience (on child #3 now) it's best to start with naptime, and definitely enlist daddy's help at bedtime.

Good luck!

Its ok to bond but we only sleep together on Friday nights in the bonus room. We watch a movie with popcorn and off to sleep. If you arent breastfeeding you need to get them out of the bed. You could start having husband problems soon if you dont. You can have him put them into their beds when he is ready to come to bed. He will have to be the one to break the kids. I could never do it. Good luck.

I say let them sleep with you; you'll be glad you did in the years to come. Letting babies "Cry it out" is torture for mom and for baby. If we could get into the mind of the crying baby, standing in the crib, it wouldn't be "OH, I GET IT, THIS IS WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE QUIET AND SLEEP." I think it would be more like, "OH, THAT'S RIGHT, I CAN'T TRUST THESE PEOPLE TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, I GET IT NOW." and that's when they lay down and give up on the people that they should be able to TRUST. The first few years, children are developing trust, not just for you, but the same trust and love they will show people all throughout their lives. It's more than just a BOND you are forming, it's children, who grow into adults, that are able to love and BE LOVED. CHILDREN ARE A GIFT FROM GOD, we should be grateful every minute of the day and night; not just when it's convenient for us.

Hi C.,
I know it's hard but you are going to have to let them cry. The first few nights it will be hard but eventually they will learn to sleep in their own beds and everyone will sleep better. You can bond with your girls in other ways.

if this is something you really want, you may just have to live with the crying for a few nights. i don't really know how long it would take. i moved my son to his crib at 3 months old, and it took two nights. i just put him down in his crib, let him cry for five min. after that i would go in, pick him up and rock with him. then put him back in his crib and let him cry just five more min. i did this over and over until he finnaly fell asleep. it took two nights of this, but know at 10 months he sleeps in his own bed every night, and he goes down awake, and puts himself to sleep. i don't have to rock him, but i do sometimes just for the cuddles. this is the same thing i did with my daughter almost four and a half years ago, and she is now the best at bed time. huggs, kisses and tuck her in and she is asleep within five min. it is hard at first, but saves you time and stress latter on down the line. hang in their.

Hi C.,
I agree with the other responses, it will be hard at first and you may have to tolerate some crying, but it will be better for all in the end. We recently moved our 9 month old son to his own room. His crib was in our room, but no one was getting much sleep. I think we were a distraction to him, because he kept waking up and wanting to come in bed with us (something I allowed in the wee hours). Anyway, I just want to let you know that it took a couple of days, but we all sleep so much better. He crys a little now and then, but he wakes up happy, much happier than when he really wasn't sleeping through the night. You will see such an improvement (and you won't break your bond with them). His naps have improved also. You must be consistent and stay strong. Think of it as something you are giving them (good sleep habits) and not something you are taking away (mommy and daddy).
Good Luck!!

I did that with my daughter but she was starting to get to big and we couldn't get any sleep. At around 15 months we put her in a pack n play next to our bed. The first night she cried for 45 minutes. I would come and check on her every 5 minutes. The next night it was only 10 minutes and the next night it was 5 minutes. At 18 months we put her in her room. She is 25 months now and she still cries sometimes. I just check on her and leave her there. She was in our bed from when she was 2 weeks old. Now I have a 3 month old and I have him next to my bed. It has been so much easier this time. I am better able to function during the day because I get more sleep. Which is important since I have 2 kids now. I would suggest you get them out of your bed as soon as possible(tomorrow). It will help your relationship with your husband also. It will break your heart to here them cry but you will be glad you did it in the end.

The important thing to remember is that you are giving your children behaviors that will follow them for the rest of their lives. Think to yourself this question: Is what I am about to do or doing going to help them be functioning, productive citizens as they grow-up? Asking this question of yourself will give you the courage/strength to go through the changes necessary to help them and yourself and your husband (the goal is to get them out of the house, prepare them for the world, and show them what a family is like in the process - so they'll know what to expect from a husband and how a wife is supposed to conduct herself - but I'm digressing)

Them not sleeping and both you and your husband not sleeping is no good for anyone. You'll have to ween them from sleeping with you guys. Start getting them used to laying by themselves throughout the day...before bed time. I would even go so far as to put a shirt (or something of both your husband and yours) in the crib with them (cribs in their own room) - they are accustomed to your smells.

You're going to have to create a different night time routine as well. If it's reading to them and then Mommie and Daddy kissing the girls good night...which will have to be done consistently. I heard many a mother say this...a child never died from crying. If you can resist the urge to go and get them (and this will take some time) then everyone will be able to sleep in the long run.

Even if you have to take them on drives in the evening to put them to sleep or play soft music, or have a fountain, wind machine or chimes...it's important to get them (and you guys) the rest they need, and that it's ok for them to be by themselves (you certainly don't want to raise co-dependent adults...it starts somewhere).

Good luck - you can do it!

You are going to have to do something about it. If they begin to cry and you put them back in your bed, then you are back at point A. At some point they are going to cry because it is not their normal and that is the only way that they know how to tell you that they are not happy. Looks like you have 2 choices. Either let them cry it out till you train them to sleep in their beds or continue with them in your bed. The longer they stay in your bed the harder it is going to be to get them out.
It is kind of like this. Say you drink many cokes every day. Now you want to kick the caffine habit. You quit drinking cokes BUT now you have head aches... caffine head aches. Either you continue to drink cokes so you don't get the head achs OR you play it out for a couple of days and fight the head ache so you can accomplish your goal of no caffine.
The crying is not bad. Once you get through that couple of days of crying it out, then they get use to their beds and then you all can sleep peacefully. When they are 5 yrs old, I promise they will not remember a thing.

We also co-slept due to breastfeeding. My daughter was in our bed until she was almost a year old. It was around that time that she started tossing and turning. Her sleep seemed so restless, and that caused my sleep to be very restless as well. At that time, I started putting her in her pack n play next to my bed at night. She cried a little at first, but I would sometimes go in and lye on my bed and hold her hand while she went to sleep. Eventually, she started sleeping restlessly again, and that's when I put her in her crib IN HER ROOM. She was probably around fifteen months old at that point. At first I did the same thing, I'd lye in her floor and hold her hand or rub her back while she went to sleep. We eventually got to the point where I let her cry a bit. It is really hard, and I would never let her cry for long spells, but I was shocked at how fast she transitioned to her own room with just a little crying. I wouldn't call it "crying it out"; it was nothing that severe. It was just her whining a little before she went to sleep. She'll be 2 in a week, and she's been in her own room since last summer and doing great. Good luck!

This ones going to be tough. I believe in the family bed but eventually you need your bed back for sleeping and husband and wife time. Remember you are teaching them how to go to sleep on their on and how to sooth themselves on their on.
Get into a routine. A little snuggle time, a bed time story and off to bed. Keep the same ritual so they know what to expect. At first they will cry but know you are doing the right thing. They need to be in a different room from you. I would move the cribs if possible. Establishing mom and dad time is very important to you and your kids. When mom and dad are well rested and happier, the children will be happier.

Keep at it. As hard as it is, you have to keep at it. Do not rock them till they are sound asleep either, they get use to that & that can create problems too. Rock them for a bit after story time, then announce it's bedtime and put them in there. Is there a reason you have the cribs in your room? And what part did you start against his judgement, the cribs or the family bed?

They will be fine. This will not cause issues with them and you or your relationship with them. You need to set the rules, the boundaries and then stick to them, even when it gets really hard, and it will. But I see this over and over where families have a bed they share, when it's time for it to stop, it's very difficult. I know there are probably exceptions to the rule, usually is. But overall, getting them in the beds will be the best thing for everyone.

So I would say read a story, rock, lay them in the bed, pat them on the back, turn off the light and leave. Then ever so often if you need to you go in, lay them back down (don't pick them up out of the bed), pat them on the back (don't talk much or turn on lights), leave the room. Make it longer between visits. And if you can (I don't know your living conditions) get the cribs out of your room. This will be so much easier to deal with when both you and your husband have had adequate sleep.

Much luck to you.

C.:
I really feel for you and your husband! But dear, you need to break this sleeping arrangement ASAP....I was very blessed to have a daughter that was in our room in a crib until 4 months, at which time she was moved to her room directly across the hall! This is very h*** o* them as well as you...you and your husband deserve rest to better be able to care for them. I would encourage them by saying "you're a big girl now and big girls sleep in their own bed" or other little tricks such as "blankies" and favorite animals. Maybe slowly make the transition to their own room after the transition to their own beds. You sound like a very good mother, and I hope that others will have some good suggestions for you! Also, time away from Mom and Dad are very important to a child's independent spirit...I would encourage you to let them stay with Grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc. as often as you can. My daughter is very independent due to the fact that I let her do this from the time she was 3 weeks old....I was ready for a full night's sleep!! You hate to think it, but if anything ever happened to us as parents, they are better equipped to handle it.
Good luck and God Bless....C. L.

I had to put my daughter in a youth bed that I scooted right up against ours so she was still right there but in her own bed for a while. Then I moved it against the wall, then across the room, then out in the hall, then inside her door, then next to her bed and so forth until she was in her bed. It took months.
With my middle one, I didn't do a youth bed. I just put a half bed in his room and went to bed with him. Then I could sneak out and he was actually pretty easy.
Now we have the baby guy. He's going to be four in May and is in the bed with us. Now my husband is the one that wants him in the bed with us. I want him in his own room. When he starts flipping and flopping, my husband moves to the couch and leaves the bed to us. I would've already broke him from my bed if it weren't for my husband.

hello i know it is so hard to let go start putting them in there rooms and you sleep in there with them maybe if you have a bed in there or on the floor. each night move closer to the door they will get use to this, then after they are a sleep go to your bed each night will get better before you know it your start in your bed, it works.it will be h*** o* you but it sounds it is now. make it fun to sleep on there room . also have them play in there to get use to it. may be even there naps. good luck . if you listen to Dr . Phil i learn alot about parenting from him.

C.
Please stop!!!! Not only are you causing harm to your children , but also to your marriage. Your children to to sleep in their own beds and you and your husband need to sleep in your bed. Talk to your kids'pediatrician and your OBGYN and I'm sure they'll tell you the same. If you keep up this behavior I can you all will be grumpy everyday and it will be because of lack of sleep and intimacy.

We cosleep in our house also, which I love, and I always encourage others families to try it. But it's also where we all get our best sleep. That's the whole point. So I agree with you that changes are needed if it's no longer working out. What size bed do you have? Maybe you need a bigger bed? Maybe the older baby can transistion to a toddler mattress on the floor and keep the baby in the bed. The 'side car arrangement' worked wonders for us! It's where you "hook up" a crib to the side of your bed and it becomes like an extension of your own bed (the front gate of the crib is removed). We did this for months. That way baby is close enough to snuggle, nurse, whatever but can still be in her own space when needed.
Here are some links to my favorite website, kellymom.com.
http://www.kellymom.com/pantley/pantley21.html
There's a great article on how to do the side car arrangement. Good luck and best wishes!

Wow, thats a h*** o*e! Since they were cut short of breastfeeding at only 4 months, they probably need and cherish the closeness and security that co-sleeping brings. I would not push the issue, but gently mention how grown-up it is to sleep in your own bed. Since the older girl is approachinfg her birthday, you could aim for it being a special 2yo privelege to have her own bed, (even to the point of not letting her use it until her birthday, but building up to it, so that it is a "big deal" when she finally becomes old enough) taking the side off, or changing it into a junior bed, so she can climb in and out on her own and buying new "big girl" sheets for her birthday may help the transtition. If she has not slept in a crib until now, she may really be scared of being caged in. Once the older child is in her own bed, you will have more room and hopefully be able to sleep better with just one "extra" sharing your bed. Then maybe when she turns one, she can "graduate" to sharing the bed with her sister instead of mommy.
You could also explain to the older one that as she grows, it squishes everyone more. Maybe napping together during the day will be sufficient. Or letting them lie down with you in your bed for a while (maybe just for storytime) at bedtime, but being firm that when daddy comes to bed, she needs to move out.
You could also try putting the crib mattress on the floor beside your bed, or buying one of those co-sleeping bed extenders, or even buying a king sized bed.
Once you have kids though, your days of sleeping through the night is pretty much over, get used to it! Once they are all in their own beds, sleeping through the night, not waking up with nightmares, fevers, lost cuddlies, or wet beds, you will not be able to sleep until they bring the car home safely, then after the teenage yrs, your aging bladder will STILL not let you sleep through the night uninterupted! So, just cherish any sleep you do manage to get in there!

You need sleep! I know it is nice to cuddle with them, but everyone needs their adequate rest. My children are close together. When I had my second I nursed him and got in the habit of him sleeping with us. I got no sleep and was completely worn out, but my 20 month old was getting great rest. As long as the children are dry and not hungry it is okay for them to cry. It is very important for the children to be able to put themselves to sleep. I have a friend whose 4 year old still sleeps with them and is not moving out of the bed anytime soon. That has bloomed into a whole heap of problems because now she is very attached to them. She will not stay with anyone, go to sunday school, or half day preschool. And they can do nothing alone because of it. one best thing you can give your children is a great relationship with your spouse. you have to have time for yourselves.
Being a parent is the most important job you can have, but you have to think about yourself also. I stay at home and I can not imagine not getting rest. My boys and I are on the go the minute we wake up. Do the children take naps? how do they go down for those? HAve you tried white noise in their rooms to help them sleep. We have a humidifer in the baby's room and the sound puts him right to sleep. When he was small I us to just turn the sweeper on and set it in his room to give him some white noise and he would go to sleep. Good luck.

My advice is to put them in their own beds in a different room starting at nap time. Yes they will cry, but try to talk yourself out of the guilt. This is the right thing to do, and you NEED your rest!! It will take a while, but eventually they will get used to their own bed and will love it. Good Luck!!

It is not harmless, it actually hinders them a great deal. Right now, in these very early years, are when your children learn basics for self esteem and independence. Especially your 22 month old. She has no sense of her own space or her ability to make it through a night without someone right there. Can you imagine what that will do to her if this continues much longer? And they have never even spent the night away from you? Your oldest is almost two! I know how hard it is to let your children out of your sight and how afraid we are, but there is such a thing as OVER protective. Your children need both your nurturing and loving care as well as your guidance, support, and teaching them to be individuals. You have the right idea of reading to them then rocking them. That is excellent and you should keep it up. But, afterwards, you put them in their own beds. YES, THEY WILL CRY. Forever it will seem the first few nights. Possibly even hours. Of course. They're young. You need to be strong. There are different techniques to try. You need to check on them every so often, and reaffirm that you are there for them, but don't give in a bring them back to your bed if you can keep from it. Hold them, comfort them, then lay them back down. It is more difficult since their beds are in the room with you. Number one, they are two and eight months, they should be going to bed earlier than you. SO... put them down and if it seems to help with you being there, you can stay. Say you will be there. Wait until they fall asleep, then leave. If that doesn't work, then you need to leave them to cry it out. You will probably end up sitting outside the door crying, too, but you have to be strong. They will be better for it and so will your family.

I also think that letting them play in the cribs during nap time and such is an excellent way to introduce them to the area and let them familiarize with it. There is no reason to do a sudden change, as that can be traumatizing, but you do need to work on getting them to where they can spend the night alone. I wish you the best of luck.

I think you must be a 'peace lover' (Phlegmatic) personality/temperament. I'm the opposite and never could understant how mommies (like you and my sister) get the idea that it's cruel to let a baby/toddler cry some. (On the other hand, you would think I AM cruel with kids). I was a SAHM for 20 years and love my 4 grown kids intensely, but I think it's doing a disservice to children to 'teach' them (by example) that the world is always going to revolve around them and their desires/comfort. They are very resilient and as long as the constant LOVE (not necessarily comfort) abounds, they need to learn that not everything is fun. The more challenges and trials they MEET AND OVERCOME, the stronger they become!

My kids would always come to my bed after they woke up (I'm a late sleeper) and we'd have our 'together/snuggle' time. I remember my oldest (now almost 31 w/3 little ones of her own) would get in bed and say, "I'm hungry." I'd say, "What for?", and she'd say, "Because." Our youngest (also a girl, now 19, who STILL doesn't know her own mind) would say, "I'm hungry." I'd say, "What for?" She'd say, "I don't know." I'd say, "Well, then, who does?" And she'd say, "God." LOL

Blessings 2 U, and don't be afraid to let them be 'uncomfortable' a little while learning valuable life lessons!

Buy a bigger bed! LOL

I think its great your co-sleeping...but again if no one is getting rest then something must be done. If the babies are willing to be put in their own beds in your room then its great, but if they put up a fight they still need that closeness to you for some reason. Trust me they will outgrow the family bed...usually by the time they are 3 or 4 they want their own big bed and they are independent. The important thing is they bond with you and you all have that snuggle time like you mentioned. if they are crying in their own beds then they still need you mama. I think your doing a wonderful thing by co-sleeping, you will have two well adjusted loving independent kids very soon, just be patient...the end results are worth the work now. I know I am no help for your question, but I support you totally in your decision to co-sleep!

No such thing as a Family Bed. I'm a mother of twins and an only child myself. In spite of how your kids cry put them to bed in their own beds. You may try adjusting their bed time to 30 minutes earlier. Here's the drill: 30 minutes before their regular bedtime, select a story maybe 2 stories. Explain to your kids that they're going to start sleeping in their beds in their room. You and your husband may need to stay in there with them for a few days just until they fall asleep. Then go to your own room. Don't spend another night with your kids between you and your husband. He's missing you. :)

C., If your husband was not completely on board when you started the family bed and no one is sleeping anyway, you really should make a change. You'll probably have to go through a couple of sleepless, tear filled nights. They will cry, but don't feel guilty. You're not damaging them. It's a matter of unfamiliarity and comfort. They will get comfortable with a new routine. Best to be done during hubby's off days. The other thing, if they nap, make sure they go to their cribs for their nap. It might help with bedtime routine. If you like the snuggle time, snuggle, then put them to bed awake. Hope this helps.

I have to agree with some of the responses. You may just have to let them cry it out. Against my judgment, my husband started this with our daughter and then it was very hard to move her back to her own bed but after about a week of her crying she then knew how to fall asleep herself. Good Luck to you, I know it will be very hard especially with two little ones.

C.,
Bless your heart, the snuggle time is very precious.
I too had a hard time letting go of having them so close. My husband helped support and encourage me to move both our breastfed(for 1 yr each) children out of our room and into their own by 6 mos. I still speant alot of time snuggling/ nursing them to sleep in a comfy chair in their own room. I soothed my guilty feeling( totally hormonal for me by the way), by singing to them or reading softly until they slept. Baby monitors were my other comforts. It sat right next to my pillow every night( turned low so hubby could sleep too). I owed it to myself , my kids and my hubby to get some sleep and needed the space and time alone in our room to re-establish our intimacy together as a couple.
Good luck and remember to take care of yourself, you are the only Mother they have!!

I was in the same boat with my 9 month old son. I was not going to let him cry it out in anyway shape or form, then i read about sleep and cognitive delevopement and realized i was hurting him more than helping him. Children need to learn to go to sleep on their own and too many times parents interfere with that. If they never learn to settle themselves then they will never be able to sleep through the night. My last straw was when out of no where my child started not sleeping, even in our bed. This was making him cranky and he would act out all day and i was cranky and worn down. So I decided to try a modified version of Ferber. And in two nights he was sleeping through the night and now he will sleep from 7 to 7. He is happy and playful again and I am well rested and energetic. I even have a sex life again...lol because i have the energy. Babies need happy moms and lots of sleep.

It was hard to hear him cry those two nights but i went in there assuring him I was there and showing him I loved him. (he has never cried more than 15 min) Now if he cries or fusses at all it is just a protest to going to bed and it lasts until I leave the room.

I believe in child led parenting, but I also believe that in ways he was telling me our former arrangement wasn't working. I know it will be harder for you with two but if you can muster through it it will be worth it and the whole family will be happier...Good Luck

Hi C.,
This is a difficult one, as you know. I nursed both my girls as well and kept them in our bed some, but usually put them back in their own bed when they fell asleep, because like you I didn't get any sleep if they were with me. Anyway, I agree with the others that it will be a process, but would like to add one thing. It sounds like you have a good bedtime routine with rocking and reading. I may be mistaken but I thought the recliner might be in your room?? If so, try moving the recliner out of your room to a neutral area, but stick with the routine. One other suggestion, my girls always like soft music in their rooms to fall asleep to and still do.
Good luck and stick with it. It will be worth it!
P. L.

Put them in their own beds! It is not easy hearing them cry, but be strong and eventually you will be able to lay them down and they will drift off to sleep. Life will be wonderful. Just stick to it, and when they cry, remind yourself that you are doing the right thing for them in the long run. They are both at an age where they won't cry long. My son had the worst colic and screamed for hour upon hour for 16 weeks. Trust me, a little nighttime crying is like a walk in the park in comparison. Good luck!

My sister-in-law's son slept with her and her husband til he was 12 years old.. take my advice and stop it now, it will only get worse.
Some may think it is something they will grow out of, but they are truly BONDING, and it becomes a habit for them. It's like you sleep in a bed for years and then all of a sudden you get told you can't sleep here anymore. It just won't be acceptable no matter what the age you try to break them.. but better now than when they are 12 years old and actually has grown afraid of sleeping by themself. The longer you prolong the break.. the worse it is going to be.
Good luck. R.

Been there, done that! Our second child was sick soon after he was born, and he had to be held upright all night to breathe. Guess who did the holding? I wasn't go to do it in a rocking chair!! Thus began the co-sleeping routine. It took many weeks of sticking to my guns to transition him to a crib, and then finally to big boy bed--and he STILL isn't a great sleeper. I say, do NOT feel guilty about co-sleeping, but DO transition them to a bed if you're not sleeping. If your husband will help, definitely enlist him. Part of the children accepting the new routine will rely on HIM putting them to bed and not you. If you do it, they will resist even more. As awful as the crying makes you feel, remember that crying never killed anyone and the kids WILL survive. In fact, many times after Riley cried almost literally all night, he would smile lovingly at me in the morning. They won't hold it against you. But they will resist. And it will probably take more than 3 or 4 nights (many books tell you that this can be "cured" in less than a week.) For us, it took MONTHS. But eventually, it did happen. So hang in there. L. W.

Hi, there..

Let them cry for a little while.. it would be ok for about 5 or 10 minutes.. then check on them.. It will let them know that you are still near by..

good luck...

N. W.

C., get those kids out of your bed and out of your room!Alot of moms do this and they regret it! You will have sleepless nights and so will the kids--but stick it out til the end or......you will be doing this for YEARS! They will survive! You might not feel like you will, but you will, poor husband! :(

You know I have a 4 year old little boy and he has never slept in his crib, Its coming to a point now a part of me wants him in his bed so I can be comfortable but then I love it at night he plays with my hair to go to sleep. Husbands don't understand the bond between a mom and there children. Good luck J.

I still let my 3 year old fall asleep in our bed. Then I gently put him in his own bed.

We cosleep with our 14 month old and plan on doing so with the next one on the way. I am NOT a fan of cry it out as others have mentioned. What has worked for us is to put son's crib beside our bed in a sidecar position. This makes his crib an extension of our bed so he feels like he's in bed with us, but we all have our space and get plenty of rest. THe family bed is a place of bonding and in my opinion is much safer than an itty bitty baby in a room by his self. This arrangement has saved me a great deal of worry and given us much sweet bonding time. Also, keep in mind that there was a time in history when this was how all families slept. Some good resources are www.askdrsears.com and www.mothering.com forums.
Don't ever feel quilty for what your instincts as a mom tell you to do.

Put their beds in a separate room and let them cry! They WILL survive and so will you! The 22 month old is old enough for you to explain to her it's time to sleep in her own bed - even though she won't like it! Just DO it!!!

C.,

I have been almost the same place you are but instead of having my daughter in bed her crib was in our room until she was almost a yr old. I was nursing at the time and used that excuse to keep her close for my convenience since I had to get up several times a night to nurse her and being a new mother I didn't feel comfortable having her upstairs (our BR is downstairs). I was exhausted and grumpy due to the fact that I'm an extremely light sleeper and between waking up from every little noise and nursing every few hrs I just couldn't handle it anymore. I knew my husband would do the 'I told you so' routine if I complained to him about it so I turned to a few girlfriends who had children of their own. They all had good suggestions but one of them recommended the book Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mendell. She told me to take it with a grain of salt and to only do the things you felt comfortable with (i.e., I chose to nurse & rock my child to sleep each night before bed and it advises against that but I'm glad I did b/c now my 18 mos old wants to go straight to bed, no rocking). This book had my little one in her own crib upstairs in 3 nights. The 1st 2 nights were hard, the 3rd one was great and she's been a great sleeper for the majority of the time since except when teething or sick. I would have never believed that I could have put my daughter in the crib, kissed her goodnight and walked out the door and she still had her eyes open and not a peep from her. She soothes herself to sleep every night now. The girlfriend that gave me the book told me I had to get her out of our room if I wanted it to work and she was right. She was firm with me and I really needed that. I'm sure your children need their sleep just as much as you do. The thing I like about the book is it was short, a very quick read (important for me since I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat at that time in my life) and you could go straight to the part about how to use the technique or the things that affected you the most if needed. I did the method when my husband was gone for a business trip which was exhausting but I'm so glad I did. I think the important thing is that you both have to be on the same page and both want it. If you give in then you basically have to start over and you're into another 3 nights of trying before getting any relief. It's a modified cry-it-method but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Good luck!!

Hi C., I am the mom of 10 year old twins. My children slept with me unit they were 5 years old. So if you don't want them in your bed until then, my best advice is to move the cribs out of your room and let them get used to sleeping on their own now. Otherwise enjoy the next 3-4 years of having 4 in your bed!

C.,
Your husband's judgement is dead on! If you want to break this cycle, you have to start now. It does not make you any less of a loving mom, but it will make you a better equipped mommy, mentally and physically. I am a mother of 3, ages 19,16,and 10 (all boys). Now, I am not saying they never slept in my bed, that would be a lie. In fact, my oldest did for the first 3 years of his life, my middle son, for about 2 years, then my youngest, he slept with me for almost 4 years. With my youngest, I made a huge deal about him sleeping in his own bed, but that bed, was on my floor, next to my side of the bed. This allowed me to not only, re-inforce that he stayed in his bed, but it gave me time to adjust to the change. Plus, I didn't have far to walk & each time he climbed in the bed, I just lifted him off the bed & layed him down on his bed. After about 7-9 days of him testing me (intensely), he gave in to enjoying his special bed. After that, each time he woke up, he stood next to my bed, sometimes he woke me up, others he just stood there-debating what he should do, but eventually he would lay down. When he got used to being a "big boy", I talked (to him) about things like, "now that you are such a big boy", you can start sleeping at naptime in your bedroom. Then, it opened the door to him sleeping in his own "big boy" room, at night. This process took a little over a month. Now, don't misunderstand, there was ALOT of crying and persistent attempts to not, "be a big boy", but for your health, it is important. It does not break the bond between you, but it does allow you to "begin" teaching "boundaries" which needs to be instilled at a very young age or they will attempt to run over you, for life. Another thing I did to help the adjustment period, I kept a little mattress next to my bed and one night a week, we would have a "family" night and talk, tell jokes and allow them to sleep on the floor, next to the bed- that was a HUGE deal for them. No Fear- as they have grown into young men, guess what? Their safe place, is still my bed! :)

If you're not sleeping, neither are they. Put your babies in their own beds. Let them cry it out. It will only take one or two nights for them to get the clue. Get some sleep.

Hi C.,

I hear you! My kids slept with us while I breast fed them, because I got more sleep! A word of advice, put the kids to sleep in their own rooms. You have 2 now, if you want to stay married, put them to bed. I am surprised to hear your husband does not want them in their own room??? It is only for your piece of mind and his they are still in your bed. They will survive, I promise and they will be better off. We have many friends who still have their toddlers in bed with them and their marriages are suffering and the kids are brats when it comes to bedtime. We started with the cribs, that they already were used to napping in and converted them to beds, we would put a baby mattress on the floor next to the crib with blankets and sing or read the kids to sleep, then leave. It was tiring at first, because we thought they would never fall asleep and yes they would wake up after we creeped out sometimes, but they soon would go back asleep. Believe it or not, this did not take long and soon we were all sleeping in our own beds. You can have your baby monitor next to your bed and check on them often, but soon you will feel comfortable and get the rest you need to chase these guys the next day. Our kids will get bad dreams and sneak into bed with us sometimes and I feel that is okay, or if they are sick I bring them to bed with us, because they and I sleep better. But 90% or more they are in their bed. Good luck!

T.

Dear heavens...put them in cribs in their own rooms and let them cry it out. Sleep is a basic human need--it is how some governments have tortured prisoners, to give them no or limited sleep. Think about that!

You are also setting them up for a lifetime of sleep issues and that is no favor for anyone--especially future spouses.

Put in earplugs and be done with it. Seriously. There is a TON of harm in not being rested and not helping them learn what it means to GO TO BED.

Both my boys slept in their own rooms from the day they came home from the hospital and were sleeping through the night (exclusively breastfed babies) by 3 months of age. I've had *maybe* a dozen nights of limited sleep since then due to illness/injury and my oldest is about to be 16. Anyone who tells you sleeping goes out the window for the rest of your life when you have kids is basically telling you they don't know how to effectively parent. I am the eldest of 8 and my mom would say the exact same thing--I know because she's the one who taught me. :)

Good luck!

hello, C.
first let me say that am NOT a fan of crying it out. Once you start that bond with your babies you can't just go cold turkey. Give your self some time. Start with you older child first. She has been sleeping in a real bed for 2 yrs now. Get her one of her own. A real big girl bed, with side rails obviously. Twin. Crib mattress aren't comfortable if you have been in a real bed. Where do they sleep for nap time.....start there first with getting used to the new bed. Then do your normal routine.....rock as long as you want too.....it wont hurt a bit. Then put her down in her new bed. It may still take some time, and you may even end up sleeping in there few nights, but once your daughter realizes her new bed is as safe, warm and comfy as mommy and daddy's bed then she will sleep fine. My daughter was 2 before she was out of out bed too, and this is what we did and it worked great.
Always remember though, do what feels right to you. you are the best judge of what is right for you and your family. good luck, and if you have any questions please send me a message.
Tashin

C., just stick with it. Maybe take it slow and let them start going to sleep in their bed with you in there then wean them away to where you are not in the room. You could still rock them before bedtime, just don't let them go to sleep. THat way they have that familiar part still. I was in the same situation with my 3 year old and started doing this when he was about a year old. I swore I wouldn't let the next baby sleep in my bed but am now in this process with my 9 month old. Especially now that he scooted and fell off the bed a few weeks ago when I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night! It's going to be tough during the transition but it's so worth it! The crying won't hurt them--it's harder on you than on them, I think. Hope this helps.
S.

C.,

I have read many of the responses to your ?. I am a mom of 2 boys and I too started out with my first child in the bed. There are several reasons why the family bed is not a good idea.

1. You & your husband are not receive the much needed restorative or REM sleep that your body needs. Without this sleep you suffer health risks, memory impairment and your mind is not able to focus on tasks that are needed.

2. Safety is a big concern. Many children and families face SIDS every day. It is quite possible for you, your husband or one of your children to roll and possibly cause the other child to suffocate.

3. Your children are not receiving the sleep that they need for development and overall well-being.

4. It is crucial for children to bond with their parents and it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job prior to the children going to sleep, however, children must also learn to sooth themselves and be comfortable in their surroundings.

Placing your children in their cribs will not break this bond that you have created. It will take some time and patience on your part. They will cry and cry alot. As long as they are fed and dry, they are fine. You will have to let them cry. I know that sounds awful, but for your sanity and the sanity of your marriage, this is what you will need to do. Each night, the crying will get less and less until you will wake up one morning and realize that everyone slept all night.

You owe it to yourself and your family to get the much needed rest that you all deserve. You will be a better wife and mother when you are rested.

In the end, you will have to make the decision of what you are going to do. I can guarantee that this will pass but be patient with yourself and your children. I wish you good luck with this.

C.,
I had a similar problem with my daughter who is now 3yrs old. I didn't find an easy way to "break" her from having to sleep in the bed with me. I asked a few women in my family for advice on this matter and kinda got a majority answer. It was hard at first but it got easier and easier and now she sleeps in her own bed, in her own room. First, you have to try to not feel so guilty about letting them cry. Especially, if they're ok and just a little upset they arent in bed with you. Then the trick is to deal with the crying... There is nothing wrong with letting them cry if nothing is wrong with them. My aunt used to tell me, "oh, it's good for her lungs!" I had the hardest time not walking in there and picking her up. There is no way that I know of to fix the monster you've created with this one! Let them cry themselves to sleep and get some rest!!!

Hi C.,

I agree that if no one is resting that you should begin to transfer the girls to their cribs/beds. However, I don't agree with people who tell you that you "have to" let them cry it out. Listen, these are your girls, so don't be forced into doing anything that you do not feel comfortable with. It just seems like taking the girls out of your bed and placing them somewhere they are not familar with and then letting them cry until they fall asleep seems a little too quick, and scary for them!

I would start by letting them play in their cribs or nap in them each day. Get them familiar with them. I rock my son until he is completely asleep, then lay him in his crib. Make sure the mattress is comfortable enough. I pad his crib with a few blankets underneath the crib sheet to make it more comfortable. Even if you could get to the point where your girls slept in their cribs for half a night, then come to your bed if they wake up, then thats at least a half nights more rest then you have been getting.

When I transitioned my son from our bed to his crib at about 8 months, thats what I did. I would rock him to sleep until he was completely out, then laid him in his crib. I started off by letting him come to my bed the first time he cried. Then slowly I would say, he isn't coming in until Midnight, then 1 AM, then 2 AM, each time rocking him back to sleep and putting him back in his crib until that certain time. For about 2 weeks, there was a lot of up and down, and a lot of rocking! This has worked for me, I'm happy to say that this morning (and the past 5 days!) he slept in his crib until 7:15, never coming into my bed at all. I know this is complicated, but it worked for me, and I was ok with it in my soul. I did not have to let him cry it out, but slowly transitioned him over.

Don't ever feel guilty about being protective, rocking your babies to sleep, letting them sleep in your bed, or so on. Just because other parents may not choose this parenting style or even tell you that you are doing things wrong, it doesn't matter. This is the kind of woman God made you, and the type of mother God made you to be! Being caring and over-sensitive with your children is ok if this what feels comfortable to you. I would listen to advise, but at the end of the day, you must follow your gut and not feel like you are doing things all wrong!!