Fear of Flying - Arlington,VA

Contact the airlines, many still offer classes. Also take chamomile to help you stay calm, and tell your husband, I'll get there but on the flight your on your own with the baby. Also pack an activity bag for the baby to make it possible for your husband to keep her entertained. Unless, keeping the baby happy will help you stay focused on something "more important". Don't take anything that has an afterlife: if you drink alcohol or take strong drugs the effects are magnified in the altitude and the hangover is worse. Then you will be useless to your family during the flight as well as the first day of the trip. I like the hypnosis idea, I know someone that it worked well for.

Good luck! For your sake and your loved ones sake this is a fear worth facing and getting over. My ex-sister in-law had an awful and irrational fear of flying and it made the whole family crazy and brought major problems to their household.

this is definitely a time for pharmaceuticals. your fear isn't illogical at all, you know what triggered it, you are aware of the statistics and numbers and physics, there's nothing wrong with you. you just need help dealing with the rough spots.
get your doc to give some anti-anxiety meds to get you through the flight. they won't zonk you out, just take the edge off so you can deal and not freak your daughter out.
good luck!
khairete
S.

I too am more afraid of flying recently than before, and my husband is terrified. I try to remind myself that it is safer than driving and try to put it in perspective. but my best advice to you is to call your doc and get drugs. My husband usually gets drugs, but this past trip he refused to take the drugs with him stating that he was over his fears. In the airport he realized what a mistake that was. I gave my kids benadryl and he took some too, but it didn't help as much as a Xanax or Ativan would have and we were all miserable. Good luck, and remember how fast you will be there.

I don't think anyone will ever get over seeing the planes go into the Towers on 9/11. I know I won't (was in DC and saw the Pentagon aflame....) and have had to overcome my own flight fears. You're not alone. A short-term help might be distracting yourself, as you would a child. (To overcome it might mean longterm care, therapy & medication, if you're so anxious the thought causes you absolute fear and misery.) Depending on the severity of the phobia, distraction might work. Maybe an iPod or book that might help you stay absorbed during the flight. I had to fly across the country with the family recently and felt a bit anxious. I prayed a lot! It didn't help matters when on the return trip we saw the plane in NY had made an emergency landing in the Hudson River. Ugh! I was stressed out the entire trip. Add to that we almost missed our flight because they changed the gate number.... Oh, it was an adventure. Just chock it up to one of those things you'll have to put in the travel journal that you'll be able to laugh about someday. I couldn't laugh then, but, the mental picture of us running through the airport, my husband carrying heavy suitcase and our daughter... oh, it's now priceless. I still chuckle. It helped having my then 4-yr.-old daughter, though I've pledged we won't fly again until she can carry her own suitcase. Anyway, I had very little time to worry about falling out of the sky as I had to entertain her and take her to bathroom (which was its own adventure), etc. My 10-year-old was another distraction, and of course, there's the DH. Your DD and DH should keep you busy. Take her favorite snacks, books, a card game like Go Fish or two stuffed animals you can make stories with. (Check airline packing guidelines, first). The overseas planes are also pretty good about providing meals, movies and music, which should help some. And, there's always the mindset that if it is indeed "your time", it won't matter if you're on the plane, driving to the grocery store, or in your home tucked safely in bed. I know, easier said than done. Logically, I knew that, too, but it helped to keep repeating that to myself on the flight. And, if nothing else, keep picturing yourself with your family at your desired destination and the memories you will have! What a treat! I'd also do a google search on "anxiety and flying" and see if there are any other suggestions. Bon voyage!

Hi, J. - You might want to see someone who specializes in helping folks get over their anxieties, and/or ask your Dr. for some Xanax - it will take the edge off for you. Good luck!

J.,

I went through this same issue for a little while - but in addition - I also felt like I was going to pass out on take off and landing. I could handle it all on short flights but when I had a flight coming up to go to Korea, I mentioned it to my doctor. He said it could be one of two things (or possibly both). I could have developed a fear of flying and/or it could have something to do with my sinuses. He gave me two meds - one for sinus and one that was just a "feel good" pill (don't remember which pill that was). He told me to take both about an hour before take-off. He said neither pill would harm me and that the feel good pill would not have any lasting results. I did as he advised and all went great. Since then, the longest trip I have made was to Hawaii and I have not had the problems again.

I love flying...but I can see how someone would panic over it - my friend is deathly afraid of it. 9/11 was scary for everyone - but just assure yourself that those incidents were not mechanical or pilot errors - 9/11 was a rare circumstance that is hopefully being held under control by our great men and women in the military!! My husband was over in Iraq for a year and Afghanistan for a year....and they are risking their lives every day for us, so it will help the rest of us have a little peace of mind. Of course panic attacks are not rational, and can't be helped sometimes, so just try to distract yourself....have a cocktail in the bar at the airport being take-off - pretend you're a fancy foreign delegate or Donald Trump's personal assistant or something and dress up - make it a special occassion...wear clothes for the country you are traveling to and use the time on the place to read a good book, do a crossword puzzle, read a magazine, do Sudoku, talk to your husband, create a scrapbook, listen to music, or anything else you may be interested in to take your mind off of what you are doing...the less you think about it, the less you obsess about it. You will do just fine!!

My neighbors found this website helpful.

http://www.airsafe.com/issues/fear.htm

I too hate to fly and fear something going wrong, though my fear doesn't sound quite as intense as yours. It's vital to keep occupied every moment during the flight; I read a lot and focus a lot of attention on my daughter, explore everything on the in-flight movie/TV options, etc.

I'm surprised to hear how casually folks are recommending drugs like Xanax, though -- you do have a very small child to watch during the flight, keep track of in airports, etc., and you need to know whether drugs to relax you might also affect your attention and ability to watch a child. I'm sure others will say drugs just "take the edge off" and don't affect your attention to your daughter, but I would never try them for the first time on a flight - if you go the route of medications, try them first on a day when you are NOT flying, so you can see if you (and your husband) feel the drugs affect you in ways that would be detrimental to your or your child's safety in situations like airplanes and airports. I have a friend who had a horrible physical reaction to Xanax the one time she took it, and that was just taking half the dose she was prescribed, so you don't want to find out when you're already on the plane that you have problems with whatever you've been prescribed. I also do not recommend giving your toddler Benadryl or other over the counter meds to get her to sleep. Those drugs can have the opposite effect, wiring kids up and making them more, not less, active and jumpy; are not intended to use as sleep aids for parents' convenience; and can leave kids who do get sleepy so whacked-out and tired that they are very cranky once they arrive at the destination. I fly at least once a year overseas with my daughter and have been doing it since she was 6 months old and she's now eight. Flying's a necessary evil so your daughter can get to see family and friends -- that's how I think about it. But boy, I feel for you.

Hi J.! I have the same fear that you do. However, a little over a year ago my principal wanted me to go to a training in San Antonio, TX. It was a great opportunity to grow and the trip was all paid for by the county. What helped me the most was keeping myself busy. I definitely talked to two other colleagues that went on the trip as well, but I purposely packed paperwork that needed to get done. By the time I had talked to my colleagues about life in general, did the paper work (writing out bills, balancing the check book, writing a letter to a former student who was in basic training, etc.), I was surprised by how quickly the time went. My fears were allayed after this trip. I was reminded that flying is still a safe mode of transportation.

I hope this helps! Best of luck! : )

I have the same fear along with others that stem from my husband's deployment to Iraq. It was a horrible time for me and we had two children at the time. I took that fear (which was a rational fear) and exchanged it for other fears and now have generalized anxiety. Now, with 3 children it is a real challenge. In December, I flew from VA to Utah to visit my sister who I hadn't seen in 2 years. I had to make the trip and was flying with another sister who has anxieties,too. It nearly killed us. The night before I stayed awake, sweating, imagining every possibility and thinking of things that were impossible but seemed real at the time. The sister I flew with takes regular medication but I don't. Somehow we made it through, each in our own way but with each other's help. I read a book, a VERY long book and tried to remind myself that I wouldn't have been able to do that if I were at home on the ground with my kids. I really enjoyed the book and I let myself feel good about reading it instead of guilty. When my sister decided seconds before take off that she "had to get off the plane." I used my calmest voice that she couldn't and she didn't need to. She needed to get back home to her 3 DSs and her DH. Her needs superseded my own and I had to suppress my own fears to help her. It was great!

So my first piece of advice (after all that:) is, during the trip, talk to your DH, play with your DD, anything and everything to keep your mind busy. Your DD needs you more than you need to be preoccupied with your fears. The night before, take something over-the-counter, if you need to do so, to make sure you get a good night's sleep. Try to change the way you think about the flight. Stop calling it "fear" and think of it as "nervous excitement." Totally normal, totally great! You are going overseas with your family. Just think of all the cool things you are going to see and do. You can't do it without the flight and the memories are worth every second. There are worse things than dieing and staying on the ground afraid is not living. Rejoice in being alive, that people love you and want to travel with you, that you have an opportunity to do something that MOST of the world will never do. Show your daughter that fears are mountains to cross; not walls that keep you out. I am learning to tell myself this everyday and it is helping. I wish I had a fear of one thing that only happens once in a while. I have fears about things that I have to do everyday and it is a challenge. I am learning to be thankful for what I am not afraid of and figuring out ways to get over the other stuff! Also, go to the bookstore or library and check out CD's for stress. Guided Imagery and relaxation are very powerful. If you can get your husband to be in charge of your DD during the flight, take the CD with you and just listen. I have one by Belleruth Naparsteck that puts me right to sleep. It is worth the money and it is not expensive.

Hi J.,
I know exactly what you are going through. I flew for the very first time back in 2007. I have always had a fear of flying and after 9/11 that made it even worse.

I don't know if you believe in the power of prayer but that is what kept my mind at ease. I also kept busy with reading and working word puzzles.

Think of some things that you could be doing while on the plane that you haven't had time to sit down and do at home. Like planning a party, fixing your budget, writing out recipes, ways to remodel rooms, christmas list, thanksgiving dinner, etc.

I was glad I didn't get a window seat. However, by the time we got to our destination, I was all over the people beside me trying to look out the window.

I will keep you in my prayers.Be blessed!

Ask your doctor for xanex for anxiety. It will help you relax. Good luck.

J.,

I too suffer from fear of flying that begun around the same time. I have to take anxiety meds that do help at least calm me down but the only downside to this is that it makes me tired. During take-off which is also the worst part for me, I hold my husband's hand and close my eyes and think of my kids and the fun things we are going to do when we get where we are going...the art of distraction. It really helps. As far as not wanting to pass the fears on to your daughter I would suggest that during take-off daddy distract her with something or if at a window seat show her out the window. I hope this helps! Have a fun trip!