Family Dog Dies and 13 Month Old Misses Her Terribly...

Updated on April 19, 2008
P.B. asks from Anchorage, AK
28 answers

We have had our dog for literally 13 years and just last week she was taken by cancer. I knew that me and my husband would have a hard time with it as she had been a HUGE part of our lives. What I didn't expect was that our 13 month old daughter would have such a hard time with it too.
I guess I didn't think that far ahead and kinda just figured that my daughter would just forget about Bubbles since she was so young, but she hasn't and in her own little way she is looking for her. Our daughter will open books that have pictures of dogs and say "Woof" and then look to the corner of the living room where Bubbles used to lay. And whenever we say "Good Girl Baby, that's a dog!" when she is pointing to pictures of dogs, she will look over to try and see Bubbles.
I figured that if I got rid of the dog bed and the dog food and watering/food dishes right away that it would, in a sense, erase the memory of the dog for all of us would get on easier and a lot faster. That hasn't happened, including for me and my husband.
We are talking about possibly getting a puppy so that our daughter can 'grow up' with a dog as her best friend as we are huge animal lovers and always have been, but I'm kinda nervous about a few things;
1st, that it will make our daughters memory of Bubbles less and not so remarkable as they had a WONDERFUL relationship
2nd, It's been a while since I've trained a puppy (13 years ago). I'm wondering if the stress of cleaning up little messes will have a negative impact on my daughters’ view of having a dog and my connection with the puppy.
3rd, Is getting a puppy at 13 months really a good idea? We are trying for another child, so I'm not sure if getting a puppy is the smartest idea.
We are planning to go to the Dog Pound later, just so she can see some dogs and puppies, but I'm not sure if she is going to think that Bubbles is there or if we forgot her somewhere and at 13 months she doesn't understand what Heaven is, even after much explanation.
I realize that you can't just erase the memory of a beloved friend so quickly, but does anyone have any suggestions for my 13 month old daughter?

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So What Happened?

Hello All,
Thank you SO MUCH for all the GREAT advice, websites, and resources that you all provided! I assumed that I might get one or two replies but never in a million years would I have thought that other Moms and families had gone through the same or similar situations.
After reading each one of your replies I have come to the conclusion that waiting for a new edition to our family is probably the best. I hadn't thought of all the consicenses of running out and getting a dog would have on myself our my family, as I was stuck in a "box" only with one view. I hadn't thought about so many other possiblities that you were so kind to show me, and I know now that waiting is the best answer.
As for our daughter and how she is going to handle it, time will heal our hearts and get us through the loss of such a wonderful Dog. I now know how to handle any future mishaps with animals, or even the loss of any family members that may and will come with time. Much thanks to each of you for your wonderful responce's and great resources that you have provided to me and our family.
As for a plan, I plan on asking my neighbor if we can walk his puppy on a regular basis. I figure that it will teach my daughter the huge responsiblity of owning a dog without having to actually have the full brunt of cleaning the messes and training the dog. This may help out more than just my family as the man works a lot and has very little time to walk his dog and train him on a leash. Also, I will probably wait at least for a few months to get another dog as my time is already spread so thin with so much responsibilities.
As for Bubbles, I know she is at Rainbow Ridge playing and watching over any future animals that we will get to help protect our lovely little daughter. Thanks again for your thoughts and wonderful insight that you provided. :) P.

More Answers

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K.W.

answers from Portland on

Wow, I hope you get lots of good advice. I just wanted to say that you don't have to go to the dog pound (very depressing and perhaps upsetting since they are in cages) to see dogs. We take our little baby girl to the local PetSmart to look at the doggy day care--it's got a big glass wall and you can just sit there and watch the dogs play together. It's like a giant aquarium full of dogs!

We took her from when she was quite little so that she could see movement...animals...and not be afraid of dogs. She loves dogs now.

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L.S.

answers from Seattle on

i know exactly what you are going through - to a point. August 2007 we rescued a senior brother/sister from the humane society. 2 weeks ago, I took Brutus to the vet for a cough and found out he was filled with cancer tumors all over his lungs and body. We tried meds for 1 week and he got worse, not better so I had him put to sleep. I have a 6, 2 1/2 and 22 month old and an 8 month old (who I gave birth to 2 weeks after getting the dogs)... We explained to our 6 year old that Brutus was going to live somewhere else forever so he could be better and happy and play. We said nothing to the younger kids.... they still look for him and call for Brutus to come. Our loss is tempered by the fact that we still have Cleo and she seems to be healthy.

BE CAREFUL... I know the inclination is to go right out and get another dog.... WAIT. I see so many dogs up for adoption or surrendered to shelters because the family no longer had time for it due to a birth or too many other activities....

We should have waited another year or two to get a dog. Cleo and Brutus were dogs that we knew. Their family divorced and the dad dumped the dogs at the pound with no notice. I knew that they would die most likely at the pound due to their age or be seperated. So we adopted them. We are done having kids now... but it has been a little bot of a challnege to keep the dogs included with the family and not neglect them while taking care of 4 kids including a newborn and hubby works nights and sleeps days.

Perhpas wait a year or two. OR - find the breed that is right for you and then rescue a 3 or 4 year old dog from a bereed rescue or shelter.

When we got our dogs, some friends decided they should get a dog for their two boys too.... they first went to the humane society and picked out a dog within 30 min. After having him at home for 3 weeks, the "re-homed" him because he was a big dog, but also a puppy and very energetic... they didnt take him for walks or anything.... a few weeks later, they went to a different shelter and adopted a 3 year old golden retriever. - within 1 month that dog had been re-homed as well.... Then after another month or so, they bought a pure bred puppy golden retriever puppy from a breeder - its been 6 weeks and they are getting frustrated with potty training etc.....

In my opinion, get an older dog from a rescue. or wait a few years until your child can be more actively involved in the dogs care

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E.A.

answers from Seattle on

We're dog lovers in this house and had a 14 year old dog die a few years ago. We all cried, I was thankful however, that Annie died while my daughter was at school (she was 15 at the time). I made the arrangements for Annie (cremation) but saved the collar for my daughter (I really didn't know what else to do). When she came home, I told her about Annie and wouldn't you know she asked if we had Annie's collar! To this day, my daugher still has Annie's collar. About 6 months later we got a boxer from a rescue shelter.

On that note, I wouldn't recommend getting a dog just yet. All of you need time to heal. When you're ready what about a dog (1-2 yrs. old) from a shelter? There are many full breed rescues in the area. They typically know more about their dogs. You don't have the time to housebreak a dog or go thru the puppy stage with your daughter needing so much of your time. A 1-2 yr. old dog can still grow with your daughter.

All things work out in the end. E.

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J.L.

answers from Medford on

Dear P.,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. One year ago on Easter Sunday we took our family by the river for a picnic. Not realizing how strong the river was at that time of year, our yellow lab jumped in. She was suddenly caught in a current and swept over a waterfall where she was drown. It was a horrible exprience for my husband and I and our three young boys. It was unexpected and a terrible sight to see.
Our boys were crushed. They loved our dog very much. She was part of the family. At first we didn't know what to do. Our kids were so upset that they didn't even want to sleep in our house for a couple of days. We actually left town for a few days to mourn our loss. It was my idea to get a new puppy. My husband didn't back my on this at first. He didn't think it would help. I decided to go with a different breed this time. I spent lots of time online checking out different breeds that would meet our specific needs especially in potty training because we too didn't want to go through the puppy stage again. After a couple of weeks I found the one I wanted and I made arrangments to get her.
I went to get the new puppy by myself. When I got home with her the responce I got was shocking. My husband came out. Picked her up and was instantly in love. The boys too fell in love with her right away. We have had her for a year now and although we loved our lab, our new goldendoodle has helped us tremendously to let go of the hurt and to move on. She has also proved in many ways to be a much better pet for us.
So my suggestion is to find a new family member. They won't replace the old but they will help fill your heart with love and joy again. Good luck and best wishes.

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S.A.

answers from Bellingham on

Hi,
I have been through this also. My son is 5 and during his lifetime I have lost a 17, a 16, and a 15 year old dog and a 13 year old cat. (Yes, I had a geriatric animal thing going) The cat was the hardest one for him in regards to longevity. He was just shy of two y.o. and frequently would burst into tears stating he missed Dufus (yes, funny name, long story!). I would just hold him and we would talk about what a great cat Duf had been. Reminiscing would make him feel better and is a professional therapeutic technique. Draw pics, etc.

Did you have a burial or goodbye ceremony? Kids do well with rituals such as this.

Hang in there, it does get better. It just takes time, especially for the young ones. On the last dog who died just a few weeks ago Jake cried horribly hard, but not for very long. Now he occasionally mentions that he misses Bjorn but we go right into 'reminisce' mode and it helps work through the grief. That is what your child has to do- work through the grief and you can do this by talking about the wonderful times with the dog.

I definitely would NOT get a puppy if you are not ready. That would be a diservice to the dog and its incorporation into your family. It could also imply dogs are replaceable and I don't think that is your impression. I would also probably not go to the dog pound yet. At 13 months your intuition of your child thinking Bubbles may be there is likely correct. When you are ready then think about another dog. Let your child have time to work through the grief. And, when you are ready why don't you check out a rescue organization? Something like petfinder.org? Rescue organizations often have volunteers foster dogs- you would know the temperament and personality from someone who has lived with the animal for an extended length of time. You can also get an adult and not have to deal with housebreaking:)

Good luck! After losing four animals for my son he has gotten better at the grief thing. It does get better!

S

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D.M.

answers from Seattle on

Losing a family pet is never easy for anyone involved, my heart goes out to you. I was blessed with two litter mates, from the moment I breathed in their little mouths, giving them their first breath, and having the best friends. As a single woman, they offered such companionship, my grandsons often told me how spoiled they were. Unfortunately I lost one at the age of 4 to illness, she went very quickly, a blessing of its own, but did not make it any easier. I still have my other beautiful girl, and in the process of my grief, I forgot she was also grieving. I learned to grieve with her, and I think we both shed days of tears. I am much closer to her now, and we tried a new puppy, infact two new puppies. Now I don't have children at home, but it was a lot of work to try to keep up with those puppies, training, potty breaking, no chewing, no digging, no, no, no. Both puppies were placed in wonderful family homes that had the time to work with them.
I personally will adopt an older dog from a shelter from this day forward. There are so many loving older babies that need good loving homes, and your family definately sounds like a great place to live. I am not sure if that helped you, but I know that is the first thing I will do when I find myself alone.
I am sorry for your loss, and just know she is there with all the babies waiting at the rainbow bridge. Good Luck

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E.C.

answers from Seattle on

When our dog passed away our daughter was a bit older than yours, but it was still really hard for her to deal with. A couple of ways that we helped her through it was, 1. We purchased a small stuffed dog that was the same brand as our dog (a cockapoo) and she carried it around forever and would tell people that her dog died, but that her little dog was getting all the love that she could no longer give our real dog. She is now 7 and still sleeps with "Jingles". 2. One night when was looking up at the stars she spotted a very bright star and told us that was Jingles star. We ran with that and now every time she sees that star she waves and says "hi" to Jingles star. 3. The last thing that we did was send balloons up to heaven for Jingles to have a party with. On one of the balloons we tied a little doggie treat on it because our daughter said that it wasn't a party unless there were treats. I know that your daughter is younger than our daughter was, but these things might work for your daughter. I am sorry for your loss..I know how hard it is. Good luck!

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S.E.

answers from Eugene on

I, too have lost dogs that are very much part of our family. The loss of a beloved dog has never kept me from eventually getting another, tho. It sounds like a 'reasonable' amount of mourning time has passed, so I think your idea getting another dog is a good one. Dogs teach children many good lessons... about being gentle, and caring for others, etc. My dogs have always loved children, and endured ear and jowl pulling with great patience and tolerance - but not all dogs do, of course. Whether it is a puppy or an adult dog, be sure the dog you bring home is child-safe. In addition to the usual house-breaking, you will have to teach a puppy how to acceptibly respond to toddler abuse. An adult dog that already know this - and is housebroke - might save you some stress. Seems having a toddler around is enough of a job for anyone! Good luck... there is a dog out there waiting to be loved by your family.

S.

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D.J.

answers from Seattle on

Hi P.,
I'm sorry about your dog. We lost our Gabby to a cancer at age 16 last September and I have an 4 years old who was 3.5 at that time. For 8 months we tried the pet heaven, making an album, watching family videos, church books, sending balloons with messages, endless talking and etc. Nothing worked, there wouldn't be a day that he wouldn't ask "When Gabby is getting better and coming home?", "She really loved me, why she doesn't want to come home", "I saw Gabby's eyes at the sky and she sad that she wants to come home" and etc. Well, we end up getting a puppy and yes, he forgot about Gabby but it is a hard work for me and there are 16 years since I took care of a puppy. My son loves the puppy but he doesn't treat it with a respect. He looks at her as a toy and treat her like that. I feel bad for the poor puppy. And yes, he was very good with Gabby and I wouldn't even think for a moment that he will be so bad with "his" puppy. From my experience I would advice you to go for an older dog, just make sure he will be good with kids. Please, keep in mind that the relation between the old dog and your dother will be absolutly different than between her and the new dog if you go for one. I'm sorry that we got a puppy not an older dog even the puppy is absolutely lovely. Let me know if you need more advices how to deal with the problem. Good luck!

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A.B.

answers from Portland on

First, sorry about your loss..It is so hard to lose a loved family dog! I still miss my childhood dog and that loss was 10 years ago.
We decided to get a dog when my daughter was 2. It was one of the best decisions we made. We were not dealing with loss but, the connection that two have made is wonderful. That is not to say it wasn't hard to deal with dog messes and diapers at the same time but, I also knew that I was only going to be a stay at home mom for a few years and that I would have the time to work with the dog. However, we are also not going to have anymore children so I knew that I would not be looking at another pregnancy.....It only took about 5 months of work to get our dog very well trained with no accidents and in the long run it wasn't that bad. A puppy trained with a young child in the house generally does better with the child and other children later. Our dog has amazing patience with our 3 year old and they are amazing buddies! I am also a preschool teacher and I have found that children even at young ages generally just need matter of fact simple and truthful answers. Bubbles was sick and died and we miss her. Memory making and keeping can always be reinforced with photos and stories that you tell about bubbles as your child grows. Heaven is a hard concept at any age! I honestly think that if you keep it simple and positive and honest your daughter will grow to understand....we had a cat die right before we got our dog and my daughter still talks about him. I just tell her the truth and she seems to accept that as enough for now! Good luck! You will know in a few weeks if getting a dog is the right answer!

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M.K.

answers from Spokane on

P. --
Young children understand so much more than we realize. I have found the best way to handle these things is with compassion and honesty. You can also give her the words she may not have -- like, "Bubbles was really old and died. Now she lives in a beautiful place called heaven. We all really miss her." or "I see you are looking for Bubbles. I bet you really miss her." You can let her know its ok to feel sad, and that you are sad too, but that you will get through it together. You might also make a special picture book of Bubbles together that you can look at.

I would follow your instincts on getting a puppy -- if it feels like its too soon or would be taking on too much, then wait. Do you have any friends with dogs that you can visit from time to time until you can get another?

Hope that helps and sorry for your loss! M.

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H.K.

answers from Seattle on

We had to put one of our dogs down 2 months ago due to acute kidney failure. Our daughter who was a few months over 3 took it VERY hard. I cannot recommend "Dog Heaven" enough....it got us through the ordeal. My daughter will now look up in the sky & wave or talk to her dog who is missing. It makes her smile now & we don't have tears any longer.

We still have another dog, but I personally, wouldn't get another until you are done having kids. I have volunteered in animal adoption for 10 years & it's heartbreaking to see so many animals get rehomed due to kids. I have one dog, but when she goes, I won't get any more until I am done with babies & toddlers. That's just my 2 cents, though.

Good luck. Get a copy of "Dog Heaven." Oh, one last thing: DON'T tell your child that the dog went to sleep. It can scare kids & then they are afraid to go to sleep. Also, don't say "Bubbles was sick & died" 'cause they think they will die every time they are sick. I simply told my daughter that our dog died & that it meant we wouldn't see her anymore. That seemed to be enough for her.

I'm sorry for your loss. We had our dog for 13 years, so I know how hard it is to lose a "baby."

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C.H.

answers from Portland on

P.,
I too am a dog lover and over the years have lost a few to illness. Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer, often says that dogs are here to teach us. I agree so much with him.

My opinion on this is the allow your daughter to remember Bubbles as often as possible and discuss Bubbles frequently in the family as if Bubbles is still a part of the family. It is thought that the loss of a pet for a young child is essential in helping our children learn how to deal with grief and loss. I agree with that. This will help her prepare for her future when people in her life may pass away...she'll have an idea how to mourn and then how to move on.

How you handle the loss and how you deal with her at this point is very important as you are teaching her how to grieve and how long to grieve. It is my personal opinion that we should teach our children that EVERYTHING is energy and that when a pet or a loved one passes on their energy still exists...it just doesn't exist in the form that we had grown accustomed to. You might want to tell her that Bubbles went to heaven or over the rainbow or whatever you are most comfortable with but the most important thing, in my opinion, is that she begins to understand even at her age that nothing or no one is ever really truly 'gone' and that as long as we love them and keep them in our hearts they live in some way. In this way we are helping them understand the Universe around them in a way that they can truly relate to as well as helping them begin to see all living things as something that is directly connected to them. This will serve our children well as they grow and become adults in as much as how they relate to and perceive others.

Good Luck,
C.

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B.D.

answers from Portland on

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing your dog is harder than most people can imagine.

My personal opinion on whether to get another dog or not would be a definitely NO! Not yet anyway, especially if you are planning on having another baby. We have a very well behaved lab that is 6 years old. We have 22 month and 5 month old kids as well. As good as our dog is, she sometimes drives me crazy as it's just another child to take care of. I think once your kids are out of the baby stage, then getting a dog might be a good idea. Our dog doesn't get the attention, walks, etc. that she deserves and if she was a puppy she would have been poorly trained because of this.

Good luck with your decision.

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E.K.

answers from Seattle on

Oh, I feel for you, this must be very hard. Since it has only been a week, I'd say, just be happy that she hasn't forgotten already. Give it 2-5 months. Or more. I lost my cat of 17 years (my first baby) and waited 2 1/2 years before my heart could think about getting an new one. By then I had a 6 year old boy and a 2-1/2 year old. (Yes, I was 8 months pregnant when my cat died - talk about emotional!)

For us, even 2-1/2 is a little young for a new animal in the house. It is really hard to repremand a pet in front of your little darling. Painful, really. I've even said to my older one, "go away, don't watch this". So in my experience, I'd say, don't do anything new, right now. Just grieve and enjoy your daughter and explain a little bit, then maybe when she gets to talking and understanding (really understanding!) the word "gentle" you can think about a new fuzzy family member. Just my 2 cents though.

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H.A.

answers from Portland on

First of all, I'm sorry about your loss. Many others have provided advice on dealing with your grief.

Now for the "get a puppy" perspective. Unless you're absolutely sure that you'll have the time to train your puppy, don't do it. I say that from experience: we got our now 2-year old dog as a puppy when my daughter was 18 months old. She's now 3, and we have a 1 year old as well. Irmie did not get the attention and training she needed as a puppy, and we're now struggling with a very active, very intelligent adolescent dog. She chews, she digs, she's pushy... and it all comes down to wanting more attention than we're able to give her. We're working on it, but it's a LOT harder now than it would have been when she was littler.

Just think hard about it. If you can do it, then DO IT. Dogs are the best.

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M.P.

answers from Seattle on

I am so sorry for your loss! It is so difficult to lose a loved pet that you've had for so long.

We had a similar situation hit our family 2 years ago. Our pound dog of 14 years needed to be put to sleep. She had been with us since my husband and I got married and we were so crushed - she was such a big part of our life.

My son was 6 at the time and my daughter was 3. My daughter took it especially hard - my son, he was indifferent. We buried our dog in the yard, so my daughter would often visit where we buried her and cry. We didn't know what to do! We weren't expecting the reaction.

What helped her was to keep pictures of our dog on the refrigerator so she could go back and look at them whenever she wanted. We even put one in a ziploc bag so she could carry it with her everywhere. It seemed to help her to have the picture. We were determined to not get another dog for a while and this picture thing really seemed to get her through it.

We also let her know that we were sad that our dog had died. I know your daughter can't convey this in words, but it may help her to know that you are mourning your dog too. Maybe when she looks for Bubbles, you could explain that you miss her too?

In time, your child will probably focus on other things, but in the mean time, it may help to show empathy and have a few pictures around. Maybe make your child a photo album with pictures of the dog in it?

Whatever you decide, I am sure you'll do what's in your family's best interest.

One note to consider. Not only is getting a new puppy more work for you, don't forget your child's size and the fact that puppies have really sharp teeth and claws. Puppies are so gregarious, I would be afraid that a new puppy would be a little excitable and want to rough house with your child. Not only will you be potty training the dog, but you'll be performing basic first aid too! :)

Best of luck...
M.

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A.P.

answers from Seattle on

Hi P.
My family went through this when my daughter was barely 3, and again at 4 (two older dogs). Because I work in the field of the human-animal bond, I knew about a number of resources that helped. One is a terrific book "Where Has My Pet Gone?" by Sally Sibbit. It is a workbook that helps parents and their children work through the death of a pet. Also go to www.deltasociety.org for additional resources and information about dealing with pet loss.
I echo others' comments about not rushing out and getting a puppy. When our first dog died, I was grateful we had the other to comfort us. Because of that, I opted to get a new puppy to have a dog in place when the older one died. A friend offered us a 3-month-old, pure-bred Border Collie. I researched the breed and understood the challenges. We agreed to try the pup for a weekend. A cute story here: When I told my daughter we'd be having a puppy visit, I described it as "like the puppies in Babe." She thought for a moment, her eyes got wide and she exclaimed, "It can talk?!" But I digress, the upshot was though he was very smart, easily trained and cute as a bug, we opted not to keep him because we could see he wanted to "herd" my daughter. We waited a few more months and got a mixed-breed (German Shephard/Golden Retriever)pup from an ad in the paper. I did a puppy temperament test on her to be sure she would not be aggressive (you can find this online). And, more importantly, I was ready to TRAIN and care for a puppy. A well-selected older dog might be a good option if you're thinking of adding a new baby to the mix as well. ZaZu has been a wonderful addition to our family, and 10 years later my daughter has taken on the feeding responsibilities.
Pets are VERY important in children's lives. Noted child psychologist Gail Melson has a great book "Why the Wild Things Are" that explpains this in depth.
Good luck.

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D.B.

answers from Bellingham on

We are a single child family. Our son has "Buddies" that he has had since he was a baby. He's named all of them and they really are his buddies. He does haved a very cute and cuddly dog the he named Noonya. It was very important to us to make sure he had plenty of buddies as a small child. He's six now and still has a huge attachment to these buddies. One of his monkeys, "fuzzy", is still with him every night. He will actually start to worry about Fuzzy if he doesn't know where she is. He's got a huge heart for relationships, he loves people, and he's a brilliant young boy. There seems to be a hole in your child's heart. You may consider taking her to a quality stuffed animal store and have her choose a puppy. Ask her to name the new puppy. She may come up with a weird name but it's not for her. Try to always include the new puppy in all of her activities and especially at bedtime. Don't forget to take puppy with you in the car and on vacations.

D. B

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N.S.

answers from Portland on

our dog died when our daughter was almost two so that is a bit older than your child, but she still talks about her all the time, like she is still here. We never lied about what had happened (also cancer)and we told her that she is in the clouds watching over us. I know a two year old understands better than a 13 month old but I think you can still do the same things with your child. I don't want my girl to forget about her dog. Maybe show her pictures of your dog and show her the clouds and say she is there now or what ever your beliefs are. If she had a good relationship with the dog I think you can still keep that for her. Personaly I would not get another dog until the kids are a bit older. Two small children and a new puppy will be hard. We still have one dog, and two kids under 3, I find it hard to give the dog the attention that she needs.

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M.W.

answers from Seattle on

I too am very sorry for your loss. I experienced the same thing when we lost our dog after being with us for 14 1/2 years. My children at the time were 2 years, and 6 months old. We kept Hoover's memory alive by telling stories about him all the time. While my two year old may not have his own specific memories, he feels as if he does because of the stories we tell, and pictures we share.

With regard to getting a new puppy. I would strongly caution you to wait. It's difficult because there is such a hole in your heart from your loss, but given the age of your daughter, and that you are trying to have a second child, you may experience the same thing that happened to me. I was so distraught I thought a new dog would help ease my grief, so we got a new dog. (I have grown up with dogs my whole life.) Because I was so focused upon my two young children and their constant needs at their ages, I never bonded with the dog. To this day (8 years later) I feel amazing annoyance towards the dog, and just as strong guilt for not having the bond with this truly amazing creature. It really is not fair to everyone concerned, including the dog.

Only you and your husband will truly know when your family is ready to bring a new critter into your home, but wait until the initial grief of your loss has passed, so you are making an objective decision, rather than an emotional one you may regret later. Best wishes!

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M.J.

answers from Portland on

Dog Heaven (Hardcover)
by Cynthia Rylant is the best book. You can find it online barely used for cheap. My 5 year old still misses "Rocky" who had to be put down suddenly due to illness. This book is comforting and when she misses him we read the book. It will make you feel better too! Check it out online at Amazon.com they let you look into the book.

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K.T.

answers from Portland on

My heart goes out to you and your family for your loss. Make a good judgment call. You may need to get a "trained" puppy for your daughter, it sounds like that, she too knows something is missing and it may have been a big part of her communication. I understand that this may not be an easy task, but you may want to adopt a loving, trained pet verses a puppy. It sounds like you know what to do. -Washington

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L.P.

answers from Seattle on

P., so sorry for your loss. Take the time to grieve and let your daughter do the same. You can keep Bubbles' memory alive with pictures and bedtime stories. Keep up the doggy heaven story, even though your daugther doesn't understand yet~ because she will eventually. If you try to "erase" the emotions and memories, it will just become an unresolved emotional issue. Take the time to feel and let her feel too. And take the time to be thankful and grateful for all the wonderful memories you made with Bubbles.
I would really suggest not getting a puppy right now. And from your letter, you know a puppy isn't the answer either. Wait until your daughter is a little older, you've all healed a little more, and perhaps after the next baby! Getting a young dog from a shelter (say 2 years old?) can be a great alternative to a puppy. Your children can still "grow up" with the dog, without the hassle of puppy raising.
Good luck!
L. P.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

What a aware and sensitive little girl you have! I am so sorry for your loss...I know all too well what you are going through.

I have a 13 month old daughter as well AND a 10 month old English Mastiff "puppy"...she's over 110 pounds so the term puppy seems weird to say!!!

We moved when my daughter was 5 months old and 2 weeks before the move we suddenly lost our 8 year old German Shepard. We had actually talked about what we would do if/when Kole passed on and had looked at the Mastiff breed as a good match for our family. Ironically, a neighbor's sister was looking for homes for her puppies and, well...I always say you don't just go "look" at puppies...you become a dog owner! We should have known better...but those eyes and her cute fuzzy belly! :)

I won't lie...things have been tough, but I think a lot for us has had to do with the fact that we are in a fixer home so we have even more than a baby and puppy on our plate. I also can't tell you how many times I have had tears of joy and laughter in my eyes because of the human and canine puppies playing together! It really makes it all worth it!

If I were you I would consider they type/size of the dog and also possibly just getting a young, but house broken dog...sometimes the distraction a puppy brings is just what a family needs to help with the grieving process. A new pet is not a replacement, but rather just a new family member to get to know. I also think that your daughter is too young to ultimately remember Bubbles and won't have her memories clouded by a new dog.

Best wishes to you and your family...however big or small you choose to make it!

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H.L.

answers from Seattle on

Hi P., I understand your concerns, and the anguish over losing a member of your family. It's not easy when you lose a pet but in time those wounds do heal. I feel getting another dog is a wonderful idea not only because your family are animal lovers but having another dog will help you heal your loss of Bubbles. You mentioned that you and your husband are trying to have another child. So maybe consider getting a dog that is a few months old and maybe already house broken. That will help lessen the stress of the extra cleanup. As for a negative impact on your daughter seeing you have to clean up the little messes left by a puppy I dont think you have anything to worry about. I get the feeling your just a little overwhelmed with everyday things. So take a deep breath and when your ready to have another dog you will know and you and your family will have new memories. I wish you the best and take care.

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C.M.

answers from Seattle on

Dear P.,
I am so sorry for the loss of Bubbles. I am due any day now and was wondering how to integrate my new baby girl into our family with the two adopted greyhounds that we own. One is 11 and one is 6 years old. The gal that we got our 6 year old greyhound from gave me a wonderful book as a shower gift, called, "Child-Proofing your Dog" by Brian Kilcommons. He actually talks about what kind of pets will do well in your house, how to introduce them to kids, how to teach your kids to respect them, how to train the dogs, etc. Some dogs do well with kids and some don't, of course. He has also written a book called, "Good Owners, Great Dogs" which is worth looking into. I hope this helps. I am excited to see how the dogs respond to our new little one. She is due today but may not come for another week. Good luck!
C. M.

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J.M.

answers from Portland on

Of course she doesn't know what heaven is but this might be a good time to start teaching her. It is okay to mourn the loss of a dog, they become part of the family and it is in essence mourning a family member. How would you explain it to her if it was a relative? Explain it the same way.

A puppy is so cute but so much work. Not only the house breaking but they chew, and get into stuff and are like having another baby who is harder to discipline. The problem I have with a baby and a puppy is that the puppy doesn't know how hard they are biting or scratching and they end up hurting the baby. Sometimes the baby then becomes afraid of not only the puppy but other animals as well. I would suggest maybe a year old dog. Still playful, but usually out of that chewing stage and usually more careful with babies. Hopefully you can find one that is already house broken, that would make it a lot easier.

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